Married Single Parent, When You Can't Help

[Lanolin]

Dont know if you mentioned what meds he is taking or what kind of mental illness he is afflicted with.
But all you need to say if he is acting bizarrely is that he is off his meds and a danger to everyone else including his immediate family. Suicide threats need to be taken seriously. That the only way people learn the consequences of their actions.

Dont think locking him away is unfair its absolutely the right thing to do plus then he will be able to get help from those trained to deal with those who are unstable. Even if he cant get his meds right there and then the time way will mean your sister can pray for him, and he will be able to confront his demons in a secure environemnt.

Treat him like a health and safety hazard. Isolate, minimize, eliminate. (By eliminate, meaning cast out those demons) and make sure they dont come back. If hes a christian and believes then yes he has the chance for deliverance. The lock up might be a few weeks or for a few months, not forever.

 

[Lanolin]

The other thing is just offer your sister a paid vacation as respite, and spend that time with her and PRAY. If you can do that for a few days or ideally 2 weeks where she gets away from the home.

You may not even need to talk about the issue, if God is handling it already, then the thing is to get your sister away from him to see what life away from him can mean. If the boys are at a summer camp, maybe she could go to a retreat or a cruise or something. Yes it will require finances, but that is one alternstive.


I have often thought those that dealing with any kind of mental illness need time away, for themselves and for others sake. It is stressful to look after someone or be around anyone is who is afflicted. Plus your borther in law has his family who seem to support him so its not like she is leaving him all on his own.

 

[kaylagrl]

Sorry Kayla to read about all this drama. Is this the same sister you mentioned was a stepmother in another thread?

My first thought was why isnt her husband locked up. Rather than have your sister run away, why isnt her husband in an asylum. If hes threatened suicide he ought to be in a mental hospital or rehab or some such place as safety for everyone else. Is there a mental health team you can call. Otherise report him to the police.

Dont take no for answer and have him arrested or sectioned. Rather have him put in jail and locked up then your sister have to run away and be under constant fear he will come after her or abuse the children.

Yes, this is the same sister I mentioned in your thread. My BIL has meds that he is suppose to be on. A family member that is in the medical field is suppose to be helping him with his meds. But how can a family member be objective? IDK. He says he feels numb when he is on pills. He started vit. E a while ago and said he "felt better". But the fact is his whole family is on meds for mental issues and have anger issues. I just worry for the safety of the kids and my sister. I know it's not safe to just go off these meds. I don't hate my BIL, I just want him to get help and stop abusing his family.

Honestly I feel it's up to my parents to confront my BIL and tell him if this doesn't stop the police will be brought in. But my parents don't seem to see the danger I'm seeing. I've talked with them and tried to get them to understand. Every few months my sister calls me in such a state, I just don't know what to do. My sister fears the family will take her boys. I just don't know what the answer is.

 

[kaylagrl]

Dont know if you mentioned what meds he is taking or what kind of mental illness he is afflicted with.
But all you need to say if he is acting bizarrely is that he is off his meds and a danger to everyone else including his immediate family. Suicide threats need to be taken seriously. That the only way people learn the consequences of their actions.

Dont think locking him away is unfair its absolutely the right thing to do plus then he will be able to get help from those trained to deal with those who are unstable. Even he cant get his meds right there and then the time way will mean your sister can pray for him, and he will be able to confront his demons in a secure environemnt.

Treat him like a health and safety hazard. Isolate, minimize, eliminate. (By eliminate, meaning cast out those demons) and make sure they dont come back. If hes a christian and believes then yes he has the chance for deliverance. The lock up might be a few weeks or for a few months, not forever.

Sorry, I didn't see these posts. I don't know what meds he was taking. He's not on anything now. He wasn't really given a diagnosis. The doctor simply said he has no self control and was spoiled as a child. Not sure that counts as a "diagnosis". I just know normal people don't beat holes in walls for no reason.

I agree with you. I think he needs to go on paid leave and go to an inpatient program until he can get help and control for this. Then maybe he can come back to his family and live in peace. This has been going on for 17yrs. their entire marriage. I don't know how my sister has survived it emotionally. He's said vile things to her,just vile.

It's amazing you say that. I told my sister I felt this was a demonic spirit. I don't say that lightly. But the things he says, just makes me think this is a spiritual thing too. And that is how I prayed. He is very bitter against God and against my sister. I'm just praying something will break.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Kayla, I don't mean to sound rude, but you can't wait for your parents to see what's going on here. They aren't gonna confront him. They figure it's her problem and she needs to deal with it. They are blind and purposefully ignorant of how much danger she is in..The reality is, one of these days HE WILL KILL HER. Or a member of his family will kill her, and cover it up...

What are you gonna do when your phone rings, and it's your nephew and he says, "Aunt Kayla, Dad killed my mom"? Or "Mom has vanished"?

PLEASE go get her out of there, and get custody of the kids. And for everyone's sake, get ALL the weapons out of that house!! Because if he or his family kills her, you will NEVER find her. And you'll kick yourself in the ash because you didn't help her.

She won't leave him. She is too brain washed by him, and definitely too scared. And she's definitely not capable of keeping her kids safe.

 

[SoulWeaver]

Violence, threatening suicide, it seems to me like he's filled with demons to the brim and a welcoming ground. As husband he needs to be the spiritual leader to his family and be the example of Christ! If it was some mental illness and he was born again he'd be willing to get help by now... I pray she realizes that submitting to such a man is not what God planned, and that she needs to separate herself and her children from this godless individual. I am so sorry that you have to watch it, and feel powerless. We join your prayers that God will lead her out, or transform him urgently, because he doesn't seem to be born again. No real remorse.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Control, that is what it boils down to. He's a control freak, and can't stand to not be in control of his wife and kids. Not to mention he and his family are dangerous and there are multiple weapons in that house..

Kayla, you CANNOT wait for your parents to do something! Nor can you wait for your sister to wise up. YOU and the police need to do something NOW..

 

[SoulWeaver]

Is there any legal window that Kayla can use to get her and the kids away from him?

 

[SoulWeaver]

P. S. Unfortunately seeing what's going on in my home country the situation is such that what @blue_ladybug said is justified and not unfounded. I don't want Kayla to stress more than she already is but I have to agree, she is in realistic danger, together with their children. All the time you see in newspapers violent controlling husband's kill their ex wives and sometimes children, at times this happened even in the social worker institution, in front of the eyes of social workers, since they allow them to see their kids, then they take revenge on the mom... This is the spirit in him. It is very important, restraining order MUST be filed as soon as they separate, he will become more dangerous and violent because she's slipping from his hands - you have likely seen nothing yet. I've seen such men in person and they are dangerous without exception. It must be their way or the highway. They come to the door and threaten, want just to "talk" to the victim or demand the "*hore" delivered to them. One of them made his wife almost blind in one eye. He broke her skull... They are still together... I know her mother, who told me how she wiped her daughter's blood off the doors and walls. He's also controlling and overly jealous. Stop him asap.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Is there any legal window that Kayla can use to get her and the kids away from him?

She could have her sister declared mentally incompetent and incapable of taking care of her kids safely right now. No one is doing anything about this--she's waiting for her parents to say something, and they're waiting for the sister to do something. And in the meantime, time could be running out for the sister and her kids..

 

[Angela53510]

Yes, this is the same sister I mentioned in your thread. My BIL has meds that he is suppose to be on. A family member that is in the medical field is suppose to be helping him with his meds. But how can a family member be objective? IDK. He says he feels numb when he is on pills. He started vit. E a while ago and said he "felt better". But the fact is his whole family is on meds for mental issues and have anger issues. I just worry for the safety of the kids and my sister. I know it's not safe to just go off these meds. I don't hate my BIL, I just want him to get help and stop abusing his family.

Honestly I feel it's up to my parents to confront my BIL and tell him if this doesn't stop the police will be brought in. But my parents don't seem to see the danger I'm seeing. I've talked with them and tried to get them to understand. Every few months my sister calls me in such a state, I just don't know what to do. My sister fears the family will take her boys. I just don't know what the answer is.

This BIL has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This reaction is classic, your sister is codependent and she will need a lot of counselling and help to get out of this nightmare. The BIL will NOT change! Never! And why should he, when he can do whatever he feels like doing? Vitamins can't help him, and truthfully, no psych med will help him. He is empty inside. That's who he is.

Read some material on NPD and relationships with them. They don't care about anybody. But they will be nice to drawn their spouse back into the relationship.

Give this to your sister. I have a link to a FB group for people recovering from abusive NPD relationships. She can go there and read real story after real story and hopefully she will realize that God did NOT tell her to stay with him. That was her codependency speaking, that he will never change, and she leaves to need.

Stop waiting for your parents to step in . Old people don't know anything about the dynamics of an abusive relationship. But you do. Keep giving your sister the facts. What he is, that he will never change. I don't know if God saves these empty souls. But God can save him, if He wants, if he is divorced, and your sister and her children will be safe in the meantime.

Let me know if you want that link. Don't encourage her to stay. Confront her "God told me to stay!" He does not want his children to be abused. He would never do that, never tell her to stay.

 

[kaylagrl]

This BIL has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This reaction is classic, your sister is codependent and she will need a lot of counselling and help to get out of this nightmare. The BIL will NOT change! Never! And why should he, when he can do whatever he feels like doing? Vitamins can't help him, and truthfully, no psych med will help him. He is empty inside. That's who he is.

Read some material on NPD and relationships with them. They don't care about anybody. But they will be nice to drawn their spouse back into the relationship.

Give this to your sister. I have a link to a FB group for people recovering from abusive NPD relationships. She can go there and read real story after real story and hopefully she will realize that God did NOT tell her to stay with him. That was her codependency speaking, that he will never change, and she leaves to need.

Stop waiting for your parents to step in . Old people don't know anything about the dynamics of an abusive relationship. But you do. Keep giving your sister the facts. What he is, that he will never change. I don't know if God saves these empty souls. But God can save him, if He wants, if he is divorced, and your sister and her children will be safe in the meantime.

Let me know if you want that link. Don't encourage her to stay. Confront her "God told me to stay!" He does not want his children to be abused. He would never do that, never tell her to stay.

Yes, Sister Angela, please link me to that page. And thank you Lady Blue for your suggestion. xox

 

[blue_ladybug]

Yes, Sister Angela, please link me to that page. And thank you Lady Blue for your suggestion. xox

 

[inukubo]

They currently have no father leading them. A father who abuses them and their mother is worse than no father. They need to get out of this terrible situation before it is too late.

 

[Lanolin]

Kayla any update?

Depend on how old your parents are, maybe its time you be the big person in this situation. Has God led you on what to do?

If it was my sister (and she actually has gone out with someone nasty) I know that I couldnt change her mind on anything but I could suggest we go away together and get her out of whatver shes messed up in even if only for a few days. Then when shes settled have that serious talk with her.

It is more likely she will listen to you than your parents, cos parents are more likely to shame her and go I told you so. We have all had instances where we disobeyed them and came a cropper.

 

[Katwhe2]

They currently have no father leading them. A father who abuses them and their mother is worse than no father. They need to get out of this terrible situation before it is too late.

They currently have no father leading them. A father who abuses them and their mother is worse than no father. They need to get out of this terrible situation before it is too late.

I agree and the long term effects this will sadly have on them all espicially the boys. Chances are that they too could quite possibly become versions of what they lived through as children. My prayers and heart goes out to you and your family Kayla and I hope you're ok Kayla, you are awesomely brave and I pray also for Gods solution and strength to be with you all at this time. 💕💕