Not sure what to do.

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Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
3,758
4,120
113
63
#21
You are welcome. I'm 72 so I've had many opportunities to practice what I preach!
@Gideon300
I like what you said there :)...The word practice makes all the difference...I have failed so many times in my walk with our Lord...Yes through all the trials I have gone through with my children/grandchildren , I am learning each time...No one gets it right straight away , and that word practice is so important for us...We will be forever learning and practicing until the good Lord calls us home...
 

Beckie

Well-known member
Feb 15, 2022
2,516
939
113
#23
We are called to forgive we are not called to enable sinful behavour.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,709
1,237
113
#24
Good morning to all,
I need some advice on how to move forward with my daughter. She's been caught lying again and I don't know what to do.
She has been on "holiday" for most of May but in fact she quit her job. My wife and I have asked her a few times did she still have a job and she said yes. I sent a Whatsapp message on our family group two days ago asking what shift she would be working so I could try to drop her off if it wasn't too late. She replied she would catch the bus and started in June.

I had a feeling she had left her job, but all was confirmed Monday evening. My wife confirmed she no longer had a job etc.
She's put my son and his girlfriend in an impossible situation for the past month and my wife the past couple of days since she found out. This isn't the first time she has done this. Lying does come too easy to her, I did think she had grown up a bit and sorted herself out, but I am wrong.

Her brother, his girlfriend and my wife have moved on, but I can't. She's not sorry and she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. I've told my wife I can't forgive her and can't move forward, and I know this is going to cause issues with her and my wife. But she has taken away my trust and it doesnt look like she realises what she's done. I want to make it clear her leaving her job isnt the issue but it's the lies and the situation she put us all in I can't get past. My wife wants to make amends and I can't do it.

I've had a look in the Bible about lying and I didn't know it's treated more serious than I thought.
If anyone can give me advice on how to move forward, Now I can't see a happy conclusion.
when she started lying which may have been when she was little, she saw that she could get away with it. so that begins the "condition responsibly se" to keep on lying. it also strengthens her support & story of her lies & excuses to lie. so now you have it, a full b down liar. she grows to an adult & the lies get even more supportive & stronger. now consider the people she's lying to. some of them are "letting her lie" because they put up with it instead of correcting her. as she ages, the condition response will only get stronger 7 don't forget, the devil is supporting her too. parents decades ago used to reprimand immediately. i never had kids but i correct people immediately & no, they don't like it. & i say to myself "TOO BAD"! look at all the time 1 can save by "calling out" people immediately on their sin, lies, gossip, cheating, backstabbing, 2-facedness, etc!!! she needs a loving chastisement in her life. consult your pastor, get a plan, rehearse it 1st & then execute it!!!
 

qzxcvbn

New member
Jun 1, 2023
11
7
3
#25
Good Afternoon, I just want to say a bit thank you to all your advice that has been given and an update on this post.

My Wife has had a long chat with my daughter and the end result is she cant continue what she's doing. My wife also said that if this happens again then my daughter will have to leave and fend for herself. She also been asked to apologies to her brother, his girl friend and myself. I all I can is she hasn't said sorry to me.

So now the patten will repeat, she's given up a full time secure job for a zero hours contract job. Like before she's putting in 100% of her effort making the new job work. At least my wife isn't been asked to get up at silly o'clock to take her to work. She making her own way there. But I can see she's isn't as committed to her role than she was in the past, when she first started her pervious roles. I hope and pray that this time will be different. Myself I have managed to forgive her but have not forgotten what's happened.

I suffer from bad anxiety attacks and this past month has not been easy for me at all. I'm still struggling to cope day to day but my wife has been my rock.

Any how thank you for taking the time to answer and give advice. God bless you all.
 

justahumanbeing

Well-known member
Mar 25, 2020
477
269
63
#26
Good morning to all,
I need some advice on how to move forward with my daughter. She's been caught lying again and I don't know what to do.
She has been on "holiday" for most of May but in fact she quit her job. My wife and I have asked her a few times did she still have a job and she said yes. I sent a Whatsapp message on our family group two days ago asking what shift she would be working so I could try to drop her off if it wasn't too late. She replied she would catch the bus and started in June.

I had a feeling she had left her job, but all was confirmed Monday evening. My wife confirmed she no longer had a job etc.
She's put my son and his girlfriend in an impossible situation for the past month and my wife the past couple of days since she found out. This isn't the first time she has done this. Lying does come too easy to her, I did think she had grown up a bit and sorted herself out, but I am wrong.

Her brother, his girlfriend and my wife have moved on, but I can't. She's not sorry and she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. I've told my wife I can't forgive her and can't move forward, and I know this is going to cause issues with her and my wife. But she has taken away my trust and it doesnt look like she realises what she's done. I want to make it clear her leaving her job isnt the issue but it's the lies and the situation she put us all in I can't get past. My wife wants to make amends and I can't do it.

I've had a look in the Bible about lying and I didn't know it's treated more serious than I thought.
If anyone can give me advice on how to move forward, Now I can't see a happy conclusion.
You cannot find everything in the Bible. God gave us His Word (Scripture) as a way to find Him through this life and the life after this life when we go to heaven.

When Peter asked Jesus how many times He should forgive someone who has wronged him, like seven times? Didn't Jesus reply "Not Seven, but seventy times seven."?

We're called to forgive endlessly. She is your daughter. So she is a liar. So what. You have the authority to punish her as her father and as she is yet unmarried, for her mistakes. Like how you are doing now. Not talking to her.

But as her parent, it must be for a purpose. if you keeping mum is for her to realise her mistakes, then it's okay. But that doesn't mean that you should not care for her and turn your heart to stone. That will hurt not just her, but you too and not good in the long run.

I pray that God gives you and your daughter the peace both of you need. And you can put all that in the past and build a constructive relationship. Some good out of it all. Life is too short to be stubborn. Love while you still have the chance. God bless you and family.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#27
you must forgive as holding grudges is not good for your mental health, and it makes your daughter feel shes unable to put things right as well.

Give her the opportunity, because workplaces can be hard on women, especially when they take then for granted and dump all sorts of things on workers and dont train them.

Although theres still stigmas today about being an old maid, its better to be an old maid serving your parents than in an unhappy marriage. Im not sure all of your situation but fathers communicate they dont love their daughters when they give them away or sell them out in marriage just to get rid of what they see as burden. No she is a blessing.

Ask God to give you a revelation into your daughters heart. Why cant she be honest with you?
 

Tararose

Well-known member
Sep 30, 2020
753
565
93
Uk
www.101christiansocialnetwork.com
#28
Hi,
its a horrible situation to be in, i really feel for you.

I believe 2 things are important to remember in this situation.

1. As a parent you are to bring your children up in the way they should go. Modern society says your kids should be free tondo what they want as soon as they are legally an adult.

You wont find that anywhere in scripture however. Look at 1 sam 2, at Eli and his 2 grown sons.
Eli by doing nothing enabled them to live in sin and to end up being rejected by God. God held him to account despite the fact he had told rebuked them and that they were grown men. Verbally he had said it was wrong but practically he just let them live as if it was okay, despite there being no repentance.

biblical teaching for parents is to hold their children accountable, and not to overlook sin.

2. Jesus forgives, and instructed us to forgive, WHEN there is repentance. We are to forgive AS He forgives us. Its Conditional. Father God forgives His children IF they repent.

What messages do we give our children, when they lie to us and use us, if we forgive them without requiring true repentance? No matter what we say audibly, our actions teach them.

We say Father God is there to be used for our purposes, obedience is not important, habitual sin is not a problem, repentance is not important, honouring your parents is not important, it is beneficial to consider yourself more important than others, and that it is profitable to sin, as there are no long term repercussions.

My advice would be to tell your wife it is vital you are both in agreement with Gods word and each other. Encourage her to do a study with you, on grown children's responsibilities to parents in scripture and vice versa, and on Gods atritude to those who refuse to act on a rebuke, and just carry on living in sin.

As head of the house, you are responsible for leading the family in the things of God, and your wife and son etc should respect that.

If your wife hasn’t been taught the biblical way to deal with an adult child and maybe feels she is obeying God and you arent, she is doing what a good Christian does in obeying what she thinks Jesus told Us to do. Its up to you to gently educate her using the word of God.

Last thought, not assuming this scenario is happening, but it seems from some of your posts that your son and his gf might be living together in your house. If that is the case. I havent read every comment so forgive me if you clarified that as not being the case, but if it is, then it would be very difficult to tell anyone they are wrong to overlook your daughters sin and for treating her likes it isnt a big deal.

Even if she has to move out for a while, I really hope that tour daughter actually repents and deals with her sin, and that your relationship is repaired. Bless you.
 

Mem

Senior Member
Sep 23, 2014
7,230
2,208
113
#29
Scripture says that fear keeps us in bondage to sin, so it is highly likely that an underlying fear compels your daughter to lie. And it is probably no coincidence that my thoughts trailed toward the fear of rejection while I was wondered why people do the things that they do during my drive home earlier. Another verse says something like, "what you fear will come upon you..." and this might well be an exact case in point here. She lies for fear of your rejection and indeed it is become a reality that she will be evicted from what she knows as her home.

However, you have come here in attempt to refocus, or redirect, what you sense is "off the path" that your relationship with her should be going, and that is good thing because it shows that you do want good things to come of it so, there's hope, and always will be as long as you trust that God will lead you. After all, God is a rewarder of those that believe He exists and who earnestly seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
26,074
13,778
113
#30
My daughter is 26 and she does live with use, so does her brother. We are not supporting her financially at the moment But when she quit her job last time we did support her for nine months. She as said she's got a job which is ment to make it alright.
Since you daughter is an adult and capable of holding a job, the simple solution would be to ask her to find her own accommodations and move out. Give her a deadline. You do not need to discuss her lying since she will realize that she brought this on herself. After that whatever she does will not impact on you. Hopefully your wife will see the wisdom of this, since her presence and interaction with you has become a serious problem,