God, Matchmaking, and Singleness

“Of course, the first match He made didn't work out great and now the whole world is suffering for it, so I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking skills.”

I don’t know if this statement is worded correctly. To doubt Gods “matchmaking” skills would be like doubting His infinite wisdom and knowledge. It’s impossible for Him to get anything wrong so that’s a people problem and not a God problem.

If you were a struggling christian and went to clubs and drank and slept around but in your heart didn't want to do it, then God would accept it if you raised a beer-filled glass to Him at a club in respect before drinking yourself drunk. "The Lord looks on the heart." He can take a joke. Though that wasn't a joke, but we'll call it joshing and ribbing. It was said honestly (because it is true) but without the sting (of accusation or condemnation).

I hear people talk a lot about being single being okay, etc. Some quote that Paul says it's better not to marry, etc. But I'm an origins/beginnings and original design person. I always go back to the question, "What is God's original design here?" On marriage/intimate relationships God clearly said at the beginning, "It is not good for man to be alone."

God tweaks His will a lot for people's sake because we're all weak. The religious leaders tried to catch Jesus off-guard for the thousandth time by asking Him if divorce was lawful. Jesus's response skips their question and instead gets to the heart of God's original intention/design for marriage. He stated that God made man and woman, joined them never to be separated, and that God made exceptions because of human weakness. It is never good for a person to be alone. That is just the way it is. But life happens and sometimes callings happen and some people will be alone; but this wasn't God's original intention. It's always best to refer back to God's original intention/design above all else because no matter how much He promotes Plans B thru Z, Plan A is always His most preferred option.

One of my friends is a single mom. She says she doesn't want to get remarried, but I can see that marriage would be good and healthy for her (to the right man of course). I once knew another girl who'd been severely abused growing up. She'd developed a tough outer shell to protect herself (she had the boy haircut and all), but one day God revealed to me that if this girl had a loving and godly husband to 'cover' and protect her so she felt safe in his love, then her toughness would fall away like the hard alabaster boxes of ancient times and the fragrance of her femininity, trapped within the alabaster box of her tough outers shell, would be released and free. God heals and fulfills and satisfies not only through Jesus but also through other people and other things. I'm saying all this to say this: don't overlook logic and common sense in favor of religious beliefs and attempts at positivity. Being single won't kill you; but it isn't God's original will, therefore, I would encourage all single people to seek God about marriage until He reveals to them what His plan for their individual lives is.

Finally, the Bible has a lot of common sense in it. Not all of it is doctrine or to be used as a guide to live. Solomon said having money gives you friends. That is just simply true; it's not a command to get money so you can get friends. A lot of what Paul says is the same: it isn't meant to be used as doctrine but is just re-stating facts. (God has done this with me a lot. He will just tell me something because it's true, like He did with 'the alabaster girl' I mentioned above, not because I'm meant to live by it or something. This happens often in the Bible and with anyone who has a living or ongoing relationship with God. The 1Cor. 7:32 you mentioned is one of those passages.

Paul says, "I want you to be free from concern. The unmarried man is concerned about the work of the Lord, how he can please the Lord." Paul goes on to say that the married men is worried about pleasing his wife and then repeats the same rule for unmarried and married women. The key in the passage is the first sentence: "I want you to be free from concern." Paul isn't saying married men are basically designed to (ie. they inevitably will and must) take their focus off God and put it on their wives. He is saying that that is what usually and naturally happens. It doesn't have to be the case. It was the case with Adam... but if it had to be the case with all men after Adam... then why would God even want anyone to be married? So, it's important to distinguish how the Bible is talking: is it stating something simply because it's a fact, because we're to live by it, because this, because that? In that passage Paul is stating that thing as a common fact; he isn't saying that married men and women inevitably take their focus off God or that unmarried men and women inevitably focus on God. I mean, we know that second part definitely isn't true.

So, how is single life for you (if you're single) besides the religious aspect of things? How do you personally deal with it? Sometime in 2013, I asked God to give me some thing so I could give it to others. He responded with a gentle rebuke, asking me if I ever asked for anything simply because I myself wanted it and not because someone else needed it. Single people sometimes become like single moms: they forget to be concerned about their own needs and well-being. The Bible might say one thing about marriage and singleness. But how do you personally feel about those two things? That's a question for singles who are caught in the divide (and the confusion) between "Being single really sucks" and "But the Bible says to rejoice in all things!"

I think the things I struggle with the most about being single are just wanting to share my life with someone else and to be able to show affection.

Generally, I do okay on my own. We'll see what God has in store. I am in no way in any rush.

This is for men and women.

I believe God is a matchmaker, not in the sentimental sense but in the actual sense. Of course, the first match He made didn't work out great and now the whole world is suffering for it, so I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking skills. But I believe that God wants marriages, and relationships of every kind, to be perfectly synced, unified, and without any internal issues.

God is a matchmaker, but you don't really hear about matchmaking in christian circles. You have christian dating apps and christian singles ministries here and there, but matchmaking in person-- especially informally which really is the best way to do it, just like meeting your mate in the wild is the best way-- isn't something you really hear about. I know and see a lot of christians who are single and don't want to be. Singleness is okay for some people but literally unhealthy for most. I think among christians, churches, and ministries there should be a lot more intentionality, organicness, and informality when it comes to matchmaking (and really, when it comes to everything else).

So, for the single men and women who want to marry or who want a relationship, what are some of the things you struggle with while being single? Some single people are upset with the opposite sex; some are upset with themselves; some are upset with couples who are in relationships; some are upset with the whole world; and some are upset with God. How are the singles here managing your singleness alongside of life and everything life entails?

“Of course, the first match He made didn't work out great and now the whole world is suffering for it, so I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking skills.”

I don’t know if this statement is worded correctly. To doubt Gods “matchmaking” skills would be like doubting His infinite wisdom and knowledge. It’s impossible for Him to get anything wrong so that’s a people problem and not a God problem.

I believe the issue is mainly a societal one. Just as the first couple God matched was led astray by temptation so are we. They had everything they needed and yet they wanted more. They wanted the thing they didn’t have. We have unhealthy thoughts and expectations about marriage and people. Most people want what they saw on TV, what they heard on songs, read in books, or seen on social media. So all of their thoughts and expectations are built on fiction. I’m almost certain that everyone has met at least one person in their lifetime that would have been a good marriage partner. But because they thought their spouse should be more like the fiction they love, they passed on that person. It’s the temptation to have more, and to pass up on a person to find a better person that has that thing that’s missing. But 100 years ago they would have married that same person and been ok.

In singleness we find ways to be more serviceable to God. That is, if God is truly the focus in life. Let that be the relationship we grow in 1 Cor 7:32. Serve the church, widows and orphans, serve the community. The objective is to place our focus on others and not ourselves. And perhaps that will help fill the void.

When I get thoughts like these I try to change my perspective on life. Instead of feeling I’m wasting my life or feeling that I’m missing out on something great in this life, I shift my focus to the next life.

James 4:14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.
Life is so short and brief here.
My childhood already seem like a lifetime ago lol So I’ll just be here for just a little while longer. What’s a couple more decades compared to eternity.

Roman 8:18 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
So the temptation of wasting this fleeting life can be thrown in as suffering of this present time. But compared to the glory we will obtain when this life is over it’s nothing. It’s well worth the wait and all our sufferings will be laughable.

Matt 6:20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.
If we really believed that in this life we make deposits in our “heavenly bank account” we would be more excited about getting there. But we are more excited about saving for vacations and 401k retirements. Not realizing heaven is the ultimate retirement. I don’t know if we will be able to feel regret in heaven, but if we can we are going to regret we didn’t do more investing while we were on earth.

Hope this was somewhat encouraging.

If you were a struggling christian and went to clubs and drank and slept around but in your heart didn't want to do it, then God would accept it if you raised a beer-filled glass to Him at a club in respect before drinking yourself drunk. "The Lord looks on the heart." He can take a joke.

This statement is a little iffy to me. To say nightclubs, drinking, and sleeping around ends in God’s acceptance is really iffy. Even if it is an analogy.

I hear people talk a lot about being single being okay, etc. Some quote that Paul says it's better not to marry, etc. But I'm an origins/beginnings and original design person. I always go back to the question, "What is God's original design here?" On marriage/intimate relationships God clearly said at the beginning, "It is not good for man to be alone."

I have a somewhat “unpopular” take on this. Not saying that I’m right though. Our “alone” and Adams “alone” are completely different. Adam was the only human in the entire universe. His being alone was really ALONE lol Of all the animals he saw there was none like him, so Eve was made as a companion and helpmate. Well, you and I don’t have that issue. There are plenty of people whether it be friends, family, or family in Christ. There are companions and helpmates everywhere lol This helps to carry the load of being alone. The three most important people of the New Testament were alone. Jesus, John, and Paul. I like your origins line of thought, but our origins started in a world without sin. So our outcomes and expectations will not be those of original design. Adam didn’t have the command of preaching the gospel to all people groups. He didn’t have the opportunity to be a martyr for Christ. He didn’t have to leave Eve to go preach. Gods commands and promises change the more sin affects the original design. (I hope i worded this to where it make sense)

As far as me using 1 Cor 7:32, I do believe it’s a fact. Not having to serve a spouse and take care of their needs give me more free time to serve God, help advance the kingdom, and take care of the needs of others.

Single life for me is up and down. I’m fine alone until I’m not lol. But I’m aware that if I had someone I’d be fine with them until I wasn’t. So I just try to train myself to focus on spiritual growth. Trying to figure out how to serve others. I’m still pretty ignorant and selfish so it’s hard work lol

I don’t know if this statement is worded correctly. To doubt Gods “matchmaking” skills would be like doubting His infinite wisdom and knowledge. It’s impossible for Him to get anything wrong so that’s a people problem and not a God problem.

I read this thread yesterday, and I really did not want to get involved in it. I was irked by the comment which implied that God failed at his matchmaking skills, and you addressed that in a manner which was very similar to what I would have said. Good for you and for those who will hear your response.

I read this thread yesterday, and I really did not want to get involved in it. I was irked by the comment which implied that God failed at his matchmaking skills, and you addressed that in a manner which was very similar to what I would have said. Good for you and for those who will hear your response.

This is for men and women.

I believe God is a matchmaker, not in the sentimental sense but in the actual sense. Of course, the first match He made didn't work out great and now the whole world is suffering for it, so I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking skills. But I believe that God wants marriages, and relationships of every kind, to be perfectly synced, unified, and without any internal issues.

God is a matchmaker, but you don't really hear about matchmaking in christian circles. You have christian dating apps and christian singles ministries here and there, but matchmaking in person-- especially informally which really is the best way to do it, just like meeting your mate in the wild is the best way-- isn't something you really hear about. I know and see a lot of christians who are single and don't want to be. Singleness is okay for some people but literally unhealthy for most. I think among christians, churches, and ministries there should be a lot more intentionality, organicness, and informality when it comes to matchmaking (and really, when it comes to everything else).

So, for the single men and women who want to marry or who want a relationship, what are some of the things you struggle with while being single? Some single people are upset with the opposite sex; some are upset with themselves; some are upset with couples who are in relationships; some are upset with the whole world; and some are upset with God. How are the singles here managing your singleness alongside of life and everything life entails?

A couple of logic points here:

Yes God has made matches in the past. God has also parted the water for people to cross over. We still need to build bridges sometimes. Just because God does it a few times doesn't mean he does it all the time.

tldr: You are painting with some very broad brushes.

I have found that most "relationships" are more superficial than filled with depth. I am speaking on any type of relationship. Unfortunately "the world" by nature has become a rat race and in that our relationships have mimicked the same concept.

It may sound critical but it's a sad reality. Our conversations in general are simply surface level.

Praying for relationships that are ground breaking and full of God's goodness and depth.

Spiritual language has to be interpreted. "Most communication is non-verbal." Not everything that is spoken or written is meant as it is heard or read.

The point (one of them) is that God wants to be involved in people's lives. He doesn't have to match everyone; He wants to be involved in matching everyone. God also wants to be involved in raising children because He has a purpose and design for all of them and wants to be involved in revealing these things to parents. So, while God wants to be involved in raising children and revealing how they are to be raised to parents, you very rarely see this play out in the Bible.

In Judges 13 an Angel came to Manoah's wife and told her she would have a son. He Angel also told her how she must raise him. After she told Manoah, he asked God to send the Angel again to explain to him personally about the coming child and how to raise him. He prayed, " Oh my Lord, please let the Man of God whom You sent come to us again and teach us what we shall do for the child who will be born." After this prayer, God sent the Angel to explain to Manoah in person about the child to be born and how the parents were to raise him.

Now, it might seem like God's willingness to explain to parents their child's purpose (etc.) is only for special occasions but that isn't true. As you see with Manoah and his wife, and throughout the Bible (eg. the prayer of Jabez which would not have been answered if it wasn't prayed), God is relational. That means that most of the time, He will only talk, share, reveal if someone asks, seeks, knocks. Because most parents don't ask God about their children and how they should raise them, God doesn't talk to them about it. Because most people don't seek God personally for who to marry, God rarely tells anyone who to marry. He usually just works with what is available (whether you marry the right person or not) and tends to only 'intervene' when people ask Him to. This applies to everything-- from everyday life to major decisions and important aspects of life-- and confuses many people because we are told a lot about the Bible and God but are rarely taught how God functions and operates.

As for painting with broad strokes, it's important to do that when there is much to be said so you can be brief. John the Baptist spoke with broad strokes. And especially Jesus painted with broad strokes, calling all the religious leaders corrupt when He knew some of they weren't (eg. Nicodemus, Joseph, and others He'd had dinner with and conversed with). He did this because most of the religious leaders were corrupt and it would take too long to name the exceptions. It was better to just say all. If Jesus talked like this, I'm sure we're also allowed to speak the same way. God speaks with broad strokes all the time. It is up to us to go in there and fish out what fits the strokes and what doesn't.

So, next time you see the many places in people's lives where God didn't act or speak or have a part, just remember that He wants to be intimately involved in lives but will not force anyone to involve Him. Jesus stands outside knocking. Each person's life has many doors. They might let God in some and not others. The important thing is knowing He wants to be involved in more areas than we are aware of. He is just quiet about the fact, as He is about most things, making things often seem opposite of what He desires or wants.

"If you were a struggling christian and went to clubs and drank and slept around but in your heart didn't want to do it, then God would accept it if you raised a beer-filled glass to Him at a club in respect before drinking yourself drunk. 'The Lord looks on the heart.' He can take a joke."

Our “alone” and Adams “alone” are completely different. Adam was the only human in the entire universe. His being alone was really ALONE lol Of all the animals he saw there was none like him, so Eve was made as a companion and helpmate. Well, you and I don’t have that issue. There are plenty of people whether it be friends, family, or family in Christ. There are companions and helpmates everywhere lol This helps to carry the load of being alone. The three most important people of the New Testament were alone. Jesus, John, and Paul. I like your origins line of thought, but our origins started in a world without sin. So our outcomes and expectations will not be those of original design. Adam didn’t have the command of preaching the gospel to all people groups. He didn’t have the opportunity to be a martyr for Christ. He didn’t have to leave Eve to go preach. Gods commands and promises change the more sin affects the original design. (I hope i worded this to where it make sense)

As far as me using 1 Cor 7:32, I do believe it’s a fact. Not having to serve a spouse and take care of their needs give me more free time to serve God, help advance the kingdom, and take care of the needs of others.

Single life for me is up and down. I’m fine alone until I’m not lol. But I’m aware that if I had someone I’d be fine with them until I wasn’t. So I just try to train myself to focus on spiritual growth. Trying to figure out how to serve others. I’m still pretty ignorant and selfish so it’s hard work lol

I read this thread yesterday, and I really did not want to get involved in it. I was irked by the comment which implied that God failed at his matchmaking skills, and you addressed that in a manner which was very similar to what I would have said. Good for you and for those who will hear your response.

I wrote, "The first match [God] made didn't work out great." If loving parents raise their children right but one or more children stray, it has nothing to do with the parents. (Samson's parents got specific instructions on how to raise Samson directly from God Himself, yet Samson failed, not Samson's parents.) If the way you took that was the way I meant it, then I would also be saying that God made a mistake or failed when He created humanity. "The match (man and woman) didn't work out", not "God failed at matchmaking". The differences there are vast, but they just require intentional thinking to even spot them.

I believe God is a matchmaker, not in the sentimental sense but in the actual sense. Of course, the first match He made didn't work out great and now the whole world is suffering for it, so I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking skills.