ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread
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D
Well, they've already scheduled him for chemo. How long is chemo? And how much time between finding out if it worked? My BIL had inoperable brain cancer, got chemo, wanted to go with his family down to Disney again, (1500 miles away too), so did.
This is what I've been trying to say to you. People with cancer don't want life to stop while they're getting treated. It is that very life they seek that gets them through treatment. Your dad's plans haven't changed. He still wants to see both of his "little girls" get married, see you both have kids, and wants to be there when his grandkids get married and have their kids. None of this has changed his wants. What he is worried about now is the time left. And he worries you all won't live your lives because he's sick.
So, do the math. AND, give it about a month before making any decisions, because chemo affects each person differently. Hubby knows people who never missed a day of work during chemo. And he knows people who bought a doggy bed to put in front of the toilet because throwing up was so continual, they just lived and slept next to it. MOST are somewhere in between, but at one month, you'll know about where your dad will fit in the group.
They really do use drugs to stop the negative side effects better while on chemo now. That's why my BIL could go down to Disney World. And, just to give you a heads up, the side effects of his drugs that stopped him from feeling sick, also caused water retention, so he gained weight. (This was also 20 years ago, so I have no idea how much further along they've gone in treating cancer patients.) BUT, Disney World for a full week with his family was what he wanted, and got!
This is what I've been trying to say to you. People with cancer don't want life to stop while they're getting treated. It is that very life they seek that gets them through treatment. Your dad's plans haven't changed. He still wants to see both of his "little girls" get married, see you both have kids, and wants to be there when his grandkids get married and have their kids. None of this has changed his wants. What he is worried about now is the time left. And he worries you all won't live your lives because he's sick.
So, do the math. AND, give it about a month before making any decisions, because chemo affects each person differently. Hubby knows people who never missed a day of work during chemo. And he knows people who bought a doggy bed to put in front of the toilet because throwing up was so continual, they just lived and slept next to it. MOST are somewhere in between, but at one month, you'll know about where your dad will fit in the group.
They really do use drugs to stop the negative side effects better while on chemo now. That's why my BIL could go down to Disney World. And, just to give you a heads up, the side effects of his drugs that stopped him from feeling sick, also caused water retention, so he gained weight. (This was also 20 years ago, so I have no idea how much further along they've gone in treating cancer patients.) BUT, Disney World for a full week with his family was what he wanted, and got!
Isaiah 43:
1 But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!
2"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.
God is with you all the way.
1 But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!
2"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.
God is with you all the way.
Lots of good things have been today. We have had no adverse effects from the chemo other than some tummy troubles and a lot of naps. My sister and mother are working on financial and alternative wedding plans, and it's been a nice relaxing day. My job today is just be dad's sitting buddy while I play my games.
P
Hi sweetie potter here, got you and the whole family in prayer. I'm a resent cancer survivor. Had the chemo and radiation treatments . Stage 3 almost 4 colon.
I prayed for a healing and the lord answered . Had to go through the treatments, 2surgeries, through it all the lord was with me. I ment the most wonderful people and had a chance to share Christ with many.
Now listen to me when I tell you just because your dad started treatment doesn't mean the lord won't heal him.
In fact I believe if this is the path he has sent you down then continue to be faithful and share your faith with as many that will listen.
Now I'm sure that they told you the effects of the chemo, your dad's going to be real tired. It's not a sleepy tired but More like fatigue. Let him sleep as often as he wants. Probably going to get chemo head. That's when his thought process gets slow and he has a bewildering look on his face. It's comical so don't laugh. Glad he has a port makes things easier. You probably already know this but thought I'd share.
Best thing you and family can do besides pray is treat him like you always have, not as a sick person, it helps with the fear he's having. Please try to act normal. It was hard for my wife ans kids to do this but I know when cancer is mentioned everyone thinks the worst...and special treatment and doting over brought me down where I said well I guess I'm as bad as they say and won't get through this.
Love and prayers to you and yours.......pm me if you want to chat.
So far things are doing ok, he's getting ensures every two hours, and is scheduled for medications on paper as well as for his water. I messed up and missed his schedule by like an hour. This can be really bad because his nausea could kick up.
I have to keep track on these things. I'll have to keep my phone on me at all times for timers I think.
I have to keep track on these things. I'll have to keep my phone on me at all times for timers I think.
ARTIE,
please get him OFF of 'ensure', and walk into a 'reputable' HEALTH-FOOD-STORE' and
ask for the 'advice' and their council from the ones that they have 'hopefully' hired
for their Godly Knowledge and natural remedies for Godly Healing...'this will be RARE'...
as hard as it is to believe, there truly are 'some' people who Truly LOVE their fellow-man,
and will do whatever they have to do in order to 'treat them as Jesus would'...
please get him OFF of 'ensure', and walk into a 'reputable' HEALTH-FOOD-STORE' and
ask for the 'advice' and their council from the ones that they have 'hopefully' hired
for their Godly Knowledge and natural remedies for Godly Healing...'this will be RARE'...
as hard as it is to believe, there truly are 'some' people who Truly LOVE their fellow-man,
and will do whatever they have to do in order to 'treat them as Jesus would'...
So my sister got sick, mom got sick, and I'm feelingbr sick now in my stomach. My mom is the main caregiver and if she can't then it's me. We're at one of dad's apps and I decided to sit back while they did it, and I could see my father was visavly annoyed at this. I cannot be sick. I don't want to be sick. I can't if I'm gonna take care of him and Mom. There is no right here and it's really making me sad.
I should preface this too; we're at a place full of other patients of cancer that could also be immune compromised, and I don't want to cause anyone else to have issues with what I have which I won't detail. I said to Mom I was sorry I wasn't there and she just raised her eyebrows and walked away. No "it's ok baby" or "we understand." Ugh I am just too used to being coddled I guess
D
Time to call the hospital for a healthy caregiver. You really, really do NOT want him sick with a stomach flu too.
If they can't send a caregiver TODAY, do you have any friends or neighbors that can help? Growing up, one of our neighbors was a retired nurse. Brilliant!
And, if all else fails, wash your hands before and after getting near him. If possible get one (or a bunch) of those annoying yellow, plastic gowns. (Annoying because they're hot!) sAnd some disposable rubber gloves. Never get near him without that, and, even if you just go to grab the phone when you're wearing one, change, before getting near him again. (Other reason they're annoying. Every time I put one on, suddenly I needed something from my pocketbook, or had to go to the bathroom, or had to track down a nurse. Almost like they're allergic to being worn. lol)
And cover your mouth too. A clean scarf or handkerchief will do.
If your mother and sister are feeling better in 12-24 hours, it's probably not a stomach virus. It's probably food poisoning. (Most make us sick. Very few are deadly.) Good news if it's food poisoning. Your dad can't get it. He can't eat what y'all are eating, so he's safe.
As for your mom's reaction? Try not to take it personally. Think of Blain. If Blain got sick, wouldn't you want to be his caregiver 24/7? And wouldn't you get annoyed if you could not? Your mom is feeling that. She loves him so wants to be THE caregiver. That she can't, upsets her. You just happened to get the side effect of how annoyed she is with herself. Often, when things are this tough and we feel helpless, it is so much quicker and easier to take it out on someone else then beat ourselves up. That, and it's really hard to beat ourselves, because we don't like to hurt, so we're not going to hit that hard. (Said to make you chuckle, but also the truth.)
And, I know you can't stop how you feel, so sometimes it's easier to let the feeling come and go without holding onto it too long. (Sort of like a thought. Let it fly through your mind rather than let it nest.)
If they can't send a caregiver TODAY, do you have any friends or neighbors that can help? Growing up, one of our neighbors was a retired nurse. Brilliant!
And, if all else fails, wash your hands before and after getting near him. If possible get one (or a bunch) of those annoying yellow, plastic gowns. (Annoying because they're hot!) sAnd some disposable rubber gloves. Never get near him without that, and, even if you just go to grab the phone when you're wearing one, change, before getting near him again. (Other reason they're annoying. Every time I put one on, suddenly I needed something from my pocketbook, or had to go to the bathroom, or had to track down a nurse. Almost like they're allergic to being worn. lol)
And cover your mouth too. A clean scarf or handkerchief will do.
If your mother and sister are feeling better in 12-24 hours, it's probably not a stomach virus. It's probably food poisoning. (Most make us sick. Very few are deadly.) Good news if it's food poisoning. Your dad can't get it. He can't eat what y'all are eating, so he's safe.
As for your mom's reaction? Try not to take it personally. Think of Blain. If Blain got sick, wouldn't you want to be his caregiver 24/7? And wouldn't you get annoyed if you could not? Your mom is feeling that. She loves him so wants to be THE caregiver. That she can't, upsets her. You just happened to get the side effect of how annoyed she is with herself. Often, when things are this tough and we feel helpless, it is so much quicker and easier to take it out on someone else then beat ourselves up. That, and it's really hard to beat ourselves, because we don't like to hurt, so we're not going to hit that hard. (Said to make you chuckle, but also the truth.)
And, I know you can't stop how you feel, so sometimes it's easier to let the feeling come and go without holding onto it too long. (Sort of like a thought. Let it fly through your mind rather than let it nest.)
M
Hi Lynn is absolutely right, worse thing you can do is make a sick person
even sicker by trying to be helpful and pass on bugs to them.
The Carer's who come to my house to help with my aunt, got the stomach sickness bug.
They passed it onto her, but while they got over it in a week or so, my aunt had it for a good
4 weeks. During that time she got dehydrated which caused other problems.
Dont worry about your other family members, if they say anything just calmly explain
that you didn't want to risk infecting your dad. If they are not feeling well themselves they
might not be thinking things through fully.
I have put notices up on our living
room door asking the carers and family/friends not to visit us if they are ill! It's got
a few raised eyebrows but I don't care, they don't live with my aunt so don't see the after effects of
their colds and sickness bugs on my aunt.
In our hospitals in the U.K. there are notices all over the place asking visitors to tell staff
if visitors are unwell, have a cold, the runs, sickness etc.
Praying you all quickly recovery from this and for strength for you all to deal with this.
Also for your dad, that he will have peace about this whole situation and know that God
is in control.
One other thing Steph eveyone will be feeling under pressure including yourself.
It makes people act in strange ways and say things and do things they might not
normally do. Lack of sleep also causes problems.
Everyone copes in different ways, so try not to take anything personally.
even sicker by trying to be helpful and pass on bugs to them.
The Carer's who come to my house to help with my aunt, got the stomach sickness bug.
They passed it onto her, but while they got over it in a week or so, my aunt had it for a good
4 weeks. During that time she got dehydrated which caused other problems.
Dont worry about your other family members, if they say anything just calmly explain
that you didn't want to risk infecting your dad. If they are not feeling well themselves they
might not be thinking things through fully.
I have put notices up on our living
room door asking the carers and family/friends not to visit us if they are ill! It's got
a few raised eyebrows but I don't care, they don't live with my aunt so don't see the after effects of
their colds and sickness bugs on my aunt.
In our hospitals in the U.K. there are notices all over the place asking visitors to tell staff
if visitors are unwell, have a cold, the runs, sickness etc.
Praying you all quickly recovery from this and for strength for you all to deal with this.
Also for your dad, that he will have peace about this whole situation and know that God
is in control.
One other thing Steph eveyone will be feeling under pressure including yourself.
It makes people act in strange ways and say things and do things they might not
normally do. Lack of sleep also causes problems.
Everyone copes in different ways, so try not to take anything personally.
P
H
Hi sis, just remember everyone is under stress and are trying to do the right thing. Give yourself and mom a break (just smile ) it will pass. All of you are doing your very best and ya know something it get tiring. Even though your not aware of it all of you probably have broken sleep, anxiety, depression in some way. It all comes from trying to be that person, plus the love and concern for your dad, learn to chill a little sweetie God's in control. Give mom a hug or two just because. Lynn had very good advice with the flu bug thing sooooo you know what to do.
I have you and yours before the lord as often as I'm reminded so rest in prayers are being heard.
Taking care of dad means taking care of you to . If theirs anything I can do let me know and tell your dad fear not the lord is with him. Just to let you know sis it's ok to get mad and cry this should never happen to anyone , sooooo ill leave it there.
I have you and yours before the lord as often as I'm reminded so rest in prayers are being heard.
Taking care of dad means taking care of you to . If theirs anything I can do let me know and tell your dad fear not the lord is with him. Just to let you know sis it's ok to get mad and cry this should never happen to anyone , sooooo ill leave it there.