What it looks like where you are from?

[CarriePie]

It’s definitely a Southern California thing. Outer beauty truly has no real value but a lot of people here think it does. I see it as more problems than anything. It becomes idolatry more than anything.

After taking a break from here a week ago, I am guilty of almost falling into the trap of sexual immorality but it’s like the Holy Spirit won’t allow me to pursue it cause I repented already. I tried going on a hook up site and the longer I was on there, I literally swiped left on every single woman in a 100 mile radius. There was no one else left. I started feeling sad for these people and I started not liking myself for being on there.

I even reached out to my pastor and told him that I’m done following Jesus and I’d rather burn in hell, cause I felt like I belonged there.

i also found out that my artist name, The Called, was originally owned by someone else. So after a year of putting 55 songs up on that artist profile. He posted up a song a week ago and all of my songs were taken down. So now I need a new artist name. I have two in mind that aren’t taken.



Fuzz butts sure have a good time. Better than the hell I create. At least they are jamming out to a good time of music. I didn’t even know fuzz butts got on top of cars. I know cats jump on cars though.

if you can pray for my purity, I would appreciate it. It was really hard for me to tell you all that. My mind is like burning from it.

There are people here that care about outer beauty for sure, but not to that extent lol.

I can't say that I know what it feels like. I've never been on a hookup site or a dating site. I honestly just can't imagine. I guess I think those people probably would think my life is the one that's sad. I'm watching critters by myself lol. Different perspective. They wouldn't want to be me, nor I them. I can imagine a lot of people would consider my life empty.

I'm sorry you are having a lot of trouble with your music. I do hope you can get everything smoothed out and I hope the result of your labor will be beneficial to you.

My Fuzz Butts get on the car almost every night. My woodchucks used to get up there too. A world without critters would be a terrible world. I got 60s music playing now. Expressway by The Soul Survivors.

I hope you'll find comfort and peace of mind. Thank you for confiding in me. I already pray for you daily. But, yes, of course I will pray for you!

I confess...I did some swiping too! But, I was looking at ice cream on my on Instacart on my laptop lol. It's no joke. I think about ice cream too much. Especially that French silk stuff 🙈

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

There are people here that care about outer beauty for sure, but not to that extent lol.

I can't say that I know what it feels like. I've never been on a hookup site or a dating site. I honestly just can't imagine. I guess I think those people probably would think my life is the one that's sad. I'm watching critters by myself lol. Different perspective. They wouldn't want to be me, nor I them. I can imagine a lot of people would consider my life empty.

I'm sorry you are having a lot of trouble with your music. I do hope you can get everything smoothed out and I hope the result of your labor will be beneficial to you.

My Fuzz Butts get on the car almost every night. My woodchucks used to get up there too. A world without critters would be a terrible world. I got 60s music playing now. Expressway by The Soul Survivors.

I hope you'll find comfort and peace of mind. Thank you for confiding in me. I already pray for you daily. But, yes, of course I will pray for you!

I confess...I did some swiping too! But, I was looking at ice cream on my on Instacart on my laptop lol. It's no joke. I think about ice cream too much. Especially that French silk stuff 🙈

Like I said before YOU are wayyy more valuable. Don’t let that get to your head now! I think their life is wayyy more empty, only cause I lived it. The moment I read the Bible for practically the first time, God convicted me that my life was an empty existence in that world, and I’m pretty sure that they aren’t even aware of it.

i think someone needs to break into their homes and plant bibles in their places of residence. Might save way more people that way. Also, very risky.

i came up with two artist names…I’m going to say them here and hope they don’t get stolen…but one is ‘killed it’, like “that music artist killed it on stage (in a good way)” or another name that I’m thinking of using because I relate to it right now and I think others would relate to it, is ‘alive to see the day’, which could be any special occasion in the future. Like “I’m alive to see the day when God’s promises will come true” or “I’m alive to see the day when…(fill in the blank)”


You know, I’m going to get a bowl of thrifty’s chocolate brownie and walnut ice cream right now. I absolutely love ice cream too, though I really shouldn’t eat it but I can’t help myself.

 

[CarriePie]

I mean, in their perspective I lead a mundane life. I personally wouldn't want to be anyone else but myself. I want to improve myself, but I don't want to change myself. I sure need to do a lot of improving though lol. In a lot of different ways.

Your artist names are smashing. I sincerely wish you all the best! It's nice to have talent and a passion. It helps to have something that is uniquely our own. Something to continue working on and developing. I never can figure out what I'm good at. Any time I ask someone, the answer is always "Cooking!" lol It'd be nice to get a different answer I mean, that can't be the only thing!

You've got a lot of abilities. It's a good thing.

I don't have any ice cream, but I do have some in my cart on Instacart. That French silk stuff that I like. Whoever came up with that stuff needs whipped.

The Fuzz Butts left. I guess they are carousing around the 'hood.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

I mean, in their perspective I lead a mundane life. I personally wouldn't want to be anyone else but myself. I want to improve myself, but I don't want to change myself. I sure need to do a lot of improving though lol. In a lot of different ways.

Your artist names are smashing. I sincerely wish you all the best! It's nice to have talent and a passion. It helps to have something that is uniquely our own. Something to continue working on and developing. I never can figure out what I'm good at. Any time I ask someone, the answer is always "Cooking!" lol It'd be nice to get a different answer I mean, that can't be the only thing!

You've got a lot of abilities. It's a good thing.

I don't have any ice cream, but I do have some in my cart on Instacart. That French silk stuff that I like. Whoever came up with that stuff needs whipped.

The Fuzz Butts left. I guess they are carousing around the 'hood.

Well, I think anyone who is living a life of sexual immorality is clouded by darkness, just based on my own experience with it. I too have a lot of improving to do. Ever since this past year, I kinda just gave up trying anymore. As if the world just beat me down into a pulp. So I’ve just been spending the year seeking God and making music. I stopped trying to figure everything out.

Your writing ability!!! You are a writer and I’m sure you can come up with some great stories! Poems?

Our fuzz butts are always out around this time. Also the skunks and stray cats.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

I mean, in their perspective I lead a mundane life. I personally wouldn't want to be anyone else but myself. I want to improve myself, but I don't want to change myself. I sure need to do a lot of improving though lol. In a lot of different ways.

Your artist names are smashing. I sincerely wish you all the best! It's nice to have talent and a passion. It helps to have something that is uniquely our own. Something to continue working on and developing. I never can figure out what I'm good at. Any time I ask someone, the answer is always "Cooking!" lol It'd be nice to get a different answer I mean, that can't be the only thing!

You've got a lot of abilities. It's a good thing.

I don't have any ice cream, but I do have some in my cart on Instacart. That French silk stuff that I like. Whoever came up with that stuff needs whipped.

The Fuzz Butts left. I guess they are carousing around the 'hood.

i think the name Killed It is something I would have used when I was younger but I see Alive to See the Day, as something I can grow old with.

 

[CarriePie]

I'm right there with you. This past year has been a monster.

I hope it gets better for us both!

Writing! Why doesn't anyone tell me that! Because they are thinking of their stomach lol. Thank you! I needed to hear that.

The Hollies, The Air That I Breathe ...that's what I got playing and no critters in sight.

Alive to See the Day
I think it's smashing!!

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

I'm right there with you. This past year has been a monster.

I hope it gets better for us both!

Writing! Why doesn't anyone tell me that! Because they are thinking of their stomach lol. Thank you! I needed to hear that.

The Hollies, The Air That I Breathe ...that's what I got playing and no critters in sight.

Alive to See the Day
I think it's smashing!!

I have told you about your writing a few times! The past two years have been a monster for me. Ever since I left my job in October 2022, things have just continued to go downhill from there. Well, a few months after that, I did get a job at a data center for a few months but I was only there from like January 2023 to end of April. Then in May, I worked at Disney from Cinco de Mayo 2023 to September 30th. God had me going everywhere for the past ten years.

It’s like once I shared about Jesus, my time there was over and I would go somewhere else.

Now i don’t have my friend Josh telling me where to go anymore. It was his gift. I don’t have that gift. I can’t do this without him.

Now he is married and just received twins. So now he is definitely too busy.


You have been mentioning music in our conversation amd usually I would look it up but haven’t yet.

i will check it out!

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

I'm right there with you. This past year has been a monster.

I hope it gets better for us both!

Writing! Why doesn't anyone tell me that! Because they are thinking of their stomach lol. Thank you! I needed to hear that.

The Hollies, The Air That I Breathe ...that's what I got playing and no critters in sight.

Alive to See the Day
I think it's smashing!!

i hope life gets better for the both of us. Isolation and solitary confinement, is something really new to me. I’ve learned to just accept it.

This whole weaning off medication this has really effected me in some really negative ways, so I can’t wait to go on the new medication.

They have a song on their greatest hits called Carrie-Ann and The Air that I Breathe is a bonus track of all things. There is good words in the song but for some reason I get a burning fire connection to it. I seem to gravitate to top Christian music cause I sense the depth of my soul crying out to God, which also helps me love others.

 

[CarriePie]

You don't have to look up the music I mention. I don't know why I mention it, I guess to add to the story I'm telling. I've got Day After Day playing now...'cause that's been a fave the last couple of months.

I'm fairly solitary. Although I did have dad before now. I lived on my own and then dad got flooded and he moved in with me, then we both moved back to his ol' place. Then he started getting worse. Then I was back and forth between here and Georgia, one sick man here and one sick man there. I was trying to help both lol. Whew. Now, it's just me and these pesky snack bandits. I don't take myself out as much as I used to due to the vibe in the neighborhood lately. It's crawling with squatters. So, I mostly just get out when an errand needs ran or it's my once a month meetup with Brenda. As I walk through the neighborhood, I pretend I'm on the phone so they will leave me alone lol. I've gotten good at talking to myself I definitely intend to get out more when spring gets here.

After my last post, I warmed some potato soup and rolls. Supper...or breakfast

My vices in life...secular music and ice cream lol

 

[CarriePie]

I have told you about your writing a few times!

Thank you for that! You're the only one on this site who's ever gotten to read any of it.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

You don't have to look up the music I mention. I don't know why I mention it, I guess to add to the story I'm telling. I've got Day After Day playing now...'cause that's been a fave the last couple of months.

I'm fairly solitary. Although I did have dad before now. I lived on my own and then dad got flooded and he moved in with me, then we both moved back to his ol' place. Then he started getting worse. Then I was back and forth between here and Georgia, one sick man here and one sick man there. I was trying to help both lol. Whew. Now, it's just me and these pesky snack bandits. I don't take myself out as much as I used to due to the vibe in the neighborhood lately. It's crawling with squatters. So, I mostly just get out when an errand needs ran or it's my once a month meetup with Brenda. As I walk through the neighborhood, I pretend I'm on the phone so they will leave me alone lol. I've gotten good at talking to myself I definitely intend to get out more when spring gets here.

After my last post, I warmed some potato soup and rolls. Supper...or breakfast

My vices in life...secular music and ice cream lol

After I really dived into Christian music, I can’t help but continue to go back to it. It’s like it’s the living water that fills me up, so I can love others. I don’t have the same connection I do when I listen to secular music but when I create secular music, I am very proud of myself because it’s like something I created that I have to show off to the world. i’ve been trying more and more to not care about validation.

i’ve gone out like twice in the last two months. Once to my nephews birthday party and once to my aunts, to go into the jacuzzi and pool and eat dinner with them. Other than that, I’m glued to my bed hoping that Jesus will bust the door down with an axe, looking like a lumber jack and get me out of here lol. What I do when I go out, I put my ear buds in and just ignore the world. Sometimes, I do not use my ear buds but a lot of people ask me really dumb questions in public, as if I know everything or people are blasting music or making small talk with other people that goes no where and I really don’t want to be involved in the conversation. There is a lot of white shaming where I live. I never experienced that in Orange County.

i think you are having breakfast right now. Sounds yummy though! Soup sounds great in this weather.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

Thank you for that! You're the only one on this site who's ever gotten to read any of it.

I created this secular song a week ago, literally around this time, last Saturday morning. The day of my nephews birthday party.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

Thank you for that! You're the only one on this site who's ever gotten to read any of it.

I feel special

 

[CarriePie]

This may sound like I'm defective, but I feel the opposite when it comes to secular music. Like right now, I'm feeling pretty good so I have oldies playing (right now it's Only Have Eyes for You). When I need to work on projects or want to do a workout, I put something heavier on.

I don't mind being here alone, but I don't want to keep that up. I definitely intend to get out no later than sometime in the spring. Outta the house, outta the 'hood, outta the town, maybe outta the state. But, I'm going to get out lol.

I feel special

It's been buried for a few years. I was actually surprised when I had pulled it back out to share some of it with you that I had worked on it a good ways before I had stopped. Some of it that you didn't get to read it's kinda traumatic. Deals with some dark stuff. I think that's why I stopped writing, it taking me too far into dark areas (I don't mean evil).

That songs is amazing!! I hope it goes places, it definitely needs to. Sometimes it's okay to be proud of our work. I think that pushes us to do more. There's a difference in being proud of your work and talent and being arrogantly proud.
Smashing song!!

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

This may sound like I'm defective, but I feel the opposite when it comes to secular music. Like right now, I'm feeling pretty good so I have oldies playing (right now it's Only Have Eyes for You). When I need to work on projects or want to do a workout, I put something heavier on.

I don't mind being here alone, but I don't want to keep that up. I definitely intend to get out no later than sometime in the spring. Outta the house, outta the 'hood, outta the town, maybe outta the state. But, I'm going to get out lol.


It's been buried for a few years. I was actually surprised when I had pulled it back out to share some of it with you that I had worked on it a good ways before I had stopped. Some of it that you didn't get to read it's kinda traumatic. Deals with some dark stuff. I think that's why I stopped writing, it taking me too far into dark areas (I don't mean evil).

That songs is amazing!! I hope it goes places, it definitely needs to. Sometimes it's okay to be proud of our work. I think that pushes us to do more. There's a difference in being proud of your work and talent and being arrogantly proud.
Smashing song!!

i use to be heavy into secular music. I used to listen to every popular secular artist out there, even some underground artists but after experiencing the pureness of spirit from the Christian artists that cool my spirit when it is burning, I can’t help but go back to it. It’s like my link with God. It also filled me up so I’m not as negative or in a bad place. It’s like it brings the kingdom to me.

Projects are always fun to work on. I used to work on them with others more but I like directing where the project is going creative wise cause I think other people don’t see the vision clearly like I can. I know other people are gifted but I’ve been doing this since I can hold a pencil. I still sometimes allow people to lead, cause I definitely learn by following but I just hate when it just doesn’t work out, because they didn’t know how to communicate with me what they want me to do.

Sometimes I think I’m just stuck here until God really does something drastic. My inheritance is this house and sometimes I feel like I leave, that my siblings are going to take full control and cut me out of it or my mom will.

i wish traumatic events weren’t a thing. I wish that they could be shared without me experiencing the other persons traumatic experience. I think I do that when I’m really connected to a person. Other people can mention it and it is no big deal but when it’s someone you know and care about, it hurts, bad.

i tend to do my best work when I am in a lot of pain or I’m frustrated with life.

i have other songs I made with other people’s vocals that I made a few months ago. A lot of love songs that you would hear on like a hip hop station.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

This may sound like I'm defective, but I feel the opposite when it comes to secular music. Like right now, I'm feeling pretty good so I have oldies playing (right now it's Only Have Eyes for You). When I need to work on projects or want to do a workout, I put something heavier on.

I don't mind being here alone, but I don't want to keep that up. I definitely intend to get out no later than sometime in the spring. Outta the house, outta the 'hood, outta the town, maybe outta the state. But, I'm going to get out lol.


It's been buried for a few years. I was actually surprised when I had pulled it back out to share some of it with you that I had worked on it a good ways before I had stopped. Some of it that you didn't get to read it's kinda traumatic. Deals with some dark stuff. I think that's why I stopped writing, it taking me too far into dark areas (I don't mean evil).

That songs is amazing!! I hope it goes places, it definitely needs to. Sometimes it's okay to be proud of our work. I think that pushes us to do more. There's a difference in being proud of your work and talent and being arrogantly proud.
Smashing song!!

Made this song a few months ago. Just used the vocal tracks that were preinstalled with the music creating program i use.

 

[CarriePie]

i tend to do my best work when I am in a lot of pain or I’m frustrated with life.

Me too! My best writing was in times when I felt some incredibly deep inner pain.

I feel certain the Lord will guide me to my next step in life when the time is right (when it's His will). I definitely I gotta get myself somewhere in the spring before I lose my sanity lol. I have flight credits, so that's an option. One thing I want to do is stop in Dallas so I can visit the Institute for Creation Research.

The Fuzz Butts/snack bandits came back. They are very energetic tonight.

I switched my music to classic rock. Currently, Bad Company's Feel Like Makin Love. You don't have to listen to that lol
I'll play music and sing terribly to it while I do house chores.

What happens in the winter there? What's the precipitation like?

I paused my music to listen to yours. Very nice!! Thank you for sharing your tunes. I like it <3

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

Me too! My best writing was in times when I felt some incredibly deep inner pain.

I feel certain the Lord will guide me to my next step in life when the time is right (when it's His will). I definitely I gotta get myself somewhere in the spring before I lose my sanity lol. I have flight credits, so that's an option. One thing I want to do is stop in Dallas so I can visit the Institute for Creation Research.

The Fuzz Butts/snack bandits came back. They are very energetic tonight.

I switched my music to classic rock. Currently, Bad Company's Feel Like Makin Love. You don't have to listen to that lol
I'll play music and sing terribly to it while I do house chores.

What happens in the winter there? What's the precipitation like?

I paused my music to listen to yours. Very nice!! Thank you for sharing your tunes. I like it <3

I’m waiting on his will too. Sometimes I think that because I haven’t taken action yet, that I already missed my chance but other Christians remind me that he predestined my life from start to finish. So I am just resting on that, even though sometimes I’m just losing it.

i still get those creation research emails but I delete them a lot cause they just seem painful to me. Sometimes I do read them though.

if I can go anywhere, I wouldn’t mind going to Spokane, Washington again but also, I’d like to stay out of trouble because I feel like I’m in a very vulnerable position in life. It’s weird living, earning 20 times less than what you were earning 2 years ago. A humbling experience but like Paul, I can live in abundance and I can live with barely anything.

Fuzz Butts have all the fun!

it’s a good song though!

The winter over here: it’s just colder than usual but still bare-able. The car windshield sometimes frosts over and the side mirrors. Sometimes we do get rain and sometimes it hails like every ten years. We wear hoodies over our t shirts and maybe a beanie. Some people dress like they are living in Alaska and it is really funny.

The song is okay but I can definitely hear it being played on the radio station that my mother and brother listen to. Who knows if it will or not. I still need an artist name again to upload all my work. 55 songs this year so far. Made a song yesterday called I Survived the Hollywood Club Scene. It’s okay but reminds me of 2007 or 2011

 

[CarriePie]

The weekend after dad was buried, I felt strongly that the Lord was telling me to "just be" for a while. So, that's what I've been doing, and honestly I've needed this time to heal and "just be." The Lord knows best. Always.

Current song, 38 Special's If I'd Been the One.

My travel option will probably end up being Atlanta. Outside of Oklahoma, it's the only place I'm familiar with. Of all the times I've been there, I've never been to the aquarium. That's my goal for the coming year, to get to an aquarium. I've already been to the Oklahoma one 3 times. I'd like to do some paddle boating. I think I'm coming up with my New Year's Resolutions as I type lol.

Winters here are bone shakingly cold sometimes. It was so cold in 2021 that it was 20 inside during the deep freeze.
So, I guess you haven't been sledding?

I like the last song you posted. It's good. I think Unrepentant Sin is amazing!

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

The weekend after dad was buried, I felt strongly that the Lord was telling me to "just be" for a while. So, that's what I've been doing, and honestly I've needed this time to heal and "just be." The Lord knows best. Always.

Current song, 38 Special's If I'd Been the One.

My travel option will probably end up being Atlanta. Outside of Oklahoma, it's the only place I'm familiar with. Of all the times I've been there, I've never been to the aquarium. That's my goal for the coming year, to get to an aquarium. I've already been to the Oklahoma one 3 times. I'd like to do some paddle boating. I think I'm coming up with my New Year's Resolutions as I type lol.

Winters here are bone shakingly cold sometimes. It was so cold in 2021 that it was 20 inside during the deep freeze.
So, I guess you haven't been sledding?

I like the last song you posted. It's good. I think Unrepentant Sin is amazing!

What the hell is God trying to tell you with your music selection? Jeez!

It seems rough traveling by yourself. I’ve done it three times so it is possible but boy was that stressful. I…HATE the LAX airport. I feel like security is watching my every move the entire time. In 2009, I went to Hawaii, early in the morning. I partied the night before and never went to sleep. The day before my flight, my friend gave me a pocket knife and so, when I had to empty all of my pockets, it fell on the ground and opened up and I just pretended that it wasn’t mine. I think I was still drunk at the time. I was a mess back then.

So, every time I go back, all the stress of being there comes back full force and it gets worse every time I go back there.

i usually write my New Year’s resolutions the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day and it’s usually like 9 pages lol. You should try Sea World in San Diego sometime. It’s loads of fun!

i would just bundle up in a lot of clothes if it was that cold inside!

I’ve been sledding in big bear twice. It actually snows up there. And skiing once. I still remember how to do a pizza and french fries when skiing.

Unrepentant Sin is probably my best song yet. It’s in a league of its own. I do have another rap song that is really good, if you were like a thug or a lil Wayne fan but I prefer electronic music over rap. My rap album that I’m going to release is called Grandpa Hates Hip Ho….still not sure if that’ll be the title but I like it.

i think you should just continue to follow God’s voice in your life. I’m not sure if his voice is severed in my life but I do experience glimpses. I just feel I’m in a dark place at the moment.