Dating Profile Thread

[seoulsearch]

this thread is so funny.Nobody has yet invited anyone over for an airbnb cos they dont like airheads.divorcees are also enquiring about their exes new girlfriends. people dont seem to want to leave planet earth to relocate to mars. one person wants to play bowls. Bowls?! isnt that an old persons hobby.sex trafficking and porn has been mentioned a few times as married peoples hobbies.The OP hasnt put up their profile...

The OP wouldn't/shouldn't/couldn't put up a dating profile.

He's married.

He created this thread out of concern for and wanting to help his single friends find a spouse.

Crickets on that but otherwise the thread should be named "Derail the OP Thread."

I actually chuckled at the observance that the "OP hasn't put up their profile" because in his opening post, literally the VERY FIRST words he writes are, "I'm married," along with an explanation of why he was starting the thread.

There are many times when I will purposely write a title of a thread to sound like it stands alone, but if one reads the first post, they'll realize there is a twist.

Half the fun I find in writing threads is seeing if anyone's bothered to read the OP -- not that I haven't slipped up on this in other threads myself, of course, but sure does make things amusing.

 

[Lanolin]

He should put up his profile and his 'single friends' profiles first.

Cos I dont believe him...

 

[TabinRivCA]

He should put up his profile and his 'single friends' profiles first.

Cos I dont believe him...

You think he's on the prowl himself...or that he really doesn't have any single Christian friends who want to be married? Or something else?

 

[Sculpt]

Mr Sculpt... Listen. Please. I sent them a message expressing an interest in getting to know them. There wasn't even a "no". Some of the women on these sites even have in their profiles that will only respond to people they're interested in. Why are they obligated to respond otherwise? This is their thinking. This is what I encountered probably hundreds of times.

If you had success, that's great. But, I tried too many times to keep trying.

Thanks for the kind words.

I hear ya, Brother. I'm sorry that was your experience, a lot no-replies happens a lot for most and there's some dead sites. If you take anything away from what I wrote, let me just emphasis one thing: if you ever try online dating again, do not message them that you want to get to know them... ask them to meet you for coffee sat/sun afternoon at a specific date/time/place. The point is she can meet you in person and leave whenever she wants.

 

[Sculpt]

Sculpt, do you have women in your life that you've Friend Zoned, or they have Friend Zoned you? What are the reasons? The biggest one I hear from whoever has decided it will only be a friendship is that there is no "chemistry" between them. Whatever that means, as people have been trying to decipher it from the beginning of time, but for whatever reason, the person has no romantic feelings for the other person.

Now I can only speak from my experience, but I've met some awesome guys who are not into porn, but for whatever reason, we were just friends. I have not had many relationships in my life, but of the ones I did and of the guys I was attracted to, porn was often a regular habit for them. I'd like to think I'm older and wiser now, and have learned I'd rather stay single than be with someone who constantly needs to look at other women.

I understand being human in a fallen world. We can't avoid everything, and we are all going to fall at some point, and on occasion. But if someone is regularly, willfully, and intentionally seeking such material on a regular basis, I have to pass on anything more than a friendship. The female friends I have feel the same way -- but of course, we are just a small sampling of all the possible outlooks out there.

I do think that porn has probably been a long-time problem for women in modern society, but often more in the written sense. Any used bookstore I've ever been to has had at least one entire wall of "romance novels," so for a few dollars, women could stock up on literal armfuls of literary porn daily. And of course, with even ads these days being borderline and sometimes over the top, I'm sure many women get hooked on the visuals too. I talked to one woman a long time ago who, while trying to police her husband's porn habits, was falling into an attraction to it herself -- and they still wound up divorcing.

I do think though that in general, many women need more of a background story to go with it, which is why literary porn would be popular with them (and why they are into romance novels being turned into movies.) This is part of why women love to hear about how couples met, how they fell in love, how they started flirting and what made them attracted to each other, etc. The story and process is a big part of the attraction for many women.

You do have me thinking about something interesting... In my time here on CC, there have been tons of women asking for help because their husbands are regularly watching and sometimes preferring porn to them. I've also seen some posts here from women who were addicted to porn and asking for advice.

But in 14 years, I can't recall ever seeing a husband asking for help because his wife was addicted to porn. I'm sure it exists, and maybe there have been threads here about it that I've missed. But it has me wondering why men don't reach out for help with this issue when it's their wife who is the one with the problem.

Is it because they're battling their own porn addictions? Is it because they're too embarrassed to ask for help and admit their wives are turning to sources other than them? Do some men not care or are willing to ignore it if their wives are reading or looking at trash, just as long as she makes personal time for him?

I don't know the answers, but now you definitely have me thinking about the other side of the coin.

I hear ya. In your prior post, you noted this specific correlation, "most of the single girls I know are single because they can't find a Christian guy they have romantic chemistry with who isn't a slave to porn"... I think the simple thing I was insinuating is maybe the guys, that the gals feel romantic chemistry with, are the guys that are initiating "chemistry"? I mean with their eyes, their faces, voice, intentions, etc. Could it be the sex drive that the gals are picking up on... that correlates to what's making the chemistry for them?

(As a side note... You wrote the gals said they don't have chemistry with the guys who aren't slaves to porn. That's very specific. (Maybe you didn't mean like that?) If you're following me... those gals could just ask a new guy if he's a slave to porn... if he says, "no", she would say, "sorry, but that means I won't have any chemistry with you." If he says, "yes", she would say, "I'm sorry, now I know we'd have chemistry, but I can't be with someone who's a slave to porn." That's the Catch 22.)

 

[Gojira]

I hear ya, Brother. I'm sorry that was your experience, a lot no-replies happens a lot for most and there's some dead sites. If you take anything away from what I wrote, let me just emphasis one thing: if you ever try online dating again, do not message them that you want to get to know them... ask them to meet you for coffee sat/sun afternoon at a specific date/time/place. The point is she can meet you in person and leave whenever she wants.

Sure... you're suggesting a more direct approach. But... if they're unwilling to even respond, what difference does it make what I say? Unless you feel that your approach might make them more likely to respond? If so, why?

 

[seoulsearch]

I hear ya. In your prior post, you noted this specific correlation, "most of the single girls I know are single because they can't find a Christian guy they have romantic chemistry with who isn't a slave to porn"... I think the simple thing I was insinuating is maybe the guys, that the gals feel romantic chemistry with, are the guys that are initiating "chemistry"? I mean with their eyes, their faces, voice, intentions, etc. Could it be the sex drive that the gals are picking up on... that correlates to what's making the chemistry for them?

(As a side note... You wrote the gals said they don't have chemistry with the guys who aren't slaves to porn. That's very specific. (Maybe you didn't mean like that?) If you're following me... those gals could just ask a new guy if he's a slave to porn... if he says, "no", she would say, "sorry, but that means I won't have any chemistry with you." If he says, "yes", she would say, "I'm sorry, now I know we'd have chemistry, but I can't be with someone who's a slave to porn." That's the Catch 22.)

As far as chemistry goes and how it all works, I definitely think that's a God question. Only He really knows.

I do understand what you're saying, but it goes back to my original answer.

Do you have women in your life who have friend zoned you, or have you friend zoned them? What was the reason?

We all know attraction is complicated. It could very well be that a woman likes a man, finds out he's caught up with porn, and decides to try to pray/work around it/trust God to heal it anyway. That was me. And you can guess that it didn't work.

So now for me, if I meet someone I happen to like and find out that's an issue in his life, I try to find out more about it, trying to gauge if it's in a stage where he's maybe having some victory and I won't be a crutch. And if not, yes, I've learned to move on. It most definitely affects my potential attraction if I find out battling that particular demon would be part of it.

And yes, part of why I'm single is because i seem to be encountering the same demons over and over. You could call it a Catch 22; I have to see it as waiting on God and trying to trust that things will work out, single or not.

As for why I've met guys who aren't into porn and haven't had any romantic attraction with them, again, I have to go back to the answer that you'd have to ask God why, because it's the only answer I have right now. And my single female friends have seemed to find the same thing.

(I also have guy friends who have friend zoned women not over porn, but because they just didn't find them attractive in that way. Why not? Again, a God question.)

So unfortunately, that's the only answer I have for you, is asking God.

Don't worry -- I ask Him about it often myself.

 

[tourist]

So now for me, if I meet someone I happen to like and find out that's an issue in his life, I try to find out more about it, trying to gauge if it's in a stage where he's maybe having some victory and I won't be a crutch. And if not, yes, I've learned to move on. It most definitely affects my potential attraction if I find out battling that particular demon would be part of it.

So unfortunately, that's the only answer I have for you, is asking God.

Don't worry -- I ask Him about it often myself.

I agree completely about what you said about gauging what the particular stage it is currently in. By doing so you are gauging possible potential. That is true for other areas as well, particularly finances and work ethic.

I would definitely not consider someone who is prone to infidelity as that destroys marital trust and without trust there is no basis to form a relationship.

Asking God is the most critical element when contemplating the formation of a relationship that might possibly lead to marriage.

You definitely have your head on straight in regard to relationships. Is it any wonder that the right guy has not snagged you yet? You would be the catch of a lifetime for sure.

 

[Lanolin]

You think he's on the prowl himself...or that he really doesn't have any single Christian friends who want to be married? Or something else?

yep

if OP did he would practise what he preaches and put their or his own profiles on here first.

We are not stupid.

Why else should everyone else bare their souls and put their personal details on here so they can hook up or get hitched?

 

[Lanolin]

Also, is OP trying to figure out subtly how much money everyone is earning or profiling people for designer babies or something. Is he or she after WOMEN cos doesnt mention what kind of 'single friends' he/sheactually has. Are they his/her own sons and daughters or what. What do THEY have to 'offer'?

what does WEIGHT and age have to do with anything, who is gonna put their weight and vital stats on here and have their identity stolen or cloned? Come on!

 

[presidente]

I don't know if I have followed every post, but the only thing similar to a dating profile here was the poster who said he was unemployed and lived with his parents.

It's probably best I not be the originator of a real thread on this topic so I don't get tagged for years to come.

There does not seem to be an appetite for dating profile threads. Maybe few people are interested or if they are, they don't think they will be treated well in this forum. I do think writing expectations of a future spouse and philosophy of marriage could be helpful if Christian singles on here what to match up with other Christian singles on the forum. But they might be shy to do so on this forum considering the dynamics.

If there is a new thread, the OP could request that only dating profiles be posted, no comments on the topic of dating or dating profiles, and a separate thread could be created to comment on profiles. But I don't know if there is enough demand.

Many singles may be burnt out with profiles and online dating.

 

[Sculpt]

Sure... you're suggesting a more direct approach. But... if they're unwilling to even respond, what difference does it make what I say? Unless you feel that your approach might make them more likely to respond? If so, why?

The answer is yes, it makes a higher percentage of ladies more likely to respond for a number of reasons.

You've heard the expression 'one bird in hand is better than two in bush'? The specific date/time/place invite is 'a definite'. Nobody has to worry about catfishes, or wasting their time. I think most people know you don't know what you need to know until you meet someone in person. Most people who join a dating site want to either meet someone or go out or both. You're offering it.

Other reasons are, there's tons of ladies who will look at your profile and put you in the 'I don't know/meh' category. It's hard to go by profile blurbs or pictures. Your contact to meet does all the work, quick in, quick out. It's the closest thing to speed dating to the real thing. Plus, some ladies like the definitive/assertive male. It's not wishy-washy. It's progress.

Plus, it doesn't hurt anything. If they feel like they need more info first, they'll just ask.

Any ladies disagree?

 

[Sculpt]

And yes, part of why I'm single is because i seem to be encountering the same demons over and over. You could call it a Catch 22; I have to see it as waiting on God and trying to trust that things will work out, single or not.

Same here. I wonder sometimes if there's subconscious reasons I go for the 'wrong women'. lol

 

[Gojira]

I don't know if I have followed every post, but the only thing similar to a dating profile here was the poster who said he was unemployed and lived with his parents.

It's probably best I not be the originator of a real thread on this topic so I don't get tagged for years to come.

There does not seem to be an appetite for dating profile threads. Maybe few people are interested or if they are, they don't think they will be treated well in this forum. I do think writing expectations of a future spouse and philosophy of marriage could be helpful if Christian singles on here what to match up with other Christian singles on the forum. But they might be shy to do so on this forum considering the dynamics.

If there is a new thread, the OP could request that only dating profiles be posted, no comments on the topic of dating or dating profiles, and a separate thread could be created to comment on profiles. But I don't know if there is enough demand.

Many singles may be burnt out with profiles and online dating.

Hmmm...

My gigantic clawed hand is put over my reptilian mouth in contemplation...

 

[presidente]

Also, is OP trying to figure out subtly how much money everyone is earning or profiling people for designer babies or something. Is he or she after WOMEN cos doesnt mention what kind of 'single friends' he/sheactually has. Are they his/her own sons and daughters or what. What do THEY have to 'offer'?

what does WEIGHT and age have to do with anything, who is gonna put their weight and vital stats on here and have their identity stolen or cloned? Come on!

I'm not wanting to post ads for friends or relatives. Just talking to a 40+ single friend reminded me how hard some singles had it.

You can post whatever information you want toon a thread like this. I don't think you can get your identity stolen because of posting your weight. A lot of people are into a certain body type. If you post you are 5'0" and 350 lbs. a single man might know if he's potentially going to be interested, or not interested, based on that and other criteria. There are women who want a man taller than they are. It might be less uncomfortable for someone if they know enough about the other person to know if they fit certain criteria before sending a DM/PM. That was the idea, at least.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

what does WEIGHT and age have to do with anything,

It's been a couple decades since I've been on any "dating" sites, and I know A LOT has changed in that time.
But one thing I'm sure hasn't changed is profile pages asking about the users age and weight.
That is basic information that people usually like to know up front when searching for a potential mate,
so it makes sense that the OP would include them here.

 

[TabinRivCA]

yep

if OP did he would practise what he preaches and put their or his own profiles on here first.

We are not stupid.

Why else should everyone else bare their souls and put their personal details on here so they can hook up or get hitched?

Also, is OP trying to figure out subtly how much money everyone is earning or profiling people for designer babies or something. Is he or she after WOMEN cos doesnt mention what kind of 'single friends' he/sheactually has. Are they his/her own sons and daughters or what. What do THEY have to 'offer'?

what does WEIGHT and age have to do with anything, who is gonna put their weight and vital stats on here and have their identity stolen or cloned? Come on!

It sounds like you're assuming a lot about a long time member. Is that ethical or nice? You've already posted quite a sweet pic of yourself, we know you're a Librarian, single and live in NZ. He's not asking for a journal just some basics to get the ball rolling. While it's good to be safe not sorry, I hope too many don't end up being sorry they were too safe.
Btw, thanks @presidente for posting this Thread before I did🤣🤣🤣

 

[presidente]

yep

if OP did he would practise what he preaches and put their or his own profiles on here first.

We are not stupid.

Why else should everyone else bare their souls and put their personal details on here so they can hook up or get hitched?

I've seen how you post and stir the post like this on other threads on the forum in past interactions, Lanolin.
I'm a married guy...some of the younger folks might say an old married guy. I mentioned that in the OP. So, no, I don't need to put together a dating profile. I don't think my wife would care for me trolling for Christian girls on the Christian forum, or that God wants me to do that. If I were trying to do something like that, I could have omitted the fact I was married, and posted a picture of a 25-year-old model driving a Lamborghini, and I wouldn't have had to do that on a Christian site.

I do know some older singles, one in particular that my wife and I occasionally are involved in ministry with, who is actively looking for a wife who has had difficulty finding a suitable match. I read another forum that has lot of young men, many of whom express concerns or outright complain about dating, the type of women they encounter, etc.

You don't have to bare your soul. This is a suggestion. If you don't want to participate... like most have not...then that's up to you. Plenty of people bare their souls on these forums already, especially behind a handle. That's not anything new.

This idea doesn't seem to have a lot of takers. If it's a good idea, someone single who can benefit from reading new profiles as time goes buy could post it. Just seeing how this goes as a discussion thread, I didn't really think this through. If it took off, I could be getting irrelevant notices for years on a thread that doesn't die down, so I am kind of glad this thread got spoiled and I am hoping it eventually dies. If the idea is good, someone can start a new OP with instructions not to post comments, just profiles, create a second thread for comments on that thread.

It might make sense to have a women's profile thread-- started by a man, and a men's profile thread-- started by a woman, so a male OP poster gets women's profiles and a woman OP gets male profiles.

If anyone wants to do that, go ahead.

 

[Gojira]

I've seen how you post and stir the post like this on other threads on the forum in past interactions, Lanolin.
I'm a married guy...some of the younger folks might say an old married guy. I mentioned that in the OP. So, no, I don't need to put together a dating profile. I don't think my wife would care for me trolling for Christian girls on the Christian forum, or that God wants me to do that. If I were trying to do something like that, I could have omitted the fact I was married, and posted a picture of a 25-year-old model driving a Lamborghini, and I wouldn't have had to do that on a Christian site.

I do know some older singles, one in particular that my wife and I occasionally are involved in ministry with, who is actively looking for a wife who has had difficulty finding a suitable match. I read another forum that has lot of young men, many of whom express concerns or outright complain about dating, the type of women they encounter, etc.

You don't have to bare your soul. This is a suggestion. If you don't want to participate... like most have not...then that's up to you. Plenty of people bare their souls on these forums already, especially behind a handle. That's not anything new.

This idea doesn't seem to have a lot of takers. If it's a good idea, someone single who can benefit from reading new profiles as time goes buy could post it. Just seeing how this goes as a discussion thread, I didn't really think this through. If it took off, I could be getting irrelevant notices for years on a thread that doesn't die down, so I am kind of glad this thread got spoiled and I am hoping it eventually dies. If the idea is good, someone can start a new OP with instructions not to post comments, just profiles, create a second thread for comments on that thread.

It might make sense to have a women's profile thread-- started by a man, and a men's profile thread-- started by a woman, so a male OP poster gets women's profiles and a woman OP gets male profiles.

If anyone wants to do that, go ahead.

I blocked her long ago. I have found her to be ... shall I say, lacking in wisdom. Obviously a mere wisdom-deficit would not be grounds alone for cutting someone off, but I'm trying to be mild in this response to you.

 

[Lynx]

There does not seem to be an appetite for dating profile threads. Maybe few people are interested or if they are, they don't think they will be treated well in this forum. I do think writing expectations of a future spouse and philosophy of marriage could be helpful if Christian singles on here what to match up with other Christian singles on the forum. But they might be shy to do so on this forum considering the dynamics.

Yeah, um... I didn't want to mention it, because you seemed to put a lot of effort and thought into that first post, but most of us are cool with being single. People who ARE still looking for a spouse probably aren't looking here.

I gave you credit for good intentions and effort though. And I could always have been wrong - there might have been a few takers.

(Even I didn't foresee the explosion in the first two pages though.)