Uh... Cephas_rock you didn't answer the question seoulsearch asked. What she asked was "If you get married, does it magically cure a lust/porn problem like Christians say it will? Or does the problem persist even after you are married?"
The question you appear to be answering is "How do you deal with a sex drive until you get married" which is an entirely different question that has been answered thoroughly and repeatedly through the many, many years this forum has been here. However I have never in all those years seen an answer to the question seoulsearch actually asked. So I'm curious if you will please answer that.
Basically, christians tell you to get married in order to handle a sex drive - that it is the cure-all for lust, you will magically not be addicted to porn any more, you will not ogle attractive women in real life, you won't have lustful thoughts about anybody else but your wife, if you just get married. seoulsearch is asking you if that really works that way.
(If I misinterpreted what seoulsearch said, don't worry... she'll correct me soon enough.)
OK, fair enough Lynx, I see what you mean. I think my answer still has relevance, but I take your point about the finer focus being on AFTER one is married. I got kinda tunnel-focused on the portion talking about "getting married just to have sex" [sic].
So, does getting married offer any silver bullet remedy? No, because it's not designed to. One thing I got right in my original answer is that things like lust and temptation are a "salvation journey" issue, not a physical, mental or emotional thing. Yes, there are manifestations of lust that drive us to giving in, but the underlying cause of the lust and giving in is spiritual. That is, it's a lack on our part to really trust the Lord and make Him our portion, to make Him our "everything". Whenever I give these replies, please know that I'm always speaking as much to myself as anyone reading these. I've not "arrived", and don't expect to ever do so, because life isn't an "A to B" thing, as much as we men would love it to be so, ha ha ha.
Is porn and sexual lust potentially a "problem" after someone gets married? Yes. But the real questions is "Why?" It ought not to be. But yet, for many, it is. As I alluded to in my original message, there are things that play into lust, which is really "just" a temptation from Satan. OK, so there are physical things that drive us towards being interested in sex, but as Christians, especially those who've been on the journey for more than a year or two, we ought to know we have the power and tools to help us overcome any and all temptation, including sexual ones. Just because our body says, "Hey, I crave release. RIGHT NOW!", doesn't mean we give into it just because it's not our body saying, "Hey, I crave a huge feed of junk food, RIGHT NOW!" Both are still (potentially) unhealthy cravings, over which we have full control to deny or go with.
One of the points I was driving at in the first reply is that many Christians really don't trust the Lord for their "sustenance", which includes the power to reform their thinking and lustful appetites. We're talking about sex here, but those who suffer from other "lusts of the eyes / flesh" struggle just as fiercely. To throw our hands up and say, "Oh, well, they're just natural cravings everyone has, and we'll just cope with it" isn't an answer, as the Lord has promised us the power to renew out minds, hearts and souls. Otherwise, we end up having to agree that God "makes" us with in-built faults and flaws, and that's a REALLY slippery slope I've slid down far too many times!
You'll hear me say this a lot, but having observed, talked to and counseled hundreds of couples over my lifetime (yes, in a totally non-professional capacity), I've noted that the majority of marriages and relationships I encounter are unhealthy to a reasonable degree. Whether that be due to mis-match in personalities, unequal yoking, or 101 other factors, I've become acutely aware that the primary reason most relationships / marriages aren't very good, or just plain suck, is that couple do NOT spend enough time building a deep, solid, committed friendship, WITHOUT the view of "I'm grooming you for marriage", to act as a basis for a marriage.
People get very upset with me when I say this next bit, and if I get flack over it be ready to get some major pushback because I'm 100% convinced of my position, but the truth is we can't love someone we don't know. True? True. We can love a stranger with the love of Jesus, but in terms of romantic human love, any love that ISN'T based on knowing someone, well, is infatuation. True? True. Therefore, since MOST people (not all, of course) short-circuit the natural order God created of us meeting a range of people, founding friendships, and slowly growing to know people in a progressive way that allows love to naturally bloom from a deep "knowing" of a person, MOST people end up in marriages with someone they don't know that well. I could bore you all with countless anecdotal evidence for this, suffice it to say that I'm quite sure this is accurate, and provably so.
THUS - taking all that into account - when we go into marriage with someone who isn't truly, totally, and utterly our best friend, who we don't trust 1000000%, who we don't know inside and out, why should we expect our sexual connection with them to be anything but dissatisfying? Sex is sex. It's fun for a bit, then it gets boring real fast, which is why porn is so insidious and progressively addictive. Making love, on the other hand, takes a very special, deep, abiding soul connection with another person. The first time I made love, I mean truly made love, I was blown away. It was the most wonderful experience I've ever shared outside of my relationship with the Lord. I had no idea being intimately connected with a woman could be so incredibly satisfying, for her AND me. What's more, that didn't change as time went by. It stayed pretty much the same.
I could keep writing about this at length, but I've got stuff to do, so let me quickly wrap this up by saying this. I firmly, 100% believe that beyond various demonic influences, past traumas and inner heart issues, as well as not having a most excellent relationship with the Lord, THE primary factor that spoils sexual intimacy is not having a really deep friendship with one's spouse. I've experienced enough marriage and relationship, sex and making love, to be fully convinced and persuaded of that. Now, it's all very "easy" identifying such an issue. Rectifying it? That's a real challenge, especially if a couple of truly rushed into marriage. But, the Lord is able, especially when BOTH parties in a marriage are willing to work on things, see the Lord, and seek genuine, real friendship with one another.
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