DIFFERENT Christmas music
- Thread starter Lynx
- Start date
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Ah, Amy Grant. That brings back memories of disappointment. I remember the first time I saw her Christmas album at a McKay's used bookstore in Nashville. I got so excited! Surely SHE will have some new... Nope. Just the same tried-and-true songs everyone else sings.
Now "Emmanuel," that's a good song. And though I have six different songs called "Emmanuel" in my collection, I suddenly realize I don't have that one. I have Amy Grant albums, but apparently not the one that has that song. Time to ask Papa Amazon for a cheap used CD.
Now "Emmanuel," that's a good song. And though I have six different songs called "Emmanuel" in my collection, I suddenly realize I don't have that one. I have Amy Grant albums, but apparently not the one that has that song. Time to ask Papa Amazon for a cheap used CD.
LYRICS: (Because it DOES go pretty fast...)
[Verse 1]
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, it’s true
Such joy and cheer as we’re crunching the numbers
The time draws near for our customary summary
And that’s the time of our annual financial review
Just one look at the state of the company
It’s plain to see, we need a major redundancy
You all want toys but you’re not gonna pay for 'em
And it’s causing Claus Inc. complications
Can’t keep dropping joy across all the nations
If we’re running as a non-profit organization
Since this place commenced
And claimed that hence we’d make presents
The generations came and went
We played pretend and prayed for sense
The guy up top, red faced and bent
On playing saint - not paying rent
Refused to stop and take a pen
To change that mission statement
Yule comes around and your kids get coddled
Our accounts meltdown as we risk Cheer-nobyl
Get your eggnog mixed with economics
So we're fixing the Christmas business model
[Chorus]
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
Now, old Saint Nick’s kicked out the door
We don’t do freebies anymore
It’s the north pole corporate takeover (Yeah)
[Verse 2]
We'll do away with the sleigh visiting every home
We'd be far more efficient with delivery drones
Sending reindeer overhead strains our overheads
We're selling them to quell a couple business loans
We need to modernize, monetize, sugarplum synergize
Stockings are floated and the elves are downsized (Oh-ah)
Success is never gonna just land in your lap
We’re in Lapland, baby
What’s a price without hikes?
If you want cookies and carrots
That have been placed out by parents
Bitten to make it apparent
That Santa made an appearance
Well then, you'll need to reserve it
'Cause that's our premium service
We thought you loved your kids?
Perhaps their dreams just aren’t worth it?
And with that in mind, it's a reasonable ask
That you all subscribe to our seasonal pass (Oh-ah)
Unlocking treats on a path completing menial tasks
To keep you busy as we reap all the cash
Priced fairly at barely what the customer affords
You can start in a pear tree and leap up to a lord (Oh-ah)
Hit five gold rings as you level yourself
And then buy more skins for your Elf on a Shelf
[Interlude]
Carol?
Yeah, no, yeah, they can keep his face on the bottles
It’s good brand recognition and we kept the rights
Yeah, of course they’ll pay for it
Who’s gonna wanna change all the lights on the trucks?
(Holidays are coming now)
[Chorus]
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
You can upgrade from the naughty to nice list
If you can pay our affordable prices
It’s the north pole corporate takeover (Yeah)
[Verse 3]
Since the fifties, tradition didn't click with the kids
So now the chimney is giving me the skibidi rizz
Now in December, catch influencers
Going viral, shilling kiddies **** in Christmassy vids
No more knick-knack, bric-a-brac
Things that could be whittled from a stick
And stuck in a sack
That crap won’t sell and it’s leaving the team stuck
You ever see an elf tryna whittle a V-Buck?
Hey team!
So, you’re wondering what I gathered you for?
Just a check in with my buddies
On the factory floor!
You know the lads on the board
Are glad to have you aboard
But we’ve all seen pretty damning reports
Whilst toys are such a sweet thing
It’s products that you make (Ba-da-da-da)
And we see you when you’re sleeping
And we know when you take breaks (Ba-da-da-da)
So, if we’re gonna ship deliverables
We’re gonna need a Christmas miracle (Ba-da, ba-ba)
We’re nearing the year-end
There’s no time for cheer, friends
Just make goods for goodness sakes (Get to work!)
You know, on average, three elves die
When manufacturing a PS5
You want a respirator?
Eh, we'll get some later
Could you not just breathe less, guys?
Yes, boss!
We’ve gotta right the ship and chart a course
I’m pretty sure the guy we kicked was hard to port
It’s time to realign the vision – pass the torches
Who are we to fight with Christmas market forces?
So, if you should find your shift should lag or pause
It’s possible that time could stick to pass the audits
We’ve got every child’s wish to grant come morning
Well, except the kind of kids who can’t afford it
[Interlude, spoken]
Each and every one of these elves
Is filled to the pointy-eared brim with microplastics
And thanks to their relative size
To an elf they’re actually much larger plastics
[Chorus]
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
Well, boo-hoo if you’re seeking to blame us
It’s thanks to you, we’re competing with Bezos
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
[Bridge]
We’ve sent whimsy down your chimneys
For the last two thousand years
And forgive me being Grinchy
But we’ve had it up to here (We've had it up to here)
Took our vision by committee
And you got commercial-eyes (Ohh)
Turned the mystique into mincemeat
Whilst you fought over the pie (Fought over the pie)
You parsed our thing through marketing
Commodified the cheer (Commodified the cheer)
You’ll hardly see us arguing
You’ve got the right idea (You've got the right idea)
But you’ve dined free on our IP
So make it understood (Ooh-ah)
That licensees, though fine to eat
Don’t bake the fudging pud
All those fantasies your families
Have told are trashed
You want magic? Well, that’s tragic
'Cause we sold our stash
It won’t matter that our strategies are
Bold, harsh, brash
When we wake up to a great big lump of
Coal-d hard cash!
[Chorus]
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
You guys chose to monetise it
So why can’t those who devised it?
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
Who knew fun was actually fungible?
Now my toys are tax-deductible
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
In this age where joy and cheer bring
Room for flagrant profiteering
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
[Outro]
Hi, is that the office of Mr E. Bunny?
Blake Midwinter here, Clause Inc
I was hoping he could hop on a call?
(It’s the north pole corporate takeover)
Patrick! How’s the Saint business?
Hold that thought, I’ve got one word for you – merger (Ooh)
Let’s meet for drinks (Yeah)
(It’s the north pole corporate takeover)
Cupid, baby! Let me shoot my shot here
I’m interested in a partnership
Hi, Pancake Day HQ?
I’ve got an offer for you, and you are going to flip
[Verse 1]
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, it’s true
Such joy and cheer as we’re crunching the numbers
The time draws near for our customary summary
And that’s the time of our annual financial review
Just one look at the state of the company
It’s plain to see, we need a major redundancy
You all want toys but you’re not gonna pay for 'em
And it’s causing Claus Inc. complications
Can’t keep dropping joy across all the nations
If we’re running as a non-profit organization
Since this place commenced
And claimed that hence we’d make presents
The generations came and went
We played pretend and prayed for sense
The guy up top, red faced and bent
On playing saint - not paying rent
Refused to stop and take a pen
To change that mission statement
Yule comes around and your kids get coddled
Our accounts meltdown as we risk Cheer-nobyl
Get your eggnog mixed with economics
So we're fixing the Christmas business model
[Chorus]
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
Now, old Saint Nick’s kicked out the door
We don’t do freebies anymore
It’s the north pole corporate takeover (Yeah)
[Verse 2]
We'll do away with the sleigh visiting every home
We'd be far more efficient with delivery drones
Sending reindeer overhead strains our overheads
We're selling them to quell a couple business loans
We need to modernize, monetize, sugarplum synergize
Stockings are floated and the elves are downsized (Oh-ah)
Success is never gonna just land in your lap
We’re in Lapland, baby
What’s a price without hikes?
If you want cookies and carrots
That have been placed out by parents
Bitten to make it apparent
That Santa made an appearance
Well then, you'll need to reserve it
'Cause that's our premium service
We thought you loved your kids?
Perhaps their dreams just aren’t worth it?
And with that in mind, it's a reasonable ask
That you all subscribe to our seasonal pass (Oh-ah)
Unlocking treats on a path completing menial tasks
To keep you busy as we reap all the cash
Priced fairly at barely what the customer affords
You can start in a pear tree and leap up to a lord (Oh-ah)
Hit five gold rings as you level yourself
And then buy more skins for your Elf on a Shelf
[Interlude]
Carol?
Yeah, no, yeah, they can keep his face on the bottles
It’s good brand recognition and we kept the rights
Yeah, of course they’ll pay for it
Who’s gonna wanna change all the lights on the trucks?
(Holidays are coming now)
[Chorus]
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
You can upgrade from the naughty to nice list
If you can pay our affordable prices
It’s the north pole corporate takeover (Yeah)
[Verse 3]
Since the fifties, tradition didn't click with the kids
So now the chimney is giving me the skibidi rizz
Now in December, catch influencers
Going viral, shilling kiddies **** in Christmassy vids
No more knick-knack, bric-a-brac
Things that could be whittled from a stick
And stuck in a sack
That crap won’t sell and it’s leaving the team stuck
You ever see an elf tryna whittle a V-Buck?
Hey team!
So, you’re wondering what I gathered you for?
Just a check in with my buddies
On the factory floor!
You know the lads on the board
Are glad to have you aboard
But we’ve all seen pretty damning reports
Whilst toys are such a sweet thing
It’s products that you make (Ba-da-da-da)
And we see you when you’re sleeping
And we know when you take breaks (Ba-da-da-da)
So, if we’re gonna ship deliverables
We’re gonna need a Christmas miracle (Ba-da, ba-ba)
We’re nearing the year-end
There’s no time for cheer, friends
Just make goods for goodness sakes (Get to work!)
You know, on average, three elves die
When manufacturing a PS5
You want a respirator?
Eh, we'll get some later
Could you not just breathe less, guys?
Yes, boss!
We’ve gotta right the ship and chart a course
I’m pretty sure the guy we kicked was hard to port
It’s time to realign the vision – pass the torches
Who are we to fight with Christmas market forces?
So, if you should find your shift should lag or pause
It’s possible that time could stick to pass the audits
We’ve got every child’s wish to grant come morning
Well, except the kind of kids who can’t afford it
[Interlude, spoken]
Each and every one of these elves
Is filled to the pointy-eared brim with microplastics
And thanks to their relative size
To an elf they’re actually much larger plastics
[Chorus]
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
Well, boo-hoo if you’re seeking to blame us
It’s thanks to you, we’re competing with Bezos
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
[Bridge]
We’ve sent whimsy down your chimneys
For the last two thousand years
And forgive me being Grinchy
But we’ve had it up to here (We've had it up to here)
Took our vision by committee
And you got commercial-eyes (Ohh)
Turned the mystique into mincemeat
Whilst you fought over the pie (Fought over the pie)
You parsed our thing through marketing
Commodified the cheer (Commodified the cheer)
You’ll hardly see us arguing
You’ve got the right idea (You've got the right idea)
But you’ve dined free on our IP
So make it understood (Ooh-ah)
That licensees, though fine to eat
Don’t bake the fudging pud
All those fantasies your families
Have told are trashed
You want magic? Well, that’s tragic
'Cause we sold our stash
It won’t matter that our strategies are
Bold, harsh, brash
When we wake up to a great big lump of
Coal-d hard cash!
[Chorus]
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
You guys chose to monetise it
So why can’t those who devised it?
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
Who knew fun was actually fungible?
Now my toys are tax-deductible
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
In this age where joy and cheer bring
Room for flagrant profiteering
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
It’s the north pole corporate takeover
[Outro]
Hi, is that the office of Mr E. Bunny?
Blake Midwinter here, Clause Inc
I was hoping he could hop on a call?
(It’s the north pole corporate takeover)
Patrick! How’s the Saint business?
Hold that thought, I’ve got one word for you – merger (Ooh)
Let’s meet for drinks (Yeah)
(It’s the north pole corporate takeover)
Cupid, baby! Let me shoot my shot here
I’m interested in a partnership
Hi, Pancake Day HQ?
I’ve got an offer for you, and you are going to flip