i’m 17 and dating a non christian, he’s very sweet and has good morals but isn’t leading me toward God. We’ve been dating a few months now and it’s beginning to get more serious and i’ve prayed on it a few times and still feel led to stay by him. Am I making the right choice?
Dating non christian
- Thread starter Sadie_M
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It is better for you to separate yourself from him now, then to face this same issue down the line. If he does not draw you closer to God, then he is not right for you. Do not rely on your feelings on this matter - trust God and His plan for your life. You are still so young, it is better to be in an extended season of singleness rather than being unequally yoked with a non-believer.
Have you shared the Gospel with this boy?
Have you shared the Gospel with this boy?
One thing I can say is it's always very easy to convince yourself God wants you to be with someone. Usually what this means is you want to be with them and seek out ways to verify it.
I've done this in the past. Dated people I should have known I had no right being with, but telling myself it's what God wanted. None of those relationships worked out.
I've also seen the reverse. Someone giving in to fear, but claiming it was God speaking to them.
A good idea is to picture yourself married to this person. Will the guy your with now be the spiritual head of the household? Will he support and be a part of teaching your children spiritual beliefs? Or will he be indifferent, or even against it? What affect will his views have on the kids?
And how will you handle it during your own struggles? Turn to someone outside your marriage? Would you be satisfied with this?
Are you expecting him to eventually change and become a Christian? If so how long are you willing to wait? How deep into a relationship would you be willing to drag him along before you dump him, if he doesn't get saved? Will that be a positive witness? Or will you be willing to marry, which we covered above?
Tall_Timbers
Well-known member
I don't think you're making the right choice. When I was 17 attraction would lead me to make the same choice as you lean towards, but I know better now after a lifetime that included many mistakes.
Dating is for the purpose of marriage and the Lord doesn't want us to unequally yoke ourselves with an unbeliever. Therefore, I don't believe God would sanction you being more than a friend with this young man.
Pray for him and share the gospel with him. He's not going to help you walk in Christ until he's doing so himself. I suggest you not allow your relationship to get more serious until this young man is made new in Christ.
Hi Sadie M,
Hope you are having a great summer.
I read your post and can understand totally. The fact that God knows everything and offers the best is comforting and offers more security than being married to Elon Musk.
The Father has set clear freedoms, boundaries and direction for our lives. Many times I've been attracted to quality ladies, but they were not saved, so I had to tell myself that the Father knows best, so I better not fail out if disobedience. A few times I did, I started out happy and everything was great. They almost ended in death. One of those times was my highschool sweetheart. The Lord was kind to help me find out that she wasn't a believer, but Catholic at heart. She admitted to praying to trust Christ as her Savior just to make me happy.
The other two ladies were divorced. We dated and got interested in marriage. Some people die for marriage to unbelievers and some don't, but it's a crime according to God. We never got married or went any further, so my life was spared. It would have been so much better if I had established the boundary of obedience sooner.
This is what I would do if I were you.
I would carefully listen to this link. Pray at the end.
Then share it with your friend.
Set boundaries and stay faithful to church that is true to the Bible.
Watch the spiritual growth of your friend over the next couple years. Pray for God's protection and direction as you read the Bible every day.
Many blessings!
LINK
To your happiness.
Man looks at outward appearance; the Lord looks at the heart. Also, to God 'was,' 'is,' and 'will be' are all the same,' so be careful about judging the end based on the present. You do need to tread very carefully, making sure to honestly be seeking for God's guidance and direction, but don't let others' well intended but overly simple interpretations of scripture get you off of the path that God is truly calling you to.
I know this issue from my own family. My younger sister had a boy who liked her since middle school, and she him. As they got older and she could feel that he was getting ready to propose she could feel that something wasn't right and she needed to be willing to give him up since he wasn't following after God. She hinted him in and for a while it was quite awkward but the two remained friends. Sometime later she felt that something had changed and it was acceptable to marry him. Before she could bring herself to discuss this with our family, God independently made it clear to the rest of the family that He liked the idea of their marriage.
It seems that though he wasn't yet a christian, he was then on a path towards God and wasn't pulling my sister away from her Lord. I think God may have intentionally let things transpire this way to see what my sister would choose - God or her boyfriend, but ultimately it was also up to the boyfriend to make the right choice. He has continued on this path and is an amazing addition to our family.
Conversely, my then pastor's daughter also ended-up dating a man who wasn't a Christian (shortage of single men at church). She too knew she couldn't marry a man who wasn't following God. Her boyfriend ultimately refused, however, to follow after God and she was forced to give him up entirely. There are no guarantees when the free will of others is part of the equation. Therefore the willingness to give the other person up for God must be absolutely genuine.
It's simple but very hard to do. You can not be unequally yoked. I was there a long time ago and the battle between following God and being with someone you love is a hard battle. Sometimes following God requires making difficult sacrifices. I feel for you.
You already know the right thing. God made this difficult rule, because it's what's best for you. Even if it's devastating right now.
You already know the right thing. God made this difficult rule, because it's what's best for you. Even if it's devastating right now.
Dear sister Sadie, in our church we had one such sister who was doing the same thing, she came to our pastor to inquire if this was ok? She also believed she could change him. Our pastor took her to the back of our church where the children played, there was swings, and a large hill, the pastor said stand at the top of the hill please, she did, the pastor got within arm's length of her and said now pull me up to where you are, she pulled and pulled yet she was unable to pull our pastor up to the top of the hill, now he said give me your hand, with a light tug he pulled her down where he was at.
My dear sister he said, it is more likely he will pull you down then you are being able to bring him to the Lord. then gave her the following scripture to read (2 Cor 6:14-16) She listened and within 2 weeks she met a believer and 5 months later they married, she was so thankful to our pastor for Holy Ghost advice!
She and her husband are doing very well. This dear sister I know is hard!! I just thought and felt led by the Lord to share this with you. I shall not judge whatever choice you make, however I did wish to share this thought with you. May EVERY blessing always find you and find you most well through our Lord Jesus!!
My dear sister he said, it is more likely he will pull you down then you are being able to bring him to the Lord. then gave her the following scripture to read (2 Cor 6:14-16) She listened and within 2 weeks she met a believer and 5 months later they married, she was so thankful to our pastor for Holy Ghost advice!
She and her husband are doing very well. This dear sister I know is hard!! I just thought and felt led by the Lord to share this with you. I shall not judge whatever choice you make, however I did wish to share this thought with you. May EVERY blessing always find you and find you most well through our Lord Jesus!!
Do not marry him if he persists in his atheism.. We Christians are to avoid being yoked with unbelievers.. The yoke being marriage in this case..
How long you persist on working on him is between you and God.. In the end if all your work is not leading to him accepting the LORD Jesus, it will be time to make a break and yeah i understand that can be a very hard thing to do.. Hard but it's for the best..
2 Corinthians chapter 6. Believers, and non believers are not compadable. They can interfere with your spiritual growth and be negative influence. Proverbs, If you seek out the wise you become wise. But a companion of fools is ruined. James chapter 1. All wisdom and knowledge comes from God. Study the Bible. Seek God's wisdom and knowledge.
We can learn something ffom King Solomon. When God came to him in dream. God asked him what he wanted. Solomon wisely asked God for wisdom. Peace.
We can learn something ffom King Solomon. When God came to him in dream. God asked him what he wanted. Solomon wisely asked God for wisdom. Peace.
K
keepingthingsreal
Guest
According to this person's profile, she asked this question on July 27th, and the last time she was seen on this forum was July 28th. This means that she has not even read 5 of the 9 responses to her question.
In my short time here, I have noticed that this seems to be a very common pattern. In other words, I have seen many examples of where people pop in, they ask a question, and then they disappear pretty much immediately thereafter. This leads me to believe that some people are only looking for confirmation of what they have already determined to do in their own hearts and minds. Personally, I doubt that those types of situations will end well.
Pro 11:14
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
Pro 15:22
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.
In my short time here, I have noticed that this seems to be a very common pattern. In other words, I have seen many examples of where people pop in, they ask a question, and then they disappear pretty much immediately thereafter. This leads me to believe that some people are only looking for confirmation of what they have already determined to do in their own hearts and minds. Personally, I doubt that those types of situations will end well.
Pro 11:14
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
Pro 15:22
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.
K
keepingthingsreal
Guest
I will add this, even though it might wrongly get me stoned to death.
I have been in relationships with women who claimed to be Christians. Went to church, could quote scripture (always selfishly and/or out of context), and all that, and at some point in time, I considered marrying them. However, I came to learn that none of them truly cared about Christ (but only about what they might get from him), and they certainly had no concern whatsoever for the lost. Not even a lick. You can learn a lot about somebody by just listening to them speak for, as Jesus said, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth will speak. Whether you are a female looking for a life-long male partner, or whether you are a male looking for a life-long female partner, listen carefully to what they talk about before you even consider saying "I do." If they only ever talk about the things of this world (or themselves), while showing no genuine interest whatsoever for the things which are eternal, or if the only verses they ever (mis-) quote from scripture are verses which pertain to something that they want to get from God or you, then that should be a giant red flag for you. Personally, I have been there, I have done that, and I escaped by the skin of my teeth.
Anyhow, my comments are by no means meant to be interpreted as some sort of blanket condemnation of women (there are godly women in this world), but, normally, when I enter into conversations like this one, they are totally misconstrued. Instead, my comments are meant to hopefully help to keep others, whether males or females, from ignoring what ought to be giant red flags when considering a spouse. If you plan to have God as part of your marriage, then make sure that your potential spouse truly cares about him, and doing his will. If not, then you are going to enter into a relationship, whether in the dating stage, or whether in marriage itself, which will be like hell on earth. My clothes still smell like smoke.
I have been in relationships with women who claimed to be Christians. Went to church, could quote scripture (always selfishly and/or out of context), and all that, and at some point in time, I considered marrying them. However, I came to learn that none of them truly cared about Christ (but only about what they might get from him), and they certainly had no concern whatsoever for the lost. Not even a lick. You can learn a lot about somebody by just listening to them speak for, as Jesus said, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth will speak. Whether you are a female looking for a life-long male partner, or whether you are a male looking for a life-long female partner, listen carefully to what they talk about before you even consider saying "I do." If they only ever talk about the things of this world (or themselves), while showing no genuine interest whatsoever for the things which are eternal, or if the only verses they ever (mis-) quote from scripture are verses which pertain to something that they want to get from God or you, then that should be a giant red flag for you. Personally, I have been there, I have done that, and I escaped by the skin of my teeth.
Anyhow, my comments are by no means meant to be interpreted as some sort of blanket condemnation of women (there are godly women in this world), but, normally, when I enter into conversations like this one, they are totally misconstrued. Instead, my comments are meant to hopefully help to keep others, whether males or females, from ignoring what ought to be giant red flags when considering a spouse. If you plan to have God as part of your marriage, then make sure that your potential spouse truly cares about him, and doing his will. If not, then you are going to enter into a relationship, whether in the dating stage, or whether in marriage itself, which will be like hell on earth. My clothes still smell like smoke.
That's been especially common.
When you read a title, sometimes it is predictable.
There's proportionally so few pastors who address these subjects that it's no wonder there are certain questions. Unfortunately, some I believe are not approaching it with an open mind to God's will.
Young people are neither protected by their parents or undershepherds in most cases. Then they go for the paths of least resistance and carnality. Then if they don't learn early, the consequences of sins are sadly predictable.
Every time I read through the OT, I see our society in the rebellious children of Israel and Judah. Right now I'm reading the book of Hosea. That's a tough book. God is preaching harder than any preacher I've ever heard from any fundamental church. That said, He is right.
NO! do not be unequally yoked. Jesus teaches that. He says, "what fellowship hath light with darkness, what fellowship hath a believer with an infidel.......". feelings & emotions run very high for a 17 year old girl. be wise & apply wisdom. if you are a born again Christian, you should sense this as God put His laws into our minds & wrote them in our hearts. (Hebrews 8:10) blessings to you.