I already shared a bit about what was going on with me in a prayer request post a couple weeks or so ago. I'll keep things pretty abbreviated just because of that. Long story short, it's a long story.
I've just had a lot of not good crap going on (for lack of a better word). Several months ago I had enough and decided I just wanted to be done, abandon God, and just be on me own. Just forget everything and not care anymore. As time went on a bit, I found that I could not altogether reject my belief in God. I knew God was always going to exist in my mind, but I was beginning to convince myself that, whoever this God was, I didn't know him, couldn't know him, and I was just going to content myself in acknowledging he existed, without accepting that he could possibly care or be involved in my life.
A month or so ago I was on a phone app, that I am not proud to say I was on. I ended up meeting and talking to an individual there who just started using it, not knowing what it was. This person was Christian, well grounded in their faith, and we were able to hit it off based on their interest in theology, and what was my former interest in theology. We've talked daily since then. Occasionally touching on Christian topics, and we were connecting well. This past weekend, I had an individual message me in response to a lot of things I told them I was struggling with, and as a good Christian, he point me constantly to God and scripture. And in my mental state, when he messaged me, something in me had softened and I was somehow receptive to it. Yesterday, I had a phone conversation with the individual I met from the app about baptism. We got off the phone, I checked my family group chat, and my family was talking about...baptism. Okay. That was really weird. What are the odds? I couldn't shake it.
And then we come to today. I was listening to a band this morning that I'm planning to go see in October. I came across one of their songs that was about going through a time where you feel abandoned by God only to find God had been there all along. I loved the song, I sent it to this new friend of mine. They responded, "this is freaky", and proceeded to tell me about something they did when they were in biblical counseling that mirrored the lyrics of the song almost identically.
All these things came together this morning. I told this friend of mine that when I started talking to them, I was trying really hard to runaway from God and I felt like he wasn't allowing me to. They just responded that God was in hot pursuit of me because He loves me. I really can't explain everything that has happened, but I can see that pursuit happening. I don't know why, I don't get it, but here it is. Even when we want to be done, and throw away our relationship with God, God does not abandon us, and continues to pursue us.
I've just had a lot of not good crap going on (for lack of a better word). Several months ago I had enough and decided I just wanted to be done, abandon God, and just be on me own. Just forget everything and not care anymore. As time went on a bit, I found that I could not altogether reject my belief in God. I knew God was always going to exist in my mind, but I was beginning to convince myself that, whoever this God was, I didn't know him, couldn't know him, and I was just going to content myself in acknowledging he existed, without accepting that he could possibly care or be involved in my life.
A month or so ago I was on a phone app, that I am not proud to say I was on. I ended up meeting and talking to an individual there who just started using it, not knowing what it was. This person was Christian, well grounded in their faith, and we were able to hit it off based on their interest in theology, and what was my former interest in theology. We've talked daily since then. Occasionally touching on Christian topics, and we were connecting well. This past weekend, I had an individual message me in response to a lot of things I told them I was struggling with, and as a good Christian, he point me constantly to God and scripture. And in my mental state, when he messaged me, something in me had softened and I was somehow receptive to it. Yesterday, I had a phone conversation with the individual I met from the app about baptism. We got off the phone, I checked my family group chat, and my family was talking about...baptism. Okay. That was really weird. What are the odds? I couldn't shake it.
And then we come to today. I was listening to a band this morning that I'm planning to go see in October. I came across one of their songs that was about going through a time where you feel abandoned by God only to find God had been there all along. I loved the song, I sent it to this new friend of mine. They responded, "this is freaky", and proceeded to tell me about something they did when they were in biblical counseling that mirrored the lyrics of the song almost identically.
All these things came together this morning. I told this friend of mine that when I started talking to them, I was trying really hard to runaway from God and I felt like he wasn't allowing me to. They just responded that God was in hot pursuit of me because He loves me. I really can't explain everything that has happened, but I can see that pursuit happening. I don't know why, I don't get it, but here it is. Even when we want to be done, and throw away our relationship with God, God does not abandon us, and continues to pursue us.
