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I was diagnosed with heart disease and told I needed bypass surgery 4.5 years ago. I started going to a charismatic/Kenneth E Hagin-like church a few months after my diagnosis. They believe strongly in laying hands on people and healing.
I went up for healing...believed that I received it...testified to being healed for years...got into leadership...and even left my job to be on staff. A few months ago I started having chest pains, after a series of doctor visits and another angiogram my heart has gotten worse.
I'm fighting to believe all that I've learned...but I'm definitely doubting divine healing...what I REALLY don't like...is it's causing me to doubt almost everything I hear or read. I find myself rolling my eyes at testimonies or people encouraging others with scripture or sayings. Any time I hear a charismatic preacher on tv or YouTube I question what they say. I feel like I'm losing my faith in God. He has to be real.
I really need someone who knows their charismatic apologetics. Please don't waste my time or yours if all you have to chime in with is a bible verse with a short saying attached to it like "John 10:10 the enemy is just trying to kill you"
I need something way solid and explained in detail. Please. Thank you so much!
I went up for healing...believed that I received it...testified to being healed for years...got into leadership...and even left my job to be on staff. A few months ago I started having chest pains, after a series of doctor visits and another angiogram my heart has gotten worse.
I'm fighting to believe all that I've learned...but I'm definitely doubting divine healing...what I REALLY don't like...is it's causing me to doubt almost everything I hear or read. I find myself rolling my eyes at testimonies or people encouraging others with scripture or sayings. Any time I hear a charismatic preacher on tv or YouTube I question what they say. I feel like I'm losing my faith in God. He has to be real.
I really need someone who knows their charismatic apologetics. Please don't waste my time or yours if all you have to chime in with is a bible verse with a short saying attached to it like "John 10:10 the enemy is just trying to kill you"
I need something way solid and explained in detail. Please. Thank you so much!
I to went to a Charismatic, chandelier swinging, jumping and dancing church. They were wonderful people and Jesus had certainly touched quite a few of them, Jesus did walk among them. But ( I hate that word ), there were things that happened that bought that little church to naught and it was disbanded, the other churches taking a few each and another one starting up under a new name, not quite so chandelier swinging but open to the gifts of the Spirit.
The thing is about church these days is that there is always someone in charge who "Feels led to be there" and while this permeates Christendom the true Church will never be able to raise its true identity of Jesus. The upshot of this is that there will be casualties as people go to these churches to "find . . . (something)", rather than to "be with" Jesus.
Our relationship with Jesus is our relationship. It does not depend on pastor Fred or minister Jeremy. It is not dependant on being able to speak in tongues, or give prophesy. It is only dependant on the love between two people, ME and Jesus! You and Jesus! everyone as individuals and Jesus. If Jesus speaks it will happen. If someone else speaks and pronounces anything from healing to being able to walk on water through enthusiasm which can come in many forms like mass hysteria, then it will fall on its face and be shown for what it is.
This does not mean they are evil, it means they do not have ears to hear what Jesus says at that specific moment. I know through my own life I have been guilty of this myself, even encouraged to "Step out" and say something through someone else's enthusiasm. so I have. When I should have taken a moment in quiet contemplation with Jesus and asked His guidance for that situation. And thinking back, deep down I knew there was something not right, but my enthusiasm being stoked up by others enthusiasm got carried along. No blame there, the guilt was mine not anyone's.
There is still a couple who when they hear anything untoward will, before they engage their mind in thoughtful prayer, will stand and immediately shout "I cast you out Satan in Jesus name". If they meet anyone ill or suffering nearly anything they will do the same. This immediately puts people backs up and turns most (unless one knows them personally), if not everyone they meet into a defensive position because they feel attacked, and they are being. Jesus does not condemn He loves, He was never forceful in peoples lives who needed Him, He was/is gentle and compassionate.
When you were prayed for, for healing, you wanted that healing. Both you and I know you did not hear confirmation for that healing in your spirit. No amount of "working up your faith" would make Jesus talk to you to confirm what you wanted.
Only a few days ago I actually did the same with someone who is a member of CC. I stood in faith and pronounced healing for them. I had not heard from Jesus but because I love them (and I actually do) I wanted them to be even just a little more comfortable in their lives. I was sure in myself that as the body of Christ, as part of His Church, if I spoke out in love then Jesus would be in that situation and that person would receive healing. Do you see the problem there? its all in one word "myself". If I had heard from the Spirit to pronounce healing then that person would have been healed.
What I did was sinful and afterwards I was ashamed, I ran ahead of Jesus thinking I knew better. In what I did I not only showed myself to be un-careful with what Jesus has given me, but I (although not directly) accused my friend of not having enough faith to receive the healing they were given. God is good because he bought me to a place where I could see my dilemma and adjust my thinking through repentance and fellowship with Him.
Now I come back to the first question I asked you "Where is your heart". Did you join this church for healing or to improve your relationship with Jesus? The latter should be the right answer, and Jesus knows us, He knitted us together in our mothers womb. he understands our every need and want, and He is our master friend and the intimate lover of our souls. We have been given a very short time to come to know Jesus and follow His commands. But unless we listen for ourselves we follow His command given to someone else.
We are here on earth for a reason, and that reason is to acknowlage Jesus and accept His sacrifice. In seeing Jesus we see God and this gives us this;
“I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
This simple statement made by Jesus is the gospel. This is where we meet with Him and have our relationship with Him. If Jesus touches someone to be a healer, and I know He does then that person will heal, if Jesus touches someone to be a teacher they will teach, as a pastor they will care for others more than themselves, these things are given to those they are given and we have to be careful not to run away with things given to others because we see Jesus in them. Look for Jesus in you, search to know Him better for yourself, you will, "will" find your rest in Him.
God bless.
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