Dating an older man: How old would you go?
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I am a man and I will give you my slant about how much younger than myself I would consider dating a woman. Personally, I believe dating is a risk of a broken heart. Dating is a process of discovery of each other and may lead to the sad realization that despite the deep feelings in your heart the relationship will never fully blossom and must now be uprooted. My feelings on dating is that it is not wise to enter into a relationship unless you have it in your heart that this may be that special someone that God has chosen for you. This takes a tremendous amount of faith that God is indeed speaking to your heart. He does not often speak loudly but in His quiet whispers of your heart. This is a matter of trust. There may be times that it is best to leave the painting unfinished, and perhaps, with clasping hands apply the last few brush strokes in another time and place. Also, trust in God that He would be able to gather all the little bits and pieces of a broken heart and make it new again if the heart does get crushed as sadly this does happen. For me, dating is a risk worth taking because if I were to deny my heart I would then begin to die a little bit and piece at a time. Being a practicable man I would place my limit on the younger woman at 34 years. Age is not just a number, for I am not naïve enough to believe that. Age can be a bridge that is too far to cross, but with the grace of God can be crossed if that is His will and desire. The question of age should not be taken lightly, and is one that is best left for God to decide. Dating is an adventure and you must count the costs with each step that is taken. This takes a courage only given by the God who loves us. It's all about love really...
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for me, age has little to do with compatibility, within reason. in my experience, emotional and spiritual maturity seem to have little correlation with chronological age.
typically, i'd say 10 years in either direction, but i could see myself making an exception (to a few years, maybe) if there was real, deep, and compelling basis for compatibility. but i think that's partly because the older i get, the more i realize how unimportant age can be when you are on the same page with the important things, and more practical considerations (such as children and the like).
also, the last couple years have really challenged my notions of age difference. a few years ago, my answer would probably be different.
also, the younger you are, the bigger the issue of age difference probably is.
typically, i'd say 10 years in either direction, but i could see myself making an exception (to a few years, maybe) if there was real, deep, and compelling basis for compatibility. but i think that's partly because the older i get, the more i realize how unimportant age can be when you are on the same page with the important things, and more practical considerations (such as children and the like).
also, the last couple years have really challenged my notions of age difference. a few years ago, my answer would probably be different.
also, the younger you are, the bigger the issue of age difference probably is.
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No twin brothers? (Just click on)
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hahaha!
I have a friend who often said that he felt too old when he got his 2 son by his 40's and, one of my father's got his last son at his 70 so, I think this last, really deserves to be call granddad! instead of Dad (What if he dies before getting his raised?) The truth is that, many die before the appointed time.
I have a friend who often said that he felt too old when he got his 2 son by his 40's and, one of my father's got his last son at his 70 so, I think this last, really deserves to be call granddad! instead of Dad (What if he dies before getting his raised?) The truth is that, many die before the appointed time.
At the same time, I truly believe that when a lot of older men are seeking out much-younger women, they are putting themselves first. They're thinking of the fact that they'll have someone to take care of them as they age and are less likely to have to deal with becoming a widower.
But if a man is thinking of marrying a woman 15 or more years younger, is he thinking about how she'll be taken care of when he dies, and who will take care of their or his/her children? Does he believe that "providing for his family" ends when he dies and then whatever happens to them is no longer his business? (Meaning, what kinds of plans is he making for their provision after he dies?) It's a reality of life that must be considered.
As I always talk about on this forum, I am often approached by men 20, 30, and 40 years older than me who are seeking "a Christian wife." I could be wrong, but I haven't really talked to any who are thinking of what will happen to his wife when he is called home long before her (God could have it planned differently but let's have a more realistic view.) I believe this is an important part of "seeking the Lord, putting Him first, and obeying His will".
Call me a doubter, but I have a hard time believing 60 and 70 year old men who write me are putting God or anyone else first before their own wants when they seek out someone so much younger to marry them. They are looking for someone they think they can be attracted to and will take care of them until the time they die. This would be something very pivotal to me: what are your thoughts about what I'm going to do or what my life will be after you die? I know it sounds morbid but it's a fact of life.
I can see the attraction when someone is 25 and the other is 45. But what will happen when those numbers become 45 and 65, 65 and 85, etc.? I'm not saying that it can't happen or can't be the will of God--but I admit that I would rebel in every way possible if God told me I needed to marry someone 20 years older than me who had no concern at all about about what my life would be after he was gone.
But if a man is thinking of marrying a woman 15 or more years younger, is he thinking about how she'll be taken care of when he dies, and who will take care of their or his/her children? Does he believe that "providing for his family" ends when he dies and then whatever happens to them is no longer his business? (Meaning, what kinds of plans is he making for their provision after he dies?) It's a reality of life that must be considered.
As I always talk about on this forum, I am often approached by men 20, 30, and 40 years older than me who are seeking "a Christian wife." I could be wrong, but I haven't really talked to any who are thinking of what will happen to his wife when he is called home long before her (God could have it planned differently but let's have a more realistic view.) I believe this is an important part of "seeking the Lord, putting Him first, and obeying His will".
Call me a doubter, but I have a hard time believing 60 and 70 year old men who write me are putting God or anyone else first before their own wants when they seek out someone so much younger to marry them. They are looking for someone they think they can be attracted to and will take care of them until the time they die. This would be something very pivotal to me: what are your thoughts about what I'm going to do or what my life will be after you die? I know it sounds morbid but it's a fact of life.
I can see the attraction when someone is 25 and the other is 45. But what will happen when those numbers become 45 and 65, 65 and 85, etc.? I'm not saying that it can't happen or can't be the will of God--but I admit that I would rebel in every way possible if God told me I needed to marry someone 20 years older than me who had no concern at all about about what my life would be after he was gone.
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Agreed on!
"...but I admit that I would rebel in every way possible if God told me I needed to marry someone 20 years older than me who had no concern at all about about what my life would be after he was gone."
Youth (or old ones) are unsure enough to plan a day after another...
What would have thought Tina Turner when marrying his husband? (What has he seen, within her?)
That reminded me this: "Ecc 11:4 But there are some things that you cannot be sure of. You must take a chance. If you wait for perfect weather, you will never plant your seeds. If you are afraid that every cloud will bring rain, you will never harvest your crops. "
"...but I admit that I would rebel in every way possible if God told me I needed to marry someone 20 years older than me who had no concern at all about about what my life would be after he was gone."
Youth (or old ones) are unsure enough to plan a day after another...
What would have thought Tina Turner when marrying his husband? (What has he seen, within her?)
That reminded me this: "Ecc 11:4 But there are some things that you cannot be sure of. You must take a chance. If you wait for perfect weather, you will never plant your seeds. If you are afraid that every cloud will bring rain, you will never harvest your crops. "