Single Men It's Time to Step Up!

[Yeraza_Bats]

Im kinda new to the conversation, and pretty much missed all of it But I kinda wanted to share too.

I dont like the idea that men have to chase a woman and impress her in order to be with her. I dont like the idea of putting women on a "pedistal", as some trophy to win. All the couples I knew didnt come about that way. My mom and dad got to know each other from working together, they got close by talking and getting to know each other. They became friends and realized they liked each other. My brother and sister in law got to know each other through friends, they met and liked each other and got close too. No one chased anyone. They met each other and found out "hey we click really well when we hang around each other, lets see where this goes" I dont wanna sound crappy or mean, but I dont really want a girl who wants me to like...... chase after her and impress her. I want a girl who I like being around because we have fun around each other and can talk to each other really well. I think this whole man acts silly around woman and impresses her is more of a current cultural thing. I do of course believe that a man should be able to take care of a woman and provide for her, God said this Himself. But I dont want to find one cause I said weird pickup lines and was like "hey check out all these things I have". I want one who felt like a friend who turned out to be so much more. I want a life where I desire nothing but God, but would like to share it with someone else who loves God too. Having to ...win her over I guess, kinda feels earthly. I hope God will lead me to my mate, and not help me convince some girl to be with me cause I acted all cool and had stuff.

Haha I may have gotten this wrong. But I dont concern myself too much with how I will "win a girl over", but have hope that a girl will merely feel I am someone she wants to be with.

 

[ServantStrike]

Im kinda new to the conversation, and pretty much missed all of it But I kinda wanted to share too.

I dont like the idea that men have to chase a woman and impress her in order to be with her. I dont like the idea of putting women on a "pedistal", as some trophy to win. All the couples I knew didnt come about that way. My mom and dad got to know each other from working together, they got close by talking and getting to know each other. They became friends and realized they liked each other. My brother and sister in law got to know each other through friends, they met and liked each other and got close too. No one chased anyone. They met each other and found out "hey we click really well when we hang around each other, lets see where this goes" I dont wanna sound crappy or mean, but I dont really want a girl who wants me to like...... chase after her and impress her. I want a girl who I like being around because we have fun around each other and can talk to each other really well. I think this whole man acts silly around woman and impresses her is more of a current cultural thing. I do of course believe that a man should be able to take care of a woman and provide for her, God said this Himself. But I dont want to find one cause I said weird pickup lines and was like "hey check out all these things I have". I want one who felt like a friend who turned out to be so much more. I want a life where I desire nothing but God, but would like to share it with someone else who loves God too. Having to ...win her over I guess, kinda feels earthly. I hope God will lead me to my mate, and not help me convince some girl to be with me cause I acted all cool and had stuff.

Haha I may have gotten this wrong. But I dont concern myself too much with how I will "win a girl over", but have hope that a girl will merely feel I am someone she wants to be with.

I'm relieved that at least one other poster got it through all the pages of this nonsense.

The original post was just silly in it's unrealistic expectations, because nobody likes chasing - they like talking.

 

[JesusLives]

Very few men represent Christ as they should despite their good intentions. Personally, I see no problem in the woman who has now become my wife. She represents Christ as I should but she has accepted me for the flawed man that I am.

You sir are a good man and one of God's Great Men and don't you forget it. It has been a rough few years and trials that you have traveled through. Those appear to be at an end now and nothing but a better horizon is in front of you so I say look to the Son and become more like Him and your travels will be made straight down the narrow path as you continue to walk with Him.

 

[jeremyPJ]

I must say that in my latest "escapade" of attempted dating, that the folks here were very positive in their beliefs of my chances with someone I met in a Christian setting.
However there is a non-Christian men's site I visit for other issues, and I brought my latest issue up, and unfortunately their responses were more in line with what to expect from this Christian woman.

What this tells me is 1) the people here have good hearts, and 2) even some Christian single women deal with men the same way as non-Christian women. And since she came out of a long abusive relationship, judging from my entire life experience I'm predicting she will do the same again, because lots of modern women have a very distorted view of what good "marriage material" is. Tall, dark, handsome, rich and alpha enough to impress her family and friends. Won't matter if it's good for her.

Now I know this isn't a positive post, but it represents the things I have seen in my adult life since my twenties.
So do they really want a good man? "What is their idea of a good man?" might be a better question. And what do they really want out of life?

It just could be that collectively men are finally wising up and realizing what we don't want. No power struggles, no silly games just a good Christ-centered life partner. Not all that glitters is Gold!

 

[tourist]

Not all that glitters is Gold!

All that glitters is God.

 

[ServantStrike]

I must say that in my latest "escapade" of attempted dating, that the folks here were very positive in their beliefs of my chances with someone I met in a Christian setting.
However there is a non-Christian men's site I visit for other issues, and I brought my latest issue up, and unfortunately their responses were more in line with what to expect from this Christian woman.

What this tells me is 1) the people here have good hearts, and 2) even some Christian single women deal with men the same way as non-Christian women. And since she came out of a long abusive relationship, judging from my entire life experience I'm predicting she will do the same again, because lots of modern women have a very distorted view of what good "marriage material" is. Tall, dark, handsome, rich and alpha enough to impress her family and friends. Won't matter if it's good for her.

Now I know this isn't a positive post, but it represents the things I have seen in my adult life since my twenties.
So do they really want a good man? "What is their idea of a good man?" might be a better question. And what do they really want out of life?

It just could be that collectively men are finally wising up and realizing what we don't want. No power struggles, no silly games just a good Christ-centered life partner. Not all that glitters is Gold!

Alphas aren't a bad thing. I know you're feeling down right now but It's not really that bad.

The op made some silly presumptions, but not everyone is that way.

All that glitters is God.

This thread was missing a Jesus juke. Now it's complete.

 

[jeremyPJ]

In my opinion, women are the ones who need to "step it up". Or more truthfully, step back and take a good look at the world, through a modern man's eyes. Watch what really goes on in male/female interactions, and each others' expectations. Then ask yourself "are the men the ones who need to step up?", or is it more like women need to float back down out of the clouds of self gloriousness and be more Christian in their life perspective.

Don't get me wrong, I realize not all women are like this...but it is definitely common enough to discourage most average single men today. There is plenty of talk on the web amongst men there days about these very issues many are disgruntled.

 

[jeremyPJ]

Servant, I'm not just referring to my last escapade. Read the numbers, I'm 50. And I've watched this kind of behavior since I was around 20. There's more to it...

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

My own view, after looking closely at the available body of empirical evidence, is that anyone who honestly believes the transition from a Christianized traditional paternal family model to a feminist maternal child support model in Western Civilization is not a primary driver in young men retreating from courtship and marriage is either ignorant with respect to the evidence or in denial of the evidence.

And jeremyPJ is correct that few women are interested in or have ever bothered to view the situation through the eyes of young males. It's obvious in their communications.

But we've reached a point where they need to, because a large percentage of young men are saying "no more." And our culture has changed to the point where a young man can no longer be shamed into courting and marrying a young woman.

Feminists, society, his family, the general public, the media, etc... can belittle young men all they like calling them immature, selfish, childish, etc... but it is not going to make them court and marry young women. That ship has sailed.

All you're doing when you engage in that behavior is demonstrating that you don't care two cents about why these young men are making a conscious decision NOT to engage in traditional courtship and marriage beyond what's in your own head.

Young men instinctively understand that they ARE the primary stakeholder with respect to their own lives. Feminists are not. Society is not. You are not. And they are looking at the situation and analytically deciding it's not good for them and their future and so are opting out.

And that's a point biscuit (as one-dimensional as he is) has been trying to get across.

 

[jeremyPJ]

Interesting, AgeofKnowledge said the exact reason why I got married the second time...Older men/women "shamed" me into it...I was avoiding my "manly duties" lol . I was harassed silly... I would like to get ahold of about four old "friends" of mine, and slap them silly!

And yes, the younger generation has caught on. Interestingly enough, my own mother thought it was good, how the feminists ran the show in my younger years...not too sure she sees it that way now. I know this isn't a pleasant subject for some, but we as Christians must be leaders in this issue and reunite the sexes. Our present way of life is dramatically different now, and I sincerely hope it changes. I have a teen girl myself and I hope nobody (her mom, for instance) poisons her with "her" beliefs.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Or "his" beliefs. As Desdichado pointed out, there is a very real dark side to the MRM that includes deceitful grossly immoral pick-up artists and rage-filled people who have been hurt that want revenge. Both extremes of feminism and manism (as Rachel called it) must be rebutted/rejected in order to deal with the real problem which is what the institution of marriage itself has become and the worldview of the people expected to enter into it has become.

Contrary to what some have posted in this discussion, they BOTH matter.

Interesting, AgeofKnowledge said the exact reason why I got married the second time...Older men/women "shamed" me into it...I was avoiding my "manly duties" lol . I was harassed silly... I would like to get ahold of about four old "friends" of mine, and slap them silly!

And yes, the younger generation has caught on. Interestingly enough, my own mother thought it was good, how the feminists ran the show in my younger years...not too sure she sees it that way now. I know this isn't a pleasant subject for some, but we as Christians must be leaders in this issue and reunite the sexes. Our present way of life is dramatically different now, and I sincerely hope it changes. I have a teen girl myself and I hope nobody (her mom, for instance) poisons her with "her" beliefs.

 

[biscuit]

And that's a point biscuit (as one-dimensional as he is) has been trying to get across.

LOL !! Sometimes, it just has to be that way in order to get some of these posters to understand without complicating things.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

America is now moving directly into a post-Christian society that all of the empirical evidence (properly interpreted) posits is going to become very difficult to live in within twenty to fifty years unless the right systemic reforms are made in the near future by a people who themselves have chosen to repent and reform.

Since the opposite is occurring and predicted to continue, no one need teach them anything for reality itself is going to do that and as any historian can tell you; reality can be a fearsome cruel teacher.

And that's a point biscuit (as one-dimensional as he is) has been trying to get across.

LOL !! Sometimes, it just has to be that way in order to get some of these posters to understand without complicating things.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

I have not seen the OP post in her own thread beyond page 1.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

^ Haha. .

 

[A_Friend_In_Christ]

What are you saying about men? Should we be insulted?

 

[A_Friend_In_Christ]

Some single Christian women can be scary to men. Some single men think they are too demanding and high maintenance? What do you guys out there think?

 

[hoss2576]

Some single men think they are too demanding and high maintenance? What do you guys out there think?

Well I have noticed most women who are called high maintenance are called such by the guys who are too lazy to put in the work for a good relationship.

 

[agirlandherguitar]

WOWEE! I expected like three people to post and to have this shoved far down the crevasses. I'm actually pretty amazed at all of the responses. I didn't get to read them all (it's like 1:30 am here) but I got to page six! I'll have to catch up later.

From what I saw the conversation included problems with feminism, child support, porn addiction, pizza and... something about Hooters, which is where I've decided the good people of CC will have our Great Summit one day. Hoot hoot!

Some ideas I agree with, some I don't have much knowledge in, some I strongly disagree with. Quite a number of posts went into the "blame the woman" realm, which is to be expected. I mean, if a post asked, "where are all the good women??" all of the women would chime in and no doubt some would say, "You want a good woman? Then be a good man, doofus!"

If we are to blame then we must blame the sinful world we live in, followed by ourselves for allowing the things of the world infiltrate our lives and the lives of people close to us. The answer is not always black and white, but I do agree strongly with the article I posted and the opinions of some of you who pointed towards the feminist movement. I can't remember who, but an early poster mentioned how women demanded equal rights, so men said, "fine" and stepped down, only to have this action result in emasculating men and maculating women. Talk about imbalance! Thanks, Generation X. Or do we blame the Boomers? Ah, blame for all of us!

Some of you were confused by my "fight for us" comment. No, I don't believe I am to be placed on a pedestal, worshipped from afar and expecting you to fight some grizzlies with your bare hands in order for me to consider dating you. It's an exaggeration for initiating something. The real fighting comes when you're actually in a relationship and it must be fought on both sides in different ways. Some guys have no idea how much we women admire a man who bothers talking to us at all. Maybe most women are so cold and turned their hearts off that they don't show these men what they mean to them.

Personally I have trouble opening up and allowing myself to be close to somebody, which men can easily sniff out so they don't really bother with me. I'm like that with women too, yet I have a lot of close friendships with women. I'm trying to learn to lean more on God to supply that closeness and trust, that way if a man did hurt me I have somebody greater to rely on.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Personally I have trouble opening up and allowing myself to be close to somebody, which men can easily sniff out so they don't really bother with me. I'm like that with women too, yet I have a lot of close friendships with women. I'm trying to learn to lean more on God to supply that closeness and trust, that way if a man did hurt me I have somebody greater to rely on.

Everyone has that problem to some degree. It reminds me of a recent gem in one of GypsyGirl's posts that is so true, perhaps the most overlooked and under rated aspect of having a relationship period:

"the emotionally accessible, open, present and available men (and women) are out there, but seem to be pretty fabulous finds. and when you find it, that's plenty charming enough. : )"

Being single and emotionally available are two completely different things. Everyone hides their emotions to an extent and most don't open up very easily. You can't really build a connection with someone if your emotionally unavailable. It's a talent I've learned that I've put a lot of effort into over the years, although it never really clicked to me that's what I was doing until I read Gypsy's post there. I can sense that in girls sometimes too. Never do I have a better time speaking with someone than when they are emotionally open. Some people are just closed off emotionally, for different reasons. Some just anti-social, some have emotional wounds from the past that haven't healed. We're all different but I tend to think we all turtle up to a certain degree because we've all seen the uglier side of human nature and want some degree of assurance before we become "emotionally available".

I actually know a girl that has so many guys chasing after her because she is so emotionally open and empathetic (She's a cutie but it's not like she's a russian supermodel, it's purely her personality that does it). Her problem is, the guys sniff it out and immediately crush on her in a psycho like fashion blowing up her phone 1000 times a day. Not many can really handle her attention because as gypsy said, it's so rare to find and it's so over the top with her in particular that the men turn into zombie like attention hungry wolves. She is so sweet and good at masking her disinterest so as not to hurt anyone's feelings that guys that are annoying her don't even have a clue she isn't interested.

So why do I bring that up? Emotionally available is good but you don't want to present yourself emotionally available to people you don't want to crush on you, because as Gypsy said....it's just so attractive. It's attractive on both sides of the gender fence. I think anybody having a "shy phase" so to speak, would do well to just keep the idea in mind next time they meet someone interesting.