Things like this have been the bane of my whole existence.
Growing up in the church, you hear a thousand sermons about "not being unequally yoked," but it's ALWAYS in the context of the "outside" unbeliever. Well, what happens when believers are unequally yoked from someone within the church -- with another believer? I personally think this happens all the time, and is another reason why even the church has so much divorce -- same thing with "friendships" and church relationships as well.
As women, we are raised and told to prepare to be good, submissive wives to a husband who will be the head of the household. And that's just fine and dandy. Because no (for people I've run into who think I'm just rebelling,) I'm not trying to fight what God says at all.
But NOBODY talks about what happens when believers are in very different spiritual places in their journey and then try to marry -- and the million and one problems that can cause.
If a woman is ahead of a man in any way and would make a better leader in that area, unless the man involved is very humble and accepts this, the woman will be called an evil, submissive Jezebel who is trying to usurp his authority, is not accepting her place of submissiveness, and has been poisoned by the evils of the secular feminist movement.
In many cases, this leads to spiritual gaslighting and manipulation ("You're not being a submissive helpmate like God says!",) which is NEVER talked about in the church (at least, not in the ones I go to) and frustrates the living daylights out of me.
I haven't had many relationships, but one of the biggest problems has always been money. I've always been in the opposite of what women are stereotyped as -- sure, I have things I like to splurge on now and then, but I've always been a saver whose main priorities are paying off/avoiding debt and saving for the future.
For some reason, every guy I've been around spent money like water. At one point many years ago, I was in a serious relationship with a guy who was a great Christian guy but could not accept that of the two of us, I was the only one who could ever hang onto money. He spent it as soon as his check was cashed and I saw this wasn't going to change. He was a wonderful guy but he would have never let me lead in this area -- being the man, he had his pride and the man was supposed to be in charge of the money.
Years later, I'd heard that he had to file for bankruptcy. Let's just say, I wasn't surprised -- and I was so glad we didn't get married.
I realize this isn't particularly spiritual unequal yoking, but speaking from just my own experience, in the Christian community, whenever a woman has more skill in an area traditionally held by men, unless she's with a very understanding man, she is going to be pushed back into "proper" submissiveness -- even if it means going completely broke.
I've seen this in churches, too. The pastors are the spiritual leaders asking for more, more, and more money. But they won't listen to successful businessmen in their churches who have the knowledge and experience about how to budget and make more efficient use of it, because these men have "secular" jobs. The pastors thought that because God had given them spiritual authority, then surely it extended to every area and surely they were the best ones to decide how it was spent. The results I saw was a lot like the US government -- constantly multiplying debt, wondering where it all went, and nonstop "fundraisers" for a supposed next cause.
And no, I'm not trying in any way to sound like some kind of raging feminist. I'm just saying that for myself, if I can't either meet a guy who is better at managing money than I am (NOT rich, just better at knowing how to handle it,) or at least sticks to living in a way that keeps debt at bay and builds up savings, I'd rather stay single than be in another situation with someone who worked hard, made fair money, but due to mismanagement, was on the path to homelessness.
I apologize that on the surface, this seems to have nothing to do with your original post.
But this was my long way of saying, if you find reason to be concerned about something, whether pictures of old girlfriends or whatever else, don't ever let someone spiritually manipulate or Scripturally bully you into thinking you are imagining your red flags, or that they don't mean anything.
Growing up in the church, you hear a thousand sermons about "not being unequally yoked," but it's ALWAYS in the context of the "outside" unbeliever. Well, what happens when believers are unequally yoked from someone within the church -- with another believer? I personally think this happens all the time, and is another reason why even the church has so much divorce -- same thing with "friendships" and church relationships as well.
As women, we are raised and told to prepare to be good, submissive wives to a husband who will be the head of the household. And that's just fine and dandy. Because no (for people I've run into who think I'm just rebelling,) I'm not trying to fight what God says at all.
But NOBODY talks about what happens when believers are in very different spiritual places in their journey and then try to marry -- and the million and one problems that can cause.
If a woman is ahead of a man in any way and would make a better leader in that area, unless the man involved is very humble and accepts this, the woman will be called an evil, submissive Jezebel who is trying to usurp his authority, is not accepting her place of submissiveness, and has been poisoned by the evils of the secular feminist movement.
In many cases, this leads to spiritual gaslighting and manipulation ("You're not being a submissive helpmate like God says!",) which is NEVER talked about in the church (at least, not in the ones I go to) and frustrates the living daylights out of me.
I haven't had many relationships, but one of the biggest problems has always been money. I've always been in the opposite of what women are stereotyped as -- sure, I have things I like to splurge on now and then, but I've always been a saver whose main priorities are paying off/avoiding debt and saving for the future.
For some reason, every guy I've been around spent money like water. At one point many years ago, I was in a serious relationship with a guy who was a great Christian guy but could not accept that of the two of us, I was the only one who could ever hang onto money. He spent it as soon as his check was cashed and I saw this wasn't going to change. He was a wonderful guy but he would have never let me lead in this area -- being the man, he had his pride and the man was supposed to be in charge of the money.
Years later, I'd heard that he had to file for bankruptcy. Let's just say, I wasn't surprised -- and I was so glad we didn't get married.
I realize this isn't particularly spiritual unequal yoking, but speaking from just my own experience, in the Christian community, whenever a woman has more skill in an area traditionally held by men, unless she's with a very understanding man, she is going to be pushed back into "proper" submissiveness -- even if it means going completely broke.
I've seen this in churches, too. The pastors are the spiritual leaders asking for more, more, and more money. But they won't listen to successful businessmen in their churches who have the knowledge and experience about how to budget and make more efficient use of it, because these men have "secular" jobs. The pastors thought that because God had given them spiritual authority, then surely it extended to every area and surely they were the best ones to decide how it was spent. The results I saw was a lot like the US government -- constantly multiplying debt, wondering where it all went, and nonstop "fundraisers" for a supposed next cause.
And no, I'm not trying in any way to sound like some kind of raging feminist. I'm just saying that for myself, if I can't either meet a guy who is better at managing money than I am (NOT rich, just better at knowing how to handle it,) or at least sticks to living in a way that keeps debt at bay and builds up savings, I'd rather stay single than be in another situation with someone who worked hard, made fair money, but due to mismanagement, was on the path to homelessness.
I apologize that on the surface, this seems to have nothing to do with your original post.
But this was my long way of saying, if you find reason to be concerned about something, whether pictures of old girlfriends or whatever else, don't ever let someone spiritually manipulate or Scripturally bully you into thinking you are imagining your red flags, or that they don't mean anything.
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