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xspinningisfun
Guest
This is REALLY long. But I wrote it for my English class in college. We had to write like a narrative story and stuff. So enjoy. If you don't read it all, i can understand. Because it is long, but I think it really tells people my testimony! And I would LOVE for you to read it! :]
I don’t really know how it all began, so let me start from the beginning. The summer before 8th grade, I left Kendall High school to attend Holley High School. It was the hardest transition that I’ve ever faced in my entire life and it made me terribly sad to leave all the relationships that I had behind. In Holley, I didn’t like it at all. People were just cruel and they really didn’t care for each other. I made a few friends, but none that I actually trusted. I was lonely and I felt that I didn’t belong in that school…or in my family. The kids there thought it would be fun to point out every negative thing about me. I just stopped talking after a while. I started hating people. I was struggling with my life and was wondering where I could go to fit in.
I use to be a strong believer in God, but during the year of 8th grade I turned my back on Him, due to the hurt that I was feeling. I couldn’t figure out why He would let me go through this kind of stuff and why He wasn’t helping me. So in October of 2002, I made a decision to stop following Him.
I was so happy when 8th grade passed and summer was coming around the corner. I was so glad to leave the school for 3 whole months. Unfortunately, I knew that I had to go back to Holley when September came along, but I tried not focusing on it too much. The summer was amazing. I still remember the warm weather and how the sun shone. I remember how it felt when I went swimming in the pool with my brothers and how good it felt to be happy again. I used to go to a big tree that was in my backyard and I used to sit in it and feel the light breeze that always came. While I was in that tree, I use to cry, wishing that I could just go back in time and relive the happy moments that I use to experience. I used to close my eyes and pictured myself back when I was younger and how carefree I was and how happy I used to be. My life was perfect that summer. However, it didn’t last long.
Ninth grade came rolling along, and I was petrified of going back to Holley. I did not want to go back to the place that used to make me so sad. Nevertheless, I still had to go. To find out, ninth grade was a little better than the year before. I became closer with some people but I still did not feel like I belonged. My father and I hardly got along and it hurt me. I wanted a Father figure in my life and I use to cry so much. It‘s true that ninth grade was much better than eighth grade, but my family situation was no better. It hurt me tremendously and I had to move out of my very home. I finally left and I went to Buffalo to stay with a few friends.
However, I was scared of the move. I didn’t know what was in store for me and I really didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. All I knew was I had to get out of my home and away from my family. It seemed like I was going nowhere, every day was cloudy for me, I really didn’t have any sunshine in my life at the time. When I arrived in Buffalo, I stayed with a few friends and I felt much better, but in the back of my mind, I knew I shouldn’t run away from the problems that I faced back at home, but I couldn’t deal with the hurt that I faced each day from my Family, so I pushed that thought aside.
During my stay in Buffalo I met a guy named Andrew. I could never forget the day. It was rainy out and it was quite dreary. I remember talking to him, he had this attitude about him that drew me towards him. And he had these compelling eyes, making me feel like he already knew me. He was a litter taller. He and I started talking, and I found out that he was studying to be a priest. I started backing off when I heard this. I did not want to go back to God and I didn’t want a bible thumper telling me otherwise. Therefore, I told him that I did not believe in God and I actually hated Him.
“That is fine with me,” he replied, very calmly.
“Well, I’m just warning you, because I don’t want a man or a woman telling me that I should go back to God. Because I made my choice to leave Him,” I said, shocked that he didn’t preach the word to me.
After a few months of knowing Andrew, I found out that he has struggled with depression and he was raised in a Protestant family. Something about him made me think more about God, even when I did not want to. He use to take me out for coffee or dinner. It was the first time I actually felt that I belonged in this world and I started making more friends every day. But it wasn’t until Andrew came into my life that I felt I belonged. One night, when he took me out for dinner, he asked me a question that really didn’t make me feel comfortable.
“Why do you hate God so much?” he asked.
When I heard this, I started wondering if I should tell him. I never told anyone why I turned my back on God, so all I said was, “God hurt me and I’ve just made my decision not to follow Him anymore.”
“The Bible talks about God never leaving you. Maybe God knows better plans for your future than you know yourself,” Andrew said quietly.
“You don’t know what happened. I was going through pain and God just sat back and laughed, thinking what I went through was funny.” I said, getting angry.
“Well, Katie, you know where to find me if you have questions. I care for you and I want to let you know that God’s not angry with you. He’s still here. And I just want to let you know, if you ever want to come with me to youth group, you are more welcome to.”
And I just sat there. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. No one really reached out to me like he did, but it felt good. I finally realized that he took time out of his own life to talk to me. I thought about his offer for a while and I decided that I should give youth group a try. So I called him on the phone and told him that I would go.
“That’s great!” Andrew said enthusiastically.
As I went to youth group for my first time in 4 years, I started finding myself that I did want to come back to God. Andrew and I talked more and more. I used to go to his house after youth group and we used to talk about meaningful things. I laid on his couch usually and he sat in another chair and just talked to me. I felt so much peace and he made me feel so much better about myself. I used to close my eyes and just listen to his soothing voice as he spoke to me about his life and how he went through so many obstacles, just like me. I forgot about my family back at home and I forgot all about my problems. It always seemed that we were the only people in this world.
One day, Andrew called me and said he needed to talk to me. I stood at the phone and my heart literally stopped beating. Was he in trouble? Did he want to end this friendship? Did he hate me? Questions raced through my mind, but I calmly told him that I would meet him at Starbucks.
When I arrived at the coffee shop, he was already there waiting outside. When he saw me, he walked towards me and led me to a bench that was outside of Starbucks. I sat there waiting for him to tell me what was wrong.
“Katie,” he said hesitantly, “I want to let you know that you have become very dear to me during these past months, but I need to be honest with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m moving to Washington D.C,” he said, dropping his eyes to the ground so he wouldn’t have to look at me.
“You’re what? Why? I thought you were happy here!” I said, with tears streaming down my face. I was so hurt. Why was he leaving?
“I am happy, Katie! Like I said earlier, you mean a lot to me. But I feel that God is telling me that I need to go to Washington D.C. to join the seminary.”
I was shocked. I was crying now, with the tears streaming down my face, not knowing what’s going to happen after he left.
After that conversation, I tried pushing him away. I tried to stop going to youth group and I tried to stop talking to him, but it never worked. Somehow he always managed to talk sense into me. But I knew that if I didn’t push him away, I would hurt more when he did leave. I use to cry so much over his leaving. I wanted to hate him, but I just couldn’t. He became very close to me and there was no way in the world that I could ever hate him.
The day arrived when I had to say goodbye. He came over to my house, dressed in khaki shorts and an American Eagle polo shirt.
“Here,” he said, handing me a book.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a goodbye gift. I know you’re into quotes, so I gave you a quote book.”
I looked down at the book with tears in my eyes. I finally managed to lift my head to look him in the eyes and said, “Thank you.” And I hugged him.
I don’t know how long he stayed there, but all I knew was that I was crying. It was time for him to leave and I gave him one last hug, and I stood in the driveway and watched him drive away and out of my life.
It’s been three years since he left. We used to keep in contact, but we lost it. His phone number is no longer working and he deleted his myspace and I have no way to contact him. I came back to God after I met Andrew and I made a lot of friends. But no one can replace Andrew. He was, and still is, my biggest support of my life. I finally moved back to my home in the year 2006 and even though my family and I might not be the best of friends, I still love them very much.
Some people come into our lives for a special reason and for different seasons. It’s hard to say goodbye to the ones that we love so dearly, but sometimes you just have to. Andrew and I had a special bond while he was living here in New York, and I am so thankful that he came into my life and helped me through whatever obstacles I faced. To Andrew, I am forever thankful.
I don’t really know how it all began, so let me start from the beginning. The summer before 8th grade, I left Kendall High school to attend Holley High School. It was the hardest transition that I’ve ever faced in my entire life and it made me terribly sad to leave all the relationships that I had behind. In Holley, I didn’t like it at all. People were just cruel and they really didn’t care for each other. I made a few friends, but none that I actually trusted. I was lonely and I felt that I didn’t belong in that school…or in my family. The kids there thought it would be fun to point out every negative thing about me. I just stopped talking after a while. I started hating people. I was struggling with my life and was wondering where I could go to fit in.
I use to be a strong believer in God, but during the year of 8th grade I turned my back on Him, due to the hurt that I was feeling. I couldn’t figure out why He would let me go through this kind of stuff and why He wasn’t helping me. So in October of 2002, I made a decision to stop following Him.
I was so happy when 8th grade passed and summer was coming around the corner. I was so glad to leave the school for 3 whole months. Unfortunately, I knew that I had to go back to Holley when September came along, but I tried not focusing on it too much. The summer was amazing. I still remember the warm weather and how the sun shone. I remember how it felt when I went swimming in the pool with my brothers and how good it felt to be happy again. I used to go to a big tree that was in my backyard and I used to sit in it and feel the light breeze that always came. While I was in that tree, I use to cry, wishing that I could just go back in time and relive the happy moments that I use to experience. I used to close my eyes and pictured myself back when I was younger and how carefree I was and how happy I used to be. My life was perfect that summer. However, it didn’t last long.
Ninth grade came rolling along, and I was petrified of going back to Holley. I did not want to go back to the place that used to make me so sad. Nevertheless, I still had to go. To find out, ninth grade was a little better than the year before. I became closer with some people but I still did not feel like I belonged. My father and I hardly got along and it hurt me. I wanted a Father figure in my life and I use to cry so much. It‘s true that ninth grade was much better than eighth grade, but my family situation was no better. It hurt me tremendously and I had to move out of my very home. I finally left and I went to Buffalo to stay with a few friends.
However, I was scared of the move. I didn’t know what was in store for me and I really didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. All I knew was I had to get out of my home and away from my family. It seemed like I was going nowhere, every day was cloudy for me, I really didn’t have any sunshine in my life at the time. When I arrived in Buffalo, I stayed with a few friends and I felt much better, but in the back of my mind, I knew I shouldn’t run away from the problems that I faced back at home, but I couldn’t deal with the hurt that I faced each day from my Family, so I pushed that thought aside.
During my stay in Buffalo I met a guy named Andrew. I could never forget the day. It was rainy out and it was quite dreary. I remember talking to him, he had this attitude about him that drew me towards him. And he had these compelling eyes, making me feel like he already knew me. He was a litter taller. He and I started talking, and I found out that he was studying to be a priest. I started backing off when I heard this. I did not want to go back to God and I didn’t want a bible thumper telling me otherwise. Therefore, I told him that I did not believe in God and I actually hated Him.
“That is fine with me,” he replied, very calmly.
“Well, I’m just warning you, because I don’t want a man or a woman telling me that I should go back to God. Because I made my choice to leave Him,” I said, shocked that he didn’t preach the word to me.
After a few months of knowing Andrew, I found out that he has struggled with depression and he was raised in a Protestant family. Something about him made me think more about God, even when I did not want to. He use to take me out for coffee or dinner. It was the first time I actually felt that I belonged in this world and I started making more friends every day. But it wasn’t until Andrew came into my life that I felt I belonged. One night, when he took me out for dinner, he asked me a question that really didn’t make me feel comfortable.
“Why do you hate God so much?” he asked.
When I heard this, I started wondering if I should tell him. I never told anyone why I turned my back on God, so all I said was, “God hurt me and I’ve just made my decision not to follow Him anymore.”
“The Bible talks about God never leaving you. Maybe God knows better plans for your future than you know yourself,” Andrew said quietly.
“You don’t know what happened. I was going through pain and God just sat back and laughed, thinking what I went through was funny.” I said, getting angry.
“Well, Katie, you know where to find me if you have questions. I care for you and I want to let you know that God’s not angry with you. He’s still here. And I just want to let you know, if you ever want to come with me to youth group, you are more welcome to.”
And I just sat there. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. No one really reached out to me like he did, but it felt good. I finally realized that he took time out of his own life to talk to me. I thought about his offer for a while and I decided that I should give youth group a try. So I called him on the phone and told him that I would go.
“That’s great!” Andrew said enthusiastically.
As I went to youth group for my first time in 4 years, I started finding myself that I did want to come back to God. Andrew and I talked more and more. I used to go to his house after youth group and we used to talk about meaningful things. I laid on his couch usually and he sat in another chair and just talked to me. I felt so much peace and he made me feel so much better about myself. I used to close my eyes and just listen to his soothing voice as he spoke to me about his life and how he went through so many obstacles, just like me. I forgot about my family back at home and I forgot all about my problems. It always seemed that we were the only people in this world.
One day, Andrew called me and said he needed to talk to me. I stood at the phone and my heart literally stopped beating. Was he in trouble? Did he want to end this friendship? Did he hate me? Questions raced through my mind, but I calmly told him that I would meet him at Starbucks.
When I arrived at the coffee shop, he was already there waiting outside. When he saw me, he walked towards me and led me to a bench that was outside of Starbucks. I sat there waiting for him to tell me what was wrong.
“Katie,” he said hesitantly, “I want to let you know that you have become very dear to me during these past months, but I need to be honest with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m moving to Washington D.C,” he said, dropping his eyes to the ground so he wouldn’t have to look at me.
“You’re what? Why? I thought you were happy here!” I said, with tears streaming down my face. I was so hurt. Why was he leaving?
“I am happy, Katie! Like I said earlier, you mean a lot to me. But I feel that God is telling me that I need to go to Washington D.C. to join the seminary.”
I was shocked. I was crying now, with the tears streaming down my face, not knowing what’s going to happen after he left.
After that conversation, I tried pushing him away. I tried to stop going to youth group and I tried to stop talking to him, but it never worked. Somehow he always managed to talk sense into me. But I knew that if I didn’t push him away, I would hurt more when he did leave. I use to cry so much over his leaving. I wanted to hate him, but I just couldn’t. He became very close to me and there was no way in the world that I could ever hate him.
The day arrived when I had to say goodbye. He came over to my house, dressed in khaki shorts and an American Eagle polo shirt.
“Here,” he said, handing me a book.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a goodbye gift. I know you’re into quotes, so I gave you a quote book.”
I looked down at the book with tears in my eyes. I finally managed to lift my head to look him in the eyes and said, “Thank you.” And I hugged him.
I don’t know how long he stayed there, but all I knew was that I was crying. It was time for him to leave and I gave him one last hug, and I stood in the driveway and watched him drive away and out of my life.
It’s been three years since he left. We used to keep in contact, but we lost it. His phone number is no longer working and he deleted his myspace and I have no way to contact him. I came back to God after I met Andrew and I made a lot of friends. But no one can replace Andrew. He was, and still is, my biggest support of my life. I finally moved back to my home in the year 2006 and even though my family and I might not be the best of friends, I still love them very much.
Some people come into our lives for a special reason and for different seasons. It’s hard to say goodbye to the ones that we love so dearly, but sometimes you just have to. Andrew and I had a special bond while he was living here in New York, and I am so thankful that he came into my life and helped me through whatever obstacles I faced. To Andrew, I am forever thankful.