Beauty from the Ashes-why Jesus still has scars.

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grimgower

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People ask about me.

"Tell me a fact about yourself", they urge.

Ok, here’s one- I don’t like talking about me (how’s that for a fact)!
There’s so many things I want to say, I don't know where to begin. I don't know why I’m writing right now except to say I feel think its time. I don't want to write a long story because (to be honest) I never read the really long testimonies (God bless everyone that wrote a long testimony…I just have a short attention span). I guess I will work it in parts. Take this a part one.
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That is me as a baby. That's my older brother on the left.
This is me less than a year later:
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Thus concludes part one.
 
I’m in a battle.

Its ten in the morning, I haven’t been awake for thirty minuets and I’m already exhausted from fighting. I try not to let my enemy know, but I’m losing momentum. I try to hide my doubt, my fear; but I can tell today that I am too weak, too tired and unmotivated to fight this today. After the last of my strength is used, I finally give up and surrender to my enemy’s sword. Blow after blow, I’m pummeled. I feel everything being shattered and I know that when its over, brokenness will lie in me and around me. When it’s finished I drag myself away, aware that I will most likely face my enemy again in just a few hours. I’m used to this process by now. I need hurry, put on a good face and try and dress my wounds as quickly as possible before the challenge to fight is declared again.

Every day I face this enemy. Some days I walk away victorious, other times I am left wounded and limping away in retreat. Sometimes the battle is so crippling that I try to run away and avoid the call- my enemy like a mocking Goliath, daring me to prove him wrong.

Can you relate?

We all have our enemies; continuously threatening to pierce our hearts strangle every ounce of joy out of our being. For some people it's the work place- where the enemy can strike deep wounds if they are fired, unemployed or feel abused on the job. For others, the enemies blows are felt at home everyday- from rejection in a spouse, parent or child, to a marriage failing or a child rebelling. Others find the enemy in their finances; still others feel the enemies’ attack in the physical- an accident, a disease or chronic pain, the process of aging, genetics or other injuries.

Me? I’d have to say it's the physical. No, I don't struggle with chronic pain, or have a disease. I don't really feel right even placing myself in that category because people that struggle with those things I truly consider warriors. But still, guess it counts for the physical.
I come face to face with one of my biggest enemies every morning when I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth- I face my image.

(Be patient. I know it doesn't sound like a testimony right now but I can only seem to do this in shifts)
 
Am I the only one who hates to admit I have wounds? Surely not. One thing I’ve learned with the scars that I carry- internally and externally- is that every single one of us are scarred. Every single one of us have wounds that are sometimes so deep, many of us don't think they can ever be healed. For some, this wound is never going to be seen with the eyes…but to quote from one of my favorite books:

“Its only with the heart that one can see clearly. What essential is invisible to the eyes.”

For me, my external scars were the beginning of internal ones.
I was fourteen months old. We had a house on the Gulf Coast about twenty minuets away from New Orleans. It was an accident. The house caught on fire and I was found attempting to crawl my way off our burning carpet. The house and everything in it burned to the ground. I was taken to the hospital where the doctors confronted my parents on the possibility that I might not pull through. They gave me three days- if I managed to make it through to the fourth day, I would most likely pull through. Obviously, I did.
Next, though, my parents faced another heart-rending sit down with the doctors as they explained to them that, though I would survive, I would lose much of what the fire had already marked- my fingers, parts of my leg and face, my hair.

I came home on Christmas Eve-scarred, but all of me.
 
aw! i'm so glad you're still all of you! :) you're the most amazingest person in the entire world geegee! haha i mean... if you can survive a fire... u can survive like ANYTHING! :D love you!
 
GG! I love you so very much! I'm sure you put up with a lot of CARP from people about your looks and people asking you to explain what happened and stuff and some people are SO VERY LAME!! But I think that you are beautiful even with both your external and internal scars and i can't wait to hear more about your mysterious self. :-)
 
WOW Grim your testimony is so powerful... and your right everyone in this entire world has scars... some more visible than others.. but everyone has a testimony as well which you can turn the mess you have gone through and will continue to go through into a MESSAGE! :) Cant wait to hear more of your testimony and how and what God has done for you!! :D :D
 
Over the next four years I had to wear gloves and a facemask. Every night my parents had to hold me down and rub the areas on me that were burned. I don't remember a single night before I was five that I didn't go to bed crying and fighting my parents as they did what they had to do. I know it broke them. I know it was for my best, but I didn't understand. All I knew was that I was hurting and I wanted it to stop.

The fire struck without warning. Wounds happened to all of us. We are all afraid of something. As children, we’re scared of darkness and strangers. As teenagers its rejection and humiliation. As adults its failure and loss. And me? I fear being hurt again.

From my experiences I began to trust no one, because I felt that everyone sooner or later would let me down. At a young age I began to see the world as unsafe and every person I met as potentially dangerous. Over time I built thick emotional walls around my heart. I couldn't stop the pain on the outside, so I was determined to keep it limited there. My fear of abandonment, rejection and ridicule locked my heart deep within myself. Even now, though I have been in relationships, I always struggling with remaining cautious and self-protective. I still struggle with trusting. We all have wounds and every one of us have different ways of dealing with the pain. I was telling someone this just the other day. But we all have to be careful because some strategies to relieve the pain we feel will, in reality, only make the struggle toward healing more difficult. None of us can go back. None of us can change the past, but we do have control over something in the present and its reason for hope. We have the power to believe in a faithful God, a God that strengthens and empowers, a God that can comfort and heal every one of us. And this God was there, even when I didn't know it- pursuing me, calling my heart, and working on setting up the events that would bring me to Him.
 
Awwww GG.....thanks for sharing... You are one of the coolest people....you can be so silly, and yet you can lay it on the line...just like it needs to be! You are an amazing and beautiful woman :D
 
^^totally agree with laura!!

geegee you dont even know how much your latest post has touched me! your testimony is absolutely amazing! i often forget how we shouldn't dwell in the past. what's done is done and it's often so hard to accept. but it's so true that in those past experiences, accidents, or mistakes, God was always there guiding us, setting us up for something wonderful. We only see a small piece of the puzzle. Everything about you is so incredibly stunning! I'm proud to call you my friend :)
 
WOW!

A very heart-felt testimony,THE BATTLE portion of the testimony... Deep.
It touched me.
May GOD bless you by continually making you whole.
And keep letting the LORD fight your battles:

"VICTORY IS MINE saith the LORD"
 
THANK YOU for sharing this with us. I understand perfectly when you talk about the BATTLE. They say that a christian is like a precious metal that God has to hammer, bend, melt, form..etc . to form that metal and make it perfect. God said (Be Holy like I am Holy.) Perfect. He is molding us in his hands.. He is and has obviously done a good job in you because you are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!! Precious!!!!!!!
 
Hey GG! I don't do posting much so you better feel honoured! HAHA! I just want to say, that's powerful stuff and you've got a great story to share. From what i've read on here you've been through a lot, and you have every right to feel the way you do. Physical and emotional scars are hard to remove, especially when you're on the other end of the stick. I just want to say I have a whole load of respect for you, for actually coming out and sharing your story. Very captivating and can't wait to read more! Keep it up!!

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