Opposite gender

  • Thread starter Thread starter TakeDominion
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TakeDominion

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Hello.
I have been saved for a few months now, and I am in LOVE with Jesus.
But I have this problem.
I have been with this girl (sorta) for over a year now. She's the one that brought me to the realization.
We're not officially "dating" we just know that we are together, and that God has brought us together.
We believe God wants to use our musical talents to glorify His name.
But we have this problem.
With lust.
We are both absolute Jesus freaks, but we have been drawn into the belief that teens to be "in a relationship" have to do all these terrible things. We haven't had sex, we are waiting until marriage, but we do things at the borderline.
We need help.
We both know it's happening, while it's happening.
But when we go home, we both feel awful.
But then the next day it happens again.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
I've sought help and deliverance, but no results.
I know we need to control ourselves.
We know that we are going to do these bad things, but afterwards we get in a big discussion about how we have to stop and turn from it and be clean.
But it doesn't happen.
We need help.
We need advice.
 
Been there. Done that. It's hard. We all know it's hard. Even the people who are successful in purity know that it's hard. Boundaries and accountability are key. Be specific and don't be shy even if you think you sound prude. It's better to be prude that impure. Suggestions of boundaries: 1) Do not be left alone in a private place together. If there is a place where you may be left alone, let someone know who can keep you accountable. 2) A little too much of this or that (even though they may be innocent enough) will likley lead to much more intimate sinner... ie. a few too many kisses, waste grabs, etc. could make your slope even more slippery. 3) Be specific with you gf/bf about what will drive you over the edge. It's better to draw the line too close than too far. ie. kiss me on the cheek only, kiss me on the lips only, do not grab my waste, do not smack my butt, etc.
An older accountabilty couple is key. Meet with them regularly. Be blunt. Pick someone you're both comfortable with, and leave your parents out on it. This is not to say that parents can't be helpful, but much of the time it's better to get an outside perspective.
 
I know where you're coming from. That used to be and still is a big struggle I have to deal with. God gives me strength to overcome a great deal of it through prayer and concentration, but I also take precautions so I do not fall into a trap which sadly has taken hold of me more times than I would have liked in my past.

I struggled with it a great deal during a previous relationship which I am never proud of when I look back at it, it was even used as a tool against me which I needn't have to say is a pretty tough thing to go through. But I learned from it. I learned my limits. I learned how my mind can wander towards lustful things, and once I knew the triggers, I started trying to cut them out of my life.
Recently, I finally approached a girl I had been considering, and with her came a new approach to relationships for me. It was radical and different than what people normally expect, but it was something that tugged on my heart and apparently was a big part of this girl's heart as well. We entered into a courtship not 2 weeks ago after a long period of thought and prayer as to whether or not we even wanted to be in a relationship with each other, and because of who we are, the struggles we have, and the paths that God has set before us that we desperately want to follow , we've decided on rules and limitations to how we approach this relationship and the most important one, which relates directly to this subject is the fact that we have something that we call a "no-touch relationship". By that I mean exactly what it sounds like, we don't in any way have physical contact with each other. No holding hands, no innocent hugs, and definitely no kissing. It's a means of protection for not only our hearts, but our minds. The temptation to go further would be too great at this time. What would keep us from saying "Oh... well we're holding hands.. what's wrong with a hug?" and then it moves on to "Well.. we're hugging.. i mean, a kiss isn't so bad, is it?". It's a slippery slope, and not one that either of us wants to intentionally place ourselves on.

Now, I'm not saying that this is the answer for your struggles with lust. I can "suggest" it, but even that is a stretch. This kind of commitment is nothing less than something you need God in all His power and glory to remain strong in. If, however, you want God to be at the center of this relationship. If you want each of you to have the strength and mindset to fight the corruptibility that lust can place on our minds and hearts, then I think it is about time you did something RADICAL as well.
 
However I should have noticed the key thing... looking back I see that you're 15 and... well.. not that what I said won't apply later, but It probably doesn't apply now as much. You're 15 (or so your profile says), and maybe you're putting too much pressure on having this relationship than taking the time to mature and grow with God and in how you and her work emotionally. :-/
Sorry about the long message before, I should pay more attention. Haha
 
honestly i dont think teen years are to be spent having intimate relationships because it's just not healthy especially emotionally speaking . u are going to learn how to have control over ur body , not let it have control over u, and being so intimately close with a girl now just won't help u in the process...
that kind of relationship u are having is reserved for marriage, for when u are prepared (not even i have it! i'm conscious it's very serious and demands a lot of responsibilities) so , unless u plan to marry soon it's not wholesome for u two
in 1Corinthians 7:9 u'll see this and its so true
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion
then u ask urself "am i ready for such a serious thing as marriage?" :) ask the girl too , and if u feel comfortable , ask ur parents .
i dont doubt there might be peer pressure involved too , with everyone else with their boyfriends and girlfriends , especially at school but we need to be set apart , if we are not watchful we end up getting "contaminated"
it's awesome that the girl helped u come to Christ but from now on ur most important relationship is with Jesus , the girl was an instrument , and now it's Jesus u should live for and He wants us to be pure. God is opposed to impurity because He loves u and He knows sin leads us to destruction. since u both arent being successful trying to keep what u had planned it would be good if u could talk about it with an older person u trust , other things might come up out of a talk.
i know at 15 emotions and all are mixed up but if u love each other as we should love one another , like brothers as we are to, u should avoid being alone with her and i would suggest that u pray for her not to let temptation let her sin as u should pray too and u'll get stronger:) i hope it helps
 
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