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YoSoyLirio
Guest
I'm not sure if all can be said and explain in one post. I might get inpatient typing this out. So, I'll just go over the mķain parts of the problem and hope it's enough.
My relationship with my father is terrible. That seems like such an understatement. It's way more than terrible. Toxic, poisoning, etc. He is the main source of my axiety and depression. I have reactive attachment disorder, dependent personality disorder, possibly borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder, PTSD, and hypochondria. The PTSD and hypochondria came from a surgery I had a few years ago and I didn't see a counsellor because my father wouldn't let me. As a result, my symptoms became worse and I never got over it 100% to this day. There are a few (very few) positive memories of my father from my childhood but, most memories have been very negative and traumatizing. I won't go into details about that. It's basically the worse possible thing you can do to a child. My best friend told me to call the police or tell someone and I agreed to go to counselling this year because it's becoming too much. He's abusive in many ways. Verbally, emotionally, physically, etc. I've had to live like this for many years now. My entire life actually. It has affected my relationship with men. I'm very awkward and uncomfortable around men because I'm afraid of being hurt and used again. There have been times where a guy has been interested in me or would like to be more than just friends. But, I just couldn't do it. The emotional pain is too much and so I push them away. Not only does he abuse me, he abuses my mother too. Unfortunately, we can't leave because he contributes a large portion of income which we need to have a roof over our head. We wouldn't be able to survive financially without his job. I think I need more than just counselling. Therapy too. I always ask God, "Why me?" Because of my father, I had turned into such a bitter hearted person. I wasn't always like that. I use to be very sweet, kind, gentle, etc. However, with help from God and my mother, I feel more like my old angelic self that everyone knows and loves. I don't feel so bitter anymore and I couldn't care less about the past. What I do care about is starting the healing process through therapy and counselling. Nowadays, it's mostly just verbal and emotional abuse. It's gotten to the point where I'm so use to it, I'm not surprised anymore. It does still hurt deeply. I cry everytime he yells at me and pounds his fist into the wall to strike fear into my heart. I moved out for about 3 weeks in September to live with my cousin and get away from my father. However, my cousins wife is a delusional psychopath.
Has anyone ever had this experience? And if so, how did you heal and overcome it?
*If more details are needed to better understand the situation I am in, please do not hesitate to ask me. If it'll help me, I don't mind sharing.*
My relationship with my father is terrible. That seems like such an understatement. It's way more than terrible. Toxic, poisoning, etc. He is the main source of my axiety and depression. I have reactive attachment disorder, dependent personality disorder, possibly borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder, PTSD, and hypochondria. The PTSD and hypochondria came from a surgery I had a few years ago and I didn't see a counsellor because my father wouldn't let me. As a result, my symptoms became worse and I never got over it 100% to this day. There are a few (very few) positive memories of my father from my childhood but, most memories have been very negative and traumatizing. I won't go into details about that. It's basically the worse possible thing you can do to a child. My best friend told me to call the police or tell someone and I agreed to go to counselling this year because it's becoming too much. He's abusive in many ways. Verbally, emotionally, physically, etc. I've had to live like this for many years now. My entire life actually. It has affected my relationship with men. I'm very awkward and uncomfortable around men because I'm afraid of being hurt and used again. There have been times where a guy has been interested in me or would like to be more than just friends. But, I just couldn't do it. The emotional pain is too much and so I push them away. Not only does he abuse me, he abuses my mother too. Unfortunately, we can't leave because he contributes a large portion of income which we need to have a roof over our head. We wouldn't be able to survive financially without his job. I think I need more than just counselling. Therapy too. I always ask God, "Why me?" Because of my father, I had turned into such a bitter hearted person. I wasn't always like that. I use to be very sweet, kind, gentle, etc. However, with help from God and my mother, I feel more like my old angelic self that everyone knows and loves. I don't feel so bitter anymore and I couldn't care less about the past. What I do care about is starting the healing process through therapy and counselling. Nowadays, it's mostly just verbal and emotional abuse. It's gotten to the point where I'm so use to it, I'm not surprised anymore. It does still hurt deeply. I cry everytime he yells at me and pounds his fist into the wall to strike fear into my heart. I moved out for about 3 weeks in September to live with my cousin and get away from my father. However, my cousins wife is a delusional psychopath.
Has anyone ever had this experience? And if so, how did you heal and overcome it?
*If more details are needed to better understand the situation I am in, please do not hesitate to ask me. If it'll help me, I don't mind sharing.*
God just want to said with us, u r not alone, he was there when even ur father abused u. U know that when u cry, God knows