becoming worthy of that (so-called) dream spouse

[Ugly]

I think really the answer should be only maybe 10% of your growth. Roughly. Most of what we need to become for a future spouse should be happening already through our daily spiritual growth with God. The last bit should be learning about marriage, roles, good points, bad points, what you need to understand that you never thought of, etc... Basically just knowing what marriage is really all about and not assuming you 'get it'.

So, as for myself, i didn't often seek out to learn about marriage, but i learned a Lot regardless. I don't think i have it all down, but i think i have enough mental understanding to be 'prepared'. But, though i have a good mental grasp, if the person i am is prepared, i don't know. Sometimes i think yes, other times no.
While for many years my desire to 'be prepared' was a major motivator for change in my life. But more and more i'm wanting to change for myself, and just knowing that those changes will also work if i ever got married as well.
I think the reason i feel less push to be prepared is a few reasons. One i think, as i said, i have a decent grasp on whats needed at this point. Two i am generally desiring more real growth spiritually as i'm tired of being at the same level, which feels so low. Third i'm getting more and more convinced i will never get to marry anyways.

 

[Shouryu]

1. what have you done in the past to make yourself fit for a relationship?

2. what are you currently doing to be ready for that person you're seeking?

3. do you have plans for the future to become better suited for that spouse or significant other?

1. You know, I never really worked on myself in preparation for a relationship before. Everything was always kind of slapdash. I like this girl, and she likes me! Let's date!

2. Truth be told, anything I'm doing in preparation has less to do with getting myself ready for her, and more to do with being the best me I can be. Hiding the Word in my heart, serving Christ and His body with humility and joy, working to be the best band director I can be, and building my body into the strongest, healthiest temple it can be (even if it is only temporary) are all more focused on Him than they are on a potential her. If those things attract the right kind of her, who am I to complain?

3. I figure...just keep doing what I'm doing. It'd be nice to have my student debt paid off (in another year or two, I think) first, just get myself completely straigtened out financially before I dive into another relationship. Lord knows the last relationship didn't make that better at all.

 

[Test_F_i_2_Luv]

...uh... ...you mean a Sammich?

Yeah! That's what I was thinking...the womenzzz gotta call it a sammich or it's over!

Very important this is!

 

[MidniteWelder]

...uh... ...you mean a Sammich?

Yep,
Sammich displays a proper attitude of loving submission.

When I was reading John Chapter 2 and Jesus' mother( not his wife but his own mother) was displaying the proper example by saying
“Do whatever he tells you.”

I kept waiting for her to follow it up with

"and somebody get him a Sammich"

 

[ChandlerFan]

I'm just trying to be an ever-healthier person in every way, and I tend to pray that God would make me a good husband and father someday. And then I try to continue learning and growing in Him so that can happen.

 

[INTJer]

I'm trying to maintain my health just to feel good and just so I can maintain an active lifestyle - I'm kind of bookish - but I stay active mentally and physically. I guess I don't have any expectations that someone will miraculously appear. I'm trying not to have the idea that if I am "good" enough, God will somehow be impressed with what a great guy I am (lol) and he will reward me. I'm not sitting at home on the weekends moping about how alone I am. I keep busy with things that interest me. I'm taking a class in ancient Greek, I'm sort of active at church, I do some hiking, I have work that is interesting. I think I am getting more spiritually mature but I know better than to congratulate myself that I seem to be doing okay.

 

[tourist]

what have you done, are doing, or plan to do to be a suitable partner for someone in the future?

Me? I am practicing my skills at toasting bread, selecting the proper lunch meat, cheese, and condiment/veggie combinations... and stacking them all together.

Because according to recent answers here in Singles, all I need to do to snag a dream husband is know how to properly make a sandwich.

Cukes and tomatoes plus all of the above

 

[tourist]

I had an 11 year love affair with my dream spouse and that is sufficient. I am not doing anything to become worthy of a future dream spouse because I do not dream anymore. My dream spouse, if any, will have to accept me for who that I am and I will do the same for her and we will take it from there.

 

[MartyrNdaMaKn]

My problem is my dream spouse is only a figment of my imagination and always shoots me down...lol. Sooooo sad.

 

[kayem77]

Spiritually speaking I'm not doing anything for a future spouse but for the Lord. If the Lord convicts me of sin, I will try to improve in that area, but that's because that's what I'm commanded to do as a Christian. I believe this would translate into my romantic life if I ever get one, so hopefully there is no[ or as less as possible] sin of pride, selfishness, jealousy, or anything that would be a hindrance to a healthy relationship with my significant other. Right now I'm trying to get better at ''praying without ceasing'' and also be faithful in carrying out his commandments and reading.

Physically I'm not doing much to be honest, I've never had weight problems but I do need to improve my eating habits. That's something I should probably start doing right now though, because I do want to have children in the future and I wouldn't like to have complications.

I also want to improve my cooking skills, because well, families eat I've been told. Since I haven't been pressured to cook for a family I haven't really tried, but I know there will be a day when I will need all those family recipes haha.

 

[Searching4Truth]

1. what have you done in the past to make yourself fit for a relationship?

Ate cookies.

2. what are you currently doing to be ready for that person you're seeking?

I had toast.

3. do you have plans for the future to become better suited for that spouse or significant other?

Well, I thinking of scrambling some eggs later. (Use the peppers I got in the fridge) They've been sitting in there for the past two days after I sliced them up.

 

[jeremyPJ]

making note of the things that haven't worked in the past with the opposite sex. Things that we think we need to do, that really end up biting us in the behind. That first time bitten, twice shy and third time lucky!

Taking note of the friends they keep, as this is a defining thing. Their friends aren't impressed, it won't last long.
But above all, God must come first for both of us. This is the really important thing. The other things only bring failure when we let satan in.

 

[ChandlerFan]

I think to an extent I will never be worthy of a wife. Having a wife would be a really tangible demonstration of God's loving grace toward me.

 

[tourist]

I think to an extent I will never be worthy of a wife. Having a wife would be a really tangible demonstration of God's loving grace toward me.

The operative word is 'tangible'. We are both worthy, my friend. We must have faith in the evidence of the unseen until the day comes when our eyes are finally opened. Today could be the day, if not, certainly tomorrow or the next day. It is only a matter of time and until then, the loneliness must be managed less it creeps upon you and becomes a snare. A beautiful loving wife is a Christmas present from God. Right now, the gift is under the tree, and while it is not yet be opened, it is quite tangible. It has a pretty bow on top and the gift has your name on it. I know you may be a little anxious but don't get too crazy when you open it because she may be fragile. Christmas is always worth the anticipation and the wait.

 

[Tintin]

I think to an extent I will never be worthy of a wife. Having a wife would be a really tangible demonstration of God's loving grace toward me.

Never say 'never', my friend. If I can find someone, there's most definitely hope for you.

 

[ChandlerFan]

Never say 'never', my friend. If I can find someone, there's most definitely hope for you.

haha I know there's hope. And I guess I didn't entirely mean to come across as being self-deprecating. I just know that if I do get married, I will not be worthy of her from the standpoint that I will not have deserved her or the grace God will have shown me by putting her in my life, and because I will most definitely fail her at times. I will certainly look to be as good to her as I can, though.

 

[ChandlerFan]

The operative word is 'tangible'. We are both worthy, my friend. We must have faith in the evidence of the unseen until the day comes when our eyes are finally opened. Today could be the day, if not, certainly tomorrow or the next day. It is only a matter of time and until then, the loneliness must be managed less it creeps upon you and becomes a snare. A beautiful loving wife is a Christmas present from God. Right now, the gift is under the tree, and while it is not yet be opened, it is quite tangible. It has a pretty bow on top and the gift has your name on it. I know you may be a little anxious but don't get too crazy when you open it because she may be fragile. Christmas is always worth the anticipation and the wait.

That is a fun analogy for sure, but I would be careful about promising someone that they're going to get married someday, especially because it is one that you are unable to keep. But I do appreciate your encouragement.

 

[gypsygirl]

I think to an extent I will never be worthy of a wife. Having a wife would be a really tangible demonstration of God's loving grace toward me.

i don't think those feelings are all that unusual. while i don't feel that way all the time, i certainly have my bouts where i think i'm best to pack it in, move to the middle-of-podunk-nowhere and call it a day. it's one of those contingency plans that i am always refining, and revisiting on days not unlike these. : )

but you're a little young to become jaded mister!

Dive deep into God's Word. See what the Bible says about the nature of godly love.

Meditate on God's definition of love and keep it at the forefront of your mind.
Pray regularly for yourself and your future wife/husband.
Pray for patience.
Die to yourself and rise to new life in Christ, daily.
Learn the art of clear communication and to forgive regularly and quickly.
Build your godly character.
Show love through action.
Observe and talk to trustworthy Christian family, friends etc. about what a relationship entails, what godly marriage looks like.
Do Bible studies about godly relationships and Christian identity, watch DVDs, read good books about such things.
Always be open to correction, to learn, to love.
When you're ready to be engaged, make sure you have premarriage counseling.
And in all of this, walk with the One who made you and loves you and knows you better than you know yourself.

christian, i love this list of yours! thanks for sharing this -- it sounds like you're well on your way toward that pursuit. : )

 

[Tintin]

Thank you, GypsyGirl! But I'm still very much a work in progress. When we have Christ as our foundation and hand Him control of our lives, we're much better off for it.