Response to "A Gentleman"

[Lynx]

I get what you guys are saying, and yes, as I mentioned (if anyone actually read it, and I apologize for the snark), it's not all women, and many times men do this. I really don't know where anyone was getting the implication that it's all women, but whatever. Just understand, from a guy who has gone through this stuff that a lot of what's being said about what women want in a man isn't what it appears to be. And it's amazing how many became so defensive and even offended over this. It's like I struck a nerve. I normally don't say this, but good. I want to people to check into this themselves rather than take my word, then you'll find out where I'm coming from.

And since we're on the topic of thinking I'm bashing on women, which I'm not, let me go on the offensive about men. It's your choice whether if you want to remain single or be with someone. I personally don't care. However, if you go out into the dating market and take the advice of dating coaches, you will get burned. The stuff they put out decades ago may have work in that time, but today's different world. You would be foolish to do so. Many guys that I know are being foolish. A lot of them are to the point that they can't even take a hint because they're desperate

One of them, being my cousin, thinks he has chance with this one woman. Instead of giving my cousin straight answers, though, she tells him "I don't know" or "we'll see" answers. Two friends of mine think they can nab gfs 15-20 years younger than they are. They don't make six figure incomes nor do they have enough confidence to actually get one. They rely on their looks, which for their age are better looking than I am, but that's where the buck stops. These three guys haven't figured out that these women, all who say they want godly men, don't want them. The things women, like the one I described, sound hopeful, but they always end up with someone who's not what they put out there.

So you can say that us men are pretty gullible in thinking that we still have a really chance of getting a woman. However, the older generations look at these situations and see how foolish both younger men and women really are. My cousin, this past weekend, when he was out with my parents and my grandmother, was told point blank, that this woman he likes does not feel the same way about him. I don't know if he believes it fully or not, but he has been questioning her authenticity of her, supposed, interest.

It also drives me crazy that more men haven't picked up on any of what's happening to other guys. It's as if their arrogance, or their pride, or whatever won't allow them to. Even when the red flags are there, they still try, when the better course of action is to leave those women alone. I've seen good men take some pretty serious hits as a result. Heck, good women, same deal. Everything they're looking for in each other sound great and wonderful, up until they get disappointed.

If there's something to takeaway from all this, both men AND women need to stay true to what they say. Standards and preferences can stay and change, so long as it means God's requirements for us. However, even when we say it, there are times where we DON'T mean it. Actions speak louder than words, and far too often I see this happen a lot when women are talking about what they're looking for in men. Likewise, men discuss the same things, but I'm sure it's aggravating to women out there who meet what men are looking for, then they turn around and go out with women with poor character.

So I'm not blind to fact that men do this, too. I've seen it and, as much as I hate to admit it, I have done the same thing. It pains me seeing guys through it because I'm seeing myself from the past. I want to help these guys out, and any guy that's on here that's going through similar situations. I'd like to see good women who had bad experiences with bad men do the same with ladies who are going through similar circumstances. It's really not that controversial, other than priorities need to either be changed or followed through on. So I apologize if sounded like an anti-women thread, but assure that's not the intent here. PM me if you have questions.

Nope. Not at all.

I know some of the people who have replied in this thread, and I know for a fact they are not being defensive. They have just already seen SOOOOO much of what you posted, and this is more of the same. And then YOU call THEM defensive? Ha!

By the way, about the part where you touched a nerve: "He who takes pride in touching a nerve will often find himself in unnerving situations."

 

[herkamer63]

Sounds a bit like an anti-women thread. But more like an " I'm quitting dating because women won't date me" thread. And when people come out saying things like good women don't want what they say they want, I start wondering two things:

1) What is your criteria to determine that the women who have committed the negative examples you cite are good women?

2) What is your criteria for determining who is a good godly man that meets what the women say they want? And do those criteria match what women would say?

Everyone really should consider that they aren't as good as they think and neither is that individual they're looking at with infatuation colored glasses. But also we need much more specific terms than "good Christian" or godly or Christlike, those are too broad to accurately capture all the qualities that are important to us. But that would make a good thread topic of its own so we'll save that for such a thread if I or anyone else ever gets around to writing it.

Not much in terms in criteria on my end:

-given their life to Christ and living in His ways

-enjoys having fun

-share many of the same interests

-cares for others and themselves

I really don't care what their income is, the type of work they're in (so long as it's legal and ethical), their hobbies, nor what they look like (so long as they're attractive enough to me and they take care of their body).

And you're wrong to think that I or anyone else like me are complaining that we can't get on dates with women. We can easily do it, so that's not the problem. The issue that we have is the type of women that we can go on dates with are not exactly what we would call stable. Many of these women are anti-male, pro-abortion, don't take care of themselves, non-Christians, want to have bedroom fun on the first night and base the relationship off of that, very negative, just so many qualities that are not we call the most attractive.

I went on dates with these women before and thank goodness I'm no longer around them. Some of them I'm glad I didn't score those dates with. One in particular who had been married multiple times, gone out with guys that I went to school with, and hooked up for one night stands. She's good looking and has a lot of energy, but no thanks. There's other women very similar to the one I just described, and though tempting to ask out, I'm not doing it. I'm saving myself the trouble from getting myself into that mess.

Once again, this is not an anti-woman thread. If anything, it IS pointing out how men jump to the defense of women who may not be the most honest. And it shows how men are willing to be slaves to the gender that we're suppose to be partners with. If you were to read the starting post on here, I did say look this stuff up that I presented because I don't want you taking my word for it. If you need sources, I can provide them to you because I can assure you, it's not a small percentage of men going through this. And it's not a small percentage of women that get burned by other guys either. All I can say is I'm choosing to remain single for the time being. Not out of depression nor hopelessness, but rather it's far more beneficial for me. I missed out on life because I was pursuing other people rather than what God had laid out for me, and that's on me. I don't want to see other guys, and even women for that matter, to miss out because the world tells them what they should do.

Lastly, the last part of you wondering the broad term of being 'Christ like', even though it seems like a swipe at me (and it probably it is), I'd like to see this thread happen. Because I'm curious to hear what you have to say. It's fair to say that, yes, people have a misconception of what it's like to actually be Christ like. To me, part of it is not trying to be the smartest guy in the room.