Dealing with a daughter who doesn't seem to value modesty

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JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
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#21
"Modestly" as the Apostle Paul discusses is to dress appropriately, not overly dressed but not under dressed either. Meaning that if most of the other ladies are wearing sun dresses you don't wear blue jeans, shorts, bathing suits, prom dresses or a "little black dress" usually reserved for cocktail parties. You wear the same as everyone else regardless of your opinion of whether you like wearing them or not.
If every woman at the church dresses like a street walker (shiny spandex, thongs and tube tops) Then you likely need to find another church.
However, there are such things as beach churches where everyone wears some sort of bathing suit. (Including thongs and skimpy two piece with sarongs) where wearing a sun dress is completely inappropriate.

And as far as the rest of that verse Paul does mention "decently". Meaning the church attendees should wear clothes. Nudity in the early church was not the same then as it is today. The early churches often met in gymnasiums....where people exercised in the nude to prepare for Olympic games. Wrestling, weight lifting, high jumps pole vaults, archery and etc....right next to where the early churches met.
Gymnasiums were community centers where people met as well as exercised...including the Early Church. This whole notion of a completely separate building dedicated to solely worship did not happen until much later.

Today, functional nudity is still practiced. Nobody but Americans and Canadians have such a taboo about it. Public bathing is common for much of the world. But I also understand that in America hanging out in a public park completely nude is not acceptable....however common it used to be in Europe a decade ago. (Currently with the influx of Muslim immigrants it's becoming untenable)
 

Suze

Active member
Mar 14, 2025
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#22
Even when I was young and twenty pounds lighter I would not have worn a bikini or anything that exposed areas of my body which r just for my husband to c . I don't agree with this idea that if everyone is wearing it I should . I wear what I'm comfortable in , physically and spiritually , Jesus is watching me ! 😲 I couldn't care less if everyone else is walking around half baked or not , if they r I'm gone.....don't wanna c them and they ain't seeing me 😬 .
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,457
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#23
Even when I was young and twenty pounds lighter I would not have worn a bikini or anything that exposed areas of my body which r just for my husband to c . I don't agree with this idea that if everyone is wearing it I should . I wear what I'm comfortable in , physically and spiritually , Jesus is watching me ! 😲 I couldn't care less if everyone else is walking around half baked or not , if they r I'm gone.....don't wanna c them and they ain't seeing me 😬 .
This is because that's the culture you have lived in your entire life.

It's not bad or wrong...it just is what you are accustomed to.
However,
It is insufficient grounds to be judgemental towards those cultures who are comfortable with a different standard. The USA is a big nation with multiple cultures living within its borders.
 

Suze

Active member
Mar 14, 2025
266
170
43
#24
This is because that's the culture you have lived in your entire life.

It's not bad or wrong...it just is what you are accustomed to.
However,
It is insufficient grounds to be judgemental towards those cultures who are comfortable with a different standard. The USA is a big nation with multiple cultures living within its borders.
I don't judge others , if they r happy that's their business , I don't have to join in though do I ? I'm the most unjudgemental person u will ever meet . I do however judge myself . What other people do is absolutely none of my business . I come from a non religious family with all colours , creeds , customs and sexualities and I love them all , genuinely . That doesn't mean that I compromise my Christian beliefs to gain their approval . Live and let live is very definitely my moto . I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I was judging others harshly , that was not my intention .
 

ThereRoseaLamb

Well-known member
Jan 17, 2023
5,647
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#25
I'm just wondering if there's any advice there
I'm a married dad with a daughter who has just turned 14, and you know how teens tend to dress nowadays
I'm a Christian man who values modesty and doesn't think it's appropriate for girls that age to be showing cleavage or shorts that are barely covering thighs, and with events like teen discos coming up into her life I'm worried even more, some of the things worn there would barely pass as underwear

I'm not sure how to deal with this as my wife doesn't see the big deal with her dressing like her firends do and how most girls do
and seeing instagram and tiktok posts from her in everythign from low cut tank top or crop tops to even bikini pictures from the beach / pool
it's a struggle I'm doing badly with
You didn't mention whether your wife and daughter are Christians. Are they believers also?
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
3,057
1,413
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#26
I'm just wondering if there's any advice there
I'm a married dad with a daughter who has just turned 14, and you know how teens tend to dress nowadays
I'm a Christian man who values modesty and doesn't think it's appropriate for girls that age to be showing cleavage or shorts that are barely covering thighs, and with events like teen discos coming up into her life I'm worried even more, some of the things worn there would barely pass as underwear

I'm not sure how to deal with this as my wife doesn't see the big deal with her dressing like her firends do and how most girls do
and seeing instagram and tiktok posts from her in everythign from low cut tank top or crop tops to even bikini pictures from the beach / pool
it's a struggle I'm doing badly with
sorry to hear this. aught oh!! this is trouble! if i had kids, i would have done this: sit her down for a good hour & show & tell her stories of actual cases of sexual mistreatment, even if it's a bit graphic. she may start to cry but this may be what needs to be done. sometimes, it's the tears that teaches the lesson. tell her, maybe, if she gets pregnant, she's out of the house!! that's how i am, tougher than normal. sorry if this is too much for you. blessings to you. i hope all is resolved soon.
 
Apr 23, 2025
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#28
sorry to hear this. aught oh!! this is trouble! if i had kids, i would have done this: sit her down for a good hour & show & tell her stories of actual cases of sexual mistreatment, even if it's a bit graphic. she may start to cry but this may be what needs to be done. sometimes, it's the tears that teaches the lesson. tell her, maybe, if she gets pregnant, she's out of the house!! that's how i am, tougher than normal. sorry if this is too much for you. blessings to you. i hope all is resolved soon.
Trouble is a good word for it
In the last few weeks I've become more aware too of how people are, just more aware and bothered even when I'm out with her and she is covered, or wearing shorts or anything w bit tight ok way more aware of peoples eyes glancing "subtly"
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,457
2,662
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#30
No kidding right?

When I was doing my initial anthropology studies of norms of behavior I about swallowed my gum.

And it wasn't really outside the box for someone there exercising and Training to become intrigued by the Churches discussion and come sit and listen and ask questions....Paul was just saying that it's fine for them to join but please put some clothes on first....or if they were going to train right after services. (As everyone involved in the service would be clothed)

Some things have changed over the centuries....some have not. People are still "people-ing".

Not EVERY city was necessarily hostile to the early church either....some were simply indifferent.