Hello my friends,
I'm Paul, And it's not my real name.
A while ago, I was saved by Jesus Christ.
In the place I'm living, converting to Christianity is a death mark on forehead. Basically, If authority finds out who I am, they'll have me dead in less than a week. In best case scenario they put me in jail for a lifetime and will cause harm to my family. So, I will not (at least try not to) share anything about my personal information. This is my story of converting to Christianity.
I was born in a Muslim family, In a Muslim country. In home my parents encouraged me to be a devote muslim and pray 5 times a day and read Quran. And in school they forced us to pray and be a Muslim without any question, using fear, lies and propaganda.
Naturally I was a devote Muslim, until age ~18. At that age, something started to growing in me, a voice that questioned my beliefs. Questions like:
- "Is that the truth?"
- "Is it everything about the world?"
So my journey began.
I started to research about Islam. Learning more about it. And as I advanced in my researches, I found out there is nothing right about Islam. And my entire belief system reduced to ash in front of my eyes. This emptiness, made the questioning voice in my head louder and louder.
- "So what is the truth?"
- "What if there be heaven and hell, how you will save yourself?"
- "How you gonna live, with what purpose? which law? where to take shelter?"
I lived as an Atheist after that. Temporarily choking the questioning voice with lies and illogical things like "Everything is random", "Everything is meaningless", "God is a controlling framework for those in power" and etc. It countinued till age ~23.
The voice of my head got louder. I could not continue living like that - empty and purposeless. So I started to researching and reading again. This time, because of my taste of music - which was metal at that time - I drawn to Satanism. I learned the theology, practiced rituals and did and said things that I do not want to think about it ever again. (Indeed: "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick [Matthew 9:12]")
I did not found truth and right things in Satanism too.
So I tried something else. I was ~25 years old when I started to learning and practicing ancient eastern and western philosophies, specially Taoism and Stoicism. It was even worst than Statanism era of my life! Those believes drained the last drops of hope of me to find the truth.
I was completely empty, broken, afraid, defeated and ashamed. a walking corpse.
And then that day came upon me.
At age 27, I was walking in home, alone.
Soulless and empty doing nothing.
It was at noon.
I walked toward window of room to feel the sunlight.
I felt the Presence
Like nothing I felt before
I could not stand on my feet
I knelt
And wept
It was like my whole soul was in fire, cleansing
And started to saying this in English, not in my mother language:
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
And crying like a child (as right now that I'm writing all this for first time)
Strangely I did not know who was the "Father" I'm calling. Had no clue
Like those words was given to me to say
And that happened. Finally, I had answer to the questioning voice in my head after all those years, many pains and many wickedness.
Jesus is King,
The Father sent him,
To die for our sins,
He is the love,
He is the way, the truth, and the life [John 14:6]
My story doesn't end here. After that day, I have changed, like a born again, I have a new personality.
I do not fear of being persecuted and put to death.
I have no fear. except fear of God.
I used to play guitar, now all I'm playing is my Harp, while im praying.
Financial crisis in my country, and family does not crush my soul anymore.
Lust removed from my life, I've instructed by the Holy Spirit to how leave my harmful habits, some morning after that day, at work I started to write these things on my notebook on my desk, like that day, these words were given to me to say:
- to not lust is to love
- to feed the spirit is to starve the flesh
- you are not achieved, you are received
- you do not have authority over unclean spirites, Jesus does [night before that morning, things happened that I do not want to talk about it, but spritual realm is real! and the only way that we can be victorious is by the name of Jesus, Becuase his name is above every other name - never forget that]
So I started to put these instructions in practice, and quit all my destructive habits and behaviors and mindsets step by step.
If you thing that was everything, just know Jesus is more kind and merciful than we can imagine.
I had worst level of Misophonia since I was a child. Basically everyday life was a challange for me, almost any noise made me crazy - street, breathing, eating, drinking, sirens, etc. (It was the reason I drawn to metal music - when I listened to it I would not hear anything else).
I physically hurt myself many times (as a child) and have some of scars on my hands till this day.
No therapist and drug helped me with that. I just learned when to fight or flight.
Two weeks after that day that Father saved me, one night, When I was praying, I cried and asked Jesus to heal that illness. right before falling sleep, I felt his Holy Presence and a sudden cold wind ran near my left ear. If you want to know how I felt that moment please imagine this: "You forced to run restless for hours with 50KG of backpack on your shoulders, no water, no food, no shadow. In middle of noon at a high temprature. Suddenly someone stops you, takes your backpack, gives you cold water, hugs you, and gives you shelter in a house and gives you the best food you ever seen."! That was how I felt. Jesus rebuked that illness. Since then miraculously, my Misophonia cured.
A vision of kingdom of heaven that I cannot write about it, speak about it, or even think about it. I really want to say it to you but I cant. I pray for you to see the vision I saw. God please show it to whoever read my testimony. Jesus show them what I saw, as it is a part of my testimony but I cannot write. Show that place to them, where was light. goodness and happiness and smiles of those lights. show them that light. Amen.
That was my testimony my friends.
I am not afraid of Persecution. But pray for me to survive and pray in a chuch someday. with a community. I just want to experience it before I die.
God bless you
I'm Paul, And it's not my real name.
A while ago, I was saved by Jesus Christ.
In the place I'm living, converting to Christianity is a death mark on forehead. Basically, If authority finds out who I am, they'll have me dead in less than a week. In best case scenario they put me in jail for a lifetime and will cause harm to my family. So, I will not (at least try not to) share anything about my personal information. This is my story of converting to Christianity.
I was born in a Muslim family, In a Muslim country. In home my parents encouraged me to be a devote muslim and pray 5 times a day and read Quran. And in school they forced us to pray and be a Muslim without any question, using fear, lies and propaganda.
Naturally I was a devote Muslim, until age ~18. At that age, something started to growing in me, a voice that questioned my beliefs. Questions like:
- "Is that the truth?"
- "Is it everything about the world?"
So my journey began.
I started to research about Islam. Learning more about it. And as I advanced in my researches, I found out there is nothing right about Islam. And my entire belief system reduced to ash in front of my eyes. This emptiness, made the questioning voice in my head louder and louder.
- "So what is the truth?"
- "What if there be heaven and hell, how you will save yourself?"
- "How you gonna live, with what purpose? which law? where to take shelter?"
I lived as an Atheist after that. Temporarily choking the questioning voice with lies and illogical things like "Everything is random", "Everything is meaningless", "God is a controlling framework for those in power" and etc. It countinued till age ~23.
The voice of my head got louder. I could not continue living like that - empty and purposeless. So I started to researching and reading again. This time, because of my taste of music - which was metal at that time - I drawn to Satanism. I learned the theology, practiced rituals and did and said things that I do not want to think about it ever again. (Indeed: "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick [Matthew 9:12]")
I did not found truth and right things in Satanism too.
So I tried something else. I was ~25 years old when I started to learning and practicing ancient eastern and western philosophies, specially Taoism and Stoicism. It was even worst than Statanism era of my life! Those believes drained the last drops of hope of me to find the truth.
I was completely empty, broken, afraid, defeated and ashamed. a walking corpse.
And then that day came upon me.
At age 27, I was walking in home, alone.
Soulless and empty doing nothing.
It was at noon.
I walked toward window of room to feel the sunlight.
I felt the Presence
Like nothing I felt before
I could not stand on my feet
I knelt
And wept
It was like my whole soul was in fire, cleansing
And started to saying this in English, not in my mother language:
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
"O Father Forgive Me"
And crying like a child (as right now that I'm writing all this for first time)
Strangely I did not know who was the "Father" I'm calling. Had no clue
Like those words was given to me to say
And that happened. Finally, I had answer to the questioning voice in my head after all those years, many pains and many wickedness.
Jesus is King,
The Father sent him,
To die for our sins,
He is the love,
He is the way, the truth, and the life [John 14:6]
My story doesn't end here. After that day, I have changed, like a born again, I have a new personality.
I do not fear of being persecuted and put to death.
I have no fear. except fear of God.
I used to play guitar, now all I'm playing is my Harp, while im praying.
Financial crisis in my country, and family does not crush my soul anymore.
Lust removed from my life, I've instructed by the Holy Spirit to how leave my harmful habits, some morning after that day, at work I started to write these things on my notebook on my desk, like that day, these words were given to me to say:
- to not lust is to love
- to feed the spirit is to starve the flesh
- you are not achieved, you are received
- you do not have authority over unclean spirites, Jesus does [night before that morning, things happened that I do not want to talk about it, but spritual realm is real! and the only way that we can be victorious is by the name of Jesus, Becuase his name is above every other name - never forget that]
So I started to put these instructions in practice, and quit all my destructive habits and behaviors and mindsets step by step.
If you thing that was everything, just know Jesus is more kind and merciful than we can imagine.
I had worst level of Misophonia since I was a child. Basically everyday life was a challange for me, almost any noise made me crazy - street, breathing, eating, drinking, sirens, etc. (It was the reason I drawn to metal music - when I listened to it I would not hear anything else).
I physically hurt myself many times (as a child) and have some of scars on my hands till this day.
No therapist and drug helped me with that. I just learned when to fight or flight.
Two weeks after that day that Father saved me, one night, When I was praying, I cried and asked Jesus to heal that illness. right before falling sleep, I felt his Holy Presence and a sudden cold wind ran near my left ear. If you want to know how I felt that moment please imagine this: "You forced to run restless for hours with 50KG of backpack on your shoulders, no water, no food, no shadow. In middle of noon at a high temprature. Suddenly someone stops you, takes your backpack, gives you cold water, hugs you, and gives you shelter in a house and gives you the best food you ever seen."! That was how I felt. Jesus rebuked that illness. Since then miraculously, my Misophonia cured.
A vision of kingdom of heaven that I cannot write about it, speak about it, or even think about it. I really want to say it to you but I cant. I pray for you to see the vision I saw. God please show it to whoever read my testimony. Jesus show them what I saw, as it is a part of my testimony but I cannot write. Show that place to them, where was light. goodness and happiness and smiles of those lights. show them that light. Amen.
That was my testimony my friends.
I am not afraid of Persecution. But pray for me to survive and pray in a chuch someday. with a community. I just want to experience it before I die.
God bless you
Thank you for sharing it with us!
