it was a summer day in August, of 2023 - i was depressed, su*cidal still - an atheist. my life up to this point had been, what i could see i believed in, and what i wanted, i got. i knew nothing more than this - nihilism, which atheism bares the fruit of. my family was also secular - so i had no religion. my parents couldnt raise me, (drugs and abuse and the like) - so our grandparents did. and they raised us like they did their kids - (which if you didnt know- i s less "i love yous" and less supervision, less care - more - letting us have second and third helpings of dinner - that was our families version of letting you know they cared about you lol) - i was also introverted, antisocial- me and my siblings all have adhd, and autism too.
and there was also this, yk - simple thing - nightmares every night of my childhood. probably related to the trauma, and stuff i couldnt remember. and for whatever reason, ig i thought it normal? so i never thought twice of it. just different demons, chasing me in different ways, literally - every single night. (look up the show Evil - on paramount - it was like, that level of real to me).
so over the last few years - from my last year of highscool (2020/2021) to 2023 - that depression really ramped up. it was always noticeable, but the last few of those years it was more, its own voice. perhaps one could call it DID (dissociative identity disorder) - i truly believe it was a demon. it had its own voice - its own thoughts- its own tauntings, i even vividly saw scenes of what it looked like at the end as well. a dark figure - in a suit - his head - just this mass of black smoke - this, entity that would listen in while i was at school - and then give me my thoughts, essentially. i remember bc i wouldnt get mad - but that voice did - when someone was speaking too loudly, or someone in the hall looked at me too long, or the bell couldnt ring fast enough for the class to end.
so as we had those covid years as well, isolation made it worse - i was so alone, and cut off - the depression built and built. and the voice truly became its own thing - telling me to do things, i didnt want to do. and idk, again - why i slowly became more adamant against the voice - like the demons were trying their best, to attack me, and for whatever reason - god had better plans than that, for my life.
near the end there, i started trying astral projection - the new age crap. i tried crystals as well. actually, is what would save my life, that thought that i needed SOME kind of spirituality. boy did things happen XD. in ONE week - i would see things in my dreams - i would see shapes, and glowing things - flashing lights, and black figures of smoke - who would walk over and lean over me, like they were sentient. i would envision a door, (look up astral projection at your own peril, ik its demonic, but definitely real) - i would do the processes they say, in order to see things - and always ended up at this same door - which i could never get past (probably bc god stopped me from being exposed to it) but i could see past the door, and what i saw, was unexplainable tbh - stars - millions of them, probably more - but space wasnt black, like it is - but... this multicolored shimmering sea, of blues, and purples, and it was insane. all thru this door i couldnt move past, but saw thru.
so - i would then go on to try more of this meditation a different day, and even, while everyone was asleep, hear a party that didnt exist - people upstairs, dancing, yelling, music blaring - open my eyes to see a demon in the corner of my eye - a short little fella - like a little troll - its skin the texture of wood, or bark - its eyes looked strange ofc - big black pupils, a ring of yellow for his iris. perfectly still - like he didnt expect me to see him.
the next thing i would experience, would turn me agnostic overnight. literally. not even joking - i would try the astral projection again - and this time something snapped. i would try the process, to get to that door again - and instead - a shade of pink would take over my entire vision. well, pink, closer to red - this rouge, kinda, glowing, presence. i would see her, as well - when she spoke. i knew it was a she - and she had long, black hair - this is what was evoked. this presence - and i felt an unexplainable peace - and i would sit here, with her - and cry - telling this presence idk what she was, how i wanted to hurt myself, i needed something, i felt lost - and she assured me, that all would be okay - made well. she even tried giving me tips, on the astral stuff, but i felt like she was dismissive of it (lol. like she knew it wouldnt work out). at the end she said - look for signs - and the next night - i would go on to see and record, a friggin UFO in the sky
the whole next week i would think back to that presence, and that shade of reddish pink would enter, my vision, literally wouldnt let me forget it. and yes -the video of the ufo... misty thing, is on my youtube channel lol - thats pretty much all i have on my channel. ill post the pic my phone took, right before the video. for context, i stepped outside - saw a flash of light in the sky - (literally saw symbols in my vision when it happened) - and i had an urge - to walk to the driveway, and record a sky that looked black, in person - i zoomed in, and saw a quick burst of movement in the sky.
this made me, agnostic to a spiritual realm. well, all of it put together, but the UFO really topped the cake. so like a week later - it really comes down to one night - the depression still builds, at its worst moment - im planning on ways to do the deed if you will - and i can almost feel the polarization- the demon keeps speaking - on and on - how i should hate the world, myself, everyone - while im thinking of god - what god should exist, if he was real - what god means logically, emotionally, if he were good, just, loving, what that would mean - and what we have in real life (jesus) - i prayed to the universe, then to god - nothing. i prayed to jesus, to deliver me from that evil - and he did - i SAW the demon he took from me - in my room (no i didnt get it on camera XD) - its glowing eyes, its jagged, darkness - all still clear in my mind - it stared - and when i said it had no power in the name of christ it vanished. i havent been su*cidal, or depressed, SINCE that day
i also thought i once dealt with it (called myself gay when i first came to faith, left the term behind, etc) - but thats back a bit now. i think i just need.... to finally go to church ;( i keep putting it off, but ik id benefit from a social life, and church life.
and yes side note, in a moment of doubt, a few months later, jesus would show me like steven in acts - i would see the heavens open, quite literally. visions arent all the faith is, ik - but these really stood out to me. "your old men will see visions, and your young men will dream dreams"
JUST for the sake of showing how crazy AI is - ive attached renderings, of essentially, close to what i saw. theyre all fairly accurate actually.(last one was an image i took before i recorded, the UFO - i upped the contrast, and the phone can take good night vision shots, compared to video, which is crap for the record)
and there was also this, yk - simple thing - nightmares every night of my childhood. probably related to the trauma, and stuff i couldnt remember. and for whatever reason, ig i thought it normal? so i never thought twice of it. just different demons, chasing me in different ways, literally - every single night. (look up the show Evil - on paramount - it was like, that level of real to me).
so over the last few years - from my last year of highscool (2020/2021) to 2023 - that depression really ramped up. it was always noticeable, but the last few of those years it was more, its own voice. perhaps one could call it DID (dissociative identity disorder) - i truly believe it was a demon. it had its own voice - its own thoughts- its own tauntings, i even vividly saw scenes of what it looked like at the end as well. a dark figure - in a suit - his head - just this mass of black smoke - this, entity that would listen in while i was at school - and then give me my thoughts, essentially. i remember bc i wouldnt get mad - but that voice did - when someone was speaking too loudly, or someone in the hall looked at me too long, or the bell couldnt ring fast enough for the class to end.
so as we had those covid years as well, isolation made it worse - i was so alone, and cut off - the depression built and built. and the voice truly became its own thing - telling me to do things, i didnt want to do. and idk, again - why i slowly became more adamant against the voice - like the demons were trying their best, to attack me, and for whatever reason - god had better plans than that, for my life.
near the end there, i started trying astral projection - the new age crap. i tried crystals as well. actually, is what would save my life, that thought that i needed SOME kind of spirituality. boy did things happen XD. in ONE week - i would see things in my dreams - i would see shapes, and glowing things - flashing lights, and black figures of smoke - who would walk over and lean over me, like they were sentient. i would envision a door, (look up astral projection at your own peril, ik its demonic, but definitely real) - i would do the processes they say, in order to see things - and always ended up at this same door - which i could never get past (probably bc god stopped me from being exposed to it) but i could see past the door, and what i saw, was unexplainable tbh - stars - millions of them, probably more - but space wasnt black, like it is - but... this multicolored shimmering sea, of blues, and purples, and it was insane. all thru this door i couldnt move past, but saw thru.
so - i would then go on to try more of this meditation a different day, and even, while everyone was asleep, hear a party that didnt exist - people upstairs, dancing, yelling, music blaring - open my eyes to see a demon in the corner of my eye - a short little fella - like a little troll - its skin the texture of wood, or bark - its eyes looked strange ofc - big black pupils, a ring of yellow for his iris. perfectly still - like he didnt expect me to see him.
the next thing i would experience, would turn me agnostic overnight. literally. not even joking - i would try the astral projection again - and this time something snapped. i would try the process, to get to that door again - and instead - a shade of pink would take over my entire vision. well, pink, closer to red - this rouge, kinda, glowing, presence. i would see her, as well - when she spoke. i knew it was a she - and she had long, black hair - this is what was evoked. this presence - and i felt an unexplainable peace - and i would sit here, with her - and cry - telling this presence idk what she was, how i wanted to hurt myself, i needed something, i felt lost - and she assured me, that all would be okay - made well. she even tried giving me tips, on the astral stuff, but i felt like she was dismissive of it (lol. like she knew it wouldnt work out). at the end she said - look for signs - and the next night - i would go on to see and record, a friggin UFO in the sky
the whole next week i would think back to that presence, and that shade of reddish pink would enter, my vision, literally wouldnt let me forget it. and yes -the video of the ufo... misty thing, is on my youtube channel lol - thats pretty much all i have on my channel. ill post the pic my phone took, right before the video. for context, i stepped outside - saw a flash of light in the sky - (literally saw symbols in my vision when it happened) - and i had an urge - to walk to the driveway, and record a sky that looked black, in person - i zoomed in, and saw a quick burst of movement in the sky.
this made me, agnostic to a spiritual realm. well, all of it put together, but the UFO really topped the cake. so like a week later - it really comes down to one night - the depression still builds, at its worst moment - im planning on ways to do the deed if you will - and i can almost feel the polarization- the demon keeps speaking - on and on - how i should hate the world, myself, everyone - while im thinking of god - what god should exist, if he was real - what god means logically, emotionally, if he were good, just, loving, what that would mean - and what we have in real life (jesus) - i prayed to the universe, then to god - nothing. i prayed to jesus, to deliver me from that evil - and he did - i SAW the demon he took from me - in my room (no i didnt get it on camera XD) - its glowing eyes, its jagged, darkness - all still clear in my mind - it stared - and when i said it had no power in the name of christ it vanished. i havent been su*cidal, or depressed, SINCE that day
i also thought i once dealt with it (called myself gay when i first came to faith, left the term behind, etc) - but thats back a bit now. i think i just need.... to finally go to church ;( i keep putting it off, but ik id benefit from a social life, and church life.
and yes side note, in a moment of doubt, a few months later, jesus would show me like steven in acts - i would see the heavens open, quite literally. visions arent all the faith is, ik - but these really stood out to me. "your old men will see visions, and your young men will dream dreams"
JUST for the sake of showing how crazy AI is - ive attached renderings, of essentially, close to what i saw. theyre all fairly accurate actually.(last one was an image i took before i recorded, the UFO - i upped the contrast, and the phone can take good night vision shots, compared to video, which is crap for the record)
