Hmm. I'm going to be a bit long and raw and honest here.
I was with my ex-husband before we got married; we lived together for about 6 months before we got married. He was my first (only) partner. He had partners before me. We got married and I stuck to my vows. I was raised Catholic, and didn't take giving him my virginity lightly. Over the course of our marriage, he had many, many affairs. And the marriage got abusive emotionally, sexually, and financially. Thankfully, he didn't hit me. But I convinced myself that not getting hit meant I wasn't being abused.
Anyway... I ended up developing some pretty serious female issues after having our children. Over time, they kept worsening. I scheduled a major repair surgery with the best doctor in my state.
One night, as I was being assaulted once again (sadly, it had become a regular occurrence) I stopped trying to fight him off and be quiet so I wouldn't wake up the children. I swear I heard God whisper to me and say that this was NOT the life that was meant for me. I realized how messed up it was to allow the assault to happen so I could protect my children's sleep (innocence?)
I soon obtained a protective order, had him removed from the house and began our divorce proceedings.
Meanwhile, I had my surgery scheduled on the books at that point, and it was coming up in a month! I decided to keep my appointment. It was with the best doctor and I had to wait for many many months to even get an appointment with him.
My point is... after my extensive female repairs (hysterectomy, perineum repair, repair of my vaginal wall which was herniated) I feel as though I've been given the gift of a second virginity, if you will. Its been a year and a half since then.
I have people in my life who have offered to set me up with people on dates. Friends who have casual encounters and are having "great fun!" People who are telling me that it is time to start considering dating.
But the one person who's opinion and friendship I respect the most is my Christian male friend. We have communicated for most of the past year and a half... sometimes every day, sometimes a few weeks between messages... but only by text or email. He guided me on my path back to the Lord, and has been the most understanding man I've ever known.
I offered to meet and buy dinner one night because I was hurting and needed a friend to talk to and I wanted to talk with a real person. He told me that his duty was to be righteous and be a friend to me, and meeting might not be the best idea... And he's been exactly that, the best friend I could ask for. And we texted for hours that evening.
You see, I think that he knew that I was in a fragile state at that time. And he's been helping me grow in my Faith and as a new person. I think he was worried that I wasn't ready for a relationship, and he wasn't really ready either.
We once briefly talked about how we felt recently. It seems that we both have some level of romantic interest in each other, but we know that if it is meant to be God will put us together at His timing. He lives several hours drive from me, which helps us maintain our chastity and we enjoy each other's thoughts and conversation from afar.
Anyway, my long-winded answer is... There are some truths I now know from my experiences-
1) there are good men in this world who are believers and who are righteous and respectful
2) that at my age (40-something) and life experience (divorced mother to a few children) it is unrealistic to expect to find another 40-something-ish male virgin
3) that I do not *want* a sex-based relationship. I have always wanted an emotionally intimate and respectful relationship with my mate, and never had that with my ex. I have to keep telling my "well meaning friends" that I am fine testing out how to be a single happy person right now.
4) that I plan to wait until I find the person that I truly want to spend my life with to give this new "virginity" to, and right now, I see that as being AFTER marriage and not a moment before.
We always look back behind us and evaluate our lives. We examine what we'd change or what we regret... I wouldn't change a thing! This is the path God put me on, and I can see how each event led me to right where I am today.
I will say, that I wish I was "stronger" as a young woman. Stronger in the sense that I had the ability to tell these things to my ex and that I would have waited. I guess I should have run when I lost my virginity to him, anyway. I denied it for a long time, but that was actually a rape, and it breaks my heart to think on.
Oh dear... I had to scroll back up to see the point of your post, lol. I think YES you can wait for the right person and the right relationship. And just because you aren't a virgin at this moment doesn't mean you have God's permission to go sleeping with anyone you'd like. You can still hold yourself accountable and keep yourself under control until you meet the person God meant for you to be with. That person may or not be a virgin. Hopefully, whatever their "status" they are looking for a meaningful, respectful and faithful relationship, too.
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