So this guy friend of mine (please read)

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swagglestar214

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I'm 17 years old and lately I've been just experiencing this annoying confusing thoughts going on through in my head. There's this guy that I have been friends with since 8th grade, who used to have a girlfriend and expressed to me several times that he only liked me as a friend. I eventually got pretty much over it and accepted it, even though I took interest I him.

However, For the past 2 months, he's been acting different with me. He started to flirt with me and taking interest and texted me how he wants to get to know me more as friends for now. He says he's seen a big change in me, as in being more outgoing and social, and his friends have helped him see that.

He says I have a humorous soul, I'm an amazing writer and drawer, but wants to connect with me on personal level and feels he doesn't know me well enough. I've seen more of a change in him these past mnoths as well. He's acting a little more mature and has changed behavior than what he used to have. Yes, he's a christian and believes strongly in waiting till marriage, which is nice to find that in a teen guy.

What I do love about him is his sweetness, sense of humor, trying to be successful in school and getting his future straight. I also love the fact he's so close to his mother and has great respect for her. He's still not perfect, and does act like a little boy sometimes, but he does have the qualities I look for in a guy.

I care for him so much, and I do think about him all the time. The problem is now I don't feel those butterflies like I used to with him. Once in a while I have, but very rarely now. Does that mean I don't like him as much? Like have been getting these confusing thoughts saying what if I don't like him anymore. I do like him being around him though. IM also afraid in being a relationship, because it wil my first one, and I feel im not ready for it yet. I have this fear that I wont be a good gf or I may not feel anything when I kiss that special one.

all these thoughts are bothering me so much, because I don't know what I feel anymore. idk if it's just hormones. and honestly when I look at him, even though I don't feel those ooey gooey butterflies , Ive always seen him as more than a friend. The thought of him not being I my life doesn't appeal to me. I just hope im not losing interest in him because I don't feel what other people feel around their person of interest.

Maybe its because im also comfortable around him for the most part because ive known him for a long time? its really bothering me lol. I know this sounds ridiculous and silly:p, but bare with me. I'm also praying about it currently and hoping God will reveal to me if he's the one, and when is the perfect time to be in a relationship. I apologize in advance if I repeated words like "feel" a lot.
 
Sometimes guys act differently because they notice you are no longer noticing them and they don't want to lose you, the fact that you said he notices you being more social and outgoing also points into the direction that he might be noticing that other guys are now noticing you.

If he is still in a relationship then you shouldn't even be thinking about getting into a relationship with him. He needs to fully move on from so that he can be in a relationship with you without the baggage of his past relationship.

If you don't like him the way you used to then maybe you need to step back and take some time, focus on you and God and then God will in time reveal to you if this is who you should be with. You are still so young to be over thinking dating. Are you ready to get married? If not, then you shouldn't be dating because the point of dating is to get married, could you see yourself marrying this boy?

You said you have a fear that you won't be a good girlfriend, I think this is a big sign that you not yet ready for dating the way you should date as a Christian
(with the intent to get married), you will play out those insecurities in your relationship and bring extra stress to the relationship.

Your first kiss will probably be really awkward even if you know that person for a long time.

At 17, I am going to say that hormones are playing a big role in all this, but keep praying for insight.
 
You're so lucky. I feel the same way about a non Christian... I know God doesn't want me to date and be with an un believer but I'm not as fervent a Christian as I'd like to be, so I tend to question God instead of trust him.
 
No, he's not in a relationship with anybody. The girl he thought he was going to have a future with (he was with her for over 2 years ) broke up with her a year ago because she wasn't really a Christian and didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, so he's been single, but more than likely still fully getting over it. I can tell is main focus is as I said God, family , school (he wants to get into UF and maybe hopes I go to the same college as him) not really a relationship right now and I'm totally okay with that. And yes, other guys have taken much interest in me as well, but rejected them because they were either creepy, gross, not a Christian, or I just never found them attractive whatsoever.
 
And I know very well people should only date with the intention of marriage , and I have thought about that in my head with him. He stands out in my mind and seems like the one, it's just I don't get these confused feelings. Very annoying but I just hope right now they eventually go away and I think clearly
 
swagglestar214 said:
I'm 17 years old and lately I've been just experiencing this annoying confusing thoughts going on through in my head. There's this guy that I have been friends with since 8th grade, who used to have a girlfriend and expressed to me several times that he only liked me as a friend. I eventually got pretty much over it and accepted it, even though I took interest I him.

However, For the past 2 months, he's been acting different with me. He started to flirt with me and taking interest and texted me how he wants to get to know me more as friends for now. He says he's seen a big change in me, as in being more outgoing and social, and his friends have helped him see that.

He says I have a humorous soul, I'm an amazing writer and drawer, but wants to connect with me on personal level and feels he doesn't know me well enough. I've seen more of a change in him these past mnoths as well. He's acting a little more mature and has changed behavior than what he used to have. Yes, he's a christian and believes strongly in waiting till marriage, which is nice to find that in a teen guy.

What I do love about him is his sweetness, sense of humor, trying to be successful in school and getting his future straight. I also love the fact he's so close to his mother and has great respect for her. He's still not perfect, and does act like a little boy sometimes, but he does have the qualities I look for in a guy.

I care for him so much, and I do think about him all the time. The problem is now I don't feel those butterflies like I used to with him. Once in a while I have, but very rarely now. Does that mean I don't like him as much? Like have been getting these confusing thoughts saying what if I don't like him anymore. I do like him being around him though. IM also afraid in being a relationship, because it wil my first one, and I feel im not ready for it yet. I have this fear that I wont be a good gf or I may not feel anything when I kiss that special one.

all these thoughts are bothering me so much, because I don't know what I feel anymore. idk if it's just hormones. and honestly when I look at him, even though I don't feel those ooey gooey butterflies , Ive always seen him as more than a friend. The thought of him not being I my life doesn't appeal to me. I just hope im not losing interest in him because I don't feel what other people feel around their person of interest.

Maybe its because im also comfortable around him for the most part because ive known him for a long time? its really bothering me lol. I know this sounds ridiculous and silly:p, but bare with me. I'm also praying about it currently and hoping God will reveal to me if he's the one, and when is the perfect time to be in a relationship. I apologize in advance if I repeated words like "feel" a lot.
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Butterfly stomach is an amazing feeling, but it's just that a feeling. Love, however, matures and grows into something deeper.

Second, leave it in God's hands. If he flirts, and you want to, flirt back. If God wishes more, more will happen.

Third, you are young. I hate saying that because I hated hearing it. I have friends who have married their high school sweethearts, but many more who haven't... again leave it in God's hands. Do as you believe He wills.
 
You shouldn't judge how you should feel about him based on what others feel about their significant others. Feelings change from individual to individual. Like so many have said on here, just keep praying and God will guide you in the right direction. Follow your heart, if you are getting the feeling that you should remain friends, remain friends. I hope your prayers are answered! God Bless!
 
I think you're one of those that, rightfully so, likes to get the highest quality available, no compromise. Whatever you thought you felt in 8th grade towards him, I promise you was fantasy. You only liked what you thought he was. Something about humans is that we want what we can't have. Going back to the I think you're one of those that wants the highest possible quality, something or someone that is unavailable to you appears to be more valuable (usually) than it actually is, because of the perceived demand; simply, if someone else wants him, he must be worth it.

My point is, now that you're older and more mature I think you're starting to see his faults, like being immature for instance. "Love" often times blinds us to the signs staring us in the face. That's why a lot of marriages fail nowadays after 3 months, because that's when the love potion usually wears off and they start to notice all the things they missed at first.

So, my advice to you would be to follow your own guideline of not compromising and don't settle for this guy solely because he's a Christian and respects his mother; I can give you a whole list of people that fit that description, but very few of them are actually dating material. He's obviously trying to get with you. You know it, he knows it, God knows it. I think he's finally come to his senses about what he missed before. Regardless, think and pray on it, that God's will be done.
 
i once heard at church, if u dont want yet to get married, then do not engage in a relationship.
and don't settle for less, wait for God's best :)
ask God for wisdom and since you are young and so is he.

find a man who can also be your partner in the ministry
ask first for an undivided heart

'will pray for u friend :)
 
I want to thank everybody for taking previous time to read my silly post and taking the time to provide a helpful answer. I'm currently praying on it , but still have been getting those same confusing feelings on and off. It's quite annoying and bothers me to the point of tears in frustration , but at the moment I'm trying not to let anything of confusion bother me because I know confusion in general is not of God.

What makes things more confusing is when I try to look for answers about dating , chemistry , sparks etc online, there's all these different answers and opinions , and I don't know what to believe. Drives me nuts lol. All I want to do is inform myself more for when I do get in a relationship because I'm 17 going on 18. I do admit , I think about my guy friend almost all the time , wondering what he's doing and thinking ,and even have many dreams with him in it..lol. I guess that means I still like him even if I don't get butterflies/fuzzy feeling around him anymore?

Lol i do enjoy when he texts me and gives me attention more than if another guy were to give me attention , however I'm still kind of nervous when I'm with him alone because I don't know what to say or if he'll find me weird, so a lot of times I avoid him oddly. It's weird haha. I feel embarrassed sharing my questions and thoughts like this on here , but I just feel the need to vent vent vent
 
Its always funny to me, how people are around people they're attracted to. 'I'm afraid i'll do something that makes him/her think i'm weird/stupid/strange/etc...'. Yeah, well, guess what? If that person does end up thinking that about you, it's going to come out eventually. And that is only evidence that no matter how much you may enjoy them, they cannot, and will not, return the same feelings. The sooner you learn they think bad things about you that drive them away, the less time spent chasing hopeless fantasies. So be yourself. Be proud of it. If they can't take it, move on and find someone who can not just tolerate you, but appreciate you without you having to do anything more than be who you are.

And i say this knowing it's easier said than done. I'm full guilty of that type of concern as well. It just makes me laugh when i step back and think how silly it really is.
 
I teach my youth group not to get serious with anyone, until they are older. (with the intent of marriage). I always tell them if they are to date as a teen, then do so in groups (no alone time) and just have fun (in a safe manner)...and don't be serious about the relationship.
 
I had a long talk with him just previously and here's everything he told me to be clear. He said how he possibly has an interest in me , but he doesn't want me to get my hopes up, because he cares for me. He doesn't know what he wants , and is confused and complicated. He afraid of eventually getting in a relationship with me, because being I never had a bf, he doesn't want to possibly be the first boyfriend to break my heart because he knows what it feels like to be in that situation. He says how I'm so innocent , and he doesn't want to be the first one to break that. He's afraid of what if we don't last after highschool if we go to diff colleges because the possibility of highschool relationships lasting is slim. He said he wants to be more open and sensitive to me, and does want things to last, but he's scared. I haven't seen him this summer but he said he would love to see me and invited me over his mother's house for her birthday, and wants to see me during a volunteering camp in our area for little kids during the week. What are your thoughts ?
 
swagglestar214 said:
I had a long talk with him just previously and here's everything he told me to be clear. He said how he possibly has an interest in me , but he doesn't want me to get my hopes up, because he cares for me. He doesn't know what he wants , and is confused and complicated. He afraid of eventually getting in a relationship with me, because being I never had a bf, he doesn't want to possibly be the first boyfriend to break my heart because he knows what it feels like to be in that situation. He says how I'm so innocent , and he doesn't want to be the first one to break that. He's afraid of what if we don't last after highschool if we go to diff colleges because the possibility of highschool relationships lasting is slim. He said he wants to be more open and sensitive to me, and does want things to last, but he's scared. I haven't seen him this summer but he said he would love to see me and invited me over his mother's house for her birthday, and wants to see me during a volunteering camp in our area for little kids during the week. What are your thoughts ?
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He really needs to pray, and not rely on his feelings . If you both feel like you like each other than fast and pray and till God gives you the answer. Just because someone is a match doesn't mean they are the one. Best advice is to pray and fast about both of you...Still be friends...before a relationship is a friendship. Evaluate...why do you lke him. Is it simply based on ""butterflies"? Would you marry him?

Don't have a relationship based on butterflies. Those feelings will fade.
 
No, I don't get butterflies around him like i used to. It has nothing to do with the whole "the way he makes me feel". Ive known him since 8th grade and we're about to be Seniors. I'm just interested in him as a person because of his sensitivity,openness, and honesty to me. He acts very kind and gentle with me, and respects me a lot. It's based on his qualities that I hope to know more on a deeper friendship level. He wants to connect with me as a friend and feels he doesn't know me weel enough on a deep level. He really trusts me and has opened up to me about stuff that he never shared with anybody else or people he called "close". I do find him attractive, but Like i said, I dont get the whole fuzzy feeling like I used to as a young teen. It just went away and now It's just something deeper and serious. I'm no where near ready in getting married of course lol. I have thought about him with that, but I don't want to think that far ahead and I don't want to marry too young. I explained to him my innocence shouldn't be a problem and a guy should want a girl who still has that innocence. I said I only deserve the best nd nothing less. I'm not going to compromise. I respect and want to protect myself, and hope he fgures out his confusion and lets me know, even If I don't like the answer or not. I just felt like when he told me all that, that he wants to keep his options open and see if he wants to find a better girl, and if he doesn't, I'm like the "last option." He said it's not like that at all and I'm twisting his words. I told him to pray about it but we had to cut the conversation short, because he had to go to bed. So I guess we'll continue when he can.
 
ThomistColin said:
Butterfly stomach is an amazing feeling, but it's just that a feeling. Love, however, matures and grows into something deeper.

Second, leave it in God's hands. If he flirts, and you want to, flirt back. If God wishes more, more will happen.

Third, you are young. I hate saying that because I hated hearing it. I have friends who have married their high school sweethearts, but many more who haven't... again leave it in God's hands. Do as you believe He wills.
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This is is pretty much exactly what I was going to say. Great post.
 
Hi, we have the same situation, I also have this guy friends, I liked him, but now Im like over that feelings but we are so close like we are sharing problems, encouraging one another and many more and we are both christians, but I know God wants for me is to be in a relationship when I am ready to be in a relationship when its time and season Ecclesiastes 3:1 Everything on earth has itsown time and season. Ask and check your heart are you ready financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually? Simply Delight yourself into the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart ;)
 
here is my suggestion.....the first thing u need to do is pray that u dont have to fear when u think about ur relationship.
second try to have good communication with him
third focus on the good in him
fourth pray that its the will of God
fiftieth if u think u r attracted to him....u can start dating him .....remember that when u start dating him u gonna marry him....but when u begin dating him and he may not be perfect by all his act . i mean don't expect to much perfectness in him....thank u for reading this.....i wish it may help u !!
 
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