A pastor received a letter from a congregant. When he removed the letter from the envelope, it had one word written on it-"Fool"! "Well", said the pastor, "the sender signed the letter, but didn't write anything else!"
The week before the clocks changed from daylight saving time, a pastor announced “For those who habitually show up 15 minutes late to church, allow me to remind you that tonight is the night you set your clock back 45 minutes.”
“What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor. “I need you to pray for my hearing,” said Bubba. The pastor put his hands on Bubba’s ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, “So how’s your hearing?” “I don’t know,” said Bubba. “It isn’t until next Tuesday.”
A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of a road holding up
a sign that reads “The end is near! Turn around now before it’s too late!” A passing driver yells, “You guys are nuts!” and speeds past them. From around the curve, they hear screeching tires—then a big splash. The priest turns to the pastor and says, “Do you think we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining his light around looking for valuables. Some nice things catch his eye, and as he reaches for them, he hears, "Jesus is watching you." Startled, the burglar looks for the speaker. Seeing no one, he keeps putting things in his bag, again, he hears, "Jesus is watching you." This time, he sees a parrot. "Who are you?" the burglar asks. "Moses," the bird replied. "Who the heck would name a bird Moses?" the man laughed. "I dunno," Moses answered, "I guess the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
Spotted on a church marquee: "Love your enemies; After all, You made them."