What is the Definition of Failure?

Hey Everyone,

I was listening to the story of a young man who was telling his life story. Although he was only 35, he said he'd already lived the lives of multiple men, and by the end of his talk, I more than agreed.

He grew up in a very poor, abusive household which already aged him well beyond his years. In high school, he was put on track to become a professional hockey player -- until an injury dashed his hopes. He went into the US military, hoping to make that into a career, but again, an injury ended his dreams. He said with great sorrow rather than pity, "The military wants you when you're young and healthy, but the minute you get hurt, they have no use for you and put you out."

He tried to get into acting, theater, and entertainment -- once again easily noticed for his incredible work ethic and likable personality -- but was taken advantage of by managers who made a quick buck off his talent, then moved on to the next hot thing.

He was even going through seminary school to be a pastor -- but once again, life threw him off track.

And at the end of his speech, he said, again, with no hint of self-pity, but rather a statement of what he saw as fact: "I am a failure. I have failed at every. single. thing I have ever tried."

That just broke my heart. I wrote a message on his page trying to be encouraging, saying, "You did not fail!! You put everything you had into everything you've ever done, and God sees that. These weren't failures -- they were chapters in your life, and God surely has a new chapter for you."

I have been told more than once that I'm a failure at dating because I'm not married. But I've never seen it that way. I always saw dating as a learning process, and not everyone who goes to school will graduate with the same degree.

Like this young man, there's been a lot of things I've tried in life. Many things haven't worked out. Some things I lit on fire with my own decisions, whether for the good, or for the bad. And some things I might not have succeeded at, but I know God has forgiven me and graciously opens new doors.

My actions and decisions have failed in several areas, in several ways, and several times over. But I don't believe that God sees me a as a failure.

How about you?

* How do you define failure? Do you see yourself as having a lot of failures in your life? Are there any good things that have come out of them?

* What is the difference between HAVING failures -- and BEING a failure? How has God gotten you past the times people have told you that you've failed, or have flat-out called you a failure?

* How have you managed to get back up from failures?

* Spouses -- how do you manage your failures vs. your spouses failures? Do admit to each other you've failed, and/or point it out when the other one fails?

* Parents -- how do you manage failures regarding your kids? Do you tell your children when you've failed, and how do you teach them to do better?

* If a child has failed at something, how do you talk to them about it? Do you just tell them they have failed, or do you reframe it in a different way?


I was told in one church community that "God doesn't count how many times you fall down. He counts how many times you get back up."

* How do YOU handle falling down -- and how do you get back up?

Your definition of failure depends on your definition of success, what you have done to reach it and whether you have reached it. Thus different people will have different definitions of failure, because they want their lives to be different things.

That is why the Bible says the wisdom of God looks like pure foolishness to the world. We have different objectives, so we do things that would be pretty stupid if we were trying to achieve the world's version of success. But it's okay if they think that. Personally I think it's pretty foolish to knock yourself out trying to get more of something you're going to lose when you die.

I probably look like a failure to many people. I have been told by many that I am smart enough to do a whole lot of different things. Instead I am single, with no real ambition for myself, working at a fast food place.

But I'm pretty happy with life and I have few wants, so I consider myself to be successful.

I don't walk in the circles of the in crowd
Never made a big impression
On the fashion industry
I don't mingle with the ones who make the headlines
Not much money falls
When you shake my family tree
But I know who owns the cattle on the hillside
And I've knelt before
The cross at Calvary
When it comes to high rollers
I'm not even in the game
But I've an open line to heaven
And the angels know my name

Great thoughts here.

I have to think of John the Baptist -- his life accomplishments including living in a desert and dining on gourmet things like locusts, but yet, Jesus said, "Among women, there has not been one born greater than John." (Matthew 11:11)

I have several family members who have Type-A personalities -- they were born to get to the top of the ladder, and have very much succeeded in doing that. But they never understood why I wasn't the same way, and neither did I, until I was well into adulthood. I couldn't understand why I kept "failing" (I couldn't handle the high amounts of stress they could) until I realized that God made me to be a HELPER to those kinds of people, rather than become one myself.

I will work my fingers to the bone for compassionate leaders with good morals, work ethics, and who treat their people well, because they are so hard to find. One of my bosses said he was having a tough time hanging on to me because the other managers were petitioning to have me moved to their teams. Ironically, the one person who didn't want me on her team did the work I had the most experience in, but it was said that she was afraid they would have given me her job. Little did she know, I didn't want it.

I like being an anonymous helper who gets things done behind the scenes. I'm not interested in all the riff raff that comes with the spotlight.

Many years ago, I was on a plane, and a man wanted to switch seats with me to sit next to his wife and child (a problem many single travelers face -- we're always expected to switch with those who have spouses or families.) His seat was also several rows behind where I was sitting. He said, "Oh, we can just switch back before the plane lands," but any experienced flyer knows you might not be able to do that because of turbulence.

Their child was not alone -- he has his mother right next to him. Of course, if it was just the child, I would have traded. But this family had the rest of their lives to be together, and I had to worry about making a short connecting time alone to get to my next flight.

I politely but firmly declined to the family's very visible disgust.

And I honestly felt like God was saying He had me in that seat for a reason -- it was the first seat right behind first class. As I watched all the people "living the good life" eating their fancy meals on real plates with real silverware and drinking wine from real glasses...

I also noticed that except for one guy in a Hawaiian shirt, everyone in first class was hunched over on their laptops, typing furiously. You could almost feel the stress in the air, as I imagine many of them were trying to meet deadlines and close deals. One guy was even sweating, and it wasn't particularly warm on the plane. He just looked like he was about at the end of his rope.

Now of course, I'm sure plenty of non-first-class passengers were probably in similar situations, too.

But I felt like God was teaching me that everything has a price, especially "success," and in that moment, I felt immensely grateful to be just a poor everyday worker who could actually sit back and relax.

I can think of quite a few things I've failed at. I can think of many things that I just gave up to easily on. There are a few people out there that like to remind me of those moments...

Its taken a long time to reconcile all these moments. I encourage my kids not to do as I've done.

After a lot of prayer, fasting, and introspection, its past time to put all that behind me. I'm 59 and hope to find some adventure. I think part of that is being the best version of me that I can and work on and improve what needs to be worked on and improved. It will be a process!

RB

I believe that the definition of failure is when you quit trying to obtain your goal.

I loved this honest, insightful answer!!!

I was having a case of, "Oh no, I handled that past situation all wrong and messed everything up!" this morning.

I just hope God will see something redeeming in me and allow me to do better at something else to make up for it.

And, I'm all about trying to find some adventure!!!

However, my sense of adventure usually involves roller coasters, and I don't get too many takers on that.

This is a great point, Tourist.

I have many goals I've failed at. Now I'm in a process of wondering if I even set the right goals to begin with -- and what ones God actually wants me to make in the future.

Yes ! If u r happy then u r a success ! I think we might have a lot in common 😲 . When I was young , I was considered to b very attractive and clever . I had no ambition whatsoever other than to b happy . I did mostly what other people would call menial jobs , fast food , hotels , bars , factories etc . I loved every one of those jobs , met some lovely people and had lots of laughs , as long as I had enough money to pay my bills and eat I was , and still am , content . I didn't marry until my mid thirties , I've lived in the same small apartment for 35 years and I love it . It was a gift from God and I'm so grateful for it . Poor health since my late 20's has restricted me a bit but , I thank God every day for all the good things in my life . I'm alive , sane and happy , all thanks to God .

This is a gold medal post 🥇!!!

I love the happy, spunky, grateful attitude you have in everything you write. Nothing is more inspiring than to read about people who are humble and grateful for what they have.

Thank you so much for sharing!

Success is the opposite of failure....

And how YOU define success in your life determines whether or not you have failed or are a failure. Because until you achieve success....you are a failure.

Success can be measured in many ways....and something that you somehow cannot obtain.....or always obtain. Just depends on your expectations.

Someone with severe learning disabilities might bemoan and think themselves a failure for not finishing a bachelors degree....when the truth is that they actually achieved something great by attending and successfully completing college level courses.

Everyone is human....everyone has REAL limits of what they can vx cannot do...including emotional, physical, as well as the intellectual limits.

Our paths in life are determined by God. We can buck against those paths like Sampson or Jonah....or be grateful and passionately follow those paths like David.

I'm never going to be an olympic track star... especially as I look at canes that might be OK to use on a regular basis. But....I'm not a failure when it comes to running....I'm just not an athlete.

So....what's failure? Not really sure.
What's success? I'm not sure about that either as I haven't obtained it yet either.

Failure to me is when I have not accomplished something and there is no way to make the outcome different.

The difference... we all have failures, but we are not failures.

Prayer, support from loved ones.

I tend to be easier on my spouse than myself.

I have definitely told my son when I fail. I ask his forgiveness.

I reframe it so that they can see other angles to view it from.

What you mentioned is key - setting up the right goals. Yes, God needs to play a part in the decision-making process.