Is Starbucks a Good Place to Meet Single Women?

[Magenta]

I haven't been in a Starbucks since I was maybe 18 or 19 years old. The only reason I ever went into the store was because my father is a coffee addict and while helping him out with various things he would always stop at one on the way to take me back home. I've actually never been a fan of coffee they serve at those kinds of places. If I'm ever in the mood for coffee, which is extremely rare btw, I just drink it plain. I rarely get the desire for coffee though because it effects me differently than most people. It tends to make me extremely tired but it also makes my heart rate speed up so much that I can't sleep. It's like added torture to my insomnia since it makes me more tired than I usually am but my physical body shakes with each heartbeat.

I give it a 0/10 in effectiveness but the flavor is decent.

Ah, yes, coffee jitters! I used to get them too, and it is an awful feeling. I also drank decaf for a time,
and tried no coffee at all, but friends were always going for coffee... even still am sometimes accused
of not really liking coffee because I sweeten it so much and put a lot of cream in it. It will also keep me
awake if I drink it too late in the day, and also, since I do not eat breakfast per se, I can tell when I am
only burning caffeine and need to put some other fuel in the furnace. You may be allergic to caffeine.
I used to say I was, but if I don't overdo it I am fine.

 

[Cold]

Ah, yes, coffee jitters! I used to get them too, and it is an awful feeling. I also drank decaf for a time,
and tried no coffee at all, but friends were always going for coffee... even still am sometimes accused
of not really liking coffee because I sweeten it so much and put a lot of cream in it. It will also keep me
awake if I drink it too late in the day, and also, since I do not eat breakfast per se, I can tell when I am
only burning caffeine and need to put some other fuel in the furnace. You may be allergic to caffeine.
I used to say I was, but if I don't overdo it I am fine.

Well, caffeine isn't really an issue since I drink energy drinks most days. I started drinking them in the hopes that they would counter the tiredness I always felt from insomnia but they never worked. Now I just drink them out of habit and because I like the taste but the caffeine never effects me in them. Well I say never but I do sometimes get massive heart rate spikes lol. As I like to tell myself, a little chest pain never hurt anyone. I've been cutting down on them recently and am hoping to just stop drinking them permanently and swap to water. It'll save me money and maybe I'll feel a little better internally.

 

[Ballaurena]

A very good point. While I find the rest of your reply compelling, I want to focus on this one phrase.

We as believers have a tendency to convict someone we don't know as being "non-Christians," even before we've got a chance to get to know them. Even worse, when they profess their faith in Christ, we often compare ourselves to them. We construct a ledger in our heads, a sort of side-by-side comparison. For example:

Me: Him:

--Been going to church all my life --Didn’t grow up in the church
--Read my Bible every night --His family are mostly unbelievers
--Talk about God all the time --He’s a relatively new Christian
--In a women’s Bible study --He hardly opens his Bible
--Serve as a greeter and usher --He doesn’t serve his church
--Participate in women’s retreats every year --Doesn’t participate in men’s ministries
--Tithe eleven percent, just to make sure --Doesn’t give enough to his church

You've been brainwashed by your pastors over the years into believing the guy has to be a perfect Christian before you can even go on a first date with him. This, coupled with Christian men being overly shy, is the reason we see women in our local churches--and often in their late thirties-- wondering if they'll ever have a chance at a married life.

I do think there is a little something to your post there that I need to hear. There were/are other confounding factors, though. For example, in the story in question, the guy was also a little young for me and I didn't want to embarrass him if he was just being friendly. I'm also looking for the one God shows me, not interested in just finding someone who will take me. I'm open for learning to identify that better, but I know there have been occasions when I found myself backing out of investigating a possible relationship because my gut told me that God wasn't in it.

Also, I mostly haven't had an opportunity to even be in the position of "Me" in your example. For me its been more like:

Single guy at church 1: My brother.
Single guy at church 2: My cousin.
Single guy at church 3: Kid I taught in children's church.
Single guy at church 4: My developmentally disabled friend who has since passed on.

Not that any of the first three of these were ever a consideration. And I even asked God about my DD friend - God said 'No.' Like I said elsewhere, "My experience suggests that unmarried Christian men between the ages of 25 and 65 don't exist unless they are my relatives, developmentally delayed, or 3,000 Miles away. "

 

[Cold]

I do think there is a little something to your post there that I need to hear. There were/are other confounding factors, though. For example, in the story in question, the guy was also a little young for me and I didn't want to embarrass him if he was just being friendly. I'm also looking for the one God shows me, not interested in just finding someone who will take me. I'm open for learning to identify that better, but I know there have been occasions when I found myself backing out of investigating a possible relationship because my gut told me that God wasn't in it.

Also, I mostly haven't had an opportunity to even be in the position of "Me" in your example. For me its been more like:

Single guy at church 1: My brother.
Single guy at church 2: My cousin.
Single guy at church 3: Kid I taught in children's church.
Single guy at church 4: My developmentally disabled friend who has since passed on.

Not that any of the first three of these were ever a consideration. And I even asked God about my DD friend - God said 'No.' Like I said elsewhere, "My experience suggests that unmarried Christian men between the ages of 25 and 65 don't exist unless they are my relatives, developmentally delayed, or 3,000 Miles away. "

Well, at least you didn't consider the Alabama route.

 

[Cameron143]

I do think there is a little something to your post there that I need to hear. There were/are other confounding factors, though. For example, in the story in question, the guy was also a little young for me and I didn't want to embarrass him if he was just being friendly. I'm also looking for the one God shows me, not interested in just finding someone who will take me. I'm open for learning to identify that better, but I know there have been occasions when I found myself backing out of investigating a possible relationship because my gut told me that God wasn't in it.

Also, I mostly haven't had an opportunity to even be in the position of "Me" in your example. For me its been more like:

Single guy at church 1: My brother.
Single guy at church 2: My cousin.
Single guy at church 3: Kid I taught in children's church.
Single guy at church 4: My developmentally disabled friend who has since passed on.

Not that any of the first three of these were ever a consideration. And I even asked God about my DD friend - God said 'No.' Like I said elsewhere, "My experience suggests that unmarried Christian men between the ages of 25 and 65 don't exist unless they are my relatives, developmentally delayed, or 3,000 Miles away. "

Move to the Midwest and then they will only be 1500 miles away.

 

[Ballaurena]

Well, at least you didn't consider the Alabama route.

Alabama?!? Isn't that like another universe?

 

[Cold]

Alabama?!? Isn't that like another universe?

It might as well be, with everything I hear about it.

 

[Magenta]

Well, caffeine isn't really an issue since I drink energy drinks most days. I started drinking them in the hopes that they would counter the tiredness I always felt from insomnia but they never worked. Now I just drink them out of habit and because I like the taste but the caffeine never effects me in them. Well I say never but I do sometimes get massive heart rate spikes lol. As I like to tell myself, a little chest pain never hurt anyone. I've been cutting down on them recently and am hoping to just stop drinking them permanently and swap to water. It'll save me money and maybe I'll feel a little better internally.

Oy! I don't like energy drinks at all LOL and rarely drink soda pop or wherever it is called, coke or anything with caffeine in it like that. If I must have a carbonated drink, it will be orange or something caffeine free, even mixing orange and Sprite. I tried stevia sweetened pop for a while; Zevia made a really tasty root beer type beverage, but, ugh, generally I am just not a pop drinker. A previous pastor used to invite random congregants to his house for an afternoon of fellowship following Sunday brunch with his family, and I discovered Fresca at that time, which is grapefruit flavoured and seemed very refreshing, but it is sweetened with Aspartame (an amino acid 200 times sweeter than sucrose), which is fairly controversial, but if I drank two I could feel my body detoxing through the soles of my feet and that is not a very pleasant experience at all either. So no more Fresca for me. I hope you are able to give up your energy drinks... water is lovely .

 

[Cold]

Oy! I don't like energy drinks at all LOL and rarely drink soda pop or wherever it is called, coke or anything with caffeine in it like that. If I must have a carbonated drink, it will be orange or something caffeine free, even mixing orange and Sprite. I tried stevia sweetened pop for a while; Zevia made a really tasty root beer type beverage, but, ugh, generally I am just not a pop drinker. A previous pastor used to invite random congregants to his house for an afternoon of fellowship following Sunday brunch with his family, and I discovered Fresca at that time, which is grapefruit flavoured and seemed very refreshing, but it is sweetened with Aspartame (an amino acid 200 times sweeter than sucrose), which is fairly controversial, but if I drank two I could feel my body detoxing through the soles of my feet and that is not a very pleasant experience at all either. So no more Fresca for me. I hope you are able to give up your energy drinks... water is lovely .

I used to love orange soda and grape soda when I was younger. Root beer became my favorite after I stopped enjoying those and now I like Monster because they have a green apple taste to them when they're cold. Getting myself to choose water over anything else is slightly annoying because I just keep thinking how flavorless it is and it makes me want something else instead lol. Now that I think about it, I remember never liking water once I discovered soda and fruit juices as a kid. I remember walking around town looking for change on the roads so I could get soda's instead of drinking water. I can also remember going days without drinking anything if water was the only option. Just waiting until we got groceries and I could make tea or drink milk. Idk how I'm alive at this point. Until just about a month ago I would drink 8 energy drinks a day for a week straight with no water until my guts started hurting enough for me to realize water is valuable. Not caring about my health really gave me some bad habits. Smh

 

[Magenta]

I used to love orange soda and grape soda when I was younger. Root beer became my favorite after I stopped enjoying those and now I like Monster because they have a green apple taste to them when they're cold. Getting myself to choose water over anything else is slightly annoying because I just keep thinking how flavorless it is and it makes me want something else instead lol. Now that I think about it, I remember never liking water once I discovered soda and fruit juices as a kid. I remember walking around town looking for change on the roads so I could get soda's instead of drinking water. I can also remember going days without drinking anything if water was the only option. Just waiting until we got groceries and I could make tea or drink milk. Idk how I'm alive at this point. Until just about a month ago I would drink 8 energy drinks a day for a week straight with no water until my guts started hurting enough for me to realize water is valuable. Not caring about my health really gave me some bad habits. Smh

You can get water enhancers that flavor your water...

The 9 Healthiest Water Flavorings, According to Dietitians | livestrong

It's a wonder I am still alive, also. I thank God for being so gracious
toward me and allowing me to survive the stupidity of my youth.

 

[Cold]

You can get water enhancers that flavor your water...

The 9 Healthiest Water Flavorings, According to Dietitians | livestrong

It's a wonder I am still alive, also. I thank God for being so gracious
toward me and allowing me to survive the stupidity of my youth.

I thought about that but ended up just deciding on drinking normal water. I still get energy drinks just not nearly as many and not every day now. I'm slowly crawling my way to a water only drink intake.

 

[RodB651]

Well, at least you didn't consider the Alabama route.

I grew up in Bama... We didn't go to family reunions looking for dates... 🙄🙄🙄

But lol anyway... 🤦

 

[RodB651]

Alabama?!? Isn't that like another universe?

It can be... You gotta be careful over there... You gotta know the right people.

 

[Cold]

I grew up in Bama... We didn't go to family reunions looking for dates... 🙄🙄🙄

But lol anyway... 🤦

Lol, I guess I'll have to take your word for it.

 

[SteveEpperson]

I know there have been occasions when I found myself backing out of investigating a possible relationship because my gut told me that God wasn't in it.

Right on!

Also, I mostly haven't had an opportunity to even be in the position of "Me" in your example. For me its been more like:

Single guy at church 1: My brother.
Single guy at church 2: My cousin.
Single guy at church 3: Kid I taught in children's church.
Single guy at church 4: My developmentally disabled friend who has since passed on.

I get it. It's really hard to find single people, especially in small churches. I know this will sound a bit suspect, but you could try visiting a larger church occasionally, even if it clashes with w/your denomination. Even w/some of the more liberal churches, they do proclaim Jesus as Lord.

 

[SteveEpperson]

Oy! I don't like energy drinks at all LOL and rarely drink soda pop or wherever it is called, coke or anything with caffeine in it like that.

You seem pretty amped up to me, Magenta.

 

[cinder]

I thought about that but ended up just deciding on drinking normal water. I still get energy drinks just not nearly as many and not every day now. I'm slowly crawling my way to a water only drink intake.

They do amazing things with tea these days. And come fall several manufacturers make apple or caramel apple flavored tea

 

[Magenta]

You seem pretty amped up to me, Magenta.

I did not even have coffee today .. It's a day off for me and I never made it out...

I was up late and slept in, so by the time I may have been ready to go anywhere it was
too late for coffee and I just made myself a good brunch instead and then had a nap .

 

[tourist]

Your OP was certainly well written and articulated.

 

[Ballaurena]

Right on!



I get it. It's really hard to find single people, especially in small churches. I know this will sound a bit suspect, but you could try visiting a larger church occasionally, even if it clashes with w/your denomination. Even w/some of the more liberal churches, they do proclaim Jesus as Lord.

Thank you. Especially considering what has transpired within the last half-hour (God indicating to my roommate and I that He has a specific match in mind with me but someone/something isn't ready), I definitely think I was right to back out of what didn't feel like God was in it.

But as logical as it sounds, I don't think the bigger church is the way to go. First off, I tried that in my 20's without a hint of success, and second, it feels like trying to force things just as much as pursuing the possible relationship that God wasn't in.

I don't know what is going on with my apparent honey-to-be. A previous spouse dying of cancer? More refinement with him and/or me so we don't kill each other? I don't know, and I have been waiting a very long time. I'm starting to wonder if it will even happen before we both hit retirement age considering the way things have been going. Sigh. But what good is it to doubt God's goodness and care?

Thanks for the shepherding.