Anyone else cant get friends?

[stilllearning]

Not sure if this is the wrong part of the forum to write about this.

But yeah.

I have not had a friend for a very long time. Im currently 31, had my last friend when i was about 15. So it was a long time ago.

I tried befriend many, both males and females, christians and non-christians alike. But it never works. IRL everyone always avoids and ignores me.

On internet its a little bit better, some talk to me but its always dies out after a week or 2. They always stop writing to me and never responds again.

I am very self-aware, so im really trying to anaylize why i keep failing. Im not behaving bad.
So it cant be that. So the only reason must be that im very dumb and have low iq, i have
no idea how to talk to people. I actually read many books about how to "improve" your iq and
improve your social skills, biut it has not worked for me. So i must so dumb and have such a low iq thats impossible for me to improve to acceptable level. Which means i will
keep being friendless until the day i die.

I heard people say "someone will accept you" and "just be nice and people will love you your heart". But as i said, im not mean to people. I care for people. I have compassion. And yet,
nobody liked me for 16 years. So something must be wrong with my brain.

I prayed to God about this many many times. But he is not helping. God can do everything,
But i dont think he improves people IQ. Its not how he works. I guess he gave me
this lonely life for a reason. Not sure why yet. Maybe he wants me for himself.

Honestly I think this here is what may be your problem..................I am very self-aware, so im really trying to anaylize why i keep failing.

Reason I say this, is for a fact you started this thread and have folks replying. So that would point to you can gain folks interest and enough that they engage you.

So just observing folks. Have noticed that sometimes with folks who do analyze and look at data or base decisions on looking at info. When there is a lack of info or data they have to fill in those blank spots. So could be a case that you interact with folks and after the interaction you analyze the whole conversation and in the blank spots you rule it as they must not like me or want to be friends.

Lest say for example that you hear x likes dogs so you start a convo up about dogs. Thinking the convo should go a certain amount of minutes. The convo is shorter than expected and they leave so you judge I must have said something wrong or they must not like me or find me engaging. When in fact they may have actually made time for you and spoke to you knowing they had to get and go do something else.

It is like the saying paralysis by analysis. You have already said that the time you have not had friends you have analyzed as not natural and there is problem. So ask yourself when you engage folks since you already have this set data and believe there should be some sort of desired outcome or a definable outcome. Have you set a parameter that when it is not reached you automatically analyze it as a failure. So once you have concluded that you move on.

Which that may not be the case as most folks really do having a warm up period takes several interactions before they even warm up. Which this could be brought on by the reason that you do analyze so much and naturally because you do have automatic conclusions drawn ahead of time. So I would just try interacting and continue to do so and give folks a little more time to warm up and see if you get different results.

Because it could be you just hate a void when looking at data and in the place of a void you fill it in with preset data to fill that void. As like I said you have folks engaging with you and you read what they say and reply back. So could it be a case that you have preset conclusions how the interaction should go and when it is not that you analyze the problem must be you when all it could be is folks just need a little longer getting to know you and you not giving them the time because you over analyze.

Look at the time in the past you have engaged with folks and for how long and even the depth of the convo was it just small talk or was it more. The instant connections are far and in-between. That is why when folks make a instant connection the convo usually has both saying oh wow we click and that never happens to me. As most relationships just take time and have a warming up period. So just analyze your past interactions and at what point you concluded there would never be a friendship and is that conclusion accurate, as was enough time allowed for a warm up before you concluded. Did you over analyze and fill in the blank spots with a foredrawn conclusion?

 

[Mem]

I think we are two sides of the same coin, KJ, and it's more about perspective. Instead of thinking you haven't been able to find any friends, think of everyone that you've so much as exchanged smiles with as a friend, and continue on your life journey accumulating bonds of mutual affection, even if they are as brief as a moment. After all, Jesus even called someone that he knew didn't have faith in Him friend. And you've shown yourself quite friendly, so...

I try to be mindful of my 'strange fire,' the stuff that I think is interesting, but another might find strikingly odd. This happens to me a lot. I say things, and everyone gets quiet, but I give them time to process whatever it is, if they want to, I mean, and drop it otherwise unless they offer further thought on it.

Life is lived in the present, my friend!

 

[Redcars]

Well I don't have many friend but I'm okay with that, in fact I don't like investing too much time on frienships. However, my sister is the most popular girl with tons of friends. I believe I am a nice person and am nice to people. However, one thing I notice is that my sister is not only nice but she makes people feel really good, and guess what? people like to be friends with people that make them feel good and happy. She is always complimenting people, she always sees the good in someone whether is in their looks, attire, their work, their accomplishments etc and she compliments them or tells them how it inspires her or how it impacts the world etc. She is also always helping others and if she can't she will refer them to someone that can. She also invest time in her friends, she always shows up to all the invites even if she is tired or has to drive far, she is always there for her friends.
She also has an optimistic personality. She is always smiling and happy and I think people pick up on that, which makes them feel optimistic and happy, which is how everyone would like to feel.
So I guess I would suggest that you could smile more at people, make them feel happy, compliment them or if it feels genuine in your heart you can also help people.
We've all heard that the one thing people will remember about you, is how you made them feel.

 

[Lanolin]

sometimes we fail at being friends because we are human, for example, I get tired and fall asleep sometimes! I remember helping an elderly lady but I she was tiring me out, she wanted me to fetch this and that for her, and do all these errands, to her, that was being a friend. or another would call me up after I had gone to bed, wanting to talk.

But for me, that is sometimes too much. I have limits.

So I need to choose my friends wisely and also, for me, I dont want to be that demanding friend who becomes annoying. Jesus asked his disciples to stay up and pray for him. and even they fell asleep! He was also late to see Lazarus and he had already died. Martha was not happy!

But you have to say what you can and cant do sometimes or make it up for the times you have to bail. And have practice a lot of forgiveness. Friends are not your servants or slaves. treat people how you would like to be treated.