Basically, God has gone waaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of His way to equip and teach me His ways, but every time I try to put that to use walls spring up so fast they'll make your head spin. Well, not all the time, one out of every 1,000 or so attempts actually gets accomplished. But that's the thing, God has shown me enough to know it's for real, but He's also shown me enough to know that those percentages are NOT acceptable. I receive a financial windfall and try to share it with the less fortunate and they won't take it - of 9 donations totaling $8500, after 2 months only 4 have acknowledged receipt and only 3 have cashed the checks. God leads us to this fortress of a home in a rural town, and yet when people there are being driven from their homes God has me tied to a chair in California. I get talking to a stranger who's having problems and God gives me wisdom about what's going on and I try to reach out and give them comforting words, and another human being will literally appear out of thin air to stand between us. 57 years of this. Stymied, stonewalled, irrelevant. That's what I want on my headstone, it's the only accurate way to describe my life. Despite all that God has done to prepare me to be sooooooooo much more.
And most people think it's because it's not my time. But again, scripture please. Yes I know Moses waited. And certain followers were told not to go to specific places. But honestly, show me one post-commission scripture that says some will be held in reserve. Not buying it.
Last year, I spent in hell. You know what happens to idle hands - and lips. I don't want to do that again. But that requires my hands and lips be freed to do what Jesus commissioned us to do.
Sorry. Don't mean to hijack the thread. But honestly, the only thing keeping me from eating the shotgun at this point is the certainty that that too will fail.
Yes, I am that big a loser.
Thank You Lord.
And most people think it's because it's not my time. But again, scripture please. Yes I know Moses waited. And certain followers were told not to go to specific places. But honestly, show me one post-commission scripture that says some will be held in reserve. Not buying it.
Last year, I spent in hell. You know what happens to idle hands - and lips. I don't want to do that again. But that requires my hands and lips be freed to do what Jesus commissioned us to do.
Sorry. Don't mean to hijack the thread. But honestly, the only thing keeping me from eating the shotgun at this point is the certainty that that too will fail.
Yes, I am that big a loser.
Thank You Lord.
Is it possible you are not learning lessons that God keeps trying to teach you?
Are you behind in developing your gift(s)?
Are you out of geographical location? Not where God wants you?
Do you have unforgiveness in your life?
Or, I am going to ask you straight out? You never addressed it. Do you have a sin issue that is blocking your ministry?
Is there a generational issue?
Please don't be mad at me for asking these personal questions, but on the surface, unless you answered (to yourself, you don't have to answer them publicly) yes to one of more of my questions, it just doesn't add up.
As a disclaimer, I prayed for you the other day, but not in length. I had my tooth pulled and had a implant inserted on Sunday, and I feel like crap. So I have no spiritual insight into this. I am speaking here from my experiences and me observing and speaking to other Christians regarding this type of thing.
When I feel better I will pray in more depth about this.
Do you go to church? Have you discussed this with any other Christians in real life?
Have you been prayed over and prayed for by real deal Christians?
If so, do you trust what they said?
Even without praying in detail about this, one thing I can confidently say is that the issue is not with God, but with you. Whatever it may be. And it could be a simple as a lackluster prayer life, not reading the word, people you hang out with, maybe even your diet, to some extent.
While I can understand you have been stymied, we all have at times, 57 years is way to long.
Are you at least making spiritual progress, getting closer to God and the fruits of the spirit becoming more and more evident?