Not interested

Just went on a date with a Christian woman to go to her church, after a month of phone calls. There were many deceptive red flags that I decided to just bypass and ignore. Her photos on the dating platform were way outdated, probably when she was a teen. She is 35 now. She had one picture on her profile of what she looks like now and even though I didn’t find her pleasing to the eye in that picture. I thought she would have fruit of the spirit and her looks would not matter. Upon meeting her for the first time, she looked at me like I was disgusting, barely talked, didn’t smile at all and could barely look me in the eye. She was beautiful in real life but one thing she didn’t have, which I care more than anything, is fruit of the spirit. If you don’t have that, it’s a no go for me. I’m not going to try and build a relationship with someone who claims to be a Christian but hasn’t been watered and developed yet. Let the church do that. She even invited me to go to a rave after church. What kind of values do these church going women have? They live like the world. They go to church to get high on what the pastor has to say and then party the rest of the time, while us men are dedicated to reading the Bible daily, isolated and praying for a godly woman. Where are they?

First: Howdy and welcome to the forum.

Second: I've heard a lot of women with the same complaints about guys.

Third: If men AND women are lamenting about "Where have all the good dates gone?" it's strange the two groups don't find each other and make relationships...

I thought we were on the same page but a rave? She is 35 and I am 36. I haven’t been to a rave since I was 21, which of course was before I accepted Jesus as my lord and savior. Why backslide for a woman? I’d rather just remain single, no matter how painful it might be to end the relationship. It just shows the maturity or the lack of being watered. I’m renewing my mind daily with scripture, as we are called to do, as well as the will of God. Which I think I was meant to point her back to God, who knows, God knows. Everything happens for a reason. I don’t understand why women think that Christian men are agreeable nice guys and that they can walk all over them. The second she realized she couldn’t, she wanted to go on more dates but I already made my decision.

Dude. Let it go. It's just gonna drive your blood pressure up and it won't do any good to dwell on it. Consider it a bullet dodged and eat a bowl of ice cream or something to celebrate your good fortune.

her look at you of the disgusting nature could have been her preplanned defense to counteract her knowing that you discovered her younger picture. the very 1st time i checked dating sites i was at my friends house & i was amazed at all the pretty women who were 40 to 50 years old. he told me, "those are pictures of themselves when they were younger" & i realized that that was the truth. 1 time, a lady agreed to meet a guy & in her profile she said she was 6' tall. when they met, it turns out she was 6' 4"" tall! that was the end of that deal. as far as building a relationship, i had wonders in the past about that. to me, there should be very little "building" of a relationship meaning that you don't get involved unless there is a lot of "clicking" to begin with! example: guy & girl meet & you know within minutes that this is going to work big time. fine Christian women are out there. yes, it seems rare but women will say the same about men & it's true. rarely, you'll find a woman who is a very intent listener who desires to learn about Jesus & the Bible & will listen to you. if i was single & encountered that woman, i would begin a relationship with her. i had to wait 204 weeks for my wife!

I feel bad for her being so tall! Not many men can deal with a lady being much taller than them.


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Hi @seantspence,

Welcome to the forum!

I often say that the dating world is a shark tank -- getting bitten at some point is inevitable. In some ways, I think it's even worse for Christians because everyone is clinging to the thought that "God wants only the best for me!" And so we all have our own ideas of what "the best" is for us -- even though it might not be what God has in mind for us.

I have a good guy friend who often told me, "God might not give you what you want -- but He'll give you what you need." I've thought of that many times over the years.

I'm sorry about your negative dating experience but can assure you, for every dating horror story a guy has here, there is a woman who has a story that can match it.

How about the guy I met whom I had high hopes for, as he was polite, hard-working (crediting his team with all their success, not himself,) and drove a long distance every Sunday to a home church he loved and didn't want to let go.

We lived a bit far from each other and both drove almost an hour to a middle-of-the-road location for a late lunch, and I could have seen myself really liking him.

Except that I hadn't even gotten into my driveway yet when my phone started blowing up with texts from him asking, "How soon in a relationship can two people start sharing bodies?" And sadly, that ended any hope I had right then and there.

I could tell you the other stories I've had over the years -- I'm adopted from Asia, and I would have Christian white men with Asian children approach me on dating sites because they liked the thought of finding an Asian stepmother for their kids. I certainly can't blame them -- if I were a parent I'd probably think the same way. But I've often said, I felt like a handbag being matched to a pair of shoes, and that's just not for me. One blocked me right away and told me it was "my loss" when I showed hesitation.

Another thing that keeps me single is that I've met a lot of good Christian guys... with serious porn issues. In the past, I'd always tell myself that I should be patient and understanding -- but it never worked out, and I've learned that I am no match for a plasticized fantasy world that caters to every whim (no matter how hard I pray.) I can be a friend and pray for someone going through that, but as far as putting up with it in a relationship -- it's just not for me.

And I've met wonderful Christian guys who DON'T have porn addictions -- but somehow, we always wind up being just friends.

These days, I've found a very content life trying my best to learn about, help and serve those around me -- whether or not God decides to change my single status. All of my single Christian friends (ladies) are doing the same -- serving their families, volunteering to help others with their kids, taking care of those in need, and working very hard at their jobs.

This site has also been a great source of Christian connections, so I hope you'll jump right in to any discussions you find interesting -- and will hopefully meet some great people as well!

Sorry to hear your negative experience.

A bit harsh on the lady? Man, we all got these things called, flaws. If your looking for this Ms. Perfect Christian, who is based on proverbs, let me introduce you to the year 2024. lol Maybe in the 1950's to the 1970's, you might of found something pretty close, but times have changed.




You might of just stumbled upon the Keymaker from the Matrix movies.



Personally, the single life isn't as glamorous as married life, but it sure seems 10 times better.

On the other hand, men need encouragement also, and validation. There are hardly any support groups for men, it's usually one liners for men. "Be a man". "Men don't cry". "Toughen up". There are these things called, psychologists and they actually see men for the problems they have, and they couldn't just "toughen up", they need to be heard, and their concerns need to be dealt with. Just making a point.

By the way, cookies and cream ice cream, with hersey's chocolate syrup is a dream.

Yeah, that. Blue Bell Dutch chocolate ice cream done more to comfort me than a peesiecologist ever did.

Thanks for sharing. I personally just repented sexually immorality about ago, right when her and I started talking because I didn’t want that issue to get in the way. There is an app called Covenant Eyes that I highly recommend for any guy or gal looking to get some accountability for porn addiction. If you out on a strong enough blocker, it won’t even let you look at social media, which is did. So far it’s been successful. I know it just recently happened, so maybe I need to take more time to heal, maybe get into a small group. i know i was kinda figuring out whilenwe were talking if we needing legal documents and or a ceremony to get married or if it was just a one flesh situation. So id show her answers i found on biblequestions.com. and when we talked about meeting up, i told her that i have been celebate for over 10 years and thar it is really important to me to keep the relationship holy and she understood. i look forward to serving in some capacity. Right now ive been out of work, i cant help but relax all day and listen to the bible and listen to pray.com prayers and podcasts. So its like im listening a lot but now doing a lot. So that is worrisome.

Been seeing a Christian therapist for a year now and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Highly recommend all men get one to process past trauma, abuse and neglect. She also taught me boundaries, so now I respect people’s boundaries. That woman set a boundary with me and because I respected her boundary, instead try and over step or get upset about it, she back tracked on that boundary but my heart was already effected and motivation to move forward was destroyed. plus the initial red flags, including wanting to take me into a world of darkness, such as a rave, no thanks. Been there. No back tracking.

Alright man, good to hear.

I was wondering if you could help out in a never ending debate, so is cookies and cream ice cream with hersey's syrup, better than Blue Bell Chocolate ice cream?

I don’t think your comment is funny

But if I had to choose, I would say Cookies and Cream. I’m not a fan of blue bell

It is the nature of forum threads. Sometimes they go off topic for a while. Sometimes comments are made that have nothing to do with the original topic. We can go from changing brake pads to sugar free chocolate to making a dog obey in half a forum page.

In this case "kinda" was riffing on my comment about eating a bowl of ice cream. But he left out the "dutch" which makes all the difference. Dutch chocolate ice cream is a whole other world.

It doesn't have to be a bowl of ice cream. Take a walk in a park, play a party video game for a while, just anything to celebrate dodging that bullet.

You are alive, God is good and you are not tied down in marriage to a girl who would get on your last ever-lovin nerve for the rest of your life. That deserves SOME kind of celebration.

Maybe drown his sorrow by eating Vegemite. No, just kidding. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

If you got girl problems
I feel sorry for you son
I got 99 problems
No need to make it 100 by adding vegemite to the list.

"99 bottles of beer on the wall..."

Perhaps a better way to drown one's own sorrow.

Of course, I'm not a drinking more but it is a pleasant thought. Probably stick with Psalms or maybe a Proverb or two to deal with the occasional dark gloomy day.

Thank you for clearing that up lynx. I think so many comments came at me at once and I’m brand new here, so don’t know how credible this site is and if the right spirit is here but after opening up to some forums. I feel like I’m at the right place and you guys are my people. Looking forward to processing more pains and hurts, and of course feeling Jesus’ healing presence from all of you.