How is loneliness while single different from loneliness in marriage?

[Blackpowderduelist]

Well, maybe I should read this thread over.

But here's the thing...I'm not calling anyone immature or anything and probably shouldn't have even got into this, but what I am saying is there is some middle ground here.

The scripture says to bear one another's burdens. Now I don't think that means to put others down in anyway, but to help encourage them in the Lord.

Paul said that he had learned how to be content...Not that he was always on cloud 9 and not going through any hard times, but he had learned to be content with the state that he is in. Everyone goes through hard times, but we can lean on the Lord and learn to be content and thankful.

Philippians 4
11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

So yes I agree with you. Life has got it's ups and downs and we are all going to face hard times and that is for sure. However, we do need to learn to deal with it and be overcomers and not just give in to loneliness or any other negative emotions. I read where another poster had stated something similar to that as well. And I agree with them also...There is some balance here. That was pretty much all I was saying...lol

I know you haven't put anyone down, you have tried to be the peace maker. I was explaining the reason for the arguement to you. It's hard to read an entire thread like this and catch it all.
And as you so aptly quoted, we are to near one another's burdens.
I am glad you have entered the conversation, and am happy for an objective fresh assessment.
But please read carefully. Things like I quoted from shittim, where he continually refers to those who experience loneliness as being immature, or only outwardly Christian, and even statements where he makes such assertions as a right relationship with Christ keeps the real Christian from experiencing loneliness implys that anyone who gets lonely isn't in right relationship with Christ or may even not be a real Christian. And that is flat out wrong.

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

The thing is, I am a lonely person. I pray a lot, and read my Bible, and listen to Bible teachers, and generally speaking it is when I have been around a lot of people for an extended amount of time that I get lonely. I often have to get alone to not be lonely. Now this may seem contradictory, but this has been a lonesome and blessed year. When I lost my job and had to move for another job, and start over. I moved to where I only knew two other people. I stayed with my uncle for 2 months (he has an apartment attached to his house, that henley me borrow) while I found a new home for my family. Then coming here and not having a church, and covid restrictions made that even more difficult. This was a lonesome time. I spent a lot of that time in prayer and in the word, and seeking a new church, as well as seeking a new home.
This year even with having found a new home and moving my family here has still been quite a lonesome time, while also continuing to be a blessed time. No friends yet, no Christian fellowship yet, and having just started to a church. Still praying, still studying, still struggling on, still quite lonesome at times. Blessed with many joys as well.
I'm not even a person that minds being alone for extended times either, in fact I need my alone time.

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

It's not sin to be angry, sad, lonely, sorrowful or any other state of emotion. It's a matter of how you deal with it.

 

[Runningman]

Single people are supposed to feel alone because they don't have a spouse. Yeah they might have friends, family, God, etc but they don't have a spouse which is why they're single.

 

[1ofthem]

Here's my experience on the topic of this thread. I don't think that I have ever experienced loneliness in a relationship because the person is right there. I have felt several other emotions though...upset, mad, sad, downhearted and pretty much miserable... are some feelings that I have felt while being in a relationship. I had to learn to walk away from it and take it to the Lord.

Loneliness while being single... I have felt and seriously had to learn to take it to the Lord because trying to fill that loneliness on your own can cause many mistakes. I think, I read on here were someone stated that loneliness can help push people to find a relationship. That's true but as with any emotion it can also totally lead you astray. Jumping in and out of bad relationships, which only leads to the other emotions I listed...

 

[1ofthem]

It's not sin to be angry, sad, lonely, sorrowful or any other state of emotion. It's a matter of how you deal with it.

Totally agree with you. The scripture says be ye angry and sin not. So we know that it is not a sin in and of itself, but it is how we deal with it.

Also Hebrews 4
15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

 

[Tararose]

Yes, God is a very present help, and if we keep our minds upon him and walk in the Spirit...Then we can face whatever may come.

However, there are still trials in this life and no matter how close we live to the Lord we are all going to face them. Now trials can be different for everyone. Everyone won't face the same trials, but rest assured we will all face trials in this life. This doesn't mean that we have somehow failed the Lord, though.

1 Peter 4:12-16 (KJV)
12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: 13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

WHEN is also a pretty important word in v13

 

[1ofthem]

Single people are supposed to feel alone because they don't have a spouse. Yeah they might have friends, family, God, etc but they don't have a spouse which is why they're single.

I'm not sure that single people are supposed to or have to feel lonely. Some are and some aren't. Some people don't get married and don't want to get married. in Matthew 19 when Jesus was talking about marriage and divorce...Jesus disciples said if this is be so then it is good not to be married. Jesus answered and said that all men can't receive this saying except to whom it is given.

So seems like it is not for some folks to get married, and I don't think that would mean that they would have to be or supposed to feel lonely.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Here's my experience on the topic of this thread. I don't think that I have ever experienced loneliness in a relationship because the person is right there. I have felt several other emotions though...upset, mad, sad, downhearted and pretty much miserable... are some feelings that I have felt while being in a relationship. I had to learn to walk away from it and take it to the Lord.

Loneliness while being single... I have felt and seriously had to learn to take it to the Lord because trying to fill that loneliness on your own can cause many mistakes. I think, I read on here were someone stated that loneliness can help push people to find a relationship. That's true but as with any emotion it can also totally lead you astray. Jumping in and out of bad relationships, which only leads to the other emotions I listed...

Couples may not feel solitude but can still feel loneliness I believe. Like, if your spouse doesn't want to go to the movies or coffeeshop with you, or generally if spouses are not sharing their lives/interests together, the other spouse can feel lonely. In arguments, spouses can feel lonely if the other doesn't understand/empathize. Singles can feel both solitude and loneliness; the danger is that singles may believe another person can solve loneliness issues which may not be true.

 

[shittim]

Yes, God is a very present help, and if we keep our minds upon him and walk in the Spirit...Then we can face whatever may come.

However, there are still trials in this life and no matter how close we live to the Lord we are all going to face them. Now trials can be different for everyone. Everyone won't face the same trials, but rest assured we will all face trials in this life. This doesn't mean that we have somehow failed the Lord, though.

1 Peter 4:12-16 (KJV)
12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: 13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

They were looking at being thrown to the lions, being burned alive, cast into slavery, etc.
Not so much having a bad hair day.
We are very blessed, gratitude is one very positive tool for today He has blessed us with.
Am immature faith is where we all start, it isn't where He wants us to stay.
If start jumping up and down blaming we reveal we are still there.
best wishes

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

Couples may not feel solitude but can still feel loneliness I believe. Like, if your spouse doesn't want to go to the movies or coffeeshop with you, or generally if spouses are not sharing their lives/interests together, the other spouse can feel lonely. In arguments, spouses can feel lonely if the other doesn't understand/empathize. Singles can feel both solitude and loneliness; the danger is that singles may believe another person can solve loneliness issues which may not be true.

This is so true. As a youth I always wanted a girlfriend, and to get married as a young man. I thought this would end my lonely state. It did not, it only provided short respite at times, and usually left me in a worse state. It wasn't until I got serious about my relationship with God that I never able to really endure. Now my feelings don't rule me. I can be quite content with a lonely state, knowing that God is with me. Even when the feeling is very intense. Prayer don't take it away, it helps me soldier on.
I'll tell ya, when it is the worst. That is when I try to share an idea or thought and no one understands what I'm talking about. They may nod their heads in agreement or even ask questions, or share an idea themselves but you can tell that you just blew by them with hardly a notice.
When I thought myself an artist I had this theory that there is a missing element in human relationships that prevented a true connection. Like a stone wall or a chasm in the soul.
When someone was telling me a story, I wanted to feel their feelings and thing their thoughts and experience it with them, but it's not possible. The best you can do is listen and understand their words, and try to empathize with them.
Yeah I know this just got kind of weird. Im a strange guy.

 

[Encouragement]

This is so true. As a youth I always wanted a girlfriend, and to get married as a young man. I thought this would end my lonely state. It did not, it only provided short respite at times, and usually left me in a worse state. It wasn't until I got serious about my relationship with God that I never able to really endure. Now my feelings don't rule me. I can be quite content with a lonely state, knowing that God is with me. Even when the feeling is very intense. Prayer don't take it away, it helps me soldier on.
I'll tell ya, when it is the worst. That is when I try to share an idea or thought and no one understands what I'm talking about. They may nod their heads in agreement or even ask questions, or share an idea themselves but you can tell that you just blew by them with hardly a notice.
When I thought myself an artist I had this theory that there is a missing element in human relationships that prevented a true connection. Like a stone wall or a chasm in the soul.
When someone was telling me a story, I wanted to feel their feelings and thing their thoughts and experience it with them, but it's not possible. The best you can do is listen and understand their words, and try to empathize with them.
Yeah I know this just got kind of weird. Im a strange guy.

You're not a strange guy you just wanted to connect with a person in a much much deeper way..Many years ago as an new Christian I wanted to experience people in a similar way too.I was so aware of peole having inner thoughtlifes and emotional make ups that i wanted to experience theirs..
Unfortunately we can never be able to feel another's actual feelings or think their thoughts unless we became them.
Yet God has an unbelievable access to the depths of a person and searches the human mind and understands the core of our very motives.Sometimes through the spiritual gifts we can gain a much deeper discernment of what someone thinks or feels.
Funny how not having someone special in our lives means we can at times feel lonely because dont have have anyone there....yet ironically when we do have someone there at times we can feel lonely sometimes not from not having them...but from having them..
Example of this...i once dated someone who wasn't very tactile physically and it made me feel emotionally starved and coz there wasn't much physical interaction like hugs or cuddles which I love. I felt this deep inner loneliness and emptiness all the time..

 

[shittim]

Interesting, thank you for posting.
Seems to me to be the natural progression of ones faith as we become more and more conformed to the image of Jesus, and not stop at salvation and rest there.
Jesus wasn't lonely, He only did what He saw the Father do, He only said what He heard the Father say, and He modeled how each of us who claim to be His are to live. He modeled, "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness", etc.
best wishes

 

[Encouragement]

Interesting, thank you for posting.
Seems to me to be the natural progression of ones faith as we become more and more conformed to the image of Jesus, and not stop at salvation and rest there.
Jesus wasn't lonely, He only did what He saw the Father do, He only said what He heard the Father say, and He modeled how each of us who claim to be His are to live. He modeled, "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness", etc.
best wishes

Not sure who you were thanking for posting..but I appreciate you finding my last comments there informative.There are a multitude of things that are a result of the fall that the whole of humanity is subject to experience..sadness,stress,anxiety,old age,sickness ect are thing commune to mankind and Gods children are most certainly not exempt from such things...Yet God is with us in every like experience yet we can still experience a variety of humanistic reactions to life..lonliness isn't a sin but exist because of sin.I don't belive adam was lonely..but God said it wasn't good for him to be alone meaning to be by himself..being alone is more about ones status of being without physical company ect...whereas feeling loneliness is more about ones emotional and psychological reaction to being without.Being alone for Adam didn't constitute to him feeling lonely like we are susceptible to because emotional and psychological suffering/trauma didnt exist before the fall.
I am committed to follow Christ....yet I have still had moments in my life where I have experienced loneliness...this isnt due to lacking in God..but just a humanist reaction to human exsistance.
Also some people can have various levels of social anxiety,depression,shyness,low self esteem and more which can also increase feelings of loneliness and such like.
My mum n(a strong Christian woman)joined a new church many many years ago and felt lonely there for a time as it took time to get to know people and there were also certain difficult social dynamics there too as many members didn't interact much with newcomers and remained in tight cliques all the time.

 

[shittim]

When Jesus said He made all things new, I believe Him. ALL things have become new and when we are living as He directs we walk in the fruit of the Spirit according to Galatians 5 and the love, joy, peace precludes any perceived "loneliness". For me and others anyway.
I am alone most of the time yet never lonely, I am where I would prefer being with Him than with people most of the time, it is understandable to me how a person can become a monk.

 

[1ofthem]

Couples may not feel solitude but can still feel loneliness I believe. Like, if your spouse doesn't want to go to the movies or coffeeshop with you, or generally if spouses are not sharing their lives/interests together, the other spouse can feel lonely. In arguments, spouses can feel lonely if the other doesn't understand/empathize. Singles can feel both solitude and loneliness; the danger is that singles may believe another person can solve loneliness issues which may not be true.

I absolutely agree with you. This a really good thread and conversation that you have brought up. There are many aspects that can be considered in each scenario. Many people here have brought up good points and I have enjoyed reading the posts here.

Yes, couples can feel loneliness for various reasons as you have stated. Like some here have already mentioned, it could be because one partner is neglecting the other. Also, like you have stated it can be because of misunderstandings and different personality types.
So yes, if one person is feeling lonely then it could be because their partner is neglecting them in some way, but then again some people are high maintenance or needy. These type of people need constant interaction, which can be a bit much and can also drive their partner insane. So if one partner is feeling loneliness, it is not always because the other person is neglecting or being abusive in anyway. There does need to be some balance in all relationships.

I also agree that singles can feel both solitude and loneliness and yes, that can turn into a dangerous situation especially if that person is trying to fill their loneliness by depending upon someone else to resolve their loneliness. These people can become the dependent needy type.

Also like I was trying to convey in my previous post, they can jump into relationships to try to fill their loneliness, and end up in a bad relationship with someone who they are not even compatible with. IMHO...Being in a bad relationship, is much worse than being alone. Reacting solely on emotions can have devastating effects. That is why it pays to take it to the Lord, wait upon him, and seek his guidance in these issues.

 

[1ofthem]

They were looking at being thrown to the lions, being burned alive, cast into slavery, etc.
Not so much having a bad hair day.
We are very blessed, gratitude is one very positive tool for today He has blessed us with.
Am immature faith is where we all start, it isn't where He wants us to stay.
If start jumping up and down blaming we reveal we are still there.
best wishes

I can understand what you are trying to convey here, and you do have some good advice. It is best to keep our minds stayed upon the Lord at all times. However, no matter how close we are to the Lord, people are going to go through different circumstances and face different emotions. Just because someone experiences loneliness doesn't mean that they have failed or are immature. Experiencing different emotions is not a sin and just because you experience an emotion doesn't mean you are jumping up and down and blaming anyone for anything. Now if I start jumping up and down and blaming God if I am lonely or jumping up and down and cursing out others because I am angry then yeah I'm sinning and am acting totally immature.

There is a difference though...Facing different emotions is not a sin or a sign of immaturity. It is all about how we deal with the emotions. Scripture teaches us to cast our burdens on the Lord and he shall comfort and sustain us. So we know there are going to be burdens, negative emotions, and difficult times in this life but we have to learn to take them to the Lord. There is no sin or immaturity in that.

 

[1ofthem]

When Jesus said He made all things new, I believe Him. ALL things have become new and when we are living as He directs we walk in the fruit of the Spirit according to Galatians 5 and the love, joy, peace precludes any perceived "loneliness". For me and others anyway.
I am alone most of the time yet never lonely, I am where I would prefer being with Him than with people most of the time, it is understandable to me how a person can become a monk.

You have made some good points here...but it is different for everyone. That is what I was trying to address in one of my previous posts. When Jesus disciples said that it was good that a man not be married. He said only those to whom it is given can accept it.

Matthew 19
11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

You may be one that is able to receive that saying. Yet, there are others who cannot. There is no sin in it either way. Jesus himself explained it.

 

[shittim]

I just don't "experience different emotions" or whatever.
Life is one constant going from what He wants me to do, to the next what He wants me to do, there is no room for whatever this lack of His love, joy, peace, etc.
I can't be the only one who is enjoying this walk with Him, there are several here who have commented in the affirmative. The focus and fight in this thread to maintain "being lonely" is in itself an example of not keeping the mind "stayed on Him".
Hence the need to take a break and return to fellowship with Him.
best wishes

 

[shittim]

What He does for one, He will do for another, He is very fair and very desirous of us each and all reaching our best in Him and will grow us each and all as much as we will allow Him to grow us.
best wishes