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I have never turned away from any family member, and I don't think I will. If someone is cruel to me, I go to the Bible, and I pray for them.
My sister was always playing mind games with me. I just prayed for her, and a month ago, God saved her. She is a very different person! Of course! She was always trying to be better, smarter, richer than me. Now, she writes wanting to know about different Bible questions, how to love and forgive our mother and brother, etc. I have been a Christian for 38 years, so I have never harboured ill will in my heart, towards them, like she has. They both are extremely dysfunctional, but I go out of my way to show God's love. My sister is now praying for them. It's a start!
I really don't like the word "toxic." It is a very pop psychology term, and it is all encompassing. It is also judgemental. I don't disagree there are people with personality disorders, or psychopaths and sociopaths, which would be a better label, if one is going to label someone. They are so hard to deal with. They are the types that's likely will not change. But, our duty is to love and pray for them. They may not change, but perhaps someone else will see us being a light, and God will help them understand that knowing Jesus is what makes the difference.
Of course, if we are talking actual abuse - domestic violence, and so forth, then you do need to get out of that situation, because it may escalate, and you might be in danger. I agree the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend would be a great book. They also have other books, that target specific things like marriage. They are both Christian, and are far better qualified than most of us to discuss these questions.
My sister was always playing mind games with me. I just prayed for her, and a month ago, God saved her. She is a very different person! Of course! She was always trying to be better, smarter, richer than me. Now, she writes wanting to know about different Bible questions, how to love and forgive our mother and brother, etc. I have been a Christian for 38 years, so I have never harboured ill will in my heart, towards them, like she has. They both are extremely dysfunctional, but I go out of my way to show God's love. My sister is now praying for them. It's a start!
I really don't like the word "toxic." It is a very pop psychology term, and it is all encompassing. It is also judgemental. I don't disagree there are people with personality disorders, or psychopaths and sociopaths, which would be a better label, if one is going to label someone. They are so hard to deal with. They are the types that's likely will not change. But, our duty is to love and pray for them. They may not change, but perhaps someone else will see us being a light, and God will help them understand that knowing Jesus is what makes the difference.
Of course, if we are talking actual abuse - domestic violence, and so forth, then you do need to get out of that situation, because it may escalate, and you might be in danger. I agree the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend would be a great book. They also have other books, that target specific things like marriage. They are both Christian, and are far better qualified than most of us to discuss these questions.
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That's a great post, very happy for you and your sister!
I agree and never thought about it until you brought it up, we should not be using the word toxic. It is judgmental and is labeling, then others join in and write the person off as well. This isn't to say we should not avoid some because to do so is biblical in certain circumstances. That said, a label isn't needful, biblical reasons should be at the forefront, and done in love and concern.
I believe sociopath, narcissist and psychopath are over used as well, in my opinion. It's easy to get caught up in this and become conformed to the world system contrary to Romans 12:1ff. Thank God Christ did not write off this entire world or we'd all be condemned eternally.
Scripture is clear in Romans 16:17 as to why and as to whom we are to avoid, yet we don't do it to destroy them, but in hope. False gospels, division thereby and false doctrine are the reasons given in this text.
1 Corinthians 5:1-5 also details reasons to avoid others. Sexual immorality is the culprit there, yet Paul extends the list of offenses in verses 10-11. The end objective is always in hope of restoration not destruction of the person which Paul speaks to in 2 Corinthians 1-2.
I agree and never thought about it until you brought it up, we should not be using the word toxic. It is judgmental and is labeling, then others join in and write the person off as well. This isn't to say we should not avoid some because to do so is biblical in certain circumstances. That said, a label isn't needful, biblical reasons should be at the forefront, and done in love and concern.
I believe sociopath, narcissist and psychopath are over used as well, in my opinion. It's easy to get caught up in this and become conformed to the world system contrary to Romans 12:1ff. Thank God Christ did not write off this entire world or we'd all be condemned eternally.
Scripture is clear in Romans 16:17 as to why and as to whom we are to avoid, yet we don't do it to destroy them, but in hope. False gospels, division thereby and false doctrine are the reasons given in this text.
1 Corinthians 5:1-5 also details reasons to avoid others. Sexual immorality is the culprit there, yet Paul extends the list of offenses in verses 10-11. The end objective is always in hope of restoration not destruction of the person which Paul speaks to in 2 Corinthians 1-2.
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Yes, encouragement is wonderful. Just today brothers, sisters and myself encouraged one another in our defense of the Gospel; Philippians 1:7, 16.
The opposite to your above is also true, so balance is needed there as well. Encouraging more than correcting is unbalanced and is not the protocol of 2 Timothy 4:1-4 where two thirds of Paul's mandate to Timothy (and ourselves) will be construed as correction, and frankly negative by some. Personally I don't see it as negative at all.
We're not "home" yet -- so, here in this world, just as in the early NT church we will deal with error, schism, heresies &c. Note 2 Timothy 3:16.
It was either John Stott or J I Packer who said that "balance" is such a self concerned word. I agree! We should be more concerned with others and their spiritual welfare, and not so much in how we might appear in the throes of this battle for truth, Jude 1:4. Those who do so will always be called or thought of as unbalanced or mean spirited.
Lastly, love is correction which is both edifying and encouraging.
The opposite to your above is also true, so balance is needed there as well. Encouraging more than correcting is unbalanced and is not the protocol of 2 Timothy 4:1-4 where two thirds of Paul's mandate to Timothy (and ourselves) will be construed as correction, and frankly negative by some. Personally I don't see it as negative at all.
We're not "home" yet -- so, here in this world, just as in the early NT church we will deal with error, schism, heresies &c. Note 2 Timothy 3:16.
It was either John Stott or J I Packer who said that "balance" is such a self concerned word. I agree! We should be more concerned with others and their spiritual welfare, and not so much in how we might appear in the throes of this battle for truth, Jude 1:4. Those who do so will always be called or thought of as unbalanced or mean spirited.
Lastly, love is correction which is both edifying and encouraging.
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Can I just say that toxic is a description that is accurate with what sin does to people -pollute, corrupt, defile..or as Jesus said of satan, he only wishes to steal, kill and destroy. One needs to be aware of the enemy of our souls and if someone is being used by Satan it can be damaging, so it is wise to steer clear. Just like adam and Eve were told to not eat from the forbidden tree, because they would die. If we eat gather from thistles and thorns, or bad trees, we can only choke on it and it will eventually poison us.
The way to tell is by their fruits we shall know them. The interesting thing is, Jesus did not pray for Judas. he prayed for everyone of the disciples including Peter who denied him three times, but he did not pray for Judas who he did call or label 'the son of perdition'. He was so firm about that that he declared it was better had he not been born. We cannot call evil good and good evil. We may cross paths with these types and sometimes they will actively go after us. But we need to know what we are dealing with. Jesus was not fooled, he knew what was in mens hearts, we can have that same insight. Someone may be sinning in ignorance but then someone else will be knowingly perpetuating evil and anti-christ to boot. There is a difference.
The way to tell is by their fruits we shall know them. The interesting thing is, Jesus did not pray for Judas. he prayed for everyone of the disciples including Peter who denied him three times, but he did not pray for Judas who he did call or label 'the son of perdition'. He was so firm about that that he declared it was better had he not been born. We cannot call evil good and good evil. We may cross paths with these types and sometimes they will actively go after us. But we need to know what we are dealing with. Jesus was not fooled, he knew what was in mens hearts, we can have that same insight. Someone may be sinning in ignorance but then someone else will be knowingly perpetuating evil and anti-christ to boot. There is a difference.