I dont know anymore [TRIGGER WARNING]

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CreatedUniquelyinhisimage

New member
#1
Jan 13, 2024
28
9
3
#1
TRIGGER WARNING [Depression etc Mentioned]


Hey havent posted in awhile well i have been active on here at all


Listen im not gonna sugarcoat this im gonna try to keep the Language at a minimum but again im being real & raw right now and my emotions are all over the place

I suffer from so much mental illnesses where to be honest its hard to even exist.
Im surrounded by people who dont even realize that

Ive been depressed since i was a little girl like severally depressed and i had no one except me myself and i
So if i ever experinced happiness it was very short lived and i barely remember when you live in a family full of bullies you would feel like that to

I have suffered from an eating disorder since i was a kid if i didnt lose weight or enough weight i had no value that was the only interesting thing about me either if i lost weight or people commenting on how "Big" ive gotten

Im sorry im writing this and i have so much negative emotions right now and no one to help me

I dont wanna burden anyone with my sob story

But to the point i grew up in the church and im laying on my bed right now in tears because i grew up in church but

The only reason im in this religion/Faith is out of fear

We all know what happens in the end for non beilevers and thats why i stayed in it but i do i actually....i dont even want to say it it hurts coming to terms with what im feeling because i was the type of person to be mind boggled when people who were atheists or whatever didnt beileve in what we beileved

[Before you say it no im not a atheist or thinking about it]

What im saying is do i even beileve in the stuff thats preached to me [Not in a does he exist way]

I have no peace and i just want to end it everyday and im so pissed that i never have the to end it i get so upset the only reason i have unalived myself is because im to much of a coward and and i dont want to go to hell

So im still here out of fear but i gave no hope i keep falling into sin and i just want to give up where is my hope? Where is my peace? Where is my happiness? I see people become born again christians on tiktok have so much peace and a glow.....where is mine? I mean i try but then i fall and sometimes i dont wanna get up just let me rot there

Like i could be doing really good and trying to follow God but as soon as i stumble or fall i get no help no positive feedback....no one to tell me i tried or to tell to keep moving forward....all i get is "Thats not a christian to do." or something of that nature this is one of the reasons i have mild OCD and when something goes wrong or i have a minor inconvenience i freak out and panic

I dont even beileve this peace thing or anything i have no value im not worth much [Dont tell me otherwise i heard it all]

Ive been so suicidal lately and im angry that im to much of a coward to do it

I dont see the point in this anymore im not strong for any of this of a wimp and a coward ive been in so much pain and misery throughout my life

Im just putting up a front but my heart doesnt even beileve at this point

Im sorry if this is something you wanted not to hear if the mods want to delete this post feel free i dont care any more i just need to get this off my chest
 
keepingthingsreal

keepingthingsreal

Jesus is Lord
#2
Nov 14, 2024
1,372
930
113
#2
CreatedUniquelyinhisimage said:
So im still here out of fear but i gave no hope i keep falling into sin and i just want to give up where is my hope?
Click to expand...
Hi. I am sorry to hear about your struggles. We are all in a very real spiritual war, but God has graciously provided us with the spiritual armor needed to overcome in this war. When it comes to hope, our minds are the battleground, and the piece of spiritual armor which God has designed to protect our minds is what Paul likened to a helmet of hope.

1Th 5:8
But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation.

Here are links to a two-part teaching on this helmet of hope. Should you listen to them, then I do believe that they will offer you some comfort and hope. I am praying for you.


 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#3
Sep 17, 2018
4,162
3,239
113
#3
CreatedUniquelyinhisimage said:
TRIGGER WARNING [Depression etc Mentioned]


Hey havent posted in awhile well i have been active on here at all


Listen im not gonna sugarcoat this im gonna try to keep the Language at a minimum but again im being real & raw right now and my emotions are all over the place

I suffer from so much mental illnesses where to be honest its hard to even exist.
Im surrounded by people who dont even realize that

Ive been depressed since i was a little girl like severally depressed and i had no one except me myself and i
So if i ever experinced happiness it was very short lived and i barely remember when you live in a family full of bullies you would feel like that to

I have suffered from an eating disorder since i was a kid if i didnt lose weight or enough weight i had no value that was the only interesting thing about me either if i lost weight or people commenting on how "Big" ive gotten

Im sorry im writing this and i have so much negative emotions right now and no one to help me

I dont wanna burden anyone with my sob story

But to the point i grew up in the church and im laying on my bed right now in tears because i grew up in church but

The only reason im in this religion/Faith is out of fear

We all know what happens in the end for non beilevers and thats why i stayed in it but i do i actually....i dont even want to say it it hurts coming to terms with what im feeling because i was the type of person to be mind boggled when people who were atheists or whatever didnt beileve in what we beileved

[Before you say it no im not a atheist or thinking about it]

What im saying is do i even beileve in the stuff thats preached to me [Not in a does he exist way]

I have no peace and i just want to end it everyday and im so pissed that i never have the to end it i get so upset the only reason i have unalived myself is because im to much of a coward and and i dont want to go to hell

So im still here out of fear but i gave no hope i keep falling into sin and i just want to give up where is my hope? Where is my peace? Where is my happiness? I see people become born again christians on tiktok have so much peace and a glow.....where is mine? I mean i try but then i fall and sometimes i dont wanna get up just let me rot there

Like i could be doing really good and trying to follow God but as soon as i stumble or fall i get no help no positive feedback....no one to tell me i tried or to tell to keep moving forward....all i get is "Thats not a christian to do." or something of that nature this is one of the reasons i have mild OCD and when something goes wrong or i have a minor inconvenience i freak out and panic

I dont even beileve this peace thing or anything i have no value im not worth much [Dont tell me otherwise i heard it all]

Ive been so suicidal lately and im angry that im to much of a coward to do it

I dont see the point in this anymore im not strong for any of this of a wimp and a coward ive been in so much pain and misery throughout my life

Im just putting up a front but my heart doesnt even beileve at this point

Im sorry if this is something you wanted not to hear if the mods want to delete this post feel free i dont care any more i just need to get this off my chest
Click to expand...
Hi
No need to apologize, you're just sharing what's on your heart.

I'll start with the spiritual.
You say you're only a Christian because you fear hell. Unfortunately that's not how works. Being a Christian is about accepting Jesus as lord and savior, repenting and giving your heart to God out of a genuine sincerity. Just trying to be good to stay out of hell doesn't work. Or even calling yourself a Christian.
Ignore people you see online. They have everything setup beforehand so things look the way they want. Rarely is a person's life as good as people online claim, especially TikToker's. So don't judge yourself by what you see on there.

In regards to mental illness, I'll share a but about myself to give you an idea of my experiences.
I seemed to have been born with low self esteem. At 13 depression kicked in and never left. About 20 years ago I developed anxiety.
I've been close friends with people who've had depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolar, and ADHD. Not to mention women that came from abusive relationships, both mental and physical. And I've helped many people with various mental health issues.
I will say bad mental health sucks. My depression is almost debilitating at times.
And, like you, I've had spiritual struggles, some of which involved my mental health.

That you're on here seeking help for everything is a good start.
If you'd like to talk more respond here, or i can message you.
 
G

Gideon300

Well-known member
#4
Mar 18, 2021
5,705
3,458
113
Frankston, Victoria
christianlife.au
#4
CreatedUniquelyinhisimage said:
TRIGGER WARNING [Depression etc Mentioned]


Hey havent posted in awhile well i have been active on here at all


Listen im not gonna sugarcoat this im gonna try to keep the Language at a minimum but again im being real & raw right now and my emotions are all over the place

I suffer from so much mental illnesses where to be honest its hard to even exist.
Im surrounded by people who dont even realize that

Ive been depressed since i was a little girl like severally depressed and i had no one except me myself and i
So if i ever experinced happiness it was very short lived and i barely remember when you live in a family full of bullies you would feel like that to

I have suffered from an eating disorder since i was a kid if i didnt lose weight or enough weight i had no value that was the only interesting thing about me either if i lost weight or people commenting on how "Big" ive gotten

Im sorry im writing this and i have so much negative emotions right now and no one to help me

I dont wanna burden anyone with my sob story

But to the point i grew up in the church and im laying on my bed right now in tears because i grew up in church but

The only reason im in this religion/Faith is out of fear

We all know what happens in the end for non beilevers and thats why i stayed in it but i do i actually....i dont even want to say it it hurts coming to terms with what im feeling because i was the type of person to be mind boggled when people who were atheists or whatever didnt beileve in what we beileved

[Before you say it no im not a atheist or thinking about it]

What im saying is do i even beileve in the stuff thats preached to me [Not in a does he exist way]

I have no peace and i just want to end it everyday and im so pissed that i never have the to end it i get so upset the only reason i have unalived myself is because im to much of a coward and and i dont want to go to hell

So im still here out of fear but i gave no hope i keep falling into sin and i just want to give up where is my hope? Where is my peace? Where is my happiness? I see people become born again christians on tiktok have so much peace and a glow.....where is mine? I mean i try but then i fall and sometimes i dont wanna get up just let me rot there

Like i could be doing really good and trying to follow God but as soon as i stumble or fall i get no help no positive feedback....no one to tell me i tried or to tell to keep moving forward....all i get is "Thats not a christian to do." or something of that nature this is one of the reasons i have mild OCD and when something goes wrong or i have a minor inconvenience i freak out and panic

I dont even beileve this peace thing or anything i have no value im not worth much [Dont tell me otherwise i heard it all]

Ive been so suicidal lately and im angry that im to much of a coward to do it

I dont see the point in this anymore im not strong for any of this of a wimp and a coward ive been in so much pain and misery throughout my life

Im just putting up a front but my heart doesnt even beileve at this point

Im sorry if this is something you wanted not to hear if the mods want to delete this post feel free i dont care any more i just need to get this off my chest
Click to expand...
Your situation is terrible, I agree. It can start to change now. I don't know if you have accepted Christ as Saviour and Lord. If you have not, now is the time. If you have, then I recommend that that you pour out all your troubles to God, as you have on this forum. God is bigger than any problem anyone could ever suffer. He knows what you are going through anyway. All He asks is that you come to Him, as Jesus said:
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Many people make the mistake of turning away from Jesus. I can promise you that there is no help to be found anywhere else. Be as honest as you can. "God, be merciful to me, a sinner" is a good start. Read the Bible, start with the gospel of John. See the love and compassion that Jesus showed to the people who came to Him for help. You are no worse and no better than anyone else. For sure your problems are not to hard for Jesus. Give it all over to Him and see what He can do. Then come and tell us about it!
 
Kainos

Kainos

Member
#5
Jan 30, 2025
44
37
18
#5
CreatedUniquelyinhisimage said:
Im sorry if this is something you wanted not to hear if the mods want to delete this post feel free i dont care any more i just need to get this off my chest
Click to expand...
Go easy on yourself.

When we're anxious and distressed, our feelings and shifting emotions can move us from pillar to post. But God's promises remain fixed, determined by His sovereignty and sure faithfulness.

An honest-to-goodness brokenness before God is an occurrence beyond price. When we're rejected, despised, and betrayed, we're uniquely positioned to share in an intimate part of God's character.

We are called to lay down our own life for Christ to live in us. Not take our own life, and deny the true light His occasion to dwell in us.

You haven't arrived where you need to be yet, but don't part with your beliefs, because as someone who misspent my entire youth as an unbeliever, having only sought God's intervention when I became disconsolate with my repeated failure to achieve what I imagined my life should be. I can tell you that the Father of mercies and God of all comfort is your only hope. The day we have no one but God, is the day we realise we need nobody but God.

Follow the counsel of those who encourage you to lay your burdens at the feet of the Lord. And outlast the spirit of heaviness with the garment of praise. Singing psalms can help to dissipate dark clouds.
 
GRACE_ambassador

GRACE_ambassador

Well-known member
#6
Feb 22, 2021
3,378
1,760
113
Midwest
#6
CreatedUniquelyinhisimage said:
I dont see the point in this anymore im not strong for any of this of a wimp and a coward ive been in so much pain and misery throughout my life
Click to expand...
Precious @CreatedUniquelyinhisimage , I will pray for you - please Be Very Richly Encouraged And Edified In Christ, and In His Precious Word Of Truth!:

God's Grace Word for our infirmities!
+
Overcoming Depression Biblically And Naturally (Part I)
+
Overcoming Depression Biblically And Naturally (Part II) (Dr Shober)

Amen.
 
D

Daisy2

Member
#7
Jan 31, 2025
37
20
8
#7
CreatedUniquelyinhisimage said:
TRIGGER WARNING [Depression etc Mentioned]


Hey havent posted in awhile well i have been active on here at all


Listen im not gonna sugarcoat this im gonna try to keep the Language at a minimum but again im being real & raw right now and my emotions are all over the place

I suffer from so much mental illnesses where to be honest its hard to even exist.
Im surrounded by people who dont even realize that

Ive been depressed since i was a little girl like severally depressed and i had no one except me myself and i
So if i ever experinced happiness it was very short lived and i barely remember when you live in a family full of bullies you would feel like that to

I have suffered from an eating disorder since i was a kid if i didnt lose weight or enough weight i had no value that was the only interesting thing about me either if i lost weight or people commenting on how "Big" ive gotten

Im sorry im writing this and i have so much negative emotions right now and no one to help me

I dont wanna burden anyone with my sob story

But to the point i grew up in the church and im laying on my bed right now in tears because i grew up in church but

The only reason im in this religion/Faith is out of fear

We all know what happens in the end for non beilevers and thats why i stayed in it but i do i actually....i dont even want to say it it hurts coming to terms with what im feeling because i was the type of person to be mind boggled when people who were atheists or whatever didnt beileve in what we beileved

[Before you say it no im not a atheist or thinking about it]

What im saying is do i even beileve in the stuff thats preached to me [Not in a does he exist way]

I have no peace and i just want to end it everyday and im so pissed that i never have the to end it i get so upset the only reason i have unalived myself is because im to much of a coward and and i dont want to go to hell

So im still here out of fear but i gave no hope i keep falling into sin and i just want to give up where is my hope? Where is my peace? Where is my happiness? I see people become born again christians on tiktok have so much peace and a glow.....where is mine? I mean i try but then i fall and sometimes i dont wanna get up just let me rot there

Like i could be doing really good and trying to follow God but as soon as i stumble or fall i get no help no positive feedback....no one to tell me i tried or to tell to keep moving forward....all i get is "Thats not a christian to do." or something of that nature this is one of the reasons i have mild OCD and when something goes wrong or i have a minor inconvenience i freak out and panic

I dont even beileve this peace thing or anything i have no value im not worth much [Dont tell me otherwise i heard it all]

Ive been so suicidal lately and im angry that im to much of a coward to do it

I dont see the point in this anymore im not strong for any of this of a wimp and a coward ive been in so much pain and misery throughout my life

Im just putting up a front but my heart doesnt even beileve at this point

Im sorry if this is something you wanted not to hear if the mods want to delete this post feel free i dont care any more i just need to get this off my chest
Click to expand...

CreatedUniquelyinhisimage,

I'm sorry you going through this. Our self worth comes from how are family treated us when we grew up. Its normal that you have depression especially if your still around your family. It might be a good idea to distance yourself from your family.

As for encouragment you wont get much in this life until you surround yourself with real christians. Have you joined a church yet? Dont take to heart what others say often times there whims and not even their own thoughts. God says trust in him alone.

Our father is better then any earthly dad could ever be. But sin is what separates us from God. If you want a deeper relationship with our father you'll need to ask his assistance because it is not within us to do so with our own will.

Healing will take time but much solace will come from listening to the Bible and putting your complete trust in the our father will get you that inner peace and happiness that we have. I know it hurts and im sorry your feeling like this right now but it will get better with time. God is our rock he is worthy of our trust. Our father is unchanging everything he says is true and right and he's a faithful father that keeps all his promises

God Bless you Sister.
 
HealthAndHappiness

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
#8
Jul 7, 2022
11,006
4,733
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#8
CreatedUniquelyinhisimage said:
TRIGGER WARNING [Depression etc Mentioned]


Hey havent posted in awhile well i have been active on here at all


Listen im not gonna sugarcoat this im gonna try to keep the Language at a minimum but again im being real & raw right now and my emotions are all over the place

I suffer from so much mental illnesses where to be honest its hard to even exist.
Im surrounded by people who dont even realize that

Ive been depressed since i was a little girl like severally depressed and i had no one except me myself and i
So if i ever experinced happiness it was very short lived and i barely remember when you live in a family full of bullies you would feel like that to

I have suffered from an eating disorder since i was a kid if i didnt lose weight or enough weight i had no value that was the only interesting thing about me either if i lost weight or people commenting on how "Big" ive gotten

Im sorry im writing this and i have so much negative emotions right now and no one to help me

I dont wanna burden anyone with my sob story

But to the point i grew up in the church and im laying on my bed right now in tears because i grew up in church but

The only reason im in this religion/Faith is out of fear

We all know what happens in the end for non beilevers and thats why i stayed in it but i do i actually....i dont even want to say it it hurts coming to terms with what im feeling because i was the type of person to be mind boggled when people who were atheists or whatever didnt beileve in what we beileved

[Before you say it no im not a atheist or thinking about it]

What im saying is do i even beileve in the stuff thats preached to me [Not in a does he exist way]

I have no peace and i just want to end it everyday and im so pissed that i never have the to end it i get so upset the only reason i have unalived myself is because im to much of a coward and and i dont want to go to hell

So im still here out of fear but i gave no hope i keep falling into sin and i just want to give up where is my hope? Where is my peace? Where is my happiness? I see people become born again christians on tiktok have so much peace and a glow.....where is mine? I mean i try but then i fall and sometimes i dont wanna get up just let me rot there

Like i could be doing really good and trying to follow God but as soon as i stumble or fall i get no help no positive feedback....no one to tell me i tried or to tell to keep moving forward....all i get is "Thats not a christian to do." or something of that nature this is one of the reasons i have mild OCD and when something goes wrong or i have a minor inconvenience i freak out and panic

I dont even beileve this peace thing or anything i have no value im not worth much [Dont tell me otherwise i heard it all]

Ive been so suicidal lately and im angry that im to much of a coward to do it

I dont see the point in this anymore im not strong for any of this of a wimp and a coward ive been in so much pain and misery throughout my life

Im just putting up a front but my heart doesnt even beileve at this point

Im sorry if this is something you wanted not to hear if the mods want to delete this post feel free i dont care any more i just need to get this off my chest
Click to expand...

I'm sorry about your pain and suffering. I have sometimes wondered why pastors and parents do not teach children empathy . We are supposed to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.

I hope you are praying. I will pray with you. This suffering is for a season so don't let it go to waste.
When my parents were both murdered, I was/ am hurt more than I have described. That followed a cascade of other traumatic events that were far beyond my strength or ability to control. Was all of that for sake of nothing?
No, I want to pass the tests. They are too difficult to retake again.

The tests require me to draw close to the Lord as it does with you friend.
Use the suffering to trust Him more, depend upon His comfort more.
When we are challenged with exceeding stress, we must spend time in the Word daily to build up spiritual strength. That said, I know it's easier to say than to do.

The very first place I would start is >This brief encouragement.<
 
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