Guidance for a new christian father.

Hi Thomas, allowing children to make their own choice for attending church is bad advice. It is a common choice which I have never personally seen produce good results. I have known many people that were forced to go to church, as adults they may have stopped then returned later in life. It amazes me how many people are bamboozled by this question when they know how to protect their children from less important things. We didn’t used to give our children a choice about taking showers every day, cleaning their room, chores, going to school, doing homework. Everything a child is taught is by forcing them to do something they don’t naturally want to do because they don’t yet understand the importance it has on their lives. Then somehow the most important thing they will ever learn, where they choose to spend eternity, that should be left to a child’s whims and wants? I don’t think you‘d allow her to drink/use drugs in the house or have sleepovers with boys.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

At 16 there is certainly less influence you may have and you have to decide what/when it is worth fighting. You should have a candid conversation with your daughter and be honest. Things have changed in your home and it’s for the better. You don’t have all the answers but this is the direction you have and you feel strong enough about it that it shouldn’t be left up to her.

Joshua 24:15 ‘And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.’

At a minimum, when we lived with our parents we went to church with them, no questions. In church we were made to participate with the rest of the congregation with a good attitude. If the church stood, clapped and sang, we had better do the same. Even as adults, if we were allowed to live at home we knew this was an expectation. You can’t make her accept Christ, you can make her be present and be polite. I’ll say this too, she is getting something out of it. She is coming into the presence of God, she is hearing the truth. She is also watching you and how serious you are about living for God.

She will fight you and she’ll have an attitude if you let her. If you hold strong eventually the routine will set in, the resentment will fade and with favor from the Lord she will begin to open her heart toward God. If she doesn’t like it you can reassure her, she only has to do it as long as she lives at home with Dad. It‘s important that you and your wife both stand firm on this.

ThomasJG said:

I have lived the last 35 years or so unsure about what I believe or sure that I dont believe. I am not entirely sure where my lack of a belief system came from but as a kid I was involved in church about half of the time. Still, I didn't ever pick up this core human process.

At the age of 41 I did a lot of self searching as to how to improve my life and the life of family. I wont go into detail about it but I came to the conclusion that I needed Jesus more than I could even understand. Feom the first moment I stepped into our current church family I was enamored with how much of a difference it made in me so immediately. This isn't my question though.

The problem I am facing is know what to do with my daughter. She is 16 and until 6 months ago I had never spoken to her about God or religion at all. I have dragged her along to church service and youth service with us since we've started going but she doesnt want to go and she isn't getting anything from it. I know I failed her in her earlier life and this is a product of my own creation but I want to help her. I have since given her the option to go and she is choosing not to.

I have read that as parents it is our job to lead our kids. I have read that forcing her to go can drive her away from God and her family. I have also read that it isn't my responsibility and maybe much like I did she will discover God in her own time. For me it is hard because I do feel so much like I have failed her and it is my fault.

If anyone here has words of wisdom for me please share.

God Bless,
Thomas

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My situation is slightly different, but the principle applies. I discovered that pushing my daughter too hard drove her away. I should have known better, but I allowed my natural instincts to take over. Kids that age are rebellious, especially nowadays. At her age, I also hated church and did what I could to get out of going. The moment I got saved, I went to every meeting I could.

All you can do is live by example. Show her the love of Jesus. Ask God for wisdom as to how to deal with her. Love does not mean giving her whatever she wants or allowing her 100% freedom to do as she pleases. How that works in practice is between you her and God.

My daughter was more mature than I thought she was and not as mature as she thought she was. Girls need their fathers. We need to be there for them, but not try to live their lives for them.

Hello Thomas (@ThomasJG), first off, since I noticed that you are a new member here, welcome to CChat

As far as getting some help with the problem that you're having with your daughter goes, have you spoken with your pastor and/or with your youth pastor about this yet, as they may have some very good ideas (they would certainly know who to ask for help within the youth group itself, because teens are typically much better at getting other teens involved at church than we adults are ).

Praying for your daughter and you!

God bless you!! (Proverbs 3:5-6)

~Deuteronomy

are you saved?