If you told 18-year-old me that I’d be going to church, studying religious texts, and even considering the existence of God, I would have laughed and probably called you delusional. But here I am—debating theology, attending church, and, against all odds, searching for something bigger than myself.
So, how did I go from absolute disbelief to questioning everything? Well, buckle up, because my journey is about as unexpected as a British guy moving to Canada and discovering he likes poutine.
Growing Up in an Anti-Religious Household
Let’s start at the beginning. I grew up in England with my mom, dad, and two siblings (though they’re a decade older than me, so I basically grew up as an only child). Religion in my house? Not a thing.
Actually, it was worse than that—it was actively mocked.
So when I left England at 18 years old, I had no intention of ever joining a faith, studying religion, or even entertaining the idea of God.
But then... Canada happened.
The First Cracks in My Atheism
I moved to Canada at 18, and suddenly, for the first time in my life, I started meeting Christians. And not just the “Christmas and Easter” type of Christians—actual believers who lived their faith daily.
At first, my instinct was to debate them. Challenge their beliefs. Show them how “illogical” faith was.
But then something weird happened. I started questioning my own logic.
One of the first things that made me stop and think was the age of the Earth.
I had always accepted that the Earth was billions of years old based on carbon dating and scientific theories. But then I asked myself:
"If God created the Earth, couldn’t He have created it to look old? Wouldn’t He, as an all-powerful being, be able to create a 5-billion-year-old planet in an instant?"
That idea completely wrecked my brain.
Suddenly, I realized I had been taking science as an absolute truth without questioning if maybe it was just the best explanation we currently have. After all, everything is impossible until it’s discovered. Imagine trying to explain electricity to someone in the 1400s—it would sound as ridiculous as explaining God sounds to modern skeptics.
That thought hit me hard.
The Role My Wife Played
Then, my wife (a strong Christian) explained something that made even more sense:
"If you believe in God, you have to accept that there is a supernatural world outside of our own understanding."
That was another thing I had never truly considered. I had always assumed that the physical world was all there was—but why? Why was I limiting reality to what my tiny human brain could comprehend?
That’s when I started really questioning atheism.
Maybe there is more out there than what we can see, touch, and measure. Maybe science doesn’t have all the answers (and never will). Maybe, just maybe, faith isn’t as foolish as I once thought.
My Current Struggle With Faith
Here’s where I’m at today:
Faith, by definition, requires believing without absolute proof. And that’s my biggest hurdle. I like evidence, logic, and certainty—but faith isn’t built on those things. It’s built on trust, wisdom, and something deeper than raw facts.
It’s a paradox—the very thing I need to embrace faith is the very thing holding me back.
I feel close. And yet, I still feel far away.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that faith isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about continuing to seek them.
I don’t claim to have figured everything out, and I don’t know if I ever will. But I do know this:
The journey continues.
Want to Share Your Story?
Have you ever struggled with faith or belief in God? Drop a comment—I’d love to hear how others wrestle with these questions too.
So, how did I go from absolute disbelief to questioning everything? Well, buckle up, because my journey is about as unexpected as a British guy moving to Canada and discovering he likes poutine.
Growing Up in an Anti-Religious Household
Let’s start at the beginning. I grew up in England with my mom, dad, and two siblings (though they’re a decade older than me, so I basically grew up as an only child). Religion in my house? Not a thing.
Actually, it was worse than that—it was actively mocked.
- My dad is a narcissist and a hardcore atheist. Religion, in his eyes, is "silly" and "for the weak."
- My mom is spiritual but in a witchy kind of way. She believes in the power of the moon, supernatural energy, and all that mystical stuff, but organized religion? Nope. According to her, it’s just a way for people to cope with the fear of death.
So when I left England at 18 years old, I had no intention of ever joining a faith, studying religion, or even entertaining the idea of God.
But then... Canada happened.
The First Cracks in My Atheism
I moved to Canada at 18, and suddenly, for the first time in my life, I started meeting Christians. And not just the “Christmas and Easter” type of Christians—actual believers who lived their faith daily.
At first, my instinct was to debate them. Challenge their beliefs. Show them how “illogical” faith was.
But then something weird happened. I started questioning my own logic.
One of the first things that made me stop and think was the age of the Earth.
I had always accepted that the Earth was billions of years old based on carbon dating and scientific theories. But then I asked myself:
"If God created the Earth, couldn’t He have created it to look old? Wouldn’t He, as an all-powerful being, be able to create a 5-billion-year-old planet in an instant?"
That idea completely wrecked my brain.
Suddenly, I realized I had been taking science as an absolute truth without questioning if maybe it was just the best explanation we currently have. After all, everything is impossible until it’s discovered. Imagine trying to explain electricity to someone in the 1400s—it would sound as ridiculous as explaining God sounds to modern skeptics.
That thought hit me hard.
The Role My Wife Played
Then, my wife (a strong Christian) explained something that made even more sense:
"If you believe in God, you have to accept that there is a supernatural world outside of our own understanding."
That was another thing I had never truly considered. I had always assumed that the physical world was all there was—but why? Why was I limiting reality to what my tiny human brain could comprehend?
That’s when I started really questioning atheism.
Maybe there is more out there than what we can see, touch, and measure. Maybe science doesn’t have all the answers (and never will). Maybe, just maybe, faith isn’t as foolish as I once thought.
My Current Struggle With Faith
Here’s where I’m at today:
- I attend church regularly.
- I debate and discuss Christianity with believers and non-believers.
- I study Christianity, Islam, and Judaism to better understand faith from different perspectives .
- I acknowledge that all roads seem to lead me back to Christianity.
Faith, by definition, requires believing without absolute proof. And that’s my biggest hurdle. I like evidence, logic, and certainty—but faith isn’t built on those things. It’s built on trust, wisdom, and something deeper than raw facts.
It’s a paradox—the very thing I need to embrace faith is the very thing holding me back.
I feel close. And yet, I still feel far away.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that faith isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about continuing to seek them.
I don’t claim to have figured everything out, and I don’t know if I ever will. But I do know this:
- The more I question, the more I find myself drawn toward belief.
- The more I study, the less convinced I am that atheism holds all the answers.
- And the more I open my mind, the more I realize that maybe, just maybe, God has been waiting for me to see Him all along.
The journey continues.
Want to Share Your Story?
Have you ever struggled with faith or belief in God? Drop a comment—I’d love to hear how others wrestle with these questions too.
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