I gave up on finding a mate.

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Butterflyyy

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
#142
Oct 31, 2019
1,610
1,318
113
#142
He is my glory and the lifter of my head🙏
When I called You answered me 🙏
 
Butterflyyy

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
#145
Oct 31, 2019
1,610
1,318
113
#145
Seeking-Christ said:
It isn't that I don't have a desire for a mate. I'm just trying to be realistic. Women don't want me, and I can't blame them. I'm probably ugly to look at, and my personality isn't what they desire. Not to mention my mental and physical problems too. It seems to me that nobody really cares about honesty, and loyalty. People want a lot of flash! Something that makes them feel good. If they feel good enough then they might think they are in love or something... But I think, after 19 Plus years of hoping, it's time to give up on that hope. I recently wrote a poem called "I am the rejected one: Jesus Please take me home". There is a couple of ideas going on here. I said as an explanation: This poem is inspired by 42 years of rejection by my pears. That's true! I always had a hard time fitting in. But all this rejection I've been feeling from the internet, and work. Plus I don't feel like I'm useful to Jesus, and I'm not sure just how much longer I'm going to be useful to my parents too. I wish Jesus would just call me home.

I don't have the poem anymore. But last year, I was thinking about this stuff, and maybe a little more. I wrote a poem about it. I sorta took and a Calvinistic approach of "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated". Then I applied it to myself, and said "I'm rejected from birth, I have no worth." Probably the saddest and maybe even the most disturbing poem I have ever written. I tried sharing it with a few people in real life and then i ripped it up and threw it away.

I just wanted to put this out there, publicly, that I gave up on finding a mate.
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I was just reading this again…
Be assured… not everyone wants flash-in fact it can be off-putting, it’s so shallow; and also something that encourages me is that we are not valued by how useful we are, in God’s eyes. Whether we trust Him is more important than whether we are useful… Corrie Ten Boom, after being used so much by God, was eventually bed-bound and suffered stroke after stroke. God was still in control though. And Noah preached to so many but they didn’t get saved-God was pleased with him anyways. It’s good for me to be reminded of these things… life can be so crushing and painful at times… but we are not abandoned, and the One whose opinion really matters, never leaves or forsakes us.

Good looks, money, a great personality, all this doesn’t necessarily make a difference…
I asked a friend to pray with me on the phone… I’m reading a book now about missionary Mary Slessor, saving the lives of many twins in Africa… I gave a few tracts out today… one five day we will be with the Lord forever… until then, I keep asking Him to help me…I have to hope and believe that He will…and somehow He always does eventually. I heard of a boy who is in his early 20’s, he can only move his hands, nothing else. I was told yesterday of someone I used to know, he died yesterday of drugs, drink, fighting…only about 50 years old…
Life could be a lot worse but I understand it doesn’t take the pain away from your heart…hopefully there will be some better days…and days we can help others. Im going to read my Bible now… this will hopefully strengthen my heart. God bless.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#148
Jul 3, 2015
59,909
29,289
113
#148
Butterflyyy said:
And this…oh wow….😍🙏 what a blessing, an answer to prayer ❤️💖 xx
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Hello Ms Butterflyyy... it has been so lovely to see you posting again! I do not forget your kindnesses to me,
nor the fact that you have been a supporter of my efforts to contribute to the conversations in a manner
that foregoes some of the usual back-and-forths that are not always so lovely... It has been a few years I think
since we really spoke about what was going on with you... at that time I believe your youngest was 15.
He must be quite the young man now and I hope that although he is no longer in your care that he
has managed to straighten out a little bit (at least!) from the direction he seemed to be going before...

I will just add here that my closest sister had four children, and every one of them was a major concern
to her as they went through their teen years and even into their early 20s, but they are all now very well-
adjusted and just wonderful people- responsible, personable (as opposed to being anti-social, uninvolved,
or retreating from the world) caring, gainfully employed etc etc. Having a solid foundation is critical, and
I have no doubt that you were able to supply that to your children even as chaos was erupting in your lives.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#149
Jul 3, 2015
59,909
29,289
113
#149
Butterflyyy said:
Oh wow…I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate this right now… 💖🫶💖 Thank you! xxx
Click to expand...
You are welcome! I went into my working file and updated that panel (size) after receiving some reactions to it earlier this week... the OP of this thread, who left the site quite some time ago (probably a couple of years ago) and I used to communicate with each other about my designs, as well as other things, he being very interested in my process and which program I used, and trying to be of assistance to me in showing me other things, design program related, some of it having to do with gimp, which I don't think I would want to use, even though it performs similarly to photoshop... anywho, thank you as always for your support and appreciation, which I am grateful for as I continue in this labour of love after being at it since 2018, and seeing so much change in terms of what is being made freely available for me to make use of, with such a huge upswing in artificially inteliigence-produced art a year or so ago...
 
Butterflyyy

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
#150
Oct 31, 2019
1,610
1,318
113
#150
Magenta said:
Hello Ms Butterflyyy... it has been so lovely to see you posting again! I do not forget your kindnesses to me,
nor the fact that you have been a supporter of my efforts to contribute to the conversations in a manner
that foregoes some of the usual back-and-forths that are not always so lovely... It has been a few years I think
since we really spoke about what was going on with you... at that time I believe your youngest was 15.
He must be quite the young man now and I hope that although he is no longer in your care that he
has managed to straighten out a little bit (at least!) from the direction he seemed to be going before...

I will just add here that my closest sister had four children, and every one of them was a major concern
to her as they went through their teen years and even into their early 20s, but they are all now very well-
adjusted and just wonderful people- responsible, personable (as opposed to being anti-social, uninvolved,
or retreating from the world) caring, gainfully employed etc etc. Having a solid foundation is critical, and
I have no doubt that you were able to supply that to your children even as chaos was erupting in your lives.
Click to expand...
Dear Magenta

It’s so lovely to hear from you,,, thank you for your message 😀🥰💖
Yes I think Elijah was 15 when I was asking for prayer for him here…I don’t see him these days but thank you for asking… I do see his baby girl who is 2 now, and her Mum. I hear he is working which is good, and I trust the Lord will work it all out for His glory.
There are a lot of difficult things in my life but the Lord is so awesome and answers when I pray.
I trust you are well… you certainly look very well, I’m glad to see!! 🤗🥰

Lots of love and blessings
x❤️🦋❤️x
 
ForgiveMeGod

ForgiveMeGod

Member
#151
Nov 11, 2024
105
22
18
#151
Seeking-Christ said:
It isn't that I don't have a desire for a mate. I'm just trying to be realistic. Women don't want me, and I can't blame them. I'm probably ugly to look at, and my personality isn't what they desire. Not to mention my mental and physical problems too. It seems to me that nobody really cares about honesty, and loyalty. People want a lot of flash! Something that makes them feel good. If they feel good enough then they might think they are in love or something... But I think, after 19 Plus years of hoping, it's time to give up on that hope. I recently wrote a poem called "I am the rejected one: Jesus Please take me home". There is a couple of ideas going on here. I said as an explanation: This poem is inspired by 42 years of rejection by my pears. That's true! I always had a hard time fitting in. But all this rejection I've been feeling from the internet, and work. Plus I don't feel like I'm useful to Jesus, and I'm not sure just how much longer I'm going to be useful to my parents too. I wish Jesus would just call me home.

I don't have the poem anymore. But last year, I was thinking about this stuff, and maybe a little more. I wrote a poem about it. I sorta took and a Calvinistic approach of "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated". Then I applied it to myself, and said "I'm rejected from birth, I have no worth." Probably the saddest and maybe even the most disturbing poem I have ever written. I tried sharing it with a few people in real life and then i ripped it up and threw it away.

I just wanted to put this out there, publicly, that I gave up on finding a mate.
Click to expand...
I’m right there with you. I may have looks on my side but because I have a mood/thought disorder, it’s hard for me to keep a positive attitude 100% of the time and manage myself, let alone a relationship
 
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