So...
I was always interested in learning more about the Bible and in doing so, I hoped to get closer to God. When I got the chance, I followed a Bible study which thaught me the contectual interpretation. Ever since that study, I have lost my faith in steps. I just can't read the Bible without seeing all its flaws. I just can't talk to anybody about this in fear that I would take their faith away as well. However, I can't live in this insecure and godless way. Are there any of you who experienced the same? How did you overcome this?
First, I see you were raised from birth in being Christian.
I would like to know what "church" you were raised in, that lead you to believe you were a Christian, and how did that come about?
I was raised a "Baptist" in my youth, mostly through my father's Parents, my Grandparents and Aunt. My father was never a Christian, he died as a Methodist in his senior years only as a "safety net" to make sure he would not go to hell. He was never born-again by the Holy Spirit. He died unsaved, sadly....
I said the prayer as a young boy through the ongoing pushy nagging of my aunt, I was baptized, and was involved with the choir, loved Sunday school, read my bible, and even won a contest for reading more scriptures than any other child in Sunday School. I celebrated Halloween, Christmas, Easter, yet all the while in my "secret life" I was playing around with boys, most of my young years, also desiring to be a girl, (this was all due to me being sexually molested by my mother, who was involved with witchcraft, and other adults as a toddler). I believed in Jesus, I knew of Him, but I never did KNOW Him. I was religious, living in a homosexual life style right through my adult years, until the Lord came and invaded my life when I was 27 yrs. And HE changed my life forever.
I am sharing this to reveal one can "think" they are a true Christian because of their upbringing and are religious, but their "faith" is built upon shifting sand. When we are truly Granted the Gift of Repentance by and through the working Power of the Holy Spirit, then the Faith of Christ is planted in our hearts and mind and soul, because we have received Salvation by being convicted of sin by the Holy Spirit, which leads us to God Given repentance, then forgiveness, and THEN we are washed by His precious Blood, and then sealed unto Salvation by the Holy Spirit. So the Faith we are granted with comes From God, and NOT by and through the WILL of the flesh, or man.
I understand your terrible struggle, because while I was a "babe in Christ" only saved about 2 months, I got sucked into a "home fellowship cult". I did not know this at first, because I knew not the ways of the Lord, and just thought a Pastor; in this case a "woman pastor/prophetess/teacher, who was from Holland, she was originally from the "Dutch Reformed Church", in North American it is known as the "Christian Reformed Church", was one from whom I would be taught about Jesus Christ and learn how to grow in Him.
Well to make a long story short, after about 3 or 4 years, our home fellowship was raided by the police and this "hyper-faith" female pastor was arrested for various abuses, physical, emotional, and I found out sexual abuse also. When this raid happened, I was shocked and shaken to my core, and it was reported in all the paper's in the city where I live, and my faith went flying out the window!
I eventually left the home group, out of fear, and embarrassment, but I also realized.... many years later, I knew somethings that took place there I was not comfortable with, but being such a novice regarding how the Body of Christ was to function, I could not from a Biblical standing articulate my thoughts, and whenever I did question things that I was not comfortable with, this woman pastor would scare me by accusing me of a "rebellious" spirit, so I would shut up and not question "those that are anointed of the Lord".
I say this because when I left that group, I felt as if I was a Judas, and my faith in the Lord "seemingly" went out the window, and I thought I was not a true Christian, because I left the group during times of so-called "persecution". This woman Pastor kept informing us shortly after all this happened, that she was "suffering for Righteousness sake", which was the furthermost thing from the truth! She was found guilty, and I learned she was sent to prison, but due to her age, she was in her 40's, she only served a 6 months sentence.
What I learned by all this, is that what I was learning at this Home fellowship was NOT the true Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, my faith was NOT being built up in Him, but in my pastor and her false teaching.
However, the LORD did not give up on me, because I was ignorant of His True way, He brought me back to Himself a few years later, and has over the course of 30 or so years been teaching me by the Holy Spirit, and His Word, not by the words of men.
Just me, the Lord, His Word and the Power of the Holy Spirit to give me "spiritual understanding" of His Word, and writing His Truth's upon the Tablets of my heart, and not by and through the dead fleshy words of men/women.
I hope this will assist you to see where your belief is truly planted upon. I am here for you, if and when you desire too.
May the Lord bless you and open your eyes to the Truth of His Word, and His Ways.
In His Love...