Im very very greatful to help, thanks for letting me know as it helps me understand the weight of my wordsThank You for This. It Personally has helped me more than you may realize.
Are People More Likely to "Fall in Pain" Rather Than "Fall in Love"? How Do We Tell the Difference, and How Can We Make Better Choices?
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yes
jokes aside, this is an important thread for the world. My parents were not bad but they were broken people and 30years I saw them struggle in a relationship that failed since I was a child. because they carried bagages they were not good spouses and this made them difficult parents and makes the family if 8 confused. They have never found healing. If you point out a mistake of my Dad he starts the story by my father abandoned me. my mom too starts with I never had anyone. Two people who yearned to be loved the right way but did not get the love they desire. they're not aware of their pain and how it hurts others. Blinded by their pain they can not listen or hear or see genuine love.
so thank you Seoul. May you live long and impart many
yes indeed I seem to be drawn to people who have some sought of pain. however I am getting more and more objective.
Really, I will just go back and finish my degree In clinical psychology. the money my goal.
jokes aside, this is an important thread for the world. My parents were not bad but they were broken people and 30years I saw them struggle in a relationship that failed since I was a child. because they carried bagages they were not good spouses and this made them difficult parents and makes the family if 8 confused. They have never found healing. If you point out a mistake of my Dad he starts the story by my father abandoned me. my mom too starts with I never had anyone. Two people who yearned to be loved the right way but did not get the love they desire. they're not aware of their pain and how it hurts others. Blinded by their pain they can not listen or hear or see genuine love.
so thank you Seoul. May you live long and impart many
AMEN...yes
yes indeed I seem to be drawn to people who have some sought of pain. however I am getting more and more objective.
Really, I will just go back and finish my degree In clinical psychology. the money my goal.
jokes aside, this is an important thread for the world. My parents were not bad but they were broken people and 30years I saw them struggle in a relationship that failed since I was a child. because they carried bagages they were not good spouses and this made them difficult parents and makes the family if 8 confused. They have never found healing. If you point out a mistake of my Dad he starts the story by my father abandoned me. my mom too starts with I never had anyone. Two people who yearned to be loved the right way but did not get the love they desire. they're not aware of their pain and how it hurts others. Blinded by their pain they can not listen or hear or see genuine love.
so thank you Seoul. May you live long and impart many
This is heavy topic Seoul. I don't know what to say that would help but I have some thoughts on this.
I think everyone has or will go through a loss of some kind. That's very traumatic and it's natural to seek some kind of comfort for that.
But is that falling in love? I don't know, I think it might be part of it, but I can't know for sure because actually falling in love would be MORE than that wouldn't it?
For example, a counselor or therapist you can talk to about your problems, you wouldn't necessarily be attracted to them for who they are, but for what they can do for you ie. listen.
I do know in social work circles, because I've been in those situations where I needed one, they aren't allowed to hug or touch you. And they also try and find activities for you that will make you feel better and distract you from the pain.
I think everyone has or will go through a loss of some kind. That's very traumatic and it's natural to seek some kind of comfort for that.
But is that falling in love? I don't know, I think it might be part of it, but I can't know for sure because actually falling in love would be MORE than that wouldn't it?
For example, a counselor or therapist you can talk to about your problems, you wouldn't necessarily be attracted to them for who they are, but for what they can do for you ie. listen.
I do know in social work circles, because I've been in those situations where I needed one, they aren't allowed to hug or touch you. And they also try and find activities for you that will make you feel better and distract you from the pain.
The second part 'how can we make better choices?'
Well you can dwell on it for a while but eventually you will need to move on. It takes time to process and heal from a break-up or whatever. You got to live your life nobody can live it for you.
Emotions are natural to feel at times, let yourself cry, grieve, sing sad songs etc. Eventually you will feel happy again and find things and friends that are healthy as you recognise that what you left behind perhaps was not good anyway.
I have a lot of friends that have been through something traumatic like a divorce and they don't necessarily talk about it with me, because it is so painful. They just want a friend that will do fun things with them and help them see the brighter side of life. I suppose you can fall in love with that if you want.
Well you can dwell on it for a while but eventually you will need to move on. It takes time to process and heal from a break-up or whatever. You got to live your life nobody can live it for you.
Emotions are natural to feel at times, let yourself cry, grieve, sing sad songs etc. Eventually you will feel happy again and find things and friends that are healthy as you recognise that what you left behind perhaps was not good anyway.
I have a lot of friends that have been through something traumatic like a divorce and they don't necessarily talk about it with me, because it is so painful. They just want a friend that will do fun things with them and help them see the brighter side of life. I suppose you can fall in love with that if you want.
I don't think I saw this before, so I'm kinda the "current crowd".
I could be missing something... but I don't think people "fall in love" because they share a common trauma or are working on a common issue. And that is no small point to the subject.
I just think it opens a door of intimacy. You can have intimacy with parents and friends; it's not "falling in love". So, it seems the trouble is something else... not the thing they had/have in common.
As you said, there might be benefits to being with someone who "knows what it's like", has a common experience. But what are the benefits? And people should not assume those benefits are there, but rather test to see.
If someone shares a common trauma or struggle, they may be well informed about it, and you might assume they can be empathetic and helpful; but they may not be a particularly empathetic, forgiving or helpful person.
Simply said, having a common issue with someone merely opens a door to communication, but puts one right back to the basics: don't assume anything about them and get to know them over time, just like anyone else. In other words, the problem is wishful thinking and assumptions.
There's another issue I've seen. For instance, an alcoholic may semi-subconsciously seek out people with obvious problems because they assume they are the only people who will put up with their drinking. They may be right, or they may be wrong or to certain degrees. It's a bad setup because you're starting with their problems and you're giving yourself an excuse to drink as payment for dealing with their problems.
Obviously depends
. Nobody is or will be perfect. One can analyze their issue, maybe get help, and setup for themselves prayerful guardrails. Assuming they want to marry, I think in most cases (after common wait times after traumas), people can seek a spouse immediately. I think if people avoid making assumptions and are resolute on being with a sincere christian they have a good shot.I once assumed someone born with physical challenges must be empathetic. I was very wrong. Breaking up was unpleasant, but c'est la vie. I mean, what do you want?
