A conversation about nothing in particular

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Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
59,813
29,191
113
I vaguely remembered that song but I don't remember him specifically saying Lucifer all though I knew it was about satan lol somehow oh well I wasn't that big on them anyway no big loss lol
My best friend's mom was very upset about the fact that we listened to that LP as 16 year olds :unsure:
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
59,813
29,191
113
How are you Magenta?
I am good, Monnkai, thanks for asking... just home from work, thankful for the start of another weekend :) How are you doing? Oh, saying I am good sounds so wrong, but you know what I mean, right? I am doing okay. I actually hate to say even that. Haha. But I have much to be grateful for, and I am :):D:):giggle:
 

Monnkai

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
690
113
I am good, Monnkai, thanks for asking... just home from work, thankful for the start of another weekend :) How are you doing? Oh, saying I am good sounds so wrong, but you know what I mean, right? I am doing okay. I actually hate to say even that. Haha. But I have much to be grateful for, and I am :):D:)
Yeah I can relate the way I've been going lately borderline bouts with insanity as well suicidal thoughts for the past week not to mention I almost slept for 3 days straight rough few weeks but its getting better :) Seems to be a new worry and anxiety everyday nothing new for me though :3 what have you been up too?
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
59,813
29,191
113
Yeah I can relate the way I've been going lately borderline bouts with insanity as well suicidal thoughts for the past week not to mention I almost slept for 3 days straight rough few weeks but its getting better :) Seems to be a new worry and anxiety everyday nothing new for me though :3 what have you been up too?
Depravity, yeah, we don't like to admit it sometimes, but the human condition truly is depraved, and we live in a fallen world, which can be very discouraging and downright heartbreaking at times, when it is not just disturbing. Still, acknowledging that all things are in God's hands helps :D We also know that all things work for the good of those who love God and have been called according to His purpose. It is just not always easy to feel completely okay in this fallen world, even though we know we are loved by God.

What have I been doing? Well, I took an almost three month break from posting, but came back earlier this month, because you guys are my family, and I feel I have some purpose here :) I have been doing Christian apologetics for eleven years now! The first eight were fairly exclusively with non-believers, so the last three years has been a change of focus and pace for me, which is nice. I started making my more advanced graphic templates for Scripture earlier this year, and then lost access to many of them when the website I was making them on suddenly disappeared. I have the finished products of all the ones I completed, but I had so many that were in a state of being ready to use again that I can no longer open. Oh well, now I am working in a new program. Leaving for three months kind of made me feel a little rusty coming back, to the site because it had just recently changed platforms before I took my short hiatus, and also to all the elements I use in my graphics, especially now using a new program, where everything presents differently. Haha. Such problems I have, huh? LOL

Wow, I wish I could sleep like you do! I am tired most of the time because I cannot sleep through the night. Apparently it is a problem older folks get, or so they say ;) But I am sorry to hear you are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Are they just impulses, or are you seriously wanting to end your life? I hope it is the former and not the latter. I went through a prolonged phase about six years ago of suicidal impulses, though I had no intention or desire to end my life. During that time (it lasted quite a while) being in a place like a high-rise or a bridge I would be seized by the impulse to throw myself out the window or off the bridge. It was yes, disturbing, and uncomfortable to talk about, because I was NOT suicidal, but it eventually passed. I pray this phase passes for you as well, and that you can embrace your life with all the highs and lows that come with being on this planet, learning to love despite the potential for pain, and finding joy when it is presented to you, joy that fills the depth of your soul, and makes all else worthwhile.
 

Monnkai

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
690
113
Depravity, yeah, we don't like to admit it sometimes, but the human condition truly is depraved, and we live in a fallen world, which can be very discouraging and downright heartbreaking at times, when it is not just disturbing. Still, acknowledging that all things are in God's hands helps :D We also know that all things work for the good of those who love God and have been called according to His purpose. It is just not always easy to feel completely okay in this fallen world, even though we know we are loved by God.

What have I been doing? Well, I took an almost three month break from posting, but came back earlier this month, because you guys are my family, and I feel I have some purpose here :) I have been doing Christian apologetics for eleven years now! The first eight were fairly exclusively with non-believers, so the last three years has been a change of focus and pace for me, which is nice. I started making my more advanced graphic templates for Scripture earlier this year, and then lost access to many of them when the website I was making them on suddenly disappeared. I have the finished products of all the ones I completed, but I had so many that were in a state of being ready to use again that I can no longer open. Oh well, now I am working in a new program. Leaving for three months kind of made me feel a little rusty coming back, to the site because it had just recently changed platforms before I took my short hiatus, and also to all the elements I use in my graphics, especially now using a new program, where everything presents differently. Haha. Such problems I have, huh? LOL

Wow, I wish I could sleep like you do! I am tired most of the time because I cannot sleep through the night. Apparently it is a problem older folks get, or so they say ;) But I am sorry to hear you are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Are they just impulses, or are you seriously wanting to end your life? I hope it is the former and not the latter. I went through a prolonged phase about six years ago of suicidal impulses, though I had no intention or desire to end my life. During that time (it lasted quite a while) being in a place like a high-rise or a bridge I would be seized by the impulse to throw myself out the window or off the bridge. It was yes, disturbing, and uncomfortable to talk about, because I was NOT suicidal, but it eventually passed. I pray this phase passes for you as well, and that you can embrace your life with all the highs and lows that come with being on this planet, learning to love despite the potential for pain, and finding joy when it is presented to you, joy that fills the depth of your soul, and makes all else worthwhile.
Yeah its never to the point where I'll ever attempt just a thought really but disturbing non the less it seems my sin has increased unfortunately and thats got me worried very much so and biblical knowledge seems to be doing the opposite of helping now as it just depresses me. Im sure I'll bounce back but its hard :/
 

Monnkai

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
690
113
Yeah its never to the point where I'll ever attempt just a thought really but disturbing non the less it seems my sin has increased unfortunately and thats got me worried very much so and biblical knowledge seems to be doing the opposite of helping now as it just depresses me. Im sure I'll bounce back but its hard :/
It seems to be at least my logical conclusion at times when Im feeling suicidal is despite thinking I was saved Im clearly not if my sin is increasing and such I cant seem to believe anymore then I do I clearly am destined to go to hell so I guess I figure Id just save some time and end my life and go there now if that makes any since....
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
59,813
29,191
113
Yeah its never to the point where I'll ever attempt just a thought really but disturbing non the less it seems my sin has increased unfortunately and thats got me worried very much so and biblical knowledge seems to be doing the opposite of helping now as it just depresses me. Im sure I'll bounce back but its hard :/
Well, don't use your knowledge of Scripture to beat yourself up. Look at Paul! What did he say? Let's look at that together :)

Romans 7:15-20
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.


Monnkai, do you have a healthy social life, or do you isolate and keep to yourself more than you allow yourself to mingle among your peers, and brothers and sisters in Christ? Have you a family church? Any support groups outside of church? A spiritual community besides here, I mean ;)

I see your next post as well. Take those thoughts captive!

 

Monnkai

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
690
113
Well, don't use your knowledge of Scripture to beat yourself up. Look at Paul! What did he say? Let's look at that together :)

Romans 7:15-20
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.


Monnkai, do you have a healthy social life, or do you isolate and keep to yourself more than you allow yourself to mingle among your peers, and brothers and sisters in Christ? Have you a family church? Any support groups outside of church? A spiritual community besides here, I mean ;)

I see your next post as well. Take those thoughts captive!

Well I admit that did cheer me up a bit....Paul almost always cheers me up he seems to be the most relatable at least in my case of the Apostles such as when I was dealing with heart surgery his words of a sickness but Gods grace being sufficient despite not being cured of it really encouraged me :) And that last part I do know because no matter how deep the rabbit hole I go I always feel God pulling me back and the fact I haven't given up completely on God for good is a testament to that fact....
 

Monnkai

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
690
113
Well I admit that did cheer me up a bit....Paul almost always cheers me up he seems to be the most relatable at least in my case of the Apostles such as when I was dealing with heart surgery his words of a sickness but Gods grace being sufficient despite not being cured of it really encouraged me :) And that last part I do know because no matter how deep the rabbit hole I go I always feel God pulling me back and the fact I haven't given up completely on God for good is a testament to that fact....
The last part I do not have I have been meaning to go to a church for a while but my lazyness seems to be holding me back but If I can get passed that I think I can find a good fellowship cuz well this is the only one I got for now
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
59,813
29,191
113
Well I admit that did cheer me up a bit....Paul almost always cheers me up he seems to be the most relatable at least in my case of the Apostles such as when I was dealing with heart surgery his words of a sickness but Gods grace being sufficient despite not being cured of it really encouraged me :) And that last part I do know because no matter how deep the rabbit hole I go I always feel God pulling me back and the fact I haven't given up completely on God for good is a testament to that fact....
Paul was freaking amazing :D If any of us could do even a small fraction of what he did... wow, like can you imagine being able to do even a tenth of what he did? Well, I am glad that helped cheer you up a little. It is a good reminder for me, too :) Thank you, Monnkai :love:
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
59,813
29,191
113
The last part I do not have I have been meaning to go to a church for a while but my lazyness seems to be holding me back but If I can get passed that I think I can find a good fellowship cuz well this is the only one I got for now
Okay, get off your duff this Sunday and go to church. I command you :D;););):) Man, I love my church! GO!!!

Make sure to let me know how it goes :)
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
16,724
10,531
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78
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
Okay I will try :) I will need to get a phone/alarm clock though lol
Hey man, I am still praying for you with Magenta. You haven't got a chance of backing out on God with so much prayer behind you. I am praying that He drags you into His fold, kicking and screaming if need be. Hahaha... Go to church Sunday!

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