Is what i want too unrealistic?

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LilyLola

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Jul 7, 2025
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Hi,
I am a young adult Christian woman and I have never had a boyfriend, but I dream of finding my husband. However, I do not like it when guys I'm interested in follow women who they don't know or don't follow just because they're an athlete in a sport they watch. It makes me very uninterested because I don't want my future husband to follow girls just because they post pretty selfies and bikini photos. I come from a secular country so Im not surprised but a lot of Christian guys do this aswell (probably not with bikini models but still models).
And if they stop following girls when we start dating, thanks?, but what if she did reply? Would you have been dating her? etc.
Personally, I only follow guys that i know personally and a few tennis athletes because i watch a lot of tennis.
I just don't really like it when a guy follows a ton of random girls but I feel like it's very common so maybe its unrealistic of me.

Okay, bye!! (also if it's not too much invading your privacy, could you add your gender and age (range) to your reply so i can get a broader view of how people per age see it, but if not that's okay)

(Also I'm not the most insecure person about my appearance but it still doesn't sit right with me when a guy does that)
 
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LilyLola said:
Hi,
I am a young adult Christian woman and I have never had a boyfriend, but I dream of finding my husband. However, I do not like it when guys I'm interested in follow women who they don't know or don't follow just because they're an athlete in a sport they watch. It makes me very uninterested because I don't want my future husband to follow girls just because they post pretty selfies and bikini photos. I come from a secular country so Im not surprised but a lot of Christian guys do this aswell (probably not with bikini models but still models).
And if they stop following girls when we start dating, thanks?, but what if she did reply? Would you have been dating her? etc.
Personally, I only follow guys that i know personally and a few tennis athletes because i watch a lot of tennis.
I just don't really like it when a guy follows a ton of random girls but I feel like it's very common so maybe its unrealistic of me.

Okay, bye!! (also if it's not too much invading your privacy, could you add your gender and age (range) to your reply so i can get a broader view of how people per age see it, but if not that's okay)

(Also I'm not the most insecure person about my appearance but it still doesn't sit right with me when a guy does that)
Click to expand...

No mam, not unrealistic. If it makes you uncomfortable that your boyfriend or husband follows girls who show lots of skin and is obviously not a professional content creator then you have every right to feel uncomfortable.

There are plenty of women with professional modest content on any subject. As a 34 married man with a wife who feels the same way I purposely filter my content and remove content that isn't modest.

Realistically it is quite a job though with any social media, streaming services, and online content. It is impossible to fully escape the secular world content 100% unless you disconnect and go live as a hermit. It's a full-time job. That means when looking for TV shows you look up the parental rating for unmodest content, at the beach, you quickly look past the women with much skin exposed, it means not playing certain video games, etc.

A marriage covenant is to have your eyes only for your spouse. There will be failures, seasons of victory, moments of grace, love, and patience so it is to one degree remembering that once you start dating you have to see who he is now and accept him as he is now. If you can't, then move on. Why? Because if you marry hoping to change him, you are marrying for the wrong reason. He is the only one in control of that. You can communicate your likes and dislikes but it is still he who has to respect that.

Change will occur and optimistically he loves you to provide your likes and to stop with the dislikes.

Much can be said about this but I don't want to write a long wall of words.

Just know it's okay and understandable to feel that way. It isn't an insecurity to protect your marriage.

Just as no man should be okay with their women reading smut books, or watching those steamy dating shows. It goes both ways.
 
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It's not unrealistic at all, it just depends on where you meet the guys. You'll probably have a lot of luck finding one in a rural curch, or other places where it seems like the internet doesn't reign over.
 
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LilyLola said:
Hi,
I am a young adult Christian woman and I have never had a boyfriend, but I dream of finding my husband. However, I do not like it when guys I'm interested in follow women who they don't know or don't follow just because they're an athlete in a sport they watch. It makes me very uninterested because I don't want my future husband to follow girls just because they post pretty selfies and bikini photos. I come from a secular country so Im not surprised but a lot of Christian guys do this aswell (probably not with bikini models but still models).
And if they stop following girls when we start dating, thanks?, but what if she did reply? Would you have been dating her? etc.
Personally, I only follow guys that i know personally and a few tennis athletes because i watch a lot of tennis.
I just don't really like it when a guy follows a ton of random girls but I feel like it's very common so maybe its unrealistic of me.

Okay, bye!! (also if it's not too much invading your privacy, could you add your gender and age (range) to your reply so i can get a broader view of how people per age see it, but if not that's okay)

(Also I'm not the most insecure person about my appearance but it still doesn't sit right with me when a guy does that)
Click to expand...

I'm a woman, 40, married for 15 years.

Men are typically visual people and look at women that way. Many people in the Bible had multiple wives. David and Solomon were some of the worst in that way. But it was a common practice at the time. Also we're told David was a man after God's own heart. Pretty bold statement.

God is pretty visual as well. "I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put sandals of fine leather on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. 11 I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, 12 and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. 13 So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was honey, olive oil and the finest flour. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen." Ezekiel 16

"If God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers he will certainly care for you. " Matthew 6

So while it's true God doesn't want women dressing or acting a certain way, many Christians go to the extreme with this idea. Other religions such as Muslims have to hide their face. But even the Amish they have to wear a bonnet and keep their hair back I believe. None of that is biblical.

So for a man to look at a beautiful woman....I don't think anyone will change that. 😆 It's a common sales tactic as well. It doesn't mean he will stray when married though. But addictions like porn is an issue, as all addictions are an issue when married.
 
LilyLola said:
Hi,
I am a young adult Christian woman and I have never had a boyfriend, but I dream of finding my husband. However, I do not like it when guys I'm interested in follow women who they don't know or don't follow just because they're an athlete in a sport they watch. It makes me very uninterested because I don't want my future husband to follow girls just because they post pretty selfies and bikini photos. I come from a secular country so Im not surprised but a lot of Christian guys do this aswell (probably not with bikini models but still models).
And if they stop following girls when we start dating, thanks?, but what if she did reply? Would you have been dating her? etc.
Personally, I only follow guys that i know personally and a few tennis athletes because i watch a lot of tennis.
I just don't really like it when a guy follows a ton of random girls but I feel like it's very common so maybe its unrealistic of me.

Okay, bye!! (also if it's not too much invading your privacy, could you add your gender and age (range) to your reply so i can get a broader view of how people per age see it, but if not that's okay)

(Also I'm not the most insecure person about my appearance but it still doesn't sit right with me when a guy does that)
Click to expand...
Lily Lola! i’m Lilah. i feel like this, too. i’m twenty-six years old. female. single. unmarried. never been in an actual serious relationship. have dated in the past, but honestly so over the dating scene. i’ve tried everything in dating… online dating, long-distance, etc. i know in my gut i’ll meet my husband in real life and not online. i’m trying to stay away from social media (Instagram) completely and live in reality because social media is just a highlight reel. also, the app X is crazy negative. the One we should be following is Jesus! guys who follow a bunch of random girls on social media? just forget about it. in my opinion, a guy who follows a bunch of girls on social media is immature, and factually, social media is not real life. i dated a guy without social media (it sadly did not work out, but it was God’s plan), and guys like that are much more worthy of your time than ones with social media. that’s just my two cents. may Jesus bring you and the guy you’re supposed to be with together in His perfect, divine timing! God Bless
 
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LilyLola said:
Hi,
I am a young adult Christian woman and I have never had a boyfriend, but I dream of finding my husband. However, I do not like it when guys I'm interested in follow women who they don't know or don't follow just because they're an athlete in a sport they watch. It makes me very uninterested because I don't want my future husband to follow girls just because they post pretty selfies and bikini photos. I come from a secular country so Im not surprised but a lot of Christian guys do this aswell (probably not with bikini models but still models).
And if they stop following girls when we start dating, thanks?, but what if she did reply? Would you have been dating her? etc.
Personally, I only follow guys that i know personally and a few tennis athletes because i watch a lot of tennis.
I just don't really like it when a guy follows a ton of random girls but I feel like it's very common so maybe its unrealistic of me.

Okay, bye!! (also if it's not too much invading your privacy, could you add your gender and age (range) to your reply so i can get a broader view of how people per age see it, but if not that's okay)

(Also I'm not the most insecure person about my appearance but it still doesn't sit right with me when a guy does that)
Click to expand...

Having standards for yourself in your walk with the Lord. I want to encourage you to seek after God first if his plan is for you to have a husband he will send one at the prefect timing for you and future spouse.
I wasn't walking with God when I got into a relationship with someone that wasn't for me it lead to heartbreak for me emotional and mental I wasn't ok for a long time.
God had a plan though and pulled me out of a dark path.
Be willing to listen for God's voice and trust that he has a plan for you.
Love you little sister in Jesus Christ
 
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Three Main Heresies of Oneness / “Jesus Only” / UPCI Teaching

You will run across a lot of it on this site.

  1. Denial of the Trinity – They reject the biblical view of one God in three eternal Persons (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) and teach Modalism — one Person appearing in different roles.
     Refuted by: Matthew 3:16–17 (KJV), John 1:1–2 (KJV), John 14:16 (KJV)
  2. Baptismal Regeneration – They claim salvation and forgiveness come only through baptism “in Jesus’ name,” rather than through faith in Christ’s finished work.
     Refuted by: Acts 10:43–48 (KJV), Romans 10:9–10 (KJV), Ephesians 2:8–9 (KJV)
  3. Tongues as Proof of Salvation – They insist speaking in tongues is the necessary sign of receiving the Holy Spirit.
     Refuted by: Romans 8:9 (KJV), 1 Corinthians 12:13 (KJV), 1 Corinthians 12:30 (KJV)

Salvation is by grace through faith, not by water or works — and the true God is eternally Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.


Grace and peace.
 
LightBearer316 said:
Three Main Heresies of Oneness / “Jesus Only” / UPCI Teaching

You will run across a lot of it on this site.

  1. Denial of the Trinity – They reject the biblical view of one God in three eternal Persons (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) and teach Modalism — one Person appearing in different roles.
     Refuted by: Matthew 3:16–17 (KJV), John 1:1–2 (KJV), John 14:16 (KJV)
  2. Baptismal Regeneration – They claim salvation and forgiveness come only through baptism “in Jesus’ name,” rather than through faith in Christ’s finished work.
     Refuted by: Acts 10:43–48 (KJV), Romans 10:9–10 (KJV), Ephesians 2:8–9 (KJV)
  3. Tongues as Proof of Salvation – They insist speaking in tongues is the necessary sign of receiving the Holy Spirit.
     Refuted by: Romans 8:9 (KJV), 1 Corinthians 12:13 (KJV), 1 Corinthians 12:30 (KJV)

Salvation is by grace through faith, not by water or works — and the true God is eternally Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.


Grace and peace.
Click to expand...
Lost? I think you meant this for a different thread.
 
Male married 33 years old

To be completely honest and realistic I do think it would be almost impossible to find a man not guilty of lust. I want to point out that's one of the reasons Paul says people should get married is if they can't control their lust then to embrace it in a union that's sanctified by God in marriage as read in the scripture below. It also says that its good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman, so if the man were to be able to completely avoid all forms of lust then that man would be better off not married in the first place like it says here and devote his whole life to God, but the ones that cant then they should get married.

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

I think that when two people are married they should be 100% committed to each other. No porn, no checking out girls on Instagram etc.. and they should avoid being tempted by Satan and remaining completely faithful to each other!
 
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LilyLola said:
Hi,
I am a young adult Christian woman and I have never had a boyfriend, but I dream of finding my husband. However, I do not like it when guys I'm interested in follow women who they don't know or don't follow just because they're an athlete in a sport they watch. It makes me very uninterested because I don't want my future husband to follow girls just because they post pretty selfies and bikini photos. I come from a secular country so Im not surprised but a lot of Christian guys do this aswell (probably not with bikini models but still models).
And if they stop following girls when we start dating, thanks?, but what if she did reply? Would you have been dating her? etc.
Personally, I only follow guys that i know personally and a few tennis athletes because i watch a lot of tennis.
I just don't really like it when a guy follows a ton of random girls but I feel like it's very common so maybe its unrealistic of me.

Okay, bye!! (also if it's not too much invading your privacy, could you add your gender and age (range) to your reply so i can get a broader view of how people per age see it, but if not that's okay)

(Also I'm not the most insecure person about my appearance but it still doesn't sit right with me when a guy does that)
Click to expand...
It is normal and natural for people of one gender to look at and admire people of the opposite gender , however , when I was young the internet did not exist so it wasn't a problem for my generation . I'm in my late fifties , female but not particularly old fashioned or easily shocked or offended . I would not b too happy if a man I knew and was interested in was looking at scantily clad females on the internet on a regular basis . I probably wouldn't say anything but I would definitely cut ties with him . The reason is , if he's too dumb to realise that that kind of behaviour is at best immature and at worst downright offensive , then he's too dumb for me . Move on to a man that has some self awareness and some self control and maturity . If u stick with him , he probably won't stop looking on line at women , he will just keep doing it behind your back and lie to u about it . That's just my opinion but , it is based on my experiences and the experiences of other girls / women I have known . People don't tend to change much I'm afraid , not unless they want to . Don't give your heart away too easily ❤️ keep it safe , for the right one for u will come to u when God sends him . B patient .
 
sometimes we can be alittle insecure within ourselves which can lead to an unconscious lack of confidence.not saying this is the case with you but i have experienced this.as for finding the perfect man well is there a perfect woman?.as they say around here"it is what it is".
 
LilyLola said:
Hi,
I am a young adult Christian woman and I have never had a boyfriend, but I dream of finding my husband. However, I do not like it when guys I'm interested in follow women who they don't know or don't follow just because they're an athlete in a sport they watch. It makes me very uninterested because I don't want my future husband to follow girls just because they post pretty selfies and bikini photos. I come from a secular country so Im not surprised but a lot of Christian guys do this aswell (probably not with bikini models but still models).
And if they stop following girls when we start dating, thanks?, but what if she did reply? Would you have been dating her? etc.
Personally, I only follow guys that i know personally and a few tennis athletes because i watch a lot of tennis.
I just don't really like it when a guy follows a ton of random girls but I feel like it's very common so maybe its unrealistic of me.

Okay, bye!! (also if it's not too much invading your privacy, could you add your gender and age (range) to your reply so i can get a broader view of how people per age see it, but if not that's okay)

(Also I'm not the most insecure person about my appearance but it still doesn't sit right with me when a guy does that)
Click to expand...
I hate to say this, Guys look at girls. If he promises not to follow them or look, he will do it even after you get married. Read II Peter 1 together, ask him to think on it and next time you are together discuss the meaning of the passage.

Male age 69
 
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hey im 18 years old and male. I just felt like I needed to respond because I also have high standards when it comes relationships. Just wanted to let you know that people always make choices on what they value most. So if a man is following something inappropriate like models online, he’s choosing to sacrifice purity for lust. If he doesn’t follow models he’s sacrificing lust for purity. Same thing with anything. So in short, lusting with your eyes is wrong because women are more than Barbie dolls. It may be harder for men when it comes with visual temptation but it’s still obviously possible for men to have self control. And if he’s choosing lust over purity it shows what he values more therefore showing also his character. Hopefully that makes sense, if need be you can reach out and I can explain more.
 
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LilyLola said:
Hi,
I am a young adult Christian woman and I have never had a boyfriend, but I dream of finding my husband. However, I do not like it when guys I'm interested in follow women who they don't know or don't follow just because they're an athlete in a sport they watch. It makes me very uninterested because I don't want my future husband to follow girls just because they post pretty selfies and bikini photos. I come from a secular country so Im not surprised but a lot of Christian guys do this aswell (probably not with bikini models but still models).
And if they stop following girls when we start dating, thanks?, but what if she did reply? Would you have been dating her? etc.
Personally, I only follow guys that i know personally and a few tennis athletes because i watch a lot of tennis.
I just don't really like it when a guy follows a ton of random girls but I feel like it's very common so maybe its unrealistic of me.

Okay, bye!! (also if it's not too much invading your privacy, could you add your gender and age (range) to your reply so i can get a broader view of how people per age see it, but if not that's okay)

(Also I'm not the most insecure person about my appearance but it still doesn't sit right with me when a guy does that)
Click to expand...
I'm from France, 18, male. My view on this is that it's all about balance. Of course if the guy follows 100 instagram models it's a sign he's definitely lusting or at least willing to look at those pictures.
Imagine it for a woman following Cristiano Ronaldo on Instagram. It's important to know her motivation. Does she follow him because he's an amazing athlete and she loves following his career and what he's doing all over the world? Or does she follow him because she finds him cute?
Same for a man: it would be fine to me to follow a few female athletes, that we look up to because they're inspirationnal, or because they're excelling at what their doing. It depends on the motivation. It's not about numbers, if a guy follows 1 single female athlete, because she's cute, it's worse than if he's following 10 that he truly follows for their excellence and performance.
A man should flee from lust, as a woman should. That's all. Now if the guy says he's not lusting but follows 100 bikini models... it's clear what are his motivation.
Hope this helps! Have a blessed day!
 
Gv12 said:
Male married 33 years old

To be completely honest and realistic I do think it would be almost impossible to find a man not guilty of lust. I want to point out that's one of the reasons Paul says people should get married is if they can't control their lust then to embrace it in a union that's sanctified by God in marriage as read in the scripture below. It also says that its good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman, so if the man were to be able to completely avoid all forms of lust then that man would be better off not married in the first place like it says here and devote his whole life to God, but the ones that cant then they should get married.

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

I think that when two people are married they should be 100% committed to each other. No porn, no checking out girls on Instagram etc.. and they should avoid being tempted Baixar vídeos e Reels do Instagram by Satan and remaining completely faithful to each other!
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Wanting something better, clearer, or more meaningful is not unrealistic in itself—it’s a natural part of growth and self-reflection.
 
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