Self-destructive (disorder?)

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Ymmot

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My main problem is that I'm a bit...self-destructive.
I have a weird pleasure in doing something that's wrong and then regretting it and apologizing. It happens alot and I feel that it's ruining my life. Examples?

- Being rude to everyone when I'm in a bad mood ( even though my conscience is active, I still do it)
- Not doing work which I am responsible for just to piss everyone off
- Being a cheat or worse in games (yesterday I got banned from Minecraft for stealing from my own mates)
- Arguing on purpose with my gf
- Also, I smoke...

Again, I get a strange pleasure from regretting everything I do and apologizing to everyone, trying to make everything right the next day. A saint today, a scamp tomorrow. What should I do? It's getting out of control...
 
It sounds like you found yourself ways to amuse yourself (such as playing computer games, a girlfriend, behaving like a rebel without a cause, smoking)

but you haven't found god. Because if you would have, you wouldn't be sinning like this.
It is normal to feel the impulse to sin, and sin again and again and again.

Every moment, you need to guard your heart.
Pray every moment, that you can be with god... and be free from the desire for wordly pleasures to amuse yourself.
Pray every moment, That you can think straight and live straight.

If you let your guard down, the demons will surely tell you god isn't real...
or that it's ok to be moderate in your beliefs.



You have discovered pleasure, and if you want to continue the path of pleasure.. it can get very ugly.
You can consider this:

The general advice is...

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal."

If you do not yet see clearly, pray for clarity.
Once you see clearly, you will pray to be with god.

Because being with god...
is more important than being rich, beautiful, popular, having a girlfriend, having sex, etc etc.
It's the only way to be truely happy. So i believe...
 
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I agree with goasia, except the last part. Hebrews 11:24-32 By faith, Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, 25 choosing rather to share ill treatment with God’s people, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a time; 26 accounting the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt; for he looked to the reward. 27 By faith, he left Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured, as seeing him who is invisible. 28 By faith, he kept the Passover, and the sprinkling of the blood, that the destroyer of the firstborn should not touch them. 29 By faith, they passed through the Red Sea as on dry land. When the Egyptians tried to do so, they were swallowed up. 30 By faith, the walls of Jericho fell down, after they had been encircled for seven days. 31 By faith, Rahab the prostitute, didn’t perish with those who were disobedient, having received the spies in peace. 32 What more shall I say?

The Bible admits that sin is pleasurable, but only for a time. And the way to counter that is through an active faith. So how do you get faith? The Bible says that Ephesians 2:8-9 "for by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,not of works, that no one may boast;". So you can not aquire it on your own; for Romans 10:17 "faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God". So you need to hear the word of God to aquire faith. So here is the Scripture that I believe will most help you. 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." If you have faith in this Scripture than you will be able to stand up under every temptation.

Let me put it another way. When you say (disorder?) in your title I see an attitude that is apart of the culture we live in, where the attitude of "I'm not to blame" prevails. The name of a disorder is an excuse for scores of people; don't make that your trap. I studied in counseling and psychology for almost 4 years and I've looked into the handbook that gives the diagnosis of disorders (the DSM IV) and believe me when I say that the group that comes up with the disorders are linked up with big pharmaceutical companies that get loads of profit from a trusting public. They just make this stuff up to make people feel insecure about themselves and feel dependent on drugs to help them. If you don't believe me, go to a library and get the DSM IV and look and see what some of these disorders are. Some are ligit, but most are arbitrarily defined with large, yet vague words. Ultimately most of the diagnosis goes to the issuer of the drug, not the definition of the disorder.
 
Sounds to me more like possibly you enjoy the 'making up' aspect of things more than the initial problem. Its probably do to a feeling of a lack of closeness. Making up for mistakes tends to create a strong temporary bond between people. It feels good to make things right, and you enjoy the closeness it forms from correcting it. Now you feel proud of yourself for doing 'right' and feel close to someone. Problem is, in order to get to this point you have to hurt someone. The key is learning to accept the natural state of relationships and not feeling like you have that need for that extra closeness. Or better yet, finding that closeness with God, as opposed to people.

If you still feel that there's an element of enjoyment in the actual wrong actions, it sounds like a rebellious/anti-authority attitude. 'You can't tell me what to do'. That is a very dangerous attitude and you need to begin praying to have it rooted it. Possibly even see a counselor, or pastor, to discuss why you feel this way. I can sometimes get that way under certain circumstances, though not to the frequency or degree that you do. One way or another i suggest that for all of this at very least seek pastoral help, and if possible even go to a counselor as well. You're still young enough to work through this before it has any last negative effects on your life, i suggest taking advantage of that.
 
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