Not Respecting Your Nonnegotiables in Dating

So I am part of Facebook Christian single pages and every time I bring up the fact I won't date a woman who is divorced, I get attacked by divorced women who say I am either not reading the Bible correctly or they give me some different interpretation of the Word. This is either in direct comments against me or trollish laughing emojis.

But no one bats an eye when someone states they won't date someone who drinks or someone who holds different political beliefs than them.

How many of you who are in the Christian dating scene have experienced this where you state your nonnegotiable terms yet there are other Christians who challenge you on that?

I make my own beer and mead...if a woman told me that she would never date someone who enjoys that activity, I would just acknowledge we are not a good fit and not bother her. Why are there so many sisters out there that must challenge my decisions on what I find acceptable in dating? I really find it toxic.

It's up to you who you would choose to date.

You might consider possibly one reason someone is divorced is because God didn't intend their union to occur.
They decided to wed and it was a bad choice.

Now they're both free to find those whom God intends.

People divorce for different reasons. Some divorce because they lived to file. Because they were in a physically abusive relationship.

The reason Jews weren't allowed to divorce per the Old Way,Testament, is so to preserve the tribal patriarchal blood line of the husband,father of the children.

God forgives. Imagine being in a marriage that is hell on earth.

I saw a poster years ago that as a married person resonates as truth. I know miserable married couples. They look older than they really are.

"CHOOSE CAREFULLY before saying , I do tell death us do part. Because in a bad marriage there are many ways to die."


Meanwhile ignore the trolls.

Different non-negotiables mean different things. If a woman required me to not date any other girls while we were in a relationship, that would be one thing. If she required me to sing the Hamster Dance every time she walked in the room, that would be quite another.

Some people can take some non-negotiables as a disparagement. I sing or hum to myself a lot. If that got on a woman's nerves and she made that a non-negotiable, I could understand that... But it would still feel like an attack. I'd have to look past my own feelings before I could acknowledge that it irritated her. Some divorced people may take it personally when you say that.

Maybe you could just not say that? Maybe when the subject comes up, just don't mention it? If they ask YOU, DIRECTLY, tell them, but not volunteer the fact every time the topic comes around? It's not a full fix, but it could avoid a lot of static.

It's not even a matter of you being right or wrong to not want to date divorced people. It's a matter of you observing people take it rather personally when you say that, so just don't bring it up. (That's the same reason I don't talk about politics, ever.)

I have nothing against anyone who won't date a divorced person. I've never dated or been in a relationship with a divorced person.

For those who do/will date a divorced person, go for it. You do your thing, I'll do my thing. If they are attacking you, it sounds like they have issues and need to focus on something else.

Btw, you make your own beer? That's smashing!

All the best to you! 🙏

This is truth!

I'm guessing the women pushing back at you are divorced themselves or are close with someone who is (maybe they were raised by a divorced mom,) and so they see your non-negotiables as a personal criticism or rejection.

I get a lot of pushback for saying I don't want to date a guy who's into porn. I've tried to be understanding of it in the past and let's just say, it doesn't work for me. But of course, I get a lot of comments saying I'll never find anyone and that I just "need" to "accept" that this is just how men are built (and that it was God who made that way.) I also realize that I may always be single because of my personal stance.

The truth is, most people have a whole host of other non-negotiables they might not state openly but stick to. Most people don't want to date someone who is, say, 50 pounds or more heavier than they are, is differently abled than they are, is of a different or particular other race doesn't make a certain amount of money, etc.

Any parameter on any hot-button topic is almost automatically going to receive loud protests from those who don't meet your requirements.

No matter what you say you won't accept, someone out there is going to be offended by it and tell you why you're wrong (and will often tell you that God thinks you're wrong, too.)

It's great that you accept other people's boundaries, such as, if she wouldn't be able to accept you making your own beer.

I'm sorry other people have not been as respectful in return, but unfortunately, it's just comes as part of the dating pool (which I always call a shark tank.)

If she asked you to climb inside the hamster wheel that would be another thing altogether.