I need Christian advise with my relationship

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kathygutiveve
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
K

Kathygutiveve

Guest
Okay so not so long ago I met this guy through a Christian friend we have in common. He once talked to him about me and about my devotion to God so he decided to go ahead and add me on Facebook. We started talking and we fell in love for each other and our passion for Christ. The only problem is that he lives in another state (6 hrs away from where I live) but one day he decided to come for an event we were having at my church and we met in person for the first time. We clicked but I feel like we took things too fast. Our connection was so strong that we kissed that same day we met in person and to be honest that felt wrong at first but at the same time I had this attraction for him and it was like I knew him for years and he told me he felt the same way. Later on I went to the state he lives at for another event and he offered me and my friends his house to stay there but he gave me a special treating. He let me sleep in his bed and all while my friends slept in another room. He was really nice with me and I really like him but one of the nights I was there we stayed together alone and we started kissing and touching each other and we almost ended up having sex if it wasn't because he stopped himself. I felt so guilty afterwards because we weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend but he asked me to be his girlfriend the day after because he told me he really loves me and likes me but most importantly he doesn't want me to feel disrespected. I ended up saying yes. I came back home and we've been talking and we've been in a long distant relationship which has improved our communication A LOT. We talk every day and about everything. One day he told me about his past and about how he was kind of addicted to sex before and how he did it with his ex girlfriends. I didn't feel bad about him telling me because I have a similar past. Im not a virgin. I've had sex before and I was kind of addicted to it as well. My point is that now we have changed and we are trying to do things right but it's hard. We have admitted to each other that we want to have sex to each other and even though we have changed and we are so into God I feel like we have so many weaknesses because of our past. Today he asked me for a picture in a bathing suit but I didn't send it to him because I knew he would get tempted or something but I don't want to lose him either. Don't get me wrong he truly wants to change and he's doing it and the same with me but I'm scared hi might fail me and might want to go back to his past. I just don't know what to do. I want the both of us to grow more spiritually and we've done it but we also have our weaknesses. Does that mean I have to give up on him or keep fighting?
 
I must say this is a dilemma. I feel you did the right thing by not sending him the pic of you in the swimsuit especially since he is trying to change his ways. I would also please, please take your time and a lot of it before getting serious. I would also suggest that u not set your self up to being put into those situations again. It is better to live as Christ wants us to then to try to do it on our own. Please don't hurry and i say this from experience. I wished that i had waited for Christ to let me know if i was in the right relationship. I would be more relaxed and wouldn't be wondering if i did the right thing. Prayer can tell us so much if we listen for his replies, and not get discouraged if we don't get an answer as quickly as we think we should. If you take time and i mean plenty then you will be able to tell if he has changed his ways with his sex addiction. I wish you luck and hope that i have helped. May God guide you.
 
It will be very hard for you both but remember that God never asks thing you can not do.

I can only give one advice: Don't talk about sex, don't send pictures which reveille much body, don't even joke about it.
because at this stage of romantic love it will lead only in to temptation, i know because i felt for it more than once.

if you meet again, never be alone whit him inside a place. I feel for you both and pray.
 
I cant offer advice about your relationship except to acknowledge how wonderful u must feel that someone loves u n how happy you must feel. My only advice is - DONT do anything electronically you will regret - No pics, video, camming that u wish u hadnt done. The internet is littered with girls who regret that the stuff they did with their fantastic bfs has found its way onto internet sites. These include emails that u can find on facebook sites. Even here I have had to learn the hard way about putting even the most basic of pics of me up.

So happy for u, hope it all works well for u - just be cautious too :)
Hugs
Zoii
 
May be hard to hear but if you lose him over not sending pics or not having sex you're better off without him, because he will probably be using you.
There are normal temptations, and the. There is pushing and pressuring. If he pressures you for things that will be a red flag and you need to walk away.
Truth is you two went purely off feelings and emotions and ignored wisdom or common sense. I'd be cautious as neither of you are really being balanced about this. I'd slow way down and be more cautious.
He may be a sincere guy, but personally, as a guy, I am a little suspect of him.
 
Obviously he doesn't truly respect you, since he's asking you to send him skimpy pictures of yourself. And he can't be very "into God" either. He has an addiction and he needs help. I think you need to turn him over to God and let Him work on this guy. YOU work on yourself.
 
Kathygutiveve said:
Okay so not so long ago I met this guy through a Christian friend we have in common. He once talked to him about me and about my devotion to God so he decided to go ahead and add me on Facebook. We started talking and we fell in love for each other and our passion for Christ. The only problem is that he lives in another state (6 hrs away from where I live) but one day he decided to come for an event we were having at my church and we met in person for the first time. We clicked but I feel like we took things too fast. Our connection was so strong that we kissed that same day we met in person and to be honest that felt wrong at first but at the same time I had this attraction for him and it was like I knew him for years and he told me he felt the same way. Later on I went to the state he lives at for another event and he offered me and my friends his house to stay there but he gave me a special treating. He let me sleep in his bed and all while my friends slept in another room. He was really nice with me and I really like him but one of the nights I was there we stayed together alone and we started kissing and touching each other and we almost ended up having sex if it wasn't because he stopped himself. I felt so guilty afterwards because we weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend but he asked me to be his girlfriend the day after because he told me he really loves me and likes me but most importantly he doesn't want me to feel disrespected. I ended up saying yes. I came back home and we've been talking and we've been in a long distant relationship which has improved our communication A LOT. We talk every day and about everything. One day he told me about his past and about how he was kind of addicted to sex before and how he did it with his ex girlfriends. I didn't feel bad about him telling me because I have a similar past. Im not a virgin. I've had sex before and I was kind of addicted to it as well. My point is that now we have changed and we are trying to do things right but it's hard. We have admitted to each other that we want to have sex to each other and even though we have changed and we are so into God I feel like we have so many weaknesses because of our past. Today he asked me for a picture in a bathing suit but I didn't send it to him because I knew he would get tempted or something but I don't want to lose him either. Don't get me wrong he truly wants to change and he's doing it and the same with me but I'm scared hi might fail me and might want to go back to his past. I just don't know what to do. I want the both of us to grow more spiritually and we've done it but we also have our weaknesses. Does that mean I have to give up on him or keep fighting?
Click to expand...

Since he asked you for a swimsuit picture of yourself, I'd say he's not the kind of guy you should be with. If he wouldn't have asked you for a picture like that... I would've been okay with him and said "It depends on how things go", but since he asked that of you. I'd say he's not good for you. A guy that asks you a picture of you like that has issues to work out.
 
Last edited:
Ugly said:
May be hard to hear but if you lose him over not sending pics or not having sex you're better off without him, because he will probably be using you.

There are normal temptations, and the. There is pushing and pressuring. If he pressures you for things that will be a red flag and you need to walk away.

Truth is you two went purely off feelings and emotions and ignored wisdom or common sense. I'd be cautious as neither of you are really being balanced about this. I'd slow way down and be more cautious.

He may be a sincere guy, but personally, as a guy, I am a little suspect of him.
Click to expand...

^ A voice of reason. I concur.
 
I have almost the same problem with my boyfriend of 8 months ,but it's porn. I was addicted to it before I was saved and he was too. He told me his past and I can see why he watched it. I kinda made me mad because he seen a girls part and I wanted him to wait for his wedding night. I told him and he felt the same.
We are 6 months clean from it and hopefully tell our wedding night.
The one in the bathing suit you did the right thing. Don't ever send him anything that temps him. My boyfriend was hanging out with some past friends of his. His friends did drug. Well they called me and asked me to send them bad pictures to jerk off to. I never did and they said they will kill me for not doing it. I broke up with my boyfriend after that. He called crying to me and said he only did it was because he was not believing and really wanted to. I put down some rules.
1.Don't call each other while intoxicated. (habit of mine I'm fixing it)
2. Never ask about anything sexual.
3. talk about marriage.(it really helps bring a couple close)
4.If your horny fix it yourself.

I hope this helps you. Most people have gone threw what your going threw,
Hannah Krugle
 
hannahrose44 said:
I have almost the same problem with my boyfriend of 8 months ,but it's porn. I was addicted to it before I was saved and he was too. He told me his past and I can see why he watched it. I kinda made me mad because he seen a girls part and I wanted him to wait for his wedding night. I told him and he felt the same.
We are 6 months clean from it and hopefully tell our wedding night.
The one in the bathing suit you did the right thing. Don't ever send him anything that temps him. My boyfriend was hanging out with some past friends of his. His friends did drug. Well they called me and asked me to send them bad pictures to jerk off to. I never did and they said they will kill me for not doing it. I broke up with my boyfriend after that. He called crying to me and said he only did it was because he was not believing and really wanted to. I put down some rules.
1.Don't call each other while intoxicated. (habit of mine I'm fixing it)
2. Never ask about anything sexual.
3. talk about marriage.(it really helps bring a couple close)
4.If your horny fix it yourself.

I hope this helps you. Most people have gone threw what your going threw,
Hannah Krugle
Click to expand...

seriously?...ru really 13 or was that an error when u set your profile up
 
Ok...all boys and girls, especially your age, are instantly 'turned on' by all kinds of body signals, testosterone and estrogen do run high. I was 17 and my gf was 14 when we met at church. My dad was the new pastor and her dad was the chairman of the deacons. She looked my age or older, she was that mature in body. We were always tempted beyond simple kissing and holding hands..however...we walked, hand in hand, down to the church altar and made a vow before GOD and with ourselves that we would have something to look forward to on our wedding night. Four years later, when we married, we were still virgins. Our children laugh at that part, for their generation has no moralistic approach but to instantly satisfy their lusts. We just celebrated our 39th anniversary.
 
Why would he even ask you to send a pic of yourself in a bathing suit... Sound suspicious alright. Is it to please his sexual pleasure??? You did mentioned he had sex addiction in the past. I honestly think you should be more careful spending alone with that guy because you were almost tempetated to have sex with him. You're also rushing into the relationship. You need to try to get known more about him before assuming you love him. It seem to me that you're just only attractive to him.
 
strawberryrosebow said:
Why would he even ask you to send a pic of yourself in a bathing suit... Sound suspicious alright. Is it to please his sexual pleasure??? You did mentioned he had sex addiction in the past. I honestly think you should be more careful spending alone with that guy because you were almost tempetated to have sex with him. You're also rushing into the relationship. You need to try to get known more about him before assuming you love him. It seem to me that you're just only attractive to him.
Click to expand...

Thread is 5 months old and the OP hasn't been back since the day she posted.
 
Ugly said:
Thread is 5 months old and the OP hasn't been back since the day she posted.
Click to expand...



Yes, what Ugly said. And strawberry, please don't gravedig any more old zombie threads. They clog up the forums and knock newer, more relevant threads to the back pages. Many times ppl pull old threads forward without checking the creation date first to see if the OP is still here, been banned, or when the last time they were online was. People often start threads here and then abandon them and never return..
 
Kathygutiveve said:
Okay so not so long ago I met this guy through a Christian friend we have in common. He once talked to him about me and about my devotion to God so he decided to go ahead and add me on Facebook. We started talking and we fell in love for each other and our passion for Christ. The only problem is that he lives in another state (6 hrs away from where I live) but one day he decided to come for an event we were having at my church and we met in person for the first time. We clicked but I feel like we took things too fast. Our connection was so strong that we kissed that same day we met in person and to be honest that felt wrong at first but at the same time I had this attraction for him and it was like I knew him for years and he told me he felt the same way. Later on I went to the state he lives at for another event and he offered me and my friends his house to stay there but he gave me a special treating. He let me sleep in his bed and all while my friends slept in another room. He was really nice with me and I really like him but one of the nights I was there we stayed together alone and we started kissing and touching each other and we almost ended up having sex if it wasn't because he stopped himself. I felt so guilty afterwards because we weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend but he asked me to be his girlfriend the day after because he told me he really loves me and likes me but most importantly he doesn't want me to feel disrespected. I ended up saying yes. I came back home and we've been talking and we've been in a long distant relationship which has improved our communication A LOT. We talk every day and about everything. One day he told me about his past and about how he was kind of addicted to sex before and how he did it with his ex girlfriends. I didn't feel bad about him telling me because I have a similar past. Im not a virgin. I've had sex before and I was kind of addicted to it as well. My point is that now we have changed and we are trying to do things right but it's hard. We have admitted to each other that we want to have sex to each other and even though we have changed and we are so into God I feel like we have so many weaknesses because of our past. Today he asked me for a picture in a bathing suit but I didn't send it to him because I knew he would get tempted or something but I don't want to lose him either. Don't get me wrong he truly wants to change and he's doing it and the same with me but I'm scared hi might fail me and might want to go back to his past. I just don't know what to do. I want the both of us to grow more spiritually and we've done it but we also have our weaknesses. Does that mean I have to give up on him or keep fighting?[/QUOTus. Make sure you understand scripture correctly you will find answers there. I have heard pasters say that we will all be brother and sisters in heaven and that is not what scripture is telling us
Click to expand...
 
eternallife7 said:
Kathygutiveve said:
Okay so not so long ago I met this guy through a Christian friend we have in common. He once talked to him about me and about my devotion to God so he decided to go ahead and add me on Facebook. We started talking and we fell in love for each other and our passion for Christ. The only problem is that he lives in another state (6 hrs away from where I live) but one day he decided to come for an event we were having at my church and we met in person for the first time. We clicked but I feel like we took things too fast. Our connection was so strong that we kissed that same day we met in person and to be honest that felt wrong at first but at the same time I had this attraction for him and it was like I knew him for years and he told me he felt the same way. Later on I went to the state he lives at for another event and he offered me and my friends his house to stay there but he gave me a special treating. He let me sleep in his bed and all while my friends slept in another room. He was really nice with me and I really like him but one of the nights I was there we stayed together alone and we started kissing and touching each other and we almost ended up having sex if it wasn't because he stopped himself. I felt so guilty afterwards because we weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend but he asked me to be his girlfriend the day after because he told me he really loves me and likes me but most importantly he doesn't want me to feel disrespected. I ended up saying yes. I came back home and we've been talking and we've been in a long distant relationship which has improved our communication A LOT. We talk every day and about everything. One day he told me about his past and about how he was kind of addicted to sex before and how he did it with his ex girlfriends. I didn't feel bad about him telling me because I have a similar past. Im not a virgin. I've had sex before and I was kind of addicted to it as well. My point is that now we have changed and we are trying to do things right but it's hard. We have admitted to each other that we want to have sex to each other and even though we have changed and we are so into God I feel like we have so many weaknesses because of our past. Today he asked me for a picture in a bathing suit but I didn't send it to him because I knew he would get tempted or something but I don't want to lose him either. Don't get me wrong he truly wants to change and he's doing it and the same with me but I'm scared hi might fail me and might want to go back to his past. I just don't know what to do. I want the both of us to grow more spiritually and we've done it but we also have our weaknesses. Does that mean I have to give up on him or keep fighting?[/QUOTus.



Originally quoted by eternallife7: Make sure you understand scripture correctly you will find answers there. I have heard pasters say that we will all be brother and sisters in heaven and that is not what scripture is telling us
Click to expand...


​Fixed it for you, eternallife7. :)
Click to expand...
 
Funny...I have never, ever read a story of a female asking her boyfriend for a picture of him in just swimming trunks or shorts for her pocketbook. Very few 'advice" columns are filled with males seeking purity and 'feeling cheap' about having a sexual desire towards their girlfriends. Neither have I read of a male asking "Should I have to give her up because of our weaknesses?" The BIBLE says "IF a man cannot control his passion, and the woman is in the flower of her youth, let them marry. IT is NOT a sin!" Society would totally disagree with that concept.

The problem is: After marriage, keeping the passion alive between the married couple! lol My wife and I are now in our 'mid-life'. Yes, we remember the temptations, passion and sparks that was there every time we got together. But then we remember looking into each other's eyes during a worship service and we reached out and took each other by the hand and made it to the altar and prayed, making a vow to GOD and ourselves to have something to look forward to on our wedding night. We and with GOD's help, honored that vow..and even today, thinking back on it, helps us rekindle that deep passion that has always been there. Imagine life without it!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back