SINGLE DIFFICULTIES, WHAT ARE THEY?

[kinda]

What is the greatest difficulties for the person that is a Christian single? Besides finding a soul mate.

I think the greatest difficulty is for others to understand, I just don't want to get married. So basically, explaining to others, that this is a life style that is right for me.

People think that getting married is the right choice, so they can't see any other option.

I told this one lady awhile back, I don't tell you to get divorced, so don't tell me to get married. A great way to end a conversation.

Recently, I had a conversation that got pretty nasty, so I slowly started to explain the benefits of being single, but it was cut short, since they couldn't understand that this is a life style choice.

Our culture is filled with lust and when someone says, no thank you to relationships altogether, it's like Area 51 a no fly zone. People can't understand that staying grounded is much safer, than flying 10,000 feet in the air. Until the fuel runs out (divorce), an engine failure (lost job or health issue), turbulence (budget crisis), or until a terrorist hijacking (having kids) comes into play.

 

[cinder]

Curious, questions for you both, why do you think loneliness is worse when you are older verses when you are younger? Also, what does older mean, 50+ or something else?

Several reasons, some of which may be changing as culture changes, but it seems the older you get the fewer people your age and in your peer group who are single and dating (or not currently dating) and there's a measure of lonliness that comes from not knowing many or any people in circumstances similar to yours. Also the family you do know starts moving away and / or dying off and so you have less family around and available.

Add to that, that as life moves on there are fewer things to look forward to and you just kind of come to a reckoning that the life you expected / dreamed of isn't going to happen and I think that's part of the lonliness of getting older, you lose some of your hopes and dreams too.

 

[tourist]

Our culture is filled with lust and when someone says, no thank you to relationships altogether, it's like Area 51 a no fly zone. People can't understand that staying grounded is much safer, than flying 10,000 feet in the air. Until the fuel runs out (divorce), an engine failure (lost job or health issue), turbulence (budget crisis), or until a terrorist hijacking (having kids) comes into play.

Yeah, driving a car and then the air bags deploy. Maybe everybody is holding hands, singing kumbaya and then you hit a rough patch of road and the wheels come off the bus. Or maybe you get thrown under the bus. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

 

[tourist]

Add to that, that as life moves on there are fewer things to look forward to and you just kind of come to a reckoning that the life you expected / dreamed of isn't going to happen and I think that's part of the lonliness of getting older, you lose some of your hopes and dreams too.

Exactly this. One day you come to the sad realization that you missed the boat and that the ship has sailed.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Not to derail the thread but one of the major issues in marriage occurs when one spouse wants to control the other spouse (such as controlling how he/she behaves, how he/she spends time, money, etc., puts certain other restrictions, etc.). This issue of control could be pervasive/ a running theme in a marriage. In a good marriage, this shouldn't occur too much but there could still be periods where the spouses are butting heads. Remember God wanted Eve to submit to Adam as punishment. So a woman who has difficulty submitting to her husband should not be a big surprise (this may be even be considered a natural response from a woman, plus add the human's natural inclination towards free will), as to submit to husband was intended as punishment. (Meanwhile, submitting to God was never intended as punishment so that could be why women have an easier time submitting to God/Jesus instead of man, my opinion). So, this issue of control is something that couples may have an issue with at least from time to time.

 

[1ofthem]

How does that work out in real life? Two single christians dating each other, getting serious, thinking about marriage.... do we really expect they should never have a sexual thought about each other? Are they supposed to deny the fact that wanting to have sex with each other is part of their motivation to get married? And if they don't think and talk about it before marriage, what do they do when they find out (on the wedding night, the honeymoon, 6 months in when they've finally gotten sick of keeping their polite faces on with each other 24/7) that their expectations around sex are wildly different?

People who are not Christians usually do more than just think and talk about it. People who are Christians need to learn how to control it. We are not to engage in lustful thoughts. When an impure thought comes we need to know how to rebuke it and think on Godly things (bring every thought into subjection to Jesus). It's not my rule. That is what we are told to do in scripture.

The best thing to do is pray about it before getting married. Sex is not everything and if a person is compatible with someone and in love and MAINLY if it is the Lord's will then they will be compatible sexually.

Nobody should or needs to make some kind of sexual pact before getting married. Sex is something that a husband and wife need to work out when married. Sex is something that really takes effort, practice, work, and understanding in a relationship/marriage.

Not trying to be vulgar or anything, but haven't you heard the saying you have to do it at least a hundred times with someone before you even know if it is good or not...

The actual meaning behind that is that you have to get comfortable with the other person and work out the kinks together.

Not many people align perfectly during sex, to begin with, it takes time and effort.

Discussing it before marriage isn't going to fix that. It really is something that you have to experience to find out.

And really, would anyone say...I like everything about you, feel like it is the Lord's will for us to marry, but you don't talk about sex so I think I'm going to toss you out.

Like I said before, the main thing is to take it before the Lord and ask His will be done. If it is his will then everything will fall into place...yes, even sex.

If you have nothing on your mind but sex before being married, then you are not listening for the Lord and waiting upon his will. You are taking it into your own hands. And if you end up going against the will of the Lord, then no matter how good the sex is the marriage is doomed.

 

[BrotherMike]

Curious, questions for you both, why do you think loneliness is worse when you are older verses when you are younger? Also, what does older mean, 50+ or something else?

Good question… the first thing that comes to mind is when you get older, the friends you have/had are now married and have their own family. It’s different being single and hanging out with a family and the older you get, the harder it is to find singles to socialize with.

 

[RodB651]

Good question… the first thing that comes to mind is when you get older, the friends you have/had are now married and have their own family. It’s different being single and hanging out with a family and the older you get, the harder it is to find singles to socialize with.

It is harder for many reasons to find others to socialize with. It can be age related, personality, etc...

There are married folks out there that are envious of the private time single folks have.

 

[cinder]

People who are not Christians usually do more than just think and talk about it. People who are Christians need to learn how to control it. We are not to engage in lustful thoughts. When an impure thought comes we need to know how to rebuke it and think on Godly things (bring every thought into subjection to Jesus). It's not my rule. That is what we are told to do in scripture.

The best thing to do is pray about it before getting married. Sex is not everything and if a person is compatible with someone and in love and MAINLY if it is the Lord's will then they will be compatible sexually.

Nobody should or needs to make some kind of sexual pact before getting married. Sex is something that a husband and wife need to work out when married. Sex is something that really takes effort, practice, work, and understanding in a relationship/marriage.

Not trying to be vulgar or anything, but haven't you heard the saying you have to do it at least a hundred times with someone before you even know if it is good or not...

The actual meaning behind that is that you have to get comfortable with the other person and work out the kinks together.

Not many people align perfectly during sex, to begin with, it takes time and effort.

Discussing it before marriage isn't going to fix that. It really is something that you have to experience to find out.

And really, would anyone say...I like everything about you, feel like it is the Lord's will for us to marry, but you don't talk about sex so I think I'm going to toss you out.

Like I said before, the main thing is to take it before the Lord and ask His will be done. If it is his will then everything will fall into place...yes, even sex.

If you have nothing on your mind but sex before being married, then you are not listening for the Lord and waiting upon his will. You are taking it into your own hands. And if you end up going against the will of the Lord, then no matter how good the sex is the marriage is doomed.

Just out of curiosity, when was the last time you were unmarried? When was the last time you had to walk out what you are so forcefully proclaiming is the Lord's will for everyone? Not that it makes a difference to God's standards, but it sure makes your interpretation of those standards seem more reasonable and workable if you currently have to practice what you preach .

 

[1ofthem]

Just out of curiosity, when was the last time you were unmarried? When was the last time you had to walk out what you are so forcefully proclaiming is the Lord's will for everyone? Not that it makes a difference to God's standards, but it sure makes your interpretation of those standards seem more reasonable and workable if you currently have to practice what you preach .

What? I'm not married now.

What I said is scriptural. People can take it or leave it...it's their own choice.

If we do it God's way, then it is right. If we try to do it worldly or in our own ways not leaning on and following God then there is going to be nothing but trouble.

That's the plain and simple facts.

As I said, I knew this wouldn't be well received, but the truth is the truth.

Also, I'm definitely not perfect. I, myself, have experience in going against God's will and have learned many valuable lessons about what not to do.

Trying to justify sin in any way isn't going to fly...all that does is lead to trouble.

All I'm saying is we have to learn to give it to God and trust him, not ourselves or the world.

What's wrong with or so hard to accept about that concept? It really is simple. Give it to God and trust in Him.

 

[1ofthem]

Also, I'm not saying people don't make mistakes. God knows I've made plenty. The thing is though we need to learn from those mistakes, repent (turn away from them) and not try to excuse or uphold anything that goes against the Word of God.

We can't walk off in our own ways and pride, feel sorry for ourselves, and try to justify ourselves with excuses. We must humbly submit to and follow the ways of the Lord.

James 4
6But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Exactly this. One day you come to the sad realization that you missed the boat and that the ship has sailed.

Add to that, that as life moves on there are fewer things to look forward to and you just kind of come to a reckoning that the life you expected / dreamed of isn't going to happen and I think that's part of the lonliness of getting older, you lose some of your hopes and dreams too.

Agreed. I think the biggest regret(s) as one gets older falls under the very broad category of not taking enough/more chances in life; this could range from not pursuing a dream of some sort, not reconciling with someone, not relaxing/traveling more, etc. The more unfulfilled desires one has, the more likely he/she is likely to feel this way. Sometimes it is not the person's fault (caused by disability), but sometimes it could be. Both marrieds and singles have these sorts of regrets.

 

[tourist]

Agreed. I think the biggest regret(s) as one gets older falls under the very broad category of not taking enough/more chances in life; this could range from not pursuing a dream of some sort, not reconciling with someone, not relaxing/traveling more, etc. The more unfulfilled desires one has, the more likely he/she is likely to feel this way. Sometimes it is not the person's fault (caused by disability), but sometimes it could be. Both marrieds and singles have these sorts of regrets.

You and @cinder have a lot of insight on this topic. It would be a sad thing to come to the end of your life with a deep regret about something that was once important to you.

 

[tourist]

Also, I'm not saying people don't make mistakes. God knows I've made plenty. The thing is though we need to learn from those mistakes, repent (turn away from them) and not try to excuse or uphold anything that goes against the Word of God.

We can't walk off in our own ways and pride, feel sorry for ourselves, and try to justify ourselves with excuses. We must humbly submit to and follow the ways of the Lord.

James 4
6But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

I have made more than my share of mistakes, yet I have few regrets.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

You and @cinder have a lot of insight on this topic. It would be a sad thing to come to the end of your life with a deep regret about something that was once important to you.

I just pay attention to some older people I know or have encountered. Some regrets are small but also major at the same time, like never learning to read.

 

[Lanolin]

I really dont think lonliness is something an older person is a problem if they move into a retirment village and then they have a social life because that is what a lot of villages are designed specifically for.

You dont need to be married to be social. I worked in many villages and they were always putting on social things, the oldies would even get drunk in their happy hour. Age didnt stop them from making friends.

 

[Lanolin]

I know way more people who regret being married than being single. Kinda weird that some people encounter the opposite.

The only people that didnt like being single were peoole who were piningg for someone they could nevr have or were once married. I have not ever encountered old people who were lifelong singles living a life of misery because they never married.

In fact the miserable ones were the ones who couldnt cope being single.

 

[Kireina]

At my age right now....so far I am happy being single....I can take care of myself...I have work and I am physically healthy...praise God ❤


But your question brings me... my thoughts in the future... when I am in my 70's or 80's self or when I am in my 90's already how am I going to take care of myself... 🤔 I am surrounded by old people so I know how dependent (they are)a person to another person especially if the person is sickly ...mobility is very different when we are old already...our strength will never be like or the same when we were younger...you know...


that's kinda difficult to think... If someday I'll end up single and alone....but I'll deal with those things when I am already there 😅 God's love and faithfulness are enough each day I won't doubt His love for me🙏🏻❤


But for me...I guess...it is nice to have someone beside you,someone to hold you and grow old with you..that would be beautiful I think 😍

 

[Lanolin]

its usually a given that somene younger, like your grown children will look after you when you are old. But if you dont have children, and not all children are natural nurses, then its assisted living or homecare.

People seem to have this idea that your spouse will always look after you. Nope. Face reality that it may be YOU being the one to look after your spouse. Or your spouse may die before you. Even if your spouse falls ill, you may have to be separated because hospitals dont take in couples if one is well and the other isnt.

You will need to get someone outside to visit and attend your needs and not place the entire burden on your spouse.

moreover, its usually the pets that stay with you when you are old because, they are quite happy to live with you and have more time for you.

When Jesus left his disciples behind to go to heaven, he entrusted Mary to John. Mary did not remarry. And her own children didnt or couldnt look after her. He also said when people are old, that those who are younger will look after them....not necessarily their spouses. And I have known many married couples where husbands married much younger wives and the wives died before they did.

 

[BrotherMike]

People seem to have this idea that your spouse will always look after you. Nope. Face reality that it may be YOU being the one to look after your spouse. Or your spouse may die before you. Even if your spouse falls ill, you may have to be separated because hospitals dont take in couples if one is well and the other isnt

One day at a time… I would hope my future spouse would do everything she could to make sure I’m ok as I would do for her. To death do us part right? I don’t expect anything though and when my time is up I trust God His will is being done. I won’t worry about this, but bask in His presence and thankful He is in control.