Recently, I have seen multiple Youtube videos of men "walking away" from dating and marriage due to their distaste of the "modern woman", feminism, etc. This is a separate discussion of its own. However, one thing these men want to know from their dates early on is what these women bring to the table. In fact, some men even directly ask the women what they bring to the table, and the women are often shocked and offended.
What do you think of this question, and how would you react? I think it is a valid question, but seems very transactional and probably not a good way to start a relationship. Especially, if a woman asks a man this question, I am certain a man would not like a woman questioning him this way.
And, to both men and women, if your date asked you this question, how would you respond?
I personally think that these days, both men and women need to be prepared to put what they bring to the table, well, on the table, and to do so relatively soon. The harsh reality is that dating apps make us all just a number in someone's line, and most people don't want to waste too much time only to find that person has nothing to offer.
I've been part of a financial chat on Discord for about 3 years. It's a completely secular chat -- I'm just there to learn about finances. Almost all the group consists of men in their mid-20's to about mid-40's. Many are single, and many are striving to be "Passport Bros" (guys who to go other countries where their dollars can buy them the company of many more women than what it would cost in the USA.) And I'm not just talking ladies of the night. The cost of living is much cheaper in these countries, allowing for a much broader and vivid social life there.
Listening to their stories, I can understand why these guys are so fed up with the dating game. They will post real profiles that wind up under their "matches" and the women will say something like, "Here's the deal. You get to pay for my living expenses, health insurance, specific medical needs, 3 kids by 4 different baby daddies, shopping, salon, and nail appointments."
What do they get in return?
Apparently, these women think they are such divine princesses, that the very "privilege" of their company, being seen with them, and having the possibility of sleeping with them is more than what any man deserves. It honestly makes EVEN me nauseous.
I would not want to even be friends with such women, and if any of my guy friends went after someone like this, I would (very loudly) try to talk some sense into them.
(Now of course, in return, these men often think they all deserve supermodels, but that's another topic.)
And I can't say I find the Christian dating scene to be any better. In fact, I think it's oftentimes much worse because singles will say, "God only wants the BEST for me, and surely, THE BEST means (He's going to give me everything I want in a person.)" Women will cite that men are to be good providers, then expect men who work themselves to the bone -- and somehow manage to be at home full-time to help raise the kids.
Now of course, I know that there are plenty of Christian sisters out there who are NOT like this at all, but seeing the demands some women seem to have honestly makes me embarrassed to be a woman. But I don't say anything because I'm just one opposing voice in an audience where I have to know my place.
I know there are very strong views about this, but I think these days, a woman HAS to come to the table with an ability to help provide. Not only are things unaffordable without 2 incomes in many cases, but there are so many cases of men burning out due to physical and mental health challenges, that if a woman expects to have a husband for life, I think she needs to be able take some of the stress off his back.
After all, God made us women to be helpers. I listen to a lot of social commentary channels and a lot of people with 6-figure jobs are being let go or no longer able to take the stress. Just imagine being a family of 4 depending on the husband's 6-figure job -- then finding themselves with no backup plan and no way to make up for the loss of their entire livelihood. Even if people do find another job, many aren't finding ones that paid nearly as much as before.
As the years have rolled by and no potential husband landed on my doorstep (probably for his own good!), I asked God to help me concentrate on building a life as independent as possible to try to help others -- including a husband, if it was meant to be.
I certainly have a lot of bumps, bruises, and disclaimers I would have to warn potential suitors about.
But for as much of a stubborn ox as I can be, I'd like to think that I'm also an ox (or would that be oxette?) that can pick up my half of the yoke and do my best to help carry my side of the weight.
Awesome thread as always,
@MsMediator!
