Is It Acceptable as a Christian to Say That Looks DO Count?

[Gojira]

The funny thing is, to many Christians I've run into, even this is not enough, and they still tell me I can't remarry. The even worse thing is, those who are divorced shouldn't have to tell others what they want through just to try to get the another person's justification. It's something that should be between them and God, but people demand public answers that are really none of their business.

I was saying in another thread that divorce gets the spotlight because it's a public matter, like a pregnancy. Everyone wants to know who and what caused it, who was more at fault, and whether or not the person asking personally thinks it's right or wrong. It keeps some people busy and distracted from what's going on in their own lives and marriages, because it's so much easier to judge someone else's.

Thank you for your kind words.

And I just wanted to say Gojira, I greatly enjoy the honesty (and in other threads, humor) you put into your posts.

I am very sorry about the loss of your wife. I find your stories of moving forward with what God has for you to be very inspiring, and I pray God will lead you into seasons of great things!

Well thank you, Seoul.

As for the looks topic, I don't think it's vanity. I think it's part of the human equation, plain and simple. It becomes vanity if you're worried about what everyone else thinks about whom you got in your arms. It becomes adolescent if you have a perfectly fine mate at home, but you still have to have that adrenalized thrill your spouse may not be able to provide.

Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's clichéd, but true. I think Halle Barry has been one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood. Yet, I once ran into a man who was unimpressed with her. I don't think people should be so put off by this topic.

I remember a woman in church years ago, our Sunday school teacher. I liked her personally, but could never ever ever ever ever see myself with her. Yet, another man could and even proposed to her. So, there ya go!

I'd have to challenge those who would say you could not remarry after your husband ran off with another woman. Sorry, but Matthew 19:9 seems to indicate that you are free to remarry -- unless these folks have a handle on Scripture that I don't.

Thank you for the comments about my late honey, but I do not seem to be moving forward at all. There are three major droughts I am in, and there is only an iffy possibility one of them might break soon. But, I've had so many iffy possibilities vanish on me over the past 4.75 years, I'm kind of waiting for this one to go poof, too.

These droughts have me profoundly depressed. I broke down in my car a couple of weekends ago and sobbed like a 5-year old, begging God to lift whatever it was He has been doing. I have no real reason to get up every day, except to make survival possible. But, for what am I surviving? To satisfy the instinct for survival?!? I want to live. Not merely exist. I'm supposed to find my joy and satisfaction in God alone, ultimately, but I do not. I am seeking God for this, but until it happens...

Anyway.... in my opinion, you're free to remarry.

 

[Gojira]

I've found that men are visual yes but they also want the whole package (looks, personality, family approval, someone without too much "baggage", increasingly money or earning potential (for husbands who seek a working wife), etc.)

Many men would marry a Melanie who is more plain looking (Gone with the Wind). In many famous English novels, the protagonist isn't too pretty but men still desired them for other reasons such as intelligence (Jo from Little Women, Jane Eyre (plain Jane), Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice, etc.).

I agree, but none of this negates my basic point.

In case anyone is reading me emotionally / irrationally through the lens of their insecurities, know this: I could never be with a woman who was super-hot, but who's brain went no further than the Kardashians or the drama of her life. Depth is attractive. Intelligence is attractive. Cute playfulness is attractive (my late wife owned this one). But... do I need to have a physical attraction to a prospective mate? Yes I do. That's not vain or unchristian, it's logical.

 

[Kacey]

In all honesty, personality has a lot to do with it. I have known and dated guys who at first I thought were so attractive and then I got to know them better and their looks even seemed to change. I didn't find them that attractive any longer. Their attitude actually made them ugly and completely unattractive to me.

Then again, I have met guys who weren't very physically attractive but had a good personality and after getting to know them better their looks seemed to change too. I found them much more attractive.

That was very well said! I agree!

 

[Gojira]

That was very well said! I agree!

I notuced this about a man I used to know, and I say this in the straightest way possible

He had a slightly disfigured face due to a hockey accident. But, as I got to know him, that disfigurement became invisible.

 

[WannabeWinner]

I'm a good looking guy but i've never had a girlfriend. I never had a girlfriend when i was captain of the high school football team. Girls called me ugly. I tried going to the gay club for advice and even gays say I will get no girls because im too innocent. I talked to this hot 20 year old romanian chick on omegle and got her instagram the other day but she not a christian. she got thousands of followers and im losing friends on facebook and i ain't even contacting them. This girl i know just thinks im a troll. another girl said im a boy. a trans thought i was a player. another trans threaned to kill me because i told her she just wants sex and i wasn't aroused.

 

[WannabeWinner]

how do you get a girlfriend? and then get married?

 

[Lynx]

how do you get a girlfriend? and then get married?

Beats me. I'm still single.

You do know you are asking this in the singles forum, right? Very few of us here know the answer to that one.

 

[EmilyNats]

I think it's less about looks and more about what shape the other person is compared to you. But not really because of physical attraction as much as, will this person be able to do and enjoy the things I love with me? I'm not a workout person, so I don't really care if a guy is super ripped. But I do like to swim, hike, play tennis, and do other active things, and so I wanted someone who had similar interests and abilities. And you have to also remember that people tend to get better looking as you start liking them more anyway.

But I think overall, anybody can have whatever requirements and preferences they want, as long as they are willing to love that person no matter what happens to their looks in the future. Now, does that mean they will get their bible barbie who makes 100k? Probably not But they are allowed to dream all they want.

 

[1ofthem]

how do you get a girlfriend? and then get married?

I guess, a good step to take first would be to stay away from the gays and trans. community.

 

[PeteRock]

how do you get a girlfriend? and then get married?

Forty years ago I was in the same situation, never really having had a girlfriend - though without the good looks or internet. I can't offer a foolproof approach I'm afraid, but I can tell you my story in case it is of any use or encouragement. Shortly after coming to Christ I joined a lively church with a group for 20 somethings. There I got to know other Christians my age, one of whom I found very attractive. The problem was I lacked the courage to ask her out. That's where prayer came in. Also, getting to know her first as friend helped. Things took off fast. From our first date to our engagement was only 7 months. During that time I became very aware that God was at work in finding the right life partner for me. I even had a prophetic word that she would marry me, weeks before I asked her to do so (something I didn't reveal until after we were married). I think this revelation was a necessary reassurance for me in my self doubt. Those with self confidence won't need this - but God knew what I needed. My wife's version of the story is that she didn't initially find me attractive enough to consider me husband material, but that her attraction to me grew to the point where she was prepared to say yes (though she did ask for a week to think and pray about it). Anyway, we have now been married for 38 years.

What I take from this is that God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows the desires of our hearts and if there is anyone who is a great match maker, it is Him.

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19
(The verse God gave us on our wedding day.)

 

[tourist]

how do you get a girlfriend? and then get married?

Next time you're in the grocery store and you see a single woman that holds your interest, take a chance and strike up a conversation with her. If that goes well, give her your phone number. Something like that. You just never know when or where you will meet your future wife.

 

[tourist]

Forty years ago I was in the same situation, never really having had a girlfriend - though without the good looks or internet. I can't offer a foolproof approach I'm afraid, but I can tell you my story in case it is of any use or encouragement. Shortly after coming to Christ I joined a lively church with a group for 20 somethings. There I got to know other Christians my age, one of whom I found very attractive. The problem was I lacked the courage to ask her out. That's where prayer came in. Also, getting to know her first as friend helped. Things took off fast. From our first date to our engagement was only 7 months. During that time I became very aware that God was at work in finding the right life partner for me. I even had a prophetic word that she would marry me, weeks before I asked her to do so (something I didn't reveal until after we were married). I think this revelation was a necessary reassurance for me in my self doubt. Those with self confidence won't need this - but God knew what I needed. My wife's version of the story is that she didn't initially find me attractive enough to consider me husband material, but that her attraction to me grew to the point where she was prepared to say yes (though she did ask for a week to think and pray about it). Anyway, we have now been married for 38 years.

What I take from this is that God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows the desires of our hearts and if there is anyone who is a great match maker, it is Him.

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19
(The verse God gave us on our wedding day.)

That is quite a love story.

 

[Kojikun]

Hey Everybody, With all the talk about what we hope to find in a spouse... I must say that I do admire the people who can say, "Well, looks don't really matter to me, it all depends on where their heart is with the Lord." I guess I wish I could say I were that advanced in my spiritual walk! So, how many Christians are willing to admit that yes, looks do count for something, and is it hypocritical or a "weakness of faith" to be willing to say that? Because even though we are Christians, we're still human... I could be wrong, but in some cases, I personally believe that some people "like" a certain "look" or even race for a specific, sometimes God-given reason. (This is NOT to say there isn't such as thing as being superficial, but I do think some preferences that we have are led by the Lord.) For instance, my little brother (who is white--brown hair, blue-green eyes, very athletic) got to a point where he told God he wanted to marry "a beautiful Asian girl," and his prayer was answered. She's native South Korean, a devout Christian, and an absolute doll. But her father told her to break up with him immediately when he learned his daughter was dating an American (interracial dating is frowned upon in Korea.) However, when her father met my brother--even though they did not speak the same language, her father somehow knew my brother had a sincere heart and gave his consent. Watching the challenges that they are going through in their marriage... including prejudice and bias... and how they are handling the situations they face with God's grace and strength, I truly believe God put it in my brother's heart to strongly be attracted and desire to marry an Asian girl for a reason. Now I'm not trying to say we should all be chasing after models. But I do wonder if maybe sometimes God has a purpose and maybe even a hand in what we seem to be attracted to looks-wise. What do you all think?

Look at how many Christians judge by appearances when they shouldn't. I have many Christian goth friends who put with alot of hassle simply for wearing black. That being said I think physical attraction is okay to an extent. I think preferences are okay. I prefer women with tattoos. Its not a must but I do like it. Its really no different from other preferences such as liking tall or short or blonde's (the reason im explaining that is because Ive been called out and my Christian faith brought into question for liking them) I will say I am a very shallow person more than I should be. I do think looks matter to much to me at times which is probably why im single. I think inner beauty is more important. That being said I lack both inner and outter beauty so my preferences dont matter much in the long run.

 

[Lanolin]

I dont really get this thread...though i havent read all 7 pages of it
count for what

online, obsessive people might count the number of page views, or 'likes' but otherwise, I dont really think people actually bother keeping track of how many times someone looks at them.


?!

 

[Kacey]

I'm a good looking guy but i've never had a girlfriend. I never had a girlfriend when i was captain of the high school football team. Girls called me ugly. I tried going to the gay club for advice and even gays say I will get no girls because im too innocent. I talked to this hot 20 year old romanian chick on omegle and got her instagram the other day but she not a christian. she got thousands of followers and im losing friends on facebook and i ain't even contacting them. This girl i know just thinks im a troll. another girl said im a boy. a trans thought i was a player. another trans threaned to kill me because i told her she just wants sex and i wasn't aroused.

Hello, just my opinion here, but the gay bars and Trans aren't helping you. Perhaps a Christian singles event? Look on meetup.com for something near you that you're interested in. Better yet, your church. Ask your pastor if he knows of a singles Bible study in your area even if it's at another church. Don't believe the enemy when he lies to you through others. Build your walk and let God lead you.

 

[WannabeWinner]

Hello, just my opinion here, but the gay bars and Trans aren't helping you. Perhaps a Christian singles event? Look on meetup.com for something near you that you're interested in. Better yet, your church. Ask your pastor if he knows of a singles Bible study in your area even if it's at another church. Don't believe the enemy when he lies to you through others. Build your walk and let God lead you.

ATM im more interested in living with less sin in my life as of couple of days ago. I still got drunk sort off drinking 7 beers in 6 hours. Sexual sin has stopped though. I stopped myself going into sexual sin a couple days ago and haven't committed sexual sin since. Reason was God blesses someone who lives righteous.

Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield. Psalm 5:12

I don't deserve the glory for living righteous. God does. God gives me the ability to do it and overcome sin.

I also believe everything is predestined. We can decide we will do this pray for an outcome and God is in charge of the outcome. We are just to be content with whatever that outcome that is and then continue praying in the next moment for another outcome to come. We are to be thankful to God at all times.

Anyways this thread has derailed from do looks count to getting blessed. Being blessed will help you find a mate from the Lord I believe. Good looks won't in of itself.

 

[Kacey]

ATM im more interested in living with less sin in my life as of couple of days ago. I still got drunk sort off drinking 7 beers in 6 hours. Sexual sin has stopped though. I stopped myself going into sexual sin a couple days ago and haven't committed sexual sin since. Reason was God blesses someone who lives righteous.

Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield. Psalm 5:12

I don't deserve the glory for living righteous. God does. God gives me the ability to do it and overcome sin.

I also believe everything is predestined. We can decide we will do this pray for an outcome and God is in charge of the outcome. We are just to be content with whatever that outcome that is and then continue praying in the next moment for another outcome to come. We are to be thankful to God at all times.

Anyways this thread has derailed from do looks count to getting blessed. Being blessed will help you find a mate from the Lord I believe. Good looks won't in of itself.

It's a good idea to work on ourselves before trying to bring someone into our lives. Good for you for working on sin. I too struggle with sin and wish I was doing better. God sees us in our worst moments and loves us anyway. Prayers and blessings!

 

[Lanolin]

mm still no idea

the OP was going on about her brother going with a korean girl and its possible that it wasnt even looks but maybe culture or food that attracted him to her.

as it is known that a way to a mans heart is through his stomach.

Or it could be she SMELLED nice.

we have five senses do we not and sight is just one of them.

 

[seoulsearch]

mm still no idea

the OP was going on about her brother going with a korean girl and its possible that it wasnt even looks but maybe culture or food that attracted him to her.

as it is known that a way to a mans heart is through his stomach.

Or it could be she SMELLED nice.

we have five senses do we not and sight is just one of them.

Looks were definitely part of it.

 

[Lanolin]

well whatever
its just one of the five senses though unless that person just totally lost their sense of hearing, taste, smell and touch.