You said:"Is it out of respect as you say or is it to reflect a love of the past lost."
We were friends for a while and then we were lovers for a while. If I just wanted to reflect on a lost love, I would not have to go to the grave to do that. I could just close my eyes and reflect. Visiting the grave is out of respect for someone I once knew, nothing more.
You said: "She died 13 years ago but you only found out 4 years ago. So why now do you want to visit her grave?"
It is true I found out she was dead 4 years ago. I have wanted to visit the grave since then but I felt I had time to do it later. However, as I age I realize that a health issue could arise suddenly and I may not be able to go to some of the places I want to visit later. As most people do, I have regrets in my life and the question I posted in this forum was intended to help me decide if I would regret going to the grave or later regret not going.
You said: "Long shot but maybe forgiveness is needed."
Forgiveness for what?
Hi.
To be honest you said you wanted to visit the grave and did not give reasons why you wanted to.
That's why I asked the questions I did.
Notice I did not say "You are doing it because off ??????"
You said that your wife is not in favour of it, Am I wrong to visit?
So I was trying to find out why you wanted to visit given that your was not in favour.
I may have missed it but you haven't said why your wife is not in favour.
That is why I asked further questions.
So I was trying to help by asking the questions I did
I didn't say it was right or wrong, I said if it were me then I would not do it.
I would have discussed it with my wife, explained why and if she still wasnt happy then I would not do it.
When I talked about forgiveness my line of thoughts were along the lines off.
She died 13 years ago, you found out 4 years ago.
So given that there was 9 years interim, someone eventually let you know.
Were you upset and and still upset with people you knew who knew her didn't tell you sooner and also do you feel bad about not being at the funeral 13 years ago and maybe need to forgive yourself?
I should have asked those questions. Sorry I wasn't clear.
You have said
I posted in this forum was intended to help me decide if I would regret going to the grave or later regret not going.
You didn't ask that question in the OP, and I can't see you asking or saying that beyond the OP.
You asked "Am I wrong to want to visit?
So given the question above you are asking for a response which will solicit responses
I eventually came to realize there were far to many people whose only apparent purpose was to agitate and raise a tangled web of "possibilities" and "other ways to look at things" rather than stay close to the facts presented and actually address them. Belittling and mocking achieves nothing.
I'm really sorry but I do not feel you presented all the facts and the reasons and why.
Once again that is why I asked my questions.
There was no intent to agitate, raise a tangled web, but I couldn't see the facts behind the reasons for the cause.
With regards to regret about going or later regret not going.
Why would you regret going?
Why would you regret not going?
So if you were to answer those then maybe people would be able to respond with a Yes or No and the reasons why.
I meant no offense in my original response and not in this one either.
I was just trying to behind the original question posed and also the fact that your wife was not in favour.
That's all.
God bless.
Bill
