cant get over a break up

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J

justmeonlyme

Junior Member
Jan 16, 2010
13
0
1
we where 'together' 7 and a half months. many people criticised our relationship. everyone told us it wasnt going to last, 11,073 km for me or 6,882 miles for him apart... that never stopped us though we used to say that we would prove people wrong and we would make it last then one day we would finally meet and show everyone that it was possible to make a teen long distance 1st relationship work... then he got distant i didnt know why... then he broke up with me that was nearly 2 months ago but i still cry every night hes all i can think about i just want to 'be' with him but hes already moved on hes happy with someone else and im stuck in the past.
i just dont know how to move on... does anyone have any advice? please
 
My first question -- you are posting in the singles forum, and you say you are a teen, why did you not post in the teen section?

But, anyway, you are a single, I guess.

How do you move on? You are alive right, breathing, eating, conscious, other normal basic human activity. Then JUST DO IT. If you've had enough hurt, and want something more, and better, or just want to move on, God has you here and now alive and you have the ability.

Have you made closure on the relationship? Meaning, no more intense love feelings, break contact, or if you are able, decide to be friends, and then heal what has been done.

For whatever reason you feel this relationship is not going to work out.....distance, nothing in common, age, faith, then you are still young and have more freedom to make alot of other future decisions. Do you want to put yourself into a box right now?

Distance is a problem, closeness, location is important, no matter what anyone says. The attitudes, faith, lifestyle, even food and clothing are different depending on where you live, so if you did care deeply about one another, stay friends and maybe in the future it will work.

You have smarts, do what is right.

Failure, or perceived failure by yourself or another is not the end of the world.

What do most people say? What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Well, maybe this will make you stronger, but to another they may say, well you are just covering up what happened. Don't let them tell you you are wrong for having to survive.

I, you, we only have so much energy and time. And others do not always understand or even comprehend your feelings, energy level, or love in your heart for different things, and then are rude for it. So, take care of yourself, and don't let the devil steal your energy, and youth. You'll reap rewards later.

God Bless
 
Hello,
I am just getting over a break-up. All I can tell you is that I have literally clung to God through it all. I just honestly cried out to Him CONSTANTLY asking Him to help me heal and move on. It hurts at first, I won't lie. I found myself thinking about what he was doing, was he with someone and happy, etc. I tortured myself. But I came to realize you know what? I am one of God's daughter, I AM a princess. It was not worth my tears. God will not tie our destiny to someone who will walk out and leave. I still have thoughts of my ex, but I instead start to meditate on God, and the things of Him. I really read Psalms and clung to those words. I pray for you, little sister, God has more for you. I know it hurts, but look forward instead of back. You have a destiny with God. Blessed, little princess. If I can get through it, you can get through it, for this too shall pass.
 
justmeonlyme, I know it's miserable, but the tears you have cried truly are part of the healing process when our hearts are broken. Don't hold them back and allow them to turn into anger and bitterness, please. A lot of people do that and they only end up alone and miserable. Pray and seek the Lord and allow the healing process to do its work, give yourself this gift.

A young lady's heart is so very tender and when it is broken it can seem like the end of the world. It isn't, you know. :) Don't let it be. When a relationship doesn't work out, let yourself cry and heal, and then get up one day and say, that's ENOUGH. Remember the good things about the relationship - things you want to see in the next person you are with, and LEARN from the bad things - the red flags you want to watch for in your next relationship. Love WILL come again. Don't let it pass you by.

Another thing I've learned is to pray for someone who hurts me. It sounds really wierd, but healing seems to come more quickly if you pray for the one who hurt you.

God bless :)
 
Did you ever meet physically?
If not then you cannot claim that you were together or in a relationship despite investing a lot mental and emotional input.
You're young so you will learn this lesson well even if you have to learn it the hard way. Judging from the rather precise distance you stated and the fact that you are a fellow kiwi like myself I will presume that this was an online relationship, possibly with someone in North America?

I met my husband here on CC when I was 20, I live in New Zealand and he lived in Canada (that is roughly about 10,000-13,000km distance). When I first told my family about him they were all very sceptical and dupious that it would work but they allowed me to live my life and face my own choices as an adult living in another city and providing for myself. The difference between me and you is that I was very sceptical of him myself and refused to become emotionally attached before I met him. We never claimed to be in a relationship til we had come together physically and discussed where our friendship was going. Only then did we describe ourselves as being 'together'.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that you're 17. Your probably still in highschool, living under your parents roof and still legally a minor. And most 17 year olds are not financially capable of investing $2000 for one return ticket to visit a guy theyve never met let alone an entire fortune that would be needed to sustain the relationship.
Did you think of any of those things before considering the success of this acquaintance becoming a relationship?

You'll get over it.
I suggest you focus on boys in your own town particularly those in your youthgroup rather that an unrealistic 'exotic' American til your older lol.
 
Thank you for calling us Americans Exotic and I agree with everything you've said, to the point of wondering who stole your profile.
 
Liamson said:
Thank you for calling us Americans Exotic and I agree with everything you've said, to the point of wondering who stole your profile.
Click to expand...

Haha, well yes I like to think I speak with an adequate amount of logic every now and then. I was worried about sounding harsh but sometimes people need to hear things they won't enjoy.
And as a New Zealander, I understand the concept of being interested in someone outside of my own country and ethnicity. New Zealand is quite isolated and our male population is rather pathetic in my opinion, so to young teenage girls, American males give the impression of being very confident and sure of themselves. Plus the teens in our country love all the crap thats comming in from the states (weird junkfood, puke worthy pop music and male celebrities who look like five year olds and have a VIP card to a tanning salon).

On the other hand any man who loves the Lord, want to be a biblical leader, and love their girlfriend/wife like Christ loved regardless of whether or not they're Canadian or American is truly exotic. There are a decent amount of men here on CC that I would recommend as 'exotic' to a fellow New Zealanders but theres also a few I would warn women to steer clear of and their are others I wouldnt date (if I could) but Id definitely be friends with them
 
Justmeonlyme

Take Liamson

He makes me shake my head probably as often as he shakes his head over what I say but I respect and like him because hes he loves Jesus AND is sane about it.
That is a fantastic combination there lol. AND if I quote what he said earlier, I know for a fact hes willing to move anywhere for the woman he falls in love with and I can vouch that us kiwi women are a passionate hardy bunch. Sooooo.... er...
So once you've left home, got a job, got a theology and the God given desire to be something more than just a girlfriend to a hairy beer swigging rugby watching Westie, give Liamson a call...
ehem...

No need to thank me lol :D
 
JusTmelonely, I encourage you to read my thread, 'Advantages/Disadvantages of Singleness,' or, other thread on C.C. that deals with how blessed you really are to be single and God's design for you to be that way, read a book too, called 'Passion and Purity' by Elizabeth Elliott. It's a God story of true love and her felt loneliness despite having a loving relationship with God :)
And, I can see how that loss you feel could be hard on you, it would be hard on me too if I was talking with someone online for seven months and getting to know them in a right, God way, and, SUDDDENLY, poof!. I just hope you NEVER got intimate talking with this guy, that's def not God talking through him. This guy's doing that would immediately cause me to DISRESPECT that guy. Sorry, don't mean to sound judgmental but...

I feel sympathy for your situation and pray for blessings to you and coming on christian chat and getting advice from God-fearing, God-endearing, God-praising, God-following Lord led folk is a great thing.
So, God bless you, young lady, may God, through your prayer to Him, show you something new and I know He will IF you ask Him too. :)
 
kiwi_OT said:
Justmeonlyme

Take Liamson

He makes me shake my head probably as often as he shakes his head over what I say but I respect and like him because hes he loves Jesus AND is sane about it.
That is a fantastic combination there lol. AND if I quote what he said earlier, I know for a fact hes willing to move anywhere for the woman he falls in love with and I can vouch that us kiwi women are a passionate hardy bunch. Sooooo.... er...
So once you've left home, got a job, got a theology and the God given desire to be something more than just a girlfriend to a hairy beer swigging rugby watching Westie, give Liamson a call...
ehem...

No need to thank me lol :D
Click to expand...

I'm still laughing at this :)
 
the first time is always really ard if it breaks apart but to move on you just got to look at the brighter things in life. also one your still very young you can spare a few years being free before being serious. two plenty guys out there and this time time get one closer to you there more access u have to physical contact the better chance you haveing a stable relationship. so for now relax go out with some friends and just let him go from your mind
 
1st i just want to say i know that not everyone believes that what i had with him was a real relationship but i do i dont want to get into a discussion about that thought i know everyone has there own option on it and i respect what you think but dont really agree.

kiwi_OT said:
Haha, well yes I like to think I speak with an adequate amount of logic every now and then. I was worried about sounding harsh but sometimes people need to hear things they won't enjoy.
And as a New Zealander, I understand the concept of being interested in someone outside of my own country and ethnicity. New Zealand is quite isolated and our male population is rather pathetic in my opinion, so to young teenage girls, American males give the impression of being very confident and sure of themselves. Plus the teens in our country love all the crap thats comming in from the states (weird junkfood, puke worthy pop music and male celebrities who look like five year olds and have a VIP card to a tanning salon).

On the other hand any man who loves the Lord, want to be a biblical leader, and love their girlfriend/wife like Christ loved regardless of whether or not they're Canadian or American is truly exotic. There are a decent amount of men here on CC that I would recommend as 'exotic' to a fellow New Zealanders but theres also a few I would warn women to steer clear of and their are others I wouldnt date (if I could) but Id definitely be friends with them
Click to expand...



and i wasnt with him coz he was american that had nothing to do with our relationship (except the distance) it was about him and not where he came from. i liked him for him
 
I agree with you, you are in a relationship with someone IF its consentual that both believe they are in a relationship. Physical distance makes NO difference, what matters is how your minds' feel in RELATIONSHIP to hearty closeness , with much prayer, to God.

God bless your healing from this online relalationship. I know Be will :)
 
justmeonlyme said:
1st i just want to say i know that not everyone believes that what i had with him was a real relationship but i do i dont want to get into a discussion about that thought i know everyone has there own option on it and i respect what you think but dont really agree.

and i wasnt with him coz he was american that had nothing to do with our relationship (except the distance) it was about him and not where he came from. i liked him for him
Click to expand...

I know that. I didnt date my husband because he's Canadian, I dated him because hes a wonderful christian man.
Of course it feels real because you're feeling an incredibaly amount of heartache which I empathise with - we've all been there.
But where exactly were you hoping this friendship to end up as?

The bible is very clear on what standards you should expect to look for in a potential partner, the majority of which involve their faith - in action. To make an objective decision before throwing your heart in the mix, you need to view how someone is in their church, with their family, how they treat strangers, how they run their day to day lives etc. You cannot rely on their word alone, because in an online environment it is very easy to exaggerate and/or lie about such things. Actions speak louder than words.

Im not condemning long distance relationships but I do condemn online relationships - there is a huge difference between the two. The latter is fake and should not be entered into. A friendship that you hope to turn romantic will go absolutely no where unless you've visited each other, and theres no point of investing thousands of dollars into such travel if your not on the same page with each other and expecting the same result (marriage).

Its a huge risk and it very rarely pays off unless you're mature about it and are ready for marriage, otherwise your investing your heart into something that will garrantee to break it - like in your case.
 
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