Isolated

Under enemy attack. Full of shame, with a drive to achieve greater than anyone I went to high school with. I haven’t been to high school for almost 20 years but have had a nonstop drive to out do all of them, success wise.

It’s ruined the relationship I had. In fact, it’s ruined every relationship I’ve had. I never felt like I was good enough.

Try to find your identity in Christ.

If you want to be greater than them, then you need to become their servant.

Mar 10:42
But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them.
Mar 10:43
But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister:
Mar 10:44
And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.
Mar 10:45
For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
In and of ourselves, we have all fallen short of the glory of God. Our worth is found in Christ.

Excuse my plainness of speech, but your focus is in the wrong place. Get it off of yourself or else you will perpetually find yourself on a path of self-pity with a temptation for self-destruction. What you need to do with yourself is crucify it and bury it, so that you might be raised up into a new life of servitude unto God and your fellow man. It is in losing our lives that we truly find them.

Mat 16:24
Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
Mat 16:25
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

Your intro troubles me, sounds like your problems might have very deep, childhood roots. More information would be appreciated, if you're alright with that.

Psalm 18:28

I also am isolated. And none of the churches in my area will even talk with me. They will not help me.

Mark 12:29-31 (NIV 1984)
29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Change the focus of your drive to these verses. What is important is serving God! Not impressing "man". There is nothing more important than this to a true believer! When this goal is the highest priority in your life the old history becomes water under the bridge.

Love God then your hole life will change!!!